SUGAR DADDY Wriothesley 😍

ʚ Campus asshole scara x fem reader

ʚ BEFORE READING: Fem reader, reader is just trying to get 5 minutes away from their annoying roomie. Take note of warnings.

ʚ WARNINGS: Use of drugs, implied laced weed, scara smokes a little, dub-con, shotgunning.

Scaramouche has always been known for his ill temper among the students on campus, always having something mean to say and getting into trouble for doing shit he shouldn’t be doing. Today was no different as he found behind the campus dorms, sitting against the wall as he had a quick smoke despite knowing there was a no smoking on campus policy. When did he ever listen to authority though?

You found yourself behind the dorms as well, just looking for a short escape from your loud and annoying roommate who wouldn’t seem to leave you the hell alone. You grimaced upon seeing Scaramouche there too, but tried to ignore his presence as he simply sat against the wall as far from him as possible.

That wouldn’t stop him though, he made his way over to you, looking down at you as you sat there silently. “Don’t see people coming back here often unless they’re up-to no good, so what’s your deal?” He spoke, his tone coming off like a demand for answers rather than a question.

Waving the smoke from his cigarette out of your face “I’m just trying to get a break from my roommate, promise I won’t bother you or tell anyone I saw you.” You responded, hoping he’d just leave you alone if he knew you wouldn’t go snitching about his smoking.

“Sounds like shit” he said, followed by pause as he considered his words carefully. Kneeling down in front of you he spoke again, his words coming out almost silky smooth. A sign of his manipulative intent which you seemed to miss “can come to my dorm, I don’t have a roommate, and nobody will suspect you’re there.”

With a small sigh you hesitated, considering his offer, but it didn’t take long for you to agree. Staying in his dorm for a few would be way nicer than sitting on the dirty floor behind the dorms, so you nodded eagerly. Following close behind him as he led you to his dorm.

“You shouldn’t smoke in here” you said as you stepped into his dorm, taking off your shoes. You didn’t really care that he smoked exactly, but you also didn’t want to have to smell the smoke the entire time you were in his dorm.

He moved closer to you suddenly, taking the cigarette from his lips as grabbed your face between his index and thumb and forcing your mouth open as he leaned in. Forcing your mouth open while his lips were mere millimetres away from your own, exhaling the smoke into your mouth in a twisted display of attraction.

You breathed it in instinctively before taking a step back, coughing slightly. “Don’t be fucking weird” you exclaimed, watching as he smirked and put his cigarette out finally, taking another step closer to you.

“Calm down, it’s just a little smoke. You should loosen up a little.” that devilish smirk still upon his lips. “Maybe you should try getting high, calm those nerves of yours a little.” He said as he moved over to his bed, pulling out a small bag of pre-rolled joints and holding them up.

Stammering a bit you responded “you can’t have that shit on campus- what if they find out??”

“They won’t find out, unless you tell them. But you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?” His tone was sweet, sickeningly so but it made a swirl of emotions run wild within you. Were you seriously considering getting high with the campus asshole?

You were, you absolutely were. You didn’t know why, maybe it was the fact he was nice to despite being rude to everyone else, maybe it was because you just wanted to relax after having your roomie pester you all day. Either way you found yourself sitting beside him on his bed, passing a joint between the two of you, not seeming to consider the fact that he may have laced it.

As you breathed in the smoke you felt a slight burn in your chest, coughing slightly at the sensation, but also felt a great sense of relaxation wash over you finally for the first time today. “This feels nice” you said quietly, eyes glued to the ceiling as you enjoyed the tranquility. You didn’t seem to notice how he never actually smoked any, he just held the joint for a second before handing it back to you.

“Yeah? I could make things feel better.” He added as he sat up, looking down at you with a sly smirk as he slowly moved his hand to your hip, His fingers gently caressing you over your clothes.

He held your chin between his thumb and index as he leaned in, kissing your lips hungrily, like he just wanted to devour you. You didn’t care to try and fight back or stop him, you were in such a calm state that you couldn’t even care, so you kissed back.

That only emboldened him further as he trailed his hands up your shirt, caressing from your waist down to your hips. He just wanted you so bad, and he had you right in his grasp, so high that he could truly just have his way with you.

