Ineffable Eras Zine: Before The Beginning Creator Applications Are Open!

Juste a demon I've made 4 years ago

Been working on this for a while and if I don't post it now I never will so here you go <3 enjoy the most self-indulgent thing I've ever spent time on - I just really needed them to hug...

I love the Good Omens 'Night at Crowley's Flat' trope where after stopping the apocalypse in season 1, they go to Crowley's Flat and talk and kiss and fall in love and have a peaceful night, I do.

BUT

What if the night became 'The Night an Angel and a Demon Get Insanely Drunk and Teach Each Other How to Act'

Because honestly

They go to the flat, and ALL they know is they are going to have to swap themselves if they want to survive and finally be free from Heaven and Hell

But they have absolutely NO clue how to pull it off successfully

Sure, they know each other in and out.

Aziraphale has Crowley's eye color committed to memory (and also to paper, since Aziraphale spent 4-5 years in the late 80s trying to find a craft store in London that could help him do the color justice)

Crowley could find his angel in a crowd of millions (and not even just because only one single person in that crowd would be dressed in that ridiculous shade of tartan)

BUT they know they have to truly get this right, down to the exact detail.

So, naturally, they start by promptly opening the closest bottle of scotch that Crowley had available

Crowley was convinced this would be the easiest thing they've ever done

"Only you, Angel, would find a way to worry yourself to death AFTER stopping an apocalypse"

They begin with the easy part, switching corporations and clothing.

It was easy. Until Aziraphale realized he had to actually physically move in the very, very tight pants Crowley prefers.

The first three times he tries walking, he falls face down. And each time, realizes how it's equally hard to get back up again.

Not to mention that Crowley's corporation had learned that after 6000 years, it didn't really need all those vertebrae and bones since he never used them anyways

So now Aziraphale is just laying on the floor in terribly tight pants, very confused on how Crowley has managed all this time

(Crowley is also on the floor, having dropped there laughing after the 2nd attempt)

After they both get up (one much faster than the other) Crowley tries coaching the angel on how to walk like him

Until Crowley realizes he doesn't actually know how he walks, he just sort of wills himself forward and hopes his limbs keep up with him along the way

Eventually, after enough drinks, they settle on a technique called "Just pretend all your limbs are snakes. And you're a snake. Honestly, just as snake-y as you can manage, Angel."

Aziraphale, as difficult as this was for him, figures out that he may have gotten the easy side of this situation here. Crowley very much disagrees.

"Once an Angel, well, definitely not always an Angel, but close enough right?"

He very quickly realizes he may be wrong when Aziraphale asks Crowley to copy his walk

"Dear Lord Crowley, it cannot be that hard. You simply have to walk in a straight line"

It was indeed that hard.

Crowley has all his vertebrae now, but no knowledge of how they should be used

He tries to hold his hands behind his back and march forward, walking in what he thinks is probably, on some plane of reality, maybe a straight line

He's convinced that he's the perfect image of a stereotypical angel, head held high, an air of 'holier than thou' surrounding him

When Crowley asks Aziraphale, he only says, "Well, I suppose it will have to do for now."

Internally, Aziraphale thinks of the fact that Crowley looked identical to a bumbling penguin walking on ice.

When Crowly sits down, very pleased with himself for an impeccable performance ("As always, Angel. I've still got it." Aziraphale uncaps the vodka and drinks straight from the bottle, just staring into the distance.

He has just realized that their existence hinges on whether Crowley can figure out how to sit on a chair like a proper being with appendages and a spine.

And the odds are not in their favor, if they way the demon is sprawled out on the couch (reminding Aziraphale suddenly of a very well-done noodle, and suddenly he's starting to wonder if humans had the right idea with stress eating) is any indication

Crowley announces that he refuses to utter the words tickety boo, even if faced with destruction

"Honestly I think I'd rather have the holy water at that point" "Crowley." "I swear you just make sounds up sometimes, those aren't even real words"

4 bottles (and a very large order of takeout) later, they've got the act down well enough that it's starting to weird Crowley out

"Angel, seriously, enough with the nose. When have I ever done that with my nose? Exactly zero amount of times. I'm not a rabbit"

2 bottles later and Aziraphale has miracled Harry the Rabbit into the flat for a reason they can't quite remember

But they've got music playing from somewhere in the corner, and plenty of drinks, and the night goes on into the morning, and then they're sobering up and marching out for the most dramatic acting of their lives

And the world hasn't ended yet, so they'll probably be fine. Probably.

what's something (spoiler-free) that you're really excited for people to see in Good Omens season two?

The Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association monthly meeting.

