The Tragedy Of Dickle

I LUV UR CONTENT ^^

The Dazai chronicles are reminding me of which one of us is Hikaru?" From ohshc/pos

Lol you're totally right! They were my favorite characters in the show lol

I cannot be more serious, there is nothing better. There is nothing better than the feeling I feel when I'm with God. I went years running around doing all kinds of stupid things before I met Him, but He calmed my heart the same way He calmed the storm. Anxiety fled, lust died, anger wained, grief packed up and left, and He moved in.

You may think I'm crazy. An idiot who never learned to question. A traditional bum who can't open her mind to new ideas. Even an uneducated fool spouting whatever false tales.

You may think I'm in need. A victim to white men who drilled this religous crap into my head. A kid who doesn't even know better, she'll wake up once she get's old enough.

You may think I'm evil. A weirdo out of my mind who only lives to shame others. A cultists trying to drag others down with me. A judgemental, sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, trump supporting conservative who can't understand that sometimes she isn't right.

Well let me explain something

I'm sane. I question everything, the how, the why, the what, the who, the when. I adopt new ideas all the time, only the difference is, I have boundries when it comes to ideas trying to pull me away from the Word of God. I'm educated, and I plan to become a professor.

I'm not a victim. I chose this path for myself, no person or group manipulated me into it (besides, it's not a white man's religoun, it's middle eastern). I may be a kid, but the things I've seen and felt was something even a toddler could identify as unmistakenly God.

I'm not evil. I don't shame people, thinking they're gross or whatnot just because we don't share the same beliefs, I pray for them and their wellbeing. I'm not a cultist and I would never willingly drag anyone down if I knew what I was following was false, in fact, I wouldn't even be in it myself. I don't look at any gender, race, occupation, status, or sexuality and think I'm looking at devil's incarnate, just a person like me and everyone else who doesn't know the goodness of God (Also, I'm not even a republican and I'm well aware I'm wrong sometimes).

Contrary to many beliefs, I'm not as bad as people try and peg me to be. I'm just a kid trying her best in a world where nobody ever looks back on the weak. I'm just a kid who struggles to make friends or relate to people. I'm just a kid that wants to love and be loved. Trying to understand, find my way, do what's right and be truly happy.

I'm just a child.

God's child.

Love

God died for your love, not your validation. God loved the world so much so that He died for it. He died to free us of our sin, the choices we thought we wanted to make, but in reality were only hurting us. That is love. And love is not validation.

Love isn't blindlessly validating, it's picky, and particular, and restricting. Because it doesn't want you to settle with whatever you think you want, but for you to have what you need. So love isn't letting you pick out a moldy apple, when there's a fresh feast just in the oven. It's telling you there is better food in the oven and you don't need to eat something so revolting and unhealthy. If you still prefer the moldy apple, I can't force it out your hands and force the food down your throat. I can only watch as you settle for what you think you want because while love is restricting, it's not imposing. But I didn't validate your choices, I detest them. I know it's worthless to you, maybe even harmful, compared to the gifts you could be enjoying instead. I didn't see you doing something stupid and do it too to show that you're valid in your choices. I saw you do something stupid, told you it was dumb and showed you an example of better choices.

I make this mistake too. All the time. I see someone settle for so much less and I just look away. I don't tell them about the feast in the oven. I don't tell them the moldy apple is toxic. I don't tell them sin will hurt you in the end and I don't tell them about God. I just sit there. Watching. Validating. Supporting. But not loving. Because that is never loving.

I need to love better. I need to love how He loved me. And I pray that He would help me and give me the strength and courage to love. And I pray that other's would pray this for themselves also to learn how to truly love.

SUCK IT

You know, lately, I've been noticing a lot of "bad" things have happened to me.

I've been constantly worried and stressed at school, I'm on a time crunch to figure out what I'm going to do once I graduate, I've just practically broke my neck, I'm in a lot of pain, I'm in an art block, I'm tired, not just physically though that too, I'm tired of everything and I just want the world to end already so I can go home and be with God, I keep having scary nightmares about dying and having my family killed before my eyes at night, I just had a huge fight with my mom AGAIN because of the same issue we have been struggling with since I was born, the one place I actually feel safe enough to be my natural self without people misunderstanding me and seeing me as weird and loud and stupid and crazy and nonsensical and random and particular and annoying has started to be the place where I am told the most that there is a problem with me, the people I trusted enough to be me with keep telling me I'm not trusting them enough because I'm not morphing myself to fit their wants, the only safe place I ever had is becoming my source of stress and anxiety, I have nobody but God to lean on, and self doubt and only God knows the thoughts I've had and only God is the reason I haven't gone off the wire and done irreversable damage to others or mainly myself.

