Color Blocking Practice Feat. Suga

you live in a house of god; praying on your knees; and wonder why he never saves you.

on being unloved by god

where does it go. all this love. where does it go

helaena + parents

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

bennett sisters

how the teams would react to finding out about their adorable babey like managers traumatic past (eg phsycical and verbal bullying, abuse, sexual harassment etc) 👉👈

how the teams would react to finding out about their adorable manager’s traumatic past: karasuno, fukurodani, shiratorizawa, nekoma, inarizaki, aoba johsai 

tw: mentions physical/verbal abuse and sexual harassment 

karasuno: 

- they’ll all be gathered in a circle when you tell them about your past. their eyes are wide open, hanging on to every word you say. as soon as you mention physical/verbal abuse and sexual harassment, their eyes will grow even wider.

- tsukki will have a raised eyebrow, yams will nervously bite his lip, hinata is too invested in you’re saying, noya has his arms crossed, tanaka is ready to fight whoever’s name comes out of your mouth, sugawara is shocked but isn’t showing it, daichi’s in his protective mode, ennoshita is attentively listening to you, kageyama is looking around at everyone else’s facial expressions like ? 

- “y-y/n” noya says. he’s close to tears. “i’m sorry you had to go through all that.” his facial expression changes from sorrowful to a determined face. “but no worries, tanaka and i will protect you until death. ain’t that right?” 

- tanaka immediately nods, flexing his bicep. noya huffs as tanaka crosses his arms, looking around for potential “predators.”

- sugawara will go up to you and gently pat you on the back. “y/n, you know, you can always come talk to us whenever you want. or if you just want someone to hang out with, come to me. i’ll always be free for you” 

fukurodani: 

- “...y/n, i never knew you went through all that.” bokuto says, carefully studying your face. “but i’m proud of you. you got through everything. wow...i can’t even imagine. i don’t want to imagine. i can’t even imagine how rough it must’ve been. i can’t even imagine how tough it must’ve-” 

“bokuto-san, i think y/n gets your point,” akaashi says, gently pushing bokuto away from you. after getting bokuto out the way,  akaashi strolls back to you with his hands behind his back. “y/n...sorry if i’m bothering you. i just wanted to say...i’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. you don’t deserve it; no one does. and uh...want to join us for lunch? konoha’s paying” 

- konoha’s head automatically looks up at the sound of his name. “no i’m not-” 

- “yes you are. we’re all treating y/n today. and tomorrow. this whole week. probably next week” 

- “so basically forever” 

- akaashi nods. “right. y/n deserves it.” 

shiratorizawa: 

- tendou will immediately pull you into a tight hug. “it’s okay, y/n. you’re okay now. you’re safe with us. it’ll never happen again. you were so, so strong.” 

- ushijima will give you a sympathetic nod and look after you whenever he can. he feels hollow inside after learning about your rough past. 

- goshiki will ask if you mind if he were to ask a few questions. he really wants to learn more about you and what you went through. if you don’t feel comfortable, he’ll respectfully back off! he knows how unbottling emotions can help sometimes, so he wants to do that for you 

nekoma: 

- kuroo will be shocked. a heavy feeling will develop in his stomach. he honestly doesn’t know what to do. as much as he wants to comfort you...he doesn’t know the right words to say. will a pat on the head help? 

- “thank you for trusting us with that information, y/n. you’re so strong for sharing it with us,” yaku says as he makes sure that every team member is paying attention 

- “y/n, if you want, you can talk to me,” kenma softly says. his eyes are covered by his hair. the rest of nekoma’s eyes are wide. kenma offering to talk to someone??

- lev will pull you into a tight, tight hug and try to tell you a light-hearted joke in hopes of cheering you up. you got through everything, you deserve to be happy. 

inarizaki: 

- atsumu will get surprisingly emotional. like he’ll be sniffing tears away. especially since he made fun of you a lot in the past....you had to go through all that? alone? ... atsumu’s heart strings have been tugged

- osamu and suna won’t react too much. they won’t openly express and show concern but their minds are racing with questions. how badly were you hurt? are you okay now? what happened? does your past affect you today? did a specific person hurt you? if so, what’s their name and address? 

- kita was really protective and had already looked after you. but now, he’ll go above and beyond to make sure you’re at 100% don’t even worry about food. when you’re hungry, he provides. when you’re cold, his jacket will suddenly be yours

- aran will offer you a hug and pat your back. man, i just know aran gives the best hugs ever. he gives hugs that just say “everything will be okay, i’ve got your back so don’t even worry” 

aoba johsai: 

- iwaizumi will just stand there in shock. you went through...what? he’ll be furious at the world for letting such horrible things happen to such a precious person 

- oikawa’s teasing mode will turn down. he’ll look at you with the softest eyes and gently pat your back. he won’t say anything. there’s nothing he can say to justify what you went through. a few words won’t be able to make up for the trauma. he just wants you to know that he’s there for you 

- matsukawa will give you a gentle smile and try to make a light conversation with you unrelated to your past so you won’t have to think about the past. 

- the whole team will be treating you to ramen forever. they cherish and love you. each member has his own way of showing you that he cares. 

Spring Book Recommendations 🌼

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

Upstream: Selected Essays by Mary Oliver

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

Bluets by Maggie Nelson

Bright Dead Things by Ada Limon

The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

The Eye by Vladimir Nabokov

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

Moonlight Shadow by Banana Yoshimoto

The Woman in the Purple Skirt by Natsuko Imamura

South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami

Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata

Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho

Exciting Times by Naoise Dolan

The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yōko Ogawa

a canon event for every oldest daughter is being told “you would be a good lawyer”

Kim Kardashian & Kourtney Kardashian for Skims