Quickly he snaked his fingers beneath the waistband of your pants, tugging them down with ease without breaking the kiss. Next was your panties, which were also no problem for him. He quickly pulled them off and tossed them aside, landing somewhere on the floor in his messy room.

Finally he broke the kiss, moving to sit at the edge of the bed for a short moment as he took his own pants and boxers off. He was already so hard for you, he just couldn’t help but get excited when you were so easy to catch.

He quickly moved back to you, situating himself between your legs as he began rubbing his cock against your pussy. You grew wetter and wetter as he rubbed against you, small whimpers escaping your lips every time he brushed against your clit. He loved the sight, you beneath him, exposed and drugged out.

Pulling back slightly he angled his dick at your entrance and slowly pushed in, groaning at how good you felt, “Fuck” he breathed out “you’re so fucking tight”. After a short moment of letting your body adjust to his size he began moving, thrusting his cock deep into you before pulling out fully, just to slam himself back inside of you.

You couldn't help but moan out beneath him, his cock filling you so well, hitting the deepest parts of you which made you see stars. The drugs in your system only made it all the more better, making you more sensitive to his touch. The sounds of his groans and your moans echoed through the room, accompanied by the erotic sound of skin slapping together as he harshly pounded into you. He knew you could probably be heard through the walls, but that only made him more excited.

Suddenly he pulled out of you and grabbed you by your waist, pulling you to the edge of his bed and pushing your face down into the blankets as he entered your pussy again, fucking you hard and fast from behind.

He tangled his fingers into your hair tightly, pulling harshly as he leaned down and whispered darkly into your ear. "I wanna hear those pretty moans of yours". With that he snaked his hand down your stomach and to your pussy, beginning to rub quick circles around your clit.

You gasped at his touch as it sent waves of pleasure washing through your body, your legs going weak beneath you while you felt your orgasm growing close. He could tell how close you were by the way you moaned so desperately, and that sent him reeling.

His thrusts became faster and sloppy as his fingers moved faster, finally making the knot in your stomach snap as you came on his cock. Gummy walls spasming around his cock while you moaned out his name.

"fuck- yes!" he moaned as he too came, the combination of the way you moaned his name and the way your pussy felt twitching around his cock sent him over the edge. Releasing his warm cum deep inside your pussy as his grasp on your hair grew tighter.

Finally after a moment he pulled out, releasing the grip on your hair and giving you a moment to catch your breath, looking down at your weak form beneath him. Watching as his cum slowly leaked from your abused pussy he scooped it up with two fingers, then leaned over and shoved his fingers into your mouth.

He could spend all night watching you suck and choke on his fingers if he could.

This is money cat. He only appears every 1,383,986,917,198,001 posts. If you repost this in 30 seconds he will bring u good wealth and fortune.

actually in my head. they were all just normal highschoolers who were really nerdy and liked making hero ocs of themdelves hahaha... haha...

petition for jjk to have a shoujo spin-off with lost in paradise as the op and everyone is alive and happy

FUCKING IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM

note: your genshin + honkai star rail bf makes you take them in the nearest bathroom

content warnings: nsfw (17+), fem!reader, fingering, public sex, unprotected sex

NEUVILLETTE

You just looked so cute in that sundress, how could you blame him for being so needy. He’d have you follow him to the restaurant’s bathroom, until the two of you manage to find a family one. As soon as that door was locked, his cock would be in your cunt instantly. His cock thrusting in and out of your soaking cunt, keeping his hands on your waist as he watched you attempt to grip at the walls or even the sink. How through his moans that he tries to silence, about how dirty you were trying to rile him up like this. But it worked.

AL HAITHAM

He just couldn’t stand that tight dress you were wearing. He wasn’t worried about other guys looking at you or staring at your tits for too long because he was never far from you, but got was that little dress tempting. You can’t blame him for having you both sneak into a nearby library’s bathroom. Your hands held behind your back while he trusted into your sloppy cunt. “The things you have me do” he would say watching your face flush due to his words. You bit your tongue to suppress your moans, wanting him to cum deep inside.

