Ossus Is Very Pretty.

I think, we should bring back evil Endou.

Just for the hell of it

Question: Who wants a stupid AU idea?

Answer: Presumably you, since you're on my blog and that's about the only thing I write.

This AU contains references to sexual activity and not-quite-cannibalism, as well as attempted child murder (Obi-Wan's canon early padawanship)

So you know all those "Stewjoni are valued as sex slaves because they're dual sex and possibly mild empaths" AUs?

I want "Stewjoni are carnivorous species who are very attractive human-seeming individuals, but specifically as a hunting mechanism to draw in and trick prey, like mimic spiders."

(Someone on discord said 'like succubi?' and no. Nope. Succubi fuck to death. They gain energy from the act of sex. Stewjoni just fucking eat people.)

(Well, not anymore. It's impolite.)

(They have animal alternatives now.)

Obi-Wan is a very, very attractive man and all those things about his genitalia and sexual proficiency are true! But try to enslave a Stewjoni at your own peril, they're more disarming then a Zeltron and, unlike the Zeltron, their first instinct will be to eat you.

Does he eat people? Well, not usually! There are some close calls on Bandomeer and Melida/Daan, but he's not old enough to really be at full sexy yet, and "cute enough that nobody will hurt me because I'm baby" doesn't work on Xanatos (because darksider) or the Melida/Daan adults (because they're already killing so many kids).

He comes very, very close on Rattatak.

I want to say he rips someone's throat out with his teeth while undercover as Hardeen and Dooku is just very ?????????? about it. He thought this was undercover Kenobi but now he's not so sure because Kenobi would never be so uncivilized, right?

(It does put a different spin on him threatening to eat that shark dude.)

Anakin: You don't know what it's like to struggle with the Dark, Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan: Every time I have sex my hindbrain is whispering to me that I should eat my partner. It's not the same thing, but I can relate on it a bit.

Obi-Wan: My natural prey is humans. Anakin: ...what. [some time later] Ahsoka: I'm a carnivore! Obi-Wan: Ah, you're in good company. Ahsoka: ...? Anakin: He eats people. Obi-Wan: I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT.

Obi-Wan: I am naturally inclined to eat people but I have never in my life done so on account of having been taught the innate value of life, and particularly that of a sapient beings, since toddlerhood. Anakin: I remember you ripping a man's face open with your teeth and eating the flesh you tore off as a power play when I was fifteen. Obi-Wan: I WAS IN HANDCUFFS AND HE WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU.

(Anakin 100% did not know that Obi-Wan wasn't human when Obi-Wan bit the dude's face off.)

Gelpenss: Obi-Wan very much wants to eat humanoids and unfortunately they ping his brain BEFORE the alternatives. He has NO innate dissuasion at the thought of eating human.

Atagotiak: Like, Anakin had realized Obi-Wan is more carnivorous than the baseline human, but... this is new. Anakin: Why didn't you tell me before? Obi-Wan: You were tiny! And Anxious! I didn't want you to think I might eat you!

I have no idea if Obi-Wan managed to distract Maul with the sexy. I assume he tried but did not succeed, just because that would be too much power, but it would be very funny if he did. Probably failed, though, and Qui-Gon's still dead. 😔

Qui-Gon insisted on Obi-Wan doing lots of meditation on the innate value of life throughout the entire padawancy.

okay you know what I would absolutely kill for? younger teenage Luke and Leia accidentally meeting up (maybe Luke stole a ship, or got arrested) and Obi-Wan having to (a) find them, and (b) stop them from destroying everything in their path once he does.

I just want to watch him attempt to reason with two very angry, very powerful fourteen year olds whose dearest wish is to blow up an imperial cruiser. Negotiator indeed.

