Was Tagged By @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city . I Love Doing These!

On September 11, 2001, the day my young life tilted towards adulthood, I remember exactly what I was doing when the Twin Towers came down.

I was having a piano lesson.

I remember it starting out like any other Tuesday morning. I know it did because I can’t remember the details of the ‘before’ because I was just a kid, and such trivial things like what I was wearing and what I had for breakfast and whether I’d gotten into a fight with my sister yet wasn’t important enough to stay in my head for more than an hour.

My sister and I took piano lessons from the same sweet little old lady who lived a few streets down from us at the time. My mother homeschooled us, so we always had the morning lessons. It was my sister’s week to start first, and my mom and I were left to wait on the old fashioned chaise lounge.

And then my teacher’s husband, who never came in during lessons, appeared. He said something to the adults, I don’t remember what. But whatever it was, it was enough for my mom to leave with him to where they had their TV set.

I can’t remember if I got my turn on the piano. I honestly don’t even remember leaving. My memory jumps from my piano teacher’s parlor to my mother sitting in front of our TV, her eyes glazed over, her posture hunched and rigid.

Because my papi wasn’t there to tell her everything would be alright.

He was in law enforcement at the time, and by the time the second tower had come down, his work had put everyone in lockdown, underground, and unable to contact anyone until the danger had passed.

I can’t remember how long it lasted, until my papi was able to come home. I can only remember my mom, sitting on the couch, staring at the TV, praying for the victims, praying for the first responders, and praying that her husband would come home.

During that whole time, we didn’t have school, we didn’t have activities, we didn’t have anything. My sister and I didn’t take advantage of all the free time. Instead, we sat in our rooms, and every once in a while, went to see if mom had moved, the signal that papi was coming home.

I say that’s the day my life tilted towards adulthood, not because I understood what was going on, but because for the first time in my life, I realized adults could be afraid too. That the people I had always looked to for stability could be shaken too. And that one day, I was going to have to be one of them.

In the last twenty years since that day, I’ve grown up. I’ve completed school, got a job, got a home of my own and got a cat. By all accounts, I’ve become an adult.

And now that I am, the understanding of what happened that day has only become worse.

My papi did come home safe. But there were so many that didn’t, or didn’t come home at all. So many people whose lives become harder after what happened that day.

My heart goes out to the victims, the regular heroes, and the people who were negatively impacted by the events and still continue to be to this day.

I don’t have the elegant words to offer hope, or the phrases to convey my sympathy to its fullest.

But I couldn’t let this day, now 20 years later, pass without saying, “I remember…”

And perhaps, remembering what happened, how it affected people, and thinking about what we learned and can do in the future, is enough.

What I Love About Black Widow 2021

SPOILERS, so read at your own risk ;)

There are so many things I absolutely loved about the Black Widow movie it would be insane to try and mention all of them, but I'm going to hit some of my favorites:

Firstly, we get to really see Nat shine as a fully fleshed out and relatable character, rather than obligatory female member and eye candy.

She doesn't like letting people get close to her because when she does, she tends to love them with all her heart and will do anything for them. So when they betray her or are taken away, the pain is so overwhelming that it's easier to try and forget them, and keep everyone else at a distance. But even after all that time has passed, you can see she never really let her loved ones go; they were always in her heart and she will always love them (something I can relate to).

And it's not just her family she cares about. She cares about other people, even the ones who try to kill her. She tried to save that first Widow that went after them - grab her before she fell, and then tried to administer first aide. When she sees that there are more girls enslaved, she risks her life to get their information so they can be freed. She doesn't leave Antonia in her cell to die, but lets her out, and then frees her by using one of the few remaining Red Dust cures, which was a risk because they could have needed it in order to create more, and she couldn't have known for sure it would work on Antonia.

Nat shows that compassion and mercy are not weaknesses, but the ultimate strengths.

But she's not without flaws, flaws and regrets that still haunt her. You see the relief in her eyes when she realizes she didn't kill Antonia, but then the guilt of knowing it was her fault she was turned into Taskmaster. To me, it sounded like she was apologizing for both. And it's those feelings of guilt and regret and the need to apologize that really make her human.

And then we see the other Widows take Antonia with them. My bestie put it like this: "Girls helping other girls regardless of what they've been through or done is really so universally powerful."

I love how the underlying themes of family, pain, guilt, mercy, compassion, and inner strength were so prominent in this film and yet, it wasn't preachy. I feel like the best messages are the ones that show rather than tell.

Now onto the not so heavy things I loved:

(Okay, this one is kinda heavy), Loved that despite having been apart for so long, Nat and Yelena easily fall back into being sisters. It's how I am with mine and the film was able to portray that so well.