Aziraphale is right on Armageddon

I’m not entirely sure how posting/reposting on Tumblr actually works, so I’m making a post of what was originally a response to this excellent post by ileolai I really think that Aziraphale is given quite a hard time for how he handles things in relation to Crowley leading up to the Apocalypse.

In defence of my BAMF boi Aziraphale (referring to the TV series as I don’t remember all the differences in the book):

No, he shouldn’t have told Crowley at the bandstand that they aren’t friends/are over, he should have told Crowley when he knew the location of the Antichrist, and he might have been naive to think that he could change the minds of God/the Metatron/a higher authority. I hate that he lies to Crowley after figuring out the location of the Antichrist.

Crowley’s (admittedly desperate) plan, however, was romantic af but not any better morally or much worse practically. It would not have worked long-term. It would have been selfish, short-sighted and cowardly and gone against everything they stand for and believe in.

If they HAD actually escaped (for all they know, at least, discounting Adam’s choices), Armaggedon would still have gone ahead, the War would’ve taken place, and one side or the other would have won. The winning side would realise either straight away or eventually that one of their own had deserted from the war. Whether the next day or in a few millennia, eventually, surely, someone from the victorious side would have come across them somewhere.

(Might’ve taken me three run-throughs to capture the screenshot because I kept getting too caught up in watching the scene.)

Also, again, there’s the sticky moral issue of the two abandoning Earth and all the creatures thereof to the sole custody of either Heaven or Hell. The world would have ended, Crowley and Aziraphale would have been together, yes, but always looking over their shoulder, and only for a limited time until they were discovered and punished for desertion/their relationship.

Now, it seems there were two other things they could actually do. First, Crowley’s other suggestion: Kill the Antichrist, murder a child. Comes with its own lovely set of moral dilemmas #utilitarianism. Not something either is particularly keen on doing, although it is Aziraphale who gives it a go: He IS willing, in the end, all other options exhausted, to kill in order to save them and the world. (Granted, it kind of  makes sense that he should do it; he’d at least be thwarting evil whereas Crowley would be going directly up against “his side”. But still, it’s going directly against the Great Plan.)

The only option that could possibly, potentially, mayyyybe work is to convince a higher-up to actually get the whole Armageddon called off. It’s the only way to save everything - the world, humanity, Crowley, their relationship; the only potential long-term solution. So, he goes to see the Archangels, to get them to either call off the war or (possibly?) kill the Antichrist. Aziraphale tells them some of what he knows, but he is smart enough not to tell his superiors that he already knows where the Antichrist is. He lies to them too and keeps the information to himself until he knows what the Right thing to do is to save the world.

Don’t think I’ve seen this talked about this anywhere: While speaking to Archangels, he also tries out quite a clever plan to help out Crowley, whose massive cock-up and cover-up in the wrong Antichrist fiasco will be found out as soon as Warlock reaches Megiddo: He suggests to the Archangels that Crowley did it all on purpose to trick Aziraphale and keep the real Antichrist safe.

(adorbs)

He’s not exactly making himself look great here, but it’s worth it if he can convince the higher-ups that Crowley is really a demonic strategic genius who was actually protecting the Antichrist all along.

After the Archangels tell him to piss off and the Bandstand scene (RIP), where he declares that can’t be on their side anymore and Crowley is the one to leave, he tries to get to Gabriel once again, which obviously fails. After Gabriel’s “What are you?”, he looks at him running off towards the bandstand, which is in focus although it isn’t in the rest of the scene and reminds of us him and Crowley, and we get the lovely, romantic (?) “I’m soft”. It’s pretty clear already that he has no intention of fighting in any war (or against Crowley). Then, after telling Crowley’s he’s being ridiculous for wanting to run away (and Crowley saying he’ll run off and forget about Aziraphale), he tries once again to explain why the war shouldn’t happen to the archangel thugs and to get them to see what they, as angels, should be doing and why it is vital that the world (and A and C’s role in it) continue.

He is clearly terrified. The archangels clearly aren’t there with good intentions, and yet he Stands Up to them and tries to make them see reason: They shouldn’t want the war, that’s not what they, the angels are there to do - they should be upholding one side of the moral coin, letting humanity choose between good and bad. (As an aside, I love all the “Aziraphale is terrible at being an angel” fun, but I - and probably god, and possibly even Aziraphale himself - think that he is the best angel: Even with the Arrangement, he has actually been doing the exact job of Heaven and Hell, upholding this careful balance between Good and Evil, allowing people to choose, navigating via his own moral compass, and taking care of humanity ever since giving away the sword, as a good principality should). He’s already saying pretty clearly that he’s on the side of The World, that he doesn’t want the war.

