I Must Sleep. Sleep Is The Mind-healer. Sleep Is The Big-life That Brings Total Ability To Fucking Do

andrew interacts with neil like he's playing episode with no diamonds

contrary to popular belief logan loves physical touch. he wants head scratches and chin scratches and just loves the warmth of somebody else beside him. the first time wade notices is when logan sits down on the couch one day and instead of sitting miles away, he sits right beside him and it’s so close that he’s practically sitting ON him and wade looks at him confused and logan states that he’s only sitting that close because he’s cold. the next time wade notices is when he tries to fix logan’s hair. he starts fixing it and then commenting about how soft it is which ends up with his hands in his hair because wade obviously can’t talk about his fluffy hair without having his hands all up in his hair and logan just goes soft and doesn’t have that frustrated facial expression he always has on. wade then calls him a good boy and in return wade gets a “fuck you” and a punch in the face. and as time continues logan’s hard exterior starts disappearing which leads to the inevitable and it’s all sorts of cuddles and hugs and logan constantly around wade because he’s a literal walking heater (and he’s in love with him). and despite them eventually getting together wade will always get a “fuck you” when he stares too long at logan but he always notices the blush on his face and smile he’s trying to hide

When the moon fell in love with the sun.

hey look it’s another world in its darkest time and we know this because spock has a supervillain goatee and jim is dressed even sluttier then usual.

Thinking about AOS Mirror!Verse Spirk is fucking me up a little because, canonically, in the prime Mirror!Verse, Spock killed Kirk, tried to reform The Empire, and caused the fall of The Empire in doing so by weakening it to invading parties. This man must regret basically every single thing he did with his life. He thought he was doing the right thing, the logical thing, ensuring the longevity of his world, and all he got was a dead soulmate and a legacy of failure.

And now he’s been granted the chance to tell his younger self to not do any of that. That there’s no saving The Empire from itself, but The Empire doesn’t matter. That killing Kirk would feel like killing himself. That he would regret it every day of his life. That his life will feel so, so content if he just follows this man and his trail of bloodshed through the galaxy.

Torture for him.

Kill for him.

Die for him.

And he will, and he does, and this time when The Empire burns itself out, Spock regrets absolutely nothing.

I’m noticing something absolutely fascinating about the early part of Spock and Kirk’s relationship. I’m making video compilations of every time kirk says Spock/Mr.Spock and vice versa every time Spock says Captain/Jim (I’ve got a spreadsheet and EVERYTHING because I’m obsessive like that)

Regardless! In the beginning, Kirk is very verbally/publicly protective of Spock which makes sense Star date-wise since Kirk just got promoted to captain of the Enterprise and Spock to first officer instead of just science officer:

He’s the first to call out people that won’t let Spock talk in Where No Man Has Gone Before, Charlie X and Balance of Terror.

He has an I’ll Kill You glare whenever anyone is racist/xenophobic toward Spock like Styles and Charlie (even Bones initially if you watch the Man Trap! Which is only their fourth mission).

You can even pin point exactly when Kirk is like “alright... I’m in love with this man” you can pin point it as a slow motion tumble from about halfway through The Enemy Within when he asks Spock to tell him when he’s slipping, to watching Spock stand up against Trelaine in The Squire of Gothos.

He’s got this “if Spock won’t fight for his place on this ship, I will.” Attitude that hits a fever pitch in The Menagerie

Spock on the other hand is extremely physically protective of Kirk from the get-go, even though he hasn’t even fully sized Kirk up. I think at least initially this could be chalked up to feeling like he failed to protect Captain Pike in The Cage (and later from the events that prelude The Menagerie) but it’s more than that. I think it’s also a manifestation of his inner frustration about how closed-off Kirk is because of his painful past:

He goes so far as to request a freaking phaser rifle in Where No Man Has Gone Before, just to potentially protect Kirk from Mitchell, and seems a little peeved that Kirk fought him alone. That’s not his freaking job, he’s a science officer

Pretty much ALL Spock’s actions in The Man Trap, Charlie X, Squire of Gothos, What Are Little Girls Made Of are directly to protect Kirk, forsaking his scientific curiousity (something he will keep doing for Kirk’s sake as we know)

In Dagger of The Mind Spock even forsakes his own personal boundaries to potentially protect Kirk by mind melding with Dr. Van Gelder.

All of this frustration culminates in the way they bicker in Conscience of A King, Kirk is closed off and has a self-destructive streak that Spock can only curb by physically getting in the way.

This protectiveness (like Kirk’s) hits its fever pitch in The Menagerie where Spock is willing to potentially face the death penalty for both his captains because of his intense protectiveness of them.

They protect each other in opposite ways that you’d expect them to, Spock the academic punches monsters and throws himself into bodily/mental peril without hesitation. Kirk the soldier cuts with words and wit to defend Spock from prejudiced assholes and is absolutely enthralled by Spock’s intellect.

All these episodes I’ve discussed are only the first half of the first season. It sets the tone for their relationship, their proclivities complete one another and it’s so... romantic. I don’t see how other people don’t see it.

Of course the relationship evolves beyond this simple feelings protectiveness but man, it sets a tempo to their romance.

Can you imagine? Can you IMAGINE? Carrying the pain of loving him so absolutely, so irrevocably, and also the regret of never having truly given yourself to him. So years pass and you just watch him grow old and die, knowing you have a hundred years more to live and yet, you hold onto the pain, because it carries all the memories and emotions that you spent so long denying. In the end, you know that it is the only thing you have of him, an admition, a surrender, too late.

And then you find yourself in another timeline all together, where you and him are so young, so hopeful, but also, so naive, so easily fooled. Now you have to watch yourself pulling away from him all over again, deying everything, pretending not to love or hurt. And you just want to shake that younger version and scream: "You don't have that much time! Stop leaving him behind and hold him while you still can".

But you cannot. This is not your universe, and you have already fucked their lives up so much, how could you also tamper with this? So you step aside and let them discover it in their own time, hoping they have much more than you did. Clinging to the pain and memories once more, all you have left is the hope that someday, when your body is too tired to keep on living, he is waiting for you, and you will never have to be apart again.

Can I also say how touching it is that Stede said he believed Ed would he happier without him, who, even in his fantasies, could only picture Ed wanting him as a picture of masculinity with a beard and no hesitation to kill. Stede still, deep down, doesn't understand why Ed would ever want him as he is.

But who did Ed see coming down to rescue him? It wasn't a manly recreation of Stede with a beard, masculine style and a killing spirit, it was a merman. Someone bright, colourful, by all accounts a rather feminine perception of Stede.

That was who rescued Ed. It wasn't who Stede thought he needed to be, it was someone soft, and bright, and graceful, and expressive. Someone feminine, someone queer.

I just think that's beautiful.

I need to start doing things I want to do instead of spending all my time thinking about what I should be doing, or everything will lose its meaning again.

aftg is the opposite of that one post that's like "love was there, it didn't change anything" because love was there and it changed everything. i will always appreciate nora for believing in her characters' right to find love and heal and get their second and third and fifth chance.