The Stats Spiral

the stats spiral

That's what I call it when I start obsessing over the numbers I get on fics or posts. When I refresh AO3 every five or ten minutes to see if I've got more hits or kudos. When I keep my tumblr activity page open in a tab to see new notes as soon as they come in.

It's not fun. Not really. Even when I sometimes tell myself it is.

You see, it starts out exciting! I've put a thing out there and now I get to see the reactions to it! I'm like a kid on their birthday who can't wait to see their presents. What are people going to say? Will they like it? Will they talk to me about it?

I'm lucky enough that I do get notes on tumblr posts and I do get comments and kudos when I post on AO3. But depending on how excited I am about the thing that I made and depending on how uncertain I am of whether it's any good, I want to get a lot more attention than I end up getting.

I know that that's a normal feeling. I know it's even a rational one! I've put a lot of effort into making something, or I've made something that I think my community will like, and not hearing back like I'd hoped can sometimes feel like rejection. It can be a huge disappointment that makes me doubt myself, my abilities, my connection to my community.

That's why I say it's not fun. Because even though 'engagement' can give me a really high high, it can also give me a really low low.

When I finally realize I'm in one of those lows (and it sometimes takes me a while to realize that I am), that's when I know that I need to step away.

When it's really bad, I just stop posting until I'm in a better mental space. For me, I now recognize that those feelings are often coming from me wanting a connection of some kind. The need for attention is coming from a feeling of loneliness or isolation, and so I need to counteract that by reaching out to people I know and care about to have a chat or a meal or just some time spent doing something communal.

When I can catch it early, then I force myself to close the activity tab here on tumblr and hide whatever stats are making me spiral on AO3. I've learned to recognize that I'm looking to those metrics as a way to feel important or special or cared for in some way and that I need to figure out where I'm feeling insecure in my life and how to get some reassurance - because strangers on the internet won't be able to give me what I need.

If you're currently spiraling, first of all lemme give you a hug ❤️ I hope you can take some time and figure out what it is that you want those stats to tell you about yourself or what it is that you think those stats will give you that you're not getting from somewhere else.

And if you haven't heard it lately, I'm glad that you're in this world - no matter what kind of numbers you have on your posts.

More Posts from Aumbrictsuniwave and Others

7 months ago

Sans Undertale is so funny because for years his fanon self was portrayed as like VERY highly emotional like crying a lot and really playing into the sad boy depression angle and stuff and then the backlash to that depiction would have you believe he was this stone-faced cold-hearted badasss who never shows any emotion and then you look at canon Sans undertale and he is neither of those things.

Sans is the guy a few years older then you in your undergrad course who never seems to do any of the work but never drops so you have no idea how he's actually doing grade wise. He wears sweats every single day and offhandely remarks about how he sometimes skips because he can't get out of bed but then he says something funny so you can't follow up without killing the vibe. He is chilling vibing to the point where you kinda wonder if he's coming to class high but then during discussions he casually offers up the most banger points no one else has thought of. Sans Undertale is an enigma wrapped up in a deception and the whole class is giggling because he keeps loudly chewing a crunchwrap supreme while the professor is talking

11 months ago
Hoodie Is Love, Hoodie Is Life Dust/Murder - Ask-DustTale Killer - Rahawabas Horror - Soul-Apple-Studios
Hoodie Is Love, Hoodie Is Life Dust/Murder - Ask-DustTale Killer - Rahawabas Horror - Soul-Apple-Studios
Hoodie Is Love, Hoodie Is Life Dust/Murder - Ask-DustTale Killer - Rahawabas Horror - Soul-Apple-Studios
Hoodie Is Love, Hoodie Is Life Dust/Murder - Ask-DustTale Killer - Rahawabas Horror - Soul-Apple-Studios

hoodie is love, hoodie is life Dust/Murder - Ask-DustTale Killer - Rahawabas Horror - Soul-Apple-Studios

2 months ago

HI HELLO HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PEOPLE USING YOUR ART AS PFPS (with credit obviously) 👀

IM 100% OKAYS WITH IT!! in fact it makes me very happy :3

Especially when I make something for someone and they put it as their pfp, it's like having a king/queen/royal person/thing crown you as their personal knight

like woah

heh

thanks

BUT IM 100% OKAY WITH IT AND LOVE IT TOO!!

9 months ago

Forced to learn how tumblr works because quotev has officially killed itself ☹️ (please tell me terms and stuff i should know) (and explain it like youre talking to your mom about your favorite media)

1 month ago

I would really like this trend of donation scammers sending anons to stop. I block them yet they still send anons. It's very annoying.

1 year ago
Remember Kids, Nazis Don't Deserve Their Kneecaps.

Remember kids, Nazis don't deserve their kneecaps.

Also if any of these are incorrect pls lemme know

5 months ago
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===> <=== [ START ]

10 months ago

the fucking "Get premium" block is covering all the goddamn buttons, get that shit off my screen

imma try to ublock that thang

The Fucking "Get Premium" Block Is Covering All The Goddamn Buttons, Get That Shit Off My Screen
5 months ago

IT'S DONE! Dust fans come get yall juice (or not, if you want :3)

1 year ago

URGENT: KOSA GOING TO HOUSE TODAY!!

URGENT: KOSA GOING TO HOUSE TODAY!!

[ID: a screenshot of a discord message from user @Taikeero-Lecoredier which reads: "@everyone

‼️URGENT: KOSA has been officially introduced in the House as of today.

We need to spread the word on social media and urge people to send emails to Congress through stopkosa.com.

https://www.stopkosa.com/

• There will be a hearing on Wednesday (17th April) where KOSA, along with some other bad internet bills, like the Protecting Kids on Social Media Act could be pushed.

• We will be having a calling day on TUESDAY (16 th April) to make clear to Congress that there is still a ton of opposition to these bills.

https://energycommerce.house.gov/posts/chair-rodgers-and-ranking-member-pallone-announce-legislative-hearing-on-data-privacy-proposals-1

• House Energy and Commerce is holding the hearing so they are the best offices to call this week ‼️

https://energycommerce.house.gov/representatives

DONT FORGET: You can go to what-to-write-and-say and check pins to know what to say !!

• You can use http://badinternetbills.com/ to contact your congress people!

• And https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative to find all of the phone numbers of your House Representative, and faxzero.com to send up to 5 free faxes a day

SPREAD THE WORD !!" End ID]

^^ PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD AND CALL, EMAIL AND FAX YOUR REPS ASAP!!

here's another site where you can find your Reps if the one provided above gives you trouble.

here's a perma link to the Stop Internet Censorship Discord, where there are loads of resources and petitions to sign and actions you can take to keep the Internet censorship free.

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aumbrictsuniwave - Hot-Pink Tsunami
Hot-Pink Tsunami

Just someone that does drawing, sketching, photography, singing, writing, and character creation; Such as OCS, inspired characters, or head canons. Please do not repost, copy, use in Ai, etc, unless you ask my permission. 20 years

211 posts

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