CHILDE

“You could have just told me you were this wet, no need to tease me” he would say, on his knees in the stall, before pressing his lips to your wet cunt after pulling your panties down. He doesn’t even let you fight back with his statement because he already has you focused on silencing your moans in any case someone came in. One hand over your lips while another was tangled up in his ginger curls. But despite how risky it was, you continued to keep thrusting your cunt into his mouth, needing him to reach further, and maybe even further with his cock.

JING YUAN

Who would fuck you in a family restroom your legs wrapped around his waist and your back against the wall while his cock kept slipping in and out of your cunt, always hitting deeper than then the last thrust. His lips attached to your neck leaving red marks everywhere while all you could sow as grip onto his shoulders and arms and as quietly as possible moan out his name. But god was that difficult with how deep his cock was entering you. That when you felt him fuck you through his cum you couldn’t help but moan out his name unexpectedly a bit too loud.

BLADE

He would have you gripping onto the sink or the counter with how deep he was thrusting into you from behind. As much as he wanted to mention how much of a dirty girl you were tightened every-time you guys thought someone was passing by or attempting to go into the bathroom your pussy tightened. He would chuckle and groan at the feel of the tightness as well, having a hand on your waist and one trailing to reach one of your breasts. God you looked sexy like this.

First time actually posting on tumblr oh my days

How he fell for you

dark content blogs dni

notes: so.....this exists now..... I'm not a Dottore stan I'm not a Dottore stan I'm not a Dottore stan why tf is this post so long I'm not a Dottore stan I'm very normal cries in agony

contains: dottore x gn!reader, enemies to lovers, set at the akademiya, jealous!dottore, cute nerd + evil gremlin energy

warnings: dottore is a little bit of an asshole at first

also feel free to join my genshin discord server

D o t t o r e

Honestly, at first you hated each other

Dottore was considered handsome and many of your classmates at the Akademiya had giggled when he was assigned as your study partner, teasing you about whether you two could become a thing

Which you always vehemently denied. The thought made you cringe visibly.

Truth be told, you weren't even an actual scholar at the Akademiya. You took a couple of courses there to qualify you for a job you wanted to do. It was something the prestigious institution offered, but didn't put much effort into. So assisting students like you in your studies and becoming somewhat of a tutor or mentor in your afternoon classes was what detention looked like for the students who were aiming to become exceptional scholars and researchers of the Akademiya.

And Dottore was no stranger to the concept of detention. He often took things too far, although he was never caught for some of the more illegal experiments he did.

So for a while he was assigned to spend his afternoons sitting next to you at your desk, listening to the professor explain topics he considered "too pedestrian for him" and attempted to help you with the practical tasks.

"Help" mostly consisted of belittling you and explaining things in a manner that meant to show off how much of a genius he was. He had little to no concern for the fact that you were a stranger to the subject and his elaborate explanations flew completely over your head. Who was he to care whether you understood what he was talking about or not? You knew the words he was using but strung together like that they didn't sound cohesive.

The most responsive and emotional you've seen him was the shock he expressed over things you didn't know yet. "What do you mean you don't know how to solve this??", he put his head in his hand and and buries his fingers in his hair, leaving it messy when he looked at you again.

A little bit aggressive while explaining. Literally does the task for you and is pretty rough on the equipment while he goes on a rant of "Now you do this.....and then that.....see, it's super easy."

He also puts his stuff everywhere. It's your desk in your lesson but somehow Dottore always arrives right when the lesson is about to start because he's come from a hectic session of lab experiments or outdoor research and he has his whole equipment in his backpack. And obviously this stuff can't stay squeezed into a backpack for hours so it's now supposed to be on your side of the desk.

You once accidentally knock a vial off the desk because he put it next to your arm while you were writing as it was one of the only spots on the table that were not already covered in Dottore's possessions. The professor had to calm a very agitated Dottore down.

Sometimes he just gently bulldozes your arms off the table with his elbows.

He's never intentionally hurting you but he does think being there is a waste of his time, that he's entitled to take up as much space and attention in the lesson as he wants to and that you probably loathe him as much as he loathes you. Being your tutor meant the less progress you made, the longer it would take for Dottore to be released of his duties.

