Fuuuuck That Is My Circus. Are Those…? Yep… Those Are My Monkeys….. Goddammit.

I don’t know if anyone will be able to do it like a starstruck odyssey did it. Being on your phone is 100% the right thing to do in a battle sometimes. Two guys make out sloppy style while the slugs in their brain duke it out. Entire armies of space ships are being put on hold by the psychic comms officer. Unhinged, all of it. No one is doing it like the Wurst

The people are asking to hear my voice

But the country is facing a difficult choice

And if you were to ask me who I'd promote

[Kamala] has my vote

imagine that you meet god and god looks like you when you were 14

I'm sorry, but I'm just too fucking old to pretend that the presidential ticket of "Person who performed some of the first gay marriages in her state while it was still federally illegal" and "governor who created a trans refuge state while other states were making it illegal to transition" is somehow 'jUsT aS bAd foR QuEer pEopLe' as the ticket promising to reverse marriage equality and make trans healthcare next to impossible.

That is such a monumentally stupid opinion that I'm going to have a hard time believing that you're actually that stupid, and I'll probably just assume you're malicious.

little miss awful body temperature regulation is taking his hoodie off again

i go to the shop and I ask if they have any raspberries. they say no, they used to sell raspberries, but they haven't had any in stock in the last 15 years. I ask if there's somewhere else I can go to buy raspberries. They say no, with confidence and pride, they're the only shop around who has ever sold or will ever sell raspberries. Other shops might sell other fruit, sure, but they have a monopoly on all raspberries forever. I ask if they're possibly planning on them selling them again in future? they say they can't tell me that.

on the way home, I encounter someone eating raspberries. I ask and they tell me that they grow their own, they got some seeds from the shop back in The Raspberry Days and kept them. They take me to a field of many beautiful raspberry plants and invite me to pick my own, they're free for all the town to pick whenever they'd like.

someone comes up behind us. It's the shop manager, President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. he hatefully throws a bob-omb that blows up and kills both of us instantly for stealing 200 trillion dollars worth of potential Raspberry Shop That Doesn't Do Raspberries Anymore profits that they weren't making and then he turns around to the camera with a big thumbs up and says don't do piracy or something ok please

there's a point in your life on the internet where "oh, it's a weird sex thing" becomes reassuring. there's so many worse reasons that people do things. fly your flag mate

Me now v me in middle school

Rats vs Mice

(To be clear, this is not an anti-mouse post. Small cute animals should be allowed to be a little fucked up.)

He might be 6’0 and built like a brick but i see the rage of a teenage girl in his eyes