The Fjerdan & The Kerch

the fjerdan & the kerch

kaz brekker x reader - the fjerdan & the kerch

summary: kaz and matthias butt heads over someone they both care for

warnings: roughly follows parts of the ice court plot, matthias x childhood best friend!reader, fjerdan!reader

word count: 2.5k

“Lucky for me, I’ve got another Fjerdan to confirm your information.”

As Y/N climbed the stairs to the deck, her palm sliding along the wooden railing, she could hear Kaz’s gritty voice booming from above. She’d joined the job at the last moment after a last ditch effort of begging Kaz to allow her to join. Of course he was hesitant bringing along someone so fresh, new and untested, but relying upon the intelligence of a Fjerdan fugitive was not something Dirtyhands wanted to do. And so here Y/N was, on a bobbing ship bound for the country she left so long ago.

“Don’t you trust me demjin?” The question was a snarl, one of an animal bound and caged, silently fearful of there being no escape in sight.

As Y/N stepped onto the main deck, light pouring over her form, she felt as though she were basking in the feeling of home. That rough accent traveling on the high sea winds was a jolting reminder of home, of the family she once had. Of the small village she’d once lived in, just a few miles from the coast, wedged between frozen rivers and thick pine forests. She could nearly smell the