One day in literature class you were introduced to a novel about a mad scientist. Of course Dottore would project on the protagonist. What he didn't expect was for you, when it came to the task of interpreting the novel, to understand exactly how Dottore was feeling. The curiosity that was never satisfied. The urge to transcend his limits as a mere mortal and learn how the world truly functioned from the perspective of the divine. The alienation from everyone around him. The fact that he struggled to perceive the people he interacted with as anything more than hollow shells. The inability to imagine them as conscious and alive as he was. He stared at you and was like oh...

You just sent him a questioning look, not understanding what he was thinking about before you proceeded sharing your theories about the work of fiction with him.

At some point he also started comparing you with the protagonist's love interest which was very suspicious considering the fact that you had absolutely nothing in common with the character in question. Yep, definitely projecting....

Literature class was one of the electives that Dottore had begrudgingly picked because doing some of these to "broaden his horizons" was mandatory although they had nothing to do with his usual research. Dottore, being as ignorant to other people and their feelings as he usually was, had a hard time with interpretation and writing about a character's emotional journey without making it sound like he was picking apart their neurological processes and discussing chemicals in the brain. In hindsight, he probably should have picked a different elective.

He also wasn't the best at actually presenting his research (the parts that the public was able to stomach at least) because he was too caught up in his own head, had the tendency to go on a tangent and just assumed that everyone would know what he was talking about.

Eventually he found that you were actually quite good at both of those things. He had gotten used to your presence so he thought he might as well make good use of it.

Dottore asking anyone for their opinion was quite the novelty.

He sometimes pouts when you criticize him because deep down there was a part of him that wanted to impress you. Why? He didn't know. Your thoughts weren't at all relevant to his time at the Akademiya and yet he found himself listening to them attentively as you helped make his presentation more palatable for..... literally anyone who was not Dottore.

You had volunteered to listen to him practice and he was wondering why you'd spend your time like this. Nevertheless, he gladly took you up on the offer and even invited you to his research presentation so you could once again see how brilliant he was. It was one of those events that were way fancier than they needed to be and so you had dressed up according to the occasion and scanned the lecture hall for Dottore, who was wearing a nice shirt and a vest and fiddling hectically with his notes. That's so typical for him, you smiled to yourself and shook your head a little.

When you locked eyes across the room, Dottore's first thought was "oh shit." Honestly your reaction wasn't that different. The two of you weren't used to stuff like,,,,, finding each other handsome or the mental image of kissing each other. Dottore actually takes this better than you do. He's just like "affection isn't real, it's all just chemicals in our brain, I can probably make something in the lab that will suppress this."

He greeted you nonchalantly and you chuckled. "You messed up your tie and your hair again." Your eyes scanned Dottore's somewhat disheveled appearance. He was always busy before events like these, always doing something and the stress and concentration made him subconsciously pull at his tie or run his hands through his hair way too often. It was a habit you had observed quite a few times when he arrived to tutor you. "Then fix it or whatever", he huffed and hoped no one was staring at him while you fixed his tie and his hair.

Hates how much he enjoys having your fingers in his hair. Literally angry at himself for liking this.

Although you didn't really understand the subject Dottore was talking about on the stage, you enjoyed listening to him and how confident and proud he looked. There was the usual arrogance he carried with him wherever he went but you could also catch a glimpse of genuine enjoyment on his face while he presented the results of his hard work.

He asks you later how you liked it and his heart skips a beat when you compliment him. Though, considering the tension that always was between the two of you, compliments were usually followed by a playful insult or a teasing remark.

Playful banter became your constant once both of you had begrudgingly accepted that the hatred you felt for one another had long since faded. You were often giving the other a challenging grin and Dottore loved this. He loved how witty you could be and how you retorted back confidently when he teased you. Soon enough you two had what one could consider several inside jokes.

Before he had realized it himself, he started seeing you as a person rather than a subject to study the same way he considered the whole world his experimental ground. Hell, he started looking forward to seeing you every day. Dottore had convinced himself that this was solely because he found you intriguing and he wanted to see how you'd react to different things he did or said. He was simply studying your behavior.

While he was usually agitated and annoyed when you didn't understand things or messed up in lessons, Dottore became more gentle in his explanations and tried to actually inspire some interest in the topic in you.

