Hey So Ow

hey so ow

Regulus’ Letter to James (from this)

James,

I thought I had done right by you, you know? I hated myself for the pain I caused you but I was willing to bear that memory alone if it meant that you could live your life without the burden of the time you spent with me. It had worked for some time and if I could control it, it would work forever. You would never think of anything more than Sirius’ Death Eater brother when you heard the name Regulus Black. I’m sorry, James, I’m so sorry.

Part of me always knew that I would die young. Whenever I tried to picture the future, I could never see myself with one. I always have to be right, don’t I? Except I was so wrong about so many things. I was wrong about the Dark Lord and you were right. I discovered something evil, James—something beyond what any of us could comprehend. He could never be defeated as long as this evil existed and I have to die to make sure we can get rid of it. I have to die and if you’re reading this, if you remember me, baby, then I’m already gone.

I know it’s not fair. I’ve done things you’ll never forgive me for, and things I don’t forgive myself for, either. I hope you don’t love me again but I know you. I know you can’t stop yourself and I wanted to give you something. I love you, too, and I never stopped. I face death in the hope that you live the life you deserve. If the Dark Lord goes away, you can have everything you wanted, James. I hope your son grows up safe and loved, free of this war, and that you’ll be there with him every step of the way. I won’t say I regret obliviating you but I am sorry that it came to that. I’m sorry about so much that I fear this piece of parchment will sizzle and waste away if I tried to pour it all on it. I’m sorry that you remember now. I couldn’t stop it. I had to die, and I am dead now.

I didn’t live very long, after all, but I want you to know that in whatever time I did get, you gave me love that was bigger than me. The kind that people never seem to find, and I was the fool who gave it up for two years of misery and eventual death.

The what ifs of our situation are hauntingly beautiful but I hope your reality will be even more so. I want nothing but the best for you, with or without me.

Yours always,

R.A.B.