His last hope for actually avoiding the Apocalypse (and saving his and Crowley’s continued existence together) is God herself. Obviously and beautifully, he doesn’t get through, and the Metatron is no better than the other bureaucratic, dogmatic, powerhungry arsewipes in Heaven. He’s exhausted all other options, all hope of a long-term real solution for him and Crowley, and so he calls up Crowley to let him know Adam’s location so that they can go off in desperation and try to stop/kill the Antichrist. It won’t save them, but it might just be possible for them to save the world.

After his discorporation, he takes a very public, burning-all-bridges stand in Heaven and gives a metaphorical two-finger salute as he yeets back to possess people like a demon. He finds Crowley and is very much set on the task at hand - getting to and stopping the Antichrist - even though he and Crowley clearly have a lot of personal shizzle to discuss. At the Airfield, finally, he’s the one who actually does try to kill Adam to save the world.

Also, Aziraphale comes up with the brilliant distinction between the Great Plan and the Ineffable Plan, which implies that Heaven and Hell might be going against God, and that he and Crowley (and Adam) might just under Her protection, and would give Crowley and himself an out if only their bosses were flexible/good enough to see reason.

When it works and Armageddon IS actually avoided, he greets Gabriel coolly and unwieldingly while Crowley tries out a sycophantic (and fabulous) grovelling bow.

He has Taken A Stand and he’s not moving. For all that he frets and wiggles, he’s the guardian; constant, secure with a steady, certain inner moral compass that is much too good and intelligent to constantly align with Heaven. Crowley is the snake; wiley, slippery, flighty, constantly moving (and I mean that in the best way, I love Crowley as much as Aziraphale).

He grounds Crowley. When Crowley is finally giving up, saying goodbye to Aziraphale, refuses to give up, knowing exactly how to get Crowley moving again - pulling out another card in his… infinite variety… of ways to surprise and touch and steady the demon.

Morally, it’s like that old philosophy conundrum, the trolley problem with more heartbreak: If you could only save one, would you save your loved one or a group of strangers? When push comes to shove, Aziraphale cannot let himself throw the random bunch of strangers to the wolves, choosing his own unhappiness over the unhappiness of humanity. Add to that the fact that avoiding the Apocalypse is also the only long-term way to possibly save Crowley their relationship. (TV) Crowley is more concerned with saving Aziraphale and himself. Not a bad instinct; a very human one, in fact. His world IS Aziraphale, he moves around the angel, grounds himself in him. Aziraphale’s own happiness and well-being is contingent on Crowley being in the world, but he is willing to sacrifice that to save the actual world. He IS committed to Crowley, it’s just that Crowley can’t be in Aziraphale’s world if the world doesn’t exist. Aziraphale might owe Crowley an apology for throwing him under the cart for this, but he’s a damn good person/being and a really damn good angel.

I was gonna tie this down better to this thought I’ve been thinking a lot, but this got so long that Imma just gesture vaguely towards it, it’s not hugely related to the events of Armageddon: Aziraphale has to be constantly selfless everywhere except for with Crowley. He gets to be selfish in his relationship with the demon. Crowley, on the other hand, can only ever be allowed to be selfless and good through his relationship with the angel. Aziraphale being selfish allows gives Crowley a space to be giving and loving (in whatever way) and kind.

I know there are already lots of lovely fics out there exploring these things in profound and beautiful ways, but I got started on this essay journey, and I was damned if I wasn’t gonna finish it too.

So *sniffs* yeah.

The f***** archangel Gabriel V2

GOOD OMENS (2019-)

2x01 - The Arrival

Fobidden Planet Good Omens Official Merch! 😍❤

Did you know that Forbidden Planet has also official Good Official merchandise? :)

Currently it is :):

Good Omens Mug

Forbidden Planet link - £5.99

Good Omens Coaster

Forbidden Planet link - £3.49

They have one more coaster but it is currently unavailable, you can tho put there your email to be notified when it is avaliable again :).

Good Omens Print

Forbidden Planet link - £7.99

(no, I don't know how big it is :/ :D)

Good Omens T-Shirts

The End Was Just The Start - £15.99

The End Was Just The Start Women's Fit - £15.99

Cheers - £15.99

Cheers Women's Fit - £15.99

Aziraphale Icon - £19.99

Aziraphale Icon Women's Fit - £19.99

Crowley Icon - £19.99

Crowley Icon Women's Fit - £19.99

(and if you're already ordering Good Omens goodies and want a GO cover you don't have, they have these two :):)

The TV cover paperback - £8.99

The blue hardback - £11.99

You know, I dreamed about you for 29 years, before I saw you.

My view on God mode Aziraphale in “Offerings” a strange AU with mer-people

You can find it here : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24356293/chapters/58734520 Special note for the beautiful artworks as a cover of each chapter (it’s what make me want to draw this^^) PLEASE READ THE TAGS before reading