One time the two of you had to do a simple science experiment that Dottore had done countless of times. If different kinds of chemicals were poured onto a crystal found in the caves of Sumeru's forests, the crystal would glow in different colors and light up the room. The professor dimmed the light while Dottore guides your hand a little to make sure you don't spill any of the chemicals or hurt yourself in the process. You were wondering where the change of heart had come from. A month or two ago he would have shrugged had you dropped acid onto your legs. But now he simply hissed "Don't do that, do you want to kill yourself?" and carefully put the vial with the chemical you were holding aside

He quietly chuckled to himself at how fascinated you seemed when staring at the colorful spots the light of the crystal threw on the wall. He wondered when he had started to find moments like these endearing. He hated his growing affection for you. This was never something that was supposed to happen. Dottore was above something like falling in love and if he were to fall for someone, he thought it would be an exceptional genius such as himself. Yet here you were, turning out to be more than enough for him. If he already had to go through the hassle of dealing with his emotions and experiencing "love", he was glad it was you.

He only noticed he was smiling fondly at you when you turned your head towards him and gave him a smile back. Dottore was closer to you now than he had ever been. Your shoulders and arms were touching, you could feel his warmth and smell his fresh cologne. He eventually reached for your hand while staring at the crystal with a concentrated expression and you knew, were you to comment on it, he would push you away. So you gently rubbed his fingers with your thumb and the two of you stared at the colorful lights in silence. Needless to say things were very awkward when the professor turned on the lights again and the moment was over. Dottore was cold once again and excused himself, stating that he still had a research project to attend to and left the room. He just needs some time to process this.

Dottore's growing feelings for you show in subtle ways. How, during events everyone who's taking classes at the Akademiya is invited to, he chooses to sit next to you and talk to you even though his esteemed colleagues are literally right there. How he's always looking out for you, sometimes gently guiding you away with his hand from people who were about to bump into you. The way he started giving you more space and finally shared his thoughts and knowledge with you without complaining all the time. How he'd bring you a coffee or a hot chocolate from a nearby vendor when it was a cold morning. Sometimes you'd bring food to share with him as well but Dottore is an incredibly picky eater so his responses vary from "Oh, thank you" to "Gross, how can you eat something like that?" even though he had never tried the food

Dottore's plan was to just keep you around because he found his time with you amusing and eventually once he's had enough, his feelings would fade away and he could move on with his life. Or cook something up in his lab after all. Unfortunately for him, Dottore was jealous.

He had noticed you had been spending quite some time with another student and you were doing things together many people would consider a date. People had assumed the two of you were a couple, much to Dottore's distaste.

Dottore would often ask you how you had spent your day and huff when you mentioned this person. He'd comment on how he hated people like them and always seemed to imply you had terrible taste. On some days he'd see you and say something like "How's your little romance going?"

"We're not dating but I do wonder why you keep asking that", now it was your turn to give him what was commonly referred to as a "shit-eating grin" and Dottore internally adorned his brain with every curse word in his vocabulary. "I just think you could do better is all. I don't get what you see in them", he tried to play it off like it was his usual arrogance talking but Dottore was a little hurt and he hated how you could make him feel like that. He felt more and more backed into a corner when you, contrary to his expectation about how this conversation would go, kept inquiring about his reasons for acting like this.

"I'm just spending time with a person I like. Why do you keep commenting on that? Why does this bother you so much?", you didn't back off. Dottore clenched his fists and subconsciously avoided eye contact. A hissed "Kiss me and find out" slipped out under his breath before he could stop it.

He was still processing the mess he had gotten himself into when you snaked your arm around his waist and pulled him closer. When your lips met his, his kiss was uncharacteristically gentle at first. Like he was unsure what to do. For now he was just enjoying the sensation and confirmation that you were finally his. He gently caressed your cheek before sighing and kissing you back more passionately, almost desperately, as he had denied himself to feel the way he did for you for too long. He gently nibbled on your lip and held you tightly in his arms.

When the kiss ended, Dottore pulled you into his chest, holding the back of your head with his hand. You buried your face in his shirt and ran your fingertips along his back. Dottore thought about how he could get used to this.