Love how much of dork Yelena is about her vest and it's pockets. Actually, love how much of a dork Yelena is period. With her disgust of 'poses', blunt observations, and comments on whether something is a cool way to die. (and another slightly heavy love - the fact that she got her dog and named it after the alias Nat pointedly disliked).

Red Guardian being a horrible dad but still trying so hard anyway, because he loves his family and refuses to give up.

All the action scenes. Seriously. Love those action scenes. But also really appreciate the pacing that allowed the characters and audience to breathe.

Melina being the best mom. Every moment she has is a Best Mom moment.

Costumes were amazing. (I want that vest, including all the pockets).

That the director was a woman. Yes to more female directors!

The witty dialogue between all the characters in every scene. Seriously, none of those jokes let me down and had me laughing so hard.

The fact that we get to see a low-key call back to Nat's introduction in Avengers where she pretends to be helpless in order to get the bad guys to reveal their 'diabolical plans'. Works every time.

Still am super sad that Nat Black Widow is dead in the MCU, but I'm thrilled she got to go off on a super high note.

...

Soooo, there actually was one thing I didn't like (but it certainly didn't ruin the movie for me, I am going to watch it again and again and get so much merch).

But I had a problem with Taskmaster.

To me, Taskmaster had the potential to be Marvel's Thrawn (a different sort of main threat that forces the established heroes to struggle in ways they haven't had to before and defeat said threat using new skills). So to treat Taskmaster as more of a throwaway cameo character was disappointing. Because honestly, the story doesn't need them. They could have been swapped with any random Widow and the plot would have stayed exactly the same - having Taskmaster in the movie doesn't add to the story in any way. So I'm hoping Marvel will have someone else take on the mantle and we really get to see them as a major threat.

But other than that, THE MOVIE WAS AMAZING!!! 9/10 from me. It has become one of my top three best/favorite Marvel movies for me, alongside Captain America: the First Avenger and Black Panther.

The bipolar conversations heard when working in a library:

One minute someone is be thanked for making homemade coffee cake-

-and then two seconds later everyone is in a passionate discussion about decapitation vs hanging.

Basically, this is why working in libraries rocks.

Being AuDHD means I have sensitivity when it comes to food. To the point where growing up I was considered (in a negative way) to be a picky eater. To the point where I was shamed and borderline traumatized for it.

I also grew up in a household that insisted that no food should go to waste. That meant tons of tiny portions being saved in the fridge (should also be noted that leftovers give me the ick for reasons I can’t articulate - and now I realize I have no obligation to do so). It also meant food that was bought on a whim would stay in the house for YEARS.

As an adult, it’s taken me quite a bit of time to realize that just because something was done a certain way in my parents house, does not mean that I, as a grown adult with her own home, have to do it that way as well.

Which means, if I went out of my way to treat myself to stuff from Trader Joe’s (which is quite a feat given where my nearest stores are located and the very poor parking situations each one has), and got a bunch of food there but ended up either getting an upset stomach from it or just not liking how it tasted, I am under no obligation to keep said food.

Did I end up wasting money on that trip? Yes. Did I end up wasting food because of it? Yes. But is it my obligation to keep said food in the house despite the fact that I’m the only person living there and will never eat it? No. And should I feel guilty for throwing it away? Maybe a little? But only for a few minutes. Because it’s certainly not something I should lose sleep over. Of all the moral conundrums going on in my life, this one should not be causing me anxiety, especially when I have so many other things I get to be anxious about.

Part of my ND healing journey is about learning to be kinder to myself, because I’ve spent my life trying to be accommodating to people’s perspective on how I should live MY LIFE.

I’ve been made to feel that MY WANTS, MY NEEDS, are not correct and thus not acceptable. That I shouldn’t be allowed to listen to my body and make decisions based on what it tells me, even if those choices seem wrong to someone else.

My life, my rules.

And as long as I’m not putting myself or someone else in danger, people should just accept that and BACK OFF.

STORY TIME:

I work in a decent sized, local, indie bookstore. It’s a great job 99% of the time and a lot of our customers are pretty neat people. Any who, middle of the day this little old lady comes up. She’s lovably kooky. She effuses how much she loves the store and how she wishes she could spend more time in it but her husband is waiting in the car (OH! I BETTER BUY HIM SOME CHOCOLATE!), she piles a bunch of art supplies on the counter and then stops and tells me how my bangs are beautiful and remind her of the ocean (“Wooooosh” she says, making a wave gesture with her hand)

Ok. I think to myself. Awesomely happy, weird little old ladies are my favorite kind of customer. They’re thrilled about everything and they’re comfortably bananas. I can have a good time with this one. So we chat and it’s nice.