Mandalorian Gear, a basic guide

Mandalorian gear comes in quite a few variations, and it can vary based on things like era, clan, status and taste of the wearer. There are, however, some basics that can be helpful to understand how it all fits together. Let’s start with the soft parts, part 1:

Flightsuit

A normally one piece suit that goes over underwear and stuff like thermals, and the like. We do see characters in partial ones, like Sabine Wren, however considering she was a teenager on the run & that she later acquired one would perhaps indicate that it was not a choice but rather out of necessity.

There are several variations of flightsuits, but the basic types we see are the classic Boba Fett based type with extra sleeves & a type that is more like the stormtrooper/clone trooper undersuits/blacks and equally tightly fitted.

Bo-Katan for example wears the first type in live action, but the second type in animation. (Also of note is that the blacks type has so far only been worn by female characters. Gee, I wonder why.)

Materials

Fabrics, like a cotton twill or denim for the Boba Fett style suit. Softshell, strechy fabrics & thicker athletic wear like for the blacks type suit.

Visual References

Here’s concept art of Sabine Wren in the two main types, blacks type to the left and in the middle with a flak vest. Boba Fett style to the right with a flak vest:

Boba Fett (OT):

Flak Vest

Flak vests come in a myriad of variations. Normally made out of a tough material that you use to attach you chest, back & neck pieces too. Sometimes the shoulder pieces as well, depending on the type. In The Mandalorian most mandos seem to favor variations of the sleeveless vest type.

Materials

Heavy duty fabrics, quilted fabrics, canvas, leather, rubberised cloth, etc.

Visual References

Bo-Katan in a t-shirt style flak vest over a blacks type flight suit & Bo-katan in a vest type flak vest with leather reinforced shoulders & a Fett style flightsuit:

Boba Fett in his OT flak vest (sandy color vest type with flaps to attach shoulder armor to) & Boba Fett in his new flak vest (black with pleated shoulders that stick out over his armor, shoulder armor attached to sleeves that on close inspection appears to be pleated as well and attached to the flak vest, so far this style is unique to him):

Jango Fett, wearing a leather or rubbery looking flak vest with attached flaps for shoulder armor & a blue Fett style flightsuit:

(Interestingly during the empire era several female mandos switch to a style with no flak vest, notably Clan Wren, while Bo-Katan favors what looks like black leather like material in a t-shirt shape that might simply be a part of her flightsuit, but concept art implies it’s a separate piece. This might simply be because of the sleek look of Rebels animation)

Boots

Round or square toed. Work boots, ankle boots, tall boots. Chunky soles, often covered with spats and/or armor.

Materials

Leather or leatherlike, spats material can vary.

Visual References

From left to right, from the top: Din Djarin (altered light brown chelsea boots with brown spats), Boba Fett OT (chelsea boots with spikes, worn greyish black), Fenn Rau (black with blue spats), Sabine Ren (tall black boots with slight chunky heel), Bo-Katan Kryze TCW (ankle high black combat boots, chunky sole), Ursa Wren (brown, grey spats)

Koska Reeves and Axe Woves, both are wearing dark brown ankle boots covered in spats made of a leather like material.

Gloves

Combat gloves, leather gloves, fingerless gloves. Usually with a handplate. At least long enough to hide edge under the bracers.

Visual Reference

Part 2, armor. Coming…. whenever I have the time. 

This is awesome

Haizaki: What time is it?

Hiroto: I don’t know, pass me that kazoo and I’ll find out.

Hiroto: *Blasts the kazoo*

Fudou, from the other room: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING KAZOO AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING???

Hiroto: It’s 2 am.