You looked into his eyes with a grin on your face. "Not. a. word", Dottore warned you which made you chuckle.

You simply sank back into his arms and let him hold you for a while.

Dottore takes a long time to warm up to you. He's still sometimes cold and passive and he wasn't ready to put a label on your relationship yet. Affection was mostly initiated by you, although you could tell when he craved it because he'd get a little grumpy and impatient. He enjoyed your touch, even though he didn't dare admit it yet. But with time Dottore opens up more and more to you. He becomes more attentive and affectionate eventually. He just needs time.

I'm such a big Junpei girly i have a whole cardboard cutout an的everything but HIS LOVE LANGUAGE IS SO GIFT GIVING. LIKE omfg. He doesn't really keep up with trends so he's always a little confused when he's getting you gifts, but hey i mean he's got the spirit and thats all that matters because at the end of the day the best thing about dating him is seeing the same stupidly awkward grin he gives you as he offers you the gift and the way he lights up when he realises it was indeed something you liked.

I have something else coming out soon, but i had this stuck in my brain for a while since i got hospitalised again and i was imagining what different characters would bring as get well soon gifts. Maybe i'll write something separate about that too LOL

ahhh just some wanderer brain rot not proofread!! and reader wears a skirt :3

"be quiet... and stay still." he whispers as you squirm a bit in your place. he has you sitting on his lap facing him in the library of the sumeru akademiya, the house of daena, while he's working on his vahumana papers. the few passerbys simply think that you're both just a cute couple that wanted to be near each other at all times. little do they know you're actually cockwarming him. thankfully, your skirt had enough length to cover up the truth of it all. "why do i have to do this again?" you ask him, "because it help me focus, now hush." he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you even closer to him, resting his chin on your shoulder to peak over and read the text written on his papers.

whenever someone is nearby, he'd tease you by lifting your hips up a bit and thrusting up. it takes every fiber of your being to hold back that moan, archons, why does he always have to hit that one spot at the perfect angle each time too? and whenever you clench around him, he lets out quiet groans directly into your ear. sometimes even with a small whimper, calling you a tease and all that. if you were being good throughout it all, rest assured that you'll get a reward from him right after that. oh he's gonna fuck you sooo good, don't you worry.

Sunlight.

DEAD!Megumi x Grieving! Reader

summary: In the wake of Megumi's death, you're left haunted by the quiet moments you've shared, the unspoken words, and the last goodbye that never came. Clinging to the memories of a love that felt unfinished, replaying the moments you wish you could have held onto forever. Grief, in all its silence, becomes a space you learn to inhabit, where the echoes of your lost connection linger just out of reach.

WARNINGS: (mentioned) character death, depression, ANGST!!!!!!!, heartbreak

Word count : 1134 words (I thought it would be short, but i just kept going with it and here we are....)

a/n: First time writing something super angsty!!! I hope you all enjoyed it... I think I did really well! (˶˃ᆺ˂˶) ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

You didn’t say much that morning. But that wasn’t unusual. You never did.

You stood by the door for a second longer than usual. Glanced back at me. And in your eyes—just for a moment— there was something soft. Something final.

I should’ve noticed. Should’ve asked why you weren’t wearing that fake bored look you always put on before missions. Should’ve stopped pretending I was too busy to get up and kiss you goodbye.

But I didn’t. I waved. Lazy. Distracted. Said, “Don’t die, dumbass.”

And you huffed a laugh. That almost-smile. Then turned and left.

No last words. No “I love you.” Not even a real look.

Just the soft click of the door closing.

And now I keep replaying that moment, over and over, like if I stare at it long enough, I’ll see something I missed.

A message. A sign. A warning.

But there’s nothing. Just you, fading into the morning light, shoulders squared like always, like you were walking into something you’d already accepted.

You always were like that— quiet, distant,

I know now— you were protecting me. Not just from the mission. From the goodbye.

Because if you had said anything real, anything final, I would’ve shattered right there.

But you knew me. Knew I needed to believe you'd be back. So you gave me silence. And left all the words unspoken.

Now I cling to them. The ones you never said. The look you gave me like it might’ve been enough. The quiet care folded into every goodbye you never made a big deal of.