Then this kid, who’s been up my counter a few times to gather his school textbooks, comes up in line behind her (we’re connected to a major university in the city so we have a lot of harried students pass through). She turns around to him and, out of nowhere, demands that he put his textbooks on the counter. He’s confused but she explains that she’s going to buy his textbooks.

He goes sheetrock white. He refuses and adamantly insists that she can’t do that. It’s like, $400 worth of textbooks. She, this tiny old woman, bodily takes them out of her hands, throws them on the counter and turns to me with a intense stare and tells me to put them on her bill. The kid at this point is practically in tears. He’s confused and shocked and grateful. Then she turns to him and says “you need chocolate.” She starts grabbing handfuls of chocolates and putting them in her pile.

He keeps asking her “why are you doing this?” She responds “Do you like Harry Potter?“ and throws a copy of the new Cursed Child on the pile too.

Finally she’s done and I ring her up for a crazy amount of money. She pays and asks me to please give the kid a few bags for his stuff. While I’m bagging up her merchandise the kid hugs her. We’re both telling her how amazing she is and what an awesome thing she’s done. She turns to both of us and says probably one of the most profound, unscripted things I’ve ever had someone say:

"It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.”

The kid thanks her again and leaves. I tell her again how awesome she is. She’s staring out the door after him and says to me: “My son is a homeless meth addict. I don’t know what I did. I see that boy and I see the man my son could have been if someone had chosen to be kind to him at just the right time.”

I’ve bagged up all her stuff and at this point am super awkward and feel like I should say something but I don’t know what. Then she turns to me and says: I wish I could have bangs like that but my darn hair is just too curly.“ And leaves.

And that is the story of the best customer I’ve ever had. Be kind to somebody today.

Wanted to see how this works. (P.S. fave character on TFP)

Ah, Steve. How are you doing without your favorite second in command right now? Especially considering Dreadwing doesn't have as nearly nice legs as Starscream does ;)

“...I never yielded. And as you can see, I am not dead!” - Black Panther (2018)

Thank you Chadwick, for being an inspiration that will last for years to come.

Rest In Peace.

Was tagged by my bestie, @a-lighthouse-a-man-a-city to do the 3 Fictional Characters I Honestly Would Say I’m the Most Alike.

And honestly, this was HARD. Because it’s very rare that I find anyone in fiction that I can actually relate to. I’m not a pure girly-girl but I’m not a tough-as-nails biker chick either. I’m a strange mix of leather and lace. But after much searching I did find three girls that I’ve related to more than anyone else.

First up is Evie O’Connell, from the Mummy movies (just the first two, I refuse to acknowledge the subsequent films). Evie represents the adventuring academic in me. She may seem too bookish to be out in the field, but it’s wise not to let her innocent demeanor fool you. She will fight for what’s right and she’ll probably have a lot of random facts in her arsenal to do it. She has a great love for history but balances it evenly with the present. And sometimes she’s just a little too curious for her own good, though thankfully for me, it tends to be on a smaller scale.

Next is Moonshade from the Elfquest comics (before the Final Quest volumes because her character in that arc was a complete switch from the one I came to know and love). Moonshade is both my artistic side and my old fashioned self. She loves creating things in many mediums, particularly outfits, and likes to incorporate new elements from the places she’s been in her designs. But even though she enjoys experiencing new things, she will never bend her beliefs and what she knows to be right, even if it means alienating herself from others. She tends to hold grudges against people who have wronged her or anyone she cares for, demonstrating a loyalty that will never break.

And lastly, but probably the one I identify with the most, is Entrapta from the Netflix She-Ra. Entrapta is my easygoing, socially inept geek self. She accepts everything and everyone at face value, seeing them in a positive light until proven otherwise. She’s passionate about the things she enjoys and tends to get single minded when it comes to her projects, with her likes seeming rather strange to many others. She may technically be an adult but mentally she’s still a kid at heart, and so has trouble reading more nuanced situations. She has difficulty in making friends and connections with people because she wants to please them, to fit in, but at the same time, she yearns for someone who accepts her and praises her for who she truly is.

I found it very interesting that the girls I chose seem so different at first glance. But at their cores, they all care deeply about the people in their lives and will do anything to help and protect them, even if it means putting themselves in the line of fire. They are passionate about what they love and tend to dedicate so much time and effort into those interests, often showing their love by sharing the fruits of these labors with the people they value most.

And they all seem to have a thing for misunderstood loners ;3

Tag to anyone who wants to do this for fun!

My all time favorite quotes of Hardison and Elliot showing support for Parker (S02E13 - the Future Job)

Tara: “He is good.”

Hardison: “He should be shot.”

Parker: “…cut off his arms. And his head. Yeah, I wanna kill him. Can we make that happen?”

Elliot: “Yeah, I can. I mean, I could…” (heavily implies murder)