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Latest Posts by ambrulia - Page 3
Like this au so much…Really need someone to write…🥲
I want a story from Fyodor's perspective but it turns out he's just as unhinged as the protagonist of Crime and Punishment. Like I just want scenes that we've already witnessed from other people's perspectives where Fyodor's outwardly playing the level headed mastermind, but this time we get his internal monologue and he's always two seconds away from loosing it entirely.
After successfully pulling off his murder spree on Ace's ship he just goes and lies face down on his bed for a week, flipping between being sick at what he's done and then proclaiming his own genius the next. Throwing about his things in a fit of disgust and then sadly picking them back up again.
Fyodor zoning out during one of his and Dazai's prison conversations because he's gone from admiring Dazai's smarts to picturing murdering him with an axe and then chastising himself for thinking of such crude methods. Meanwhile Dazai has started throwing things at the barrier to get Fyodor's attention again, until Fyodor decides actually axe murder is the correct thought.
I want him stood with that practiced smile on his face as Nikolai is explaining his prison break game, meanwhile there's a smaller internal version of Fyodor screaming and crying about how unfortunate his choice in minions is.
Laughing as he injects himself with a deadly poison outwardly and inwardly just going "shitshitshit- I can't back out, Dazai's doing it, so I have to, he can't look braver than me, better laugh too, hahaha, Dazai you fool you've injected yourself too, WHY AM I DOING THIS, I HATE NEEDLES, I WANT MY BED."
I just think Fyodor deserves to be a mess as much as the other geniuses.
common ao3 occurrence:
*clicks on a fic tagged with angst*
authors note: hey guys! don’t worry there won’t actually be that much angst here, at least not super heavy stuff, mostly comfort
me: aw man :( i wanted angst tho. oh well, still looks rlly good so I’ll read it
me later, emerging from the fic covered in blood and tears: WHAT TF DID THEY MEAN NOT ACTUALLY THAT MUCH ANGST. THIS WAS DEVASTATING
非常好分析使我的眼睛流泪
crying because "a shallow bond" is exactly what caused fyodor's own downfall.
his lack of trust in nikolai, shown by not just taking the antidote right then and there. shown by being cold towards his friend and simply getting in the helicopter with no further words. the fact that, if he had stayed outside with nikolai or even beckoned him in the copter, he'd probably still be alive.
fyodor called dazai & chuuya's bond shallow but never faced the fact that his bonds are shallow as well.
dostoevsky's downfall begins with his sentence, "are you unfit to utilize a gravity manipulator?" with this sentence about chuuya, fyodor sums up his relationships with everyone who cares about him most. he sees them as tools to be used, not people he can rely on.
with ivan, who would literally give his life for him, fyodor brings him into battle once and casts him aside (which, by the way, stupid move fedya. ivan could've saved his ass too!)
with karma, who was nothing more than a boost for fyodor to get back on his feet.
with nikolai, who saw something in fyodor nobody else did, a friend. who tried to form a connection, to see beyond the "demon" in dostoy. who got cast aside anyways because fyodor doesn't see the value in other people's love.
fyodor's lack of trust makes his bonds shallow, which in turn makes him "need" to manipulate others so that he still gets his way. it's a vicious cycle for him, with the path of "trust" and "faith" in anyone else being too long and winding for his ambitious heart. once again, the path straight forward has nothing at the end.
Headcanon where Nikolai grows out his hair after Fyodor’s "death" in the hopes that when he looks in the mirror, he can somehow still feel Fyodor’s gaze
(They make me incredibly ill Ep 11 sent me into a temporary depression)
Cr.Ref @ greagrea08