Reblog this if you ship C-3PO x R2-D2, the tag is barren and I feel alone

I recently came out to my mother's side of the family who are majority conservative christians and it went much better than I expected. Like, they were weirdly supportive. I only got one comment insinuating that I might possibly be going to hell but it came from my aunt and she's dying soon anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyway, I'm telling them how shocked I am and that I honestly thought that they'd have more of a problem with it when my grandma is like "Well you know we've been through this before with your uncle Nicky" and I'm like "what" and so it turns out that my uncle Nick was born a Natalie, came out as a boy at 19, and my great grandma proceeded to pay for his top surgery and hormone therapy. In 1974. And I just had to process for a bit because my entire life no one has referred to him as anything other than he/him and his chosen name. I ask why no one ever thought to mention this and they're just like "tbh we forgot. It's been so long that he's been a man" This man is married. He has a wife and three kids. I ask my relatives how they went about having kids, whether through adoption or sperm donor or what and none of them know. Apparently he just told everyone that they were gonna be parents and then one day showed up at my grandma's house with a baby. No questions were asked. Just. He and his wife had a baby now and that was that. Three times. Weeks later when I finally talk to my aunt Sarah (Nick's wife) all she tells me is that neither of them have ever been pregnant and, I quote, "sometimes you just come into children". She phrased it like people use the phrase "come into money". Like children are something that just happens to you. I ask my relatives if any of them had a problem with Nick being trans at the time, saying I'd understand if they had negative feelings about it, as it was the 1970s after all. They were like "nope" and i was just like "you didn't think anything of it?" And my grandfather was like "these things happen" while the other adults nodded sagely. So I guess the moral here is that if my conservative christian relatives could accept my uncle as trans in the 1970s then there really isn't any excuse for anyone. And also my family needs to ask more questions because I'm fairly sure my aunt and uncle stole their kids.

I'm laughing my ass off at that last sentence- But I'm so glad your coming out went well! That's one heck of a way to find out you have LGBT relatives.

The idea of Quinlan getting assigned to the Coruscant Guard as their Jedi is just - so interesting, given his power. And given that Palpatine's whole office is Sith Lite at best, with all the decorations and interior design choices, and that Palpatine regularly takes time off from collecting emergency powers to travel to the Outer Rim and run around in a big dramatic cloak terrorizing his former apprentice. Just - how much of that would Quinlan pick up on? Is there any way to hide psychic impressions? How quickly would Palpatine try to have him assassinated after he took the role?

Idk it's just a plot I've seen glossed over before, but playing it out fully would be so neat, and it has the potential to be a really fun fix-it, too.

The feels

“It’s over. I’m sorry it has to be this way, but it’s the best I can do for you. Belonging to that team of losers won’t do you any favor.

Can you feel it?… The hate blooming in your heart. Poisoning every inch of your soul. You’re the same as me… And I’m sure we can do great things together. We can… Change the rules of the game. You won’t be alone anymore. Don’t try to scape from me… Don’t even think to make me your enemy. Because I can make you wish we never met at all.”

Au where Afuro is forced to join the Dark Emperors and become Kazemaru’s precious treasure.

The entry on mandoa.org for the adoption vow really is, honestly, fucking hilarious.

"Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad."

The website helpfully provides the translation: "I know your name as my child." Except... that's not what that quote means.

That's a typo.

The actual vow is:

"Ni kar'tayl gai sa'ad."

Kar'tayl comes from kar'taylir (and thus, since it's a verb, its use in the vow should actually be conjugated as "kar'tayli", rather than using the noun version, but I digress) which... broadly means "to know."

Specifically, though, it means "to hold in one's heart."

"I hold in my heart your name as my child."

Awww, so poetic, so romantic, isn't that lovely, isn't it just so sweet?... Oh, but what does the typo turn it into, you ask?

A little less sweet, I'm afraid. You see, the problem is that one letter. That one little oopsie-daisy. An "a" into a "y", what a silly little mix-up.

Unfortunately, the word "kyr" in Mando'a means "end." Typically in the most final of ways.

Yep, the very fatal mistake in changing the first word from "kar" (heart) to "kyr" (death) is that when combined with "taylir" (to hold, to keep, to preserve) it suddenly becomes rather more sinister. To know something in death.

"I hold in death your name as my child."

Which is an altogether different kind of vow, don't you think?