I never got to say it back. But I hope you knew. Hope my half-wave meant please come back, and my lazy grin meant I need you, and my stupid parting words meant I love you more than I know how to say.

I hope you carried that with you. To wherever you are. Wherever you went.

Because I still carry you— in the silence. In the warmth that lingers. In the things we never said but always meant.

Some days, I still set a place for you. Not a real one. Not forks and plates. But a space—next to me, in the quiet. In the pauses between songs. In the second half of a sentence I never finish anymore.

I don’t think people vanish. Not really. You’ve just… sunk beneath the surface of everything.

You’re in the smell of summer pavement after rain. In the echo of a laugh I hear once and never again. In the way I turn, sometimes, too fast—thinking you're there. And the second after, when I remember.

You would’ve hated how soft I am now. How small I’ve gotten. I used to be louder around you. Stranger. Braver. Real.

Now I just exist. Sleep. Wake. Float.

Some days I still wonder what you were thinking. Before. When the silence started pressing too hard, when the light got too far away.

Did you know I would miss you like this? Like a phantom limb? Like an entire future collapsing in slow motion?

I still dream of you. Not as a ghost. Not as someone gone. But as you were—messy, warm, your sharp eyes, good with the dogs, awkward.

You always knew how to ruin me with a smile.

And when I wake up— when the dream folds shut like a book I never finished— there’s that moment. Where the air remembers you.

Where the world almost feels like it did before.

And I just lie there. Quiet. Staring at the ceiling like maybe you’ll come back with the morning light.

You don’t.

But I keep waking up anyway.

If I could stay in a moment… Yeah. I think I would.

But only that one. The one that slipped past like sunlight on water— brief, warm, gone before I could hold it.

It wasn’t anything special. Just your laugh, maybe. The way your voice stumbled when you were too tired to filter your thoughts. The way we both said nothing, and it still meant everything.

I replay it sometimes. That soft little second in the blur of days. You looked at me as if I were made of light. Me pretending I didn’t notice.

But I did. God, I did.

And now it’s fading.

Like all beautiful things do—too fast, too quiet, too soon.

I try to keep it. Bottle it up, hide it away, memorize the sound of it. But it slips. It always slips.

And maybe I was never meant to keep you. Maybe we were always going to be this—just a blink between lifetimes. Something bright and impossible and almost.

But still, I find myself reaching— in dreams, in quiet hours, in the soft hush of early morning— hoping, maybe, you’re doing the same.

Just for a moment. Just one.

You and me. Caught between the seconds. Still turning, still drifting, Still almost real.

I woke up like usual,

flipping to my side, and you’re still not there.

If I could’ve said something that mattered… Yeah. I think I would have.

But it all happened so fast. Too fast to hold. Too fast to save.

One minute, you were laughing like the world couldn’t touch you. And then— just air. Just a silence too big to fill.

People said it was peaceful. That you didn’t feel a thing. But I think they said that for me, not for you. Because I felt it. The echo where your voice should’ve been. The coldness in places you once warmed.

You were gone, and the sky didn’t change.

I hate that.

I hate that the world kept spinning, like you were never here at all.

But I remember.

I remember the exact shape of your presence— the way time curved when you smiled, the way your fingertips lingered a second too long, like you were always about to say goodbye but never quite did.

Maybe you knew. Maybe you knew.

And maybe I didn’t want to believe it.

Now, I go back to where you still exist— the songs we shared, the notes you left, the way your name looks written in my handwriting. 

Your jacket still lingered of your scent.

Your toothbrush is still hanging in my bathroom cabinet.

It’s like you’re going to be back, but I promised myself.

I can’t keep deceiving myself with lies like those. 

You’re not going to be back. Not to collect your toiletries,

And even more so not to collect the memories we’ve shared together. 

And so I replay it— the moment before you left. The last laugh. The last word. The last time you looked at me like I was something worth staying for.

The world spins, but I stay still. In the memory of you. In the breath before the end. In the place where I almost kept you.

:3

Hello ! ><

Aeyn, she/her, 20, slow updates •́ •̀

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I'm pan/aroace and I write self indulgent things :3 Please feel free to drop a request, but I might not do it. Please understand ^^.

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