Things keep happening. I keep getting hurt physically and mentaly. Is this is what people call spirtual warfare? Is this my test? Is this my season as Job? Cuz if so I am ACING it! HAHAHA IF SATAN THOUGHT THAT HURT ME, IT BROUGHT ME CLOSER TO THE SPIRIT. THE LORD IS HEALING MY NECK. THE LORD IS HELPING ME GROW THROUGH ME DREAMS. I KNOW HE CAN AND IS WORKING IN EVERYTHING ELSE. I WILL NOT FALTER, I WILL NOT GIVE IN, I WILL NOT FALL. I DON'T NEED A SAFE PLACE. GOD IS MY SAFE PLACE. I DON'T NEED ANYBODY TO LEAN ON. I HAVE GOD TO LEAN ON. I DON'T NEED UNDERSTANDING. I HAVE GOD TO UNDERSTAND ME. I DON'T NEED ANYBODY TO LIKE OR EVEN LOVE ME. I HAVE GOD TO LOVE ME AND NOT ANY LOVE COULD POSSIBLY COMPARE. SUCK OT SATAN. YOU DUMB GOD WANNABE FLIGHTLESS BURNT STUPID WORTHLESS UNLOVED HATED FAILURE AND EXCUSE OF AN ANGEL. FAILING SEEMS TO BE YOUR THING, IF I WERE YOU, WHICH I'M NOT CUZ I'M A LOVED CHILD OF GOD, I'D SAVE MYSELF THE EMBARRASSMENT AND STOP TRYING TO BE A SALTY BRAT ABOUT MY OWN DUMB AND ILLOGICAL CHOICES. LIKE WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND LOOKS AT GOD. THE GOD. AND SAYS YEAH I COULD TAKE HIM? WHAT, DID YOU SEE HIS OVERWHELMING GOODNESS AND THINK: NAH, I'D WIN? YOU WERE IN HIS PRESENCE. HIS RIGHT HAND DUDE. HIS MUSICIAN. AND YOU COULDN'T GAUGE THAT THIS WAS A FIGHT YOU COULDN'T WIN? SUCK IT.

(Found this rant from a while ago in my drafts and forgot to post it lol so imma post it now even though ive been nothing but blessed)

The difference between sin and continuous sin

Two people were eating poison, and I came up to them giving them a warning. I say, "stop, do not eat that poison, fo you will surely die". One obeys and heads the warning, turning from the poison and throwing it away, while the other refuses and continues to eat it. The one who disobeyed dies and the other lives. This is like sin. All sins are forgivable for Christ, (except for blasphemy if the holy spirit as well as recieving the mark of the beast) so both had equal opportunity to live. But if you refuse to listen, you will surely fall.

This is the case with many things. Porn, cheating, murder, abuse, drinking, lying, sexual immorality, and yes, whether we like it or not, that includes LGBTQ+ activity. It is a choice made everyday and if continued until the day of judgement or, you know, when we die, it's too late as there was no repentance. But the one who sinned and turns from it with a watchful eye, no matter how many times they fall short, as long as they truthfully give it their all to turn from their sins and toward Jesus, they will be accepted into heaven.

So throw the posion out and be the one who lives

BSD manga spoilers

So like, hold up, am I tripping or am I having a fever dream. I never understand what's going on but I maybe maybe not caught onto something in the newest chapter. When Fyoder was stabby stabbyed by the guard dude, his blood got on him and he got weird. And idk if I'm just stupid, but that reminded me of Kyouka's parents immediently. There was a dude who came in and when their blood got on the parents, they also got weird. I don't think it's the same cuz I don't trust myself and also cuz it doesn't explain how Fyoder kept his former appearance. Clearly he's different cuz he used to have a scar on his cheek when Sigma saw his memories but now that scar is gone. Also, he died in the memory, so, like...whaaat? So, I ain't too sure how he got another body identical to himself. Also, that reminds me of dead apple when his ability took form differently than the others. Perhaps he wasn't entirely lying to sigma about his ability. Unlike eveyone else's ability, none of them were really sentient. They just attack blankly, meanwhile, Fyoder's ability can talk and think like he was a person. It also wasn't attacking him. This makes me think multiple things that I'm too dumb to really get into.

#bsd #Fyoder #bungou stray dogs #ch 114 #chapter 114

For the first time ever, I went out and spreaded the gospel. I was so scared at first, thinking I'd be hated and judged, but God gave me strength to deny myself and do it anyway. I actually went to mic up, a roblox game to do it. I was inspired by Vtuber Celestium's video from a while back (love her vids). She has been a huge light to me, and she pushed me into a form of sharing God I feel comfortable starting out with. One day, I pray to be able to do it in person well also, but for now, baby steps. I've been asking God for boldness for so long, and today, he delivered me. I spoke to many people, all respectful and civil (except the trolls), and I gained a few friends along the way! Share God in even the least likely of places!

I really flippin love God bro. I can mess up a bunch of times and STILL get blessed like I'm the youngest child. Imagine screwin up so unbelievably bad practically everyday and your parents still shower you with a bunch of stuff you never asked for as well as for the things you did. That's basically him. All you gotta do is love him in return. That and apologize obviously. Yet for some reason, those are the things we, including me, have trouble sincerely doing the most. -- Me just now lol

Who do you think you are?

A liar, a cheat, a weakling, a coward? Selfish, crude, stupid, dishonest? Unwanted, weird, wrong or a mistake?

Or maybe you think you're a godsend. A triple threat, a jewel, a diamond. Smart, genius, charismatic, good?

Truth is, it doesn't matter. Cuz you've messed up before at one point or another. You're a sinner.

And so am I.

But even then, our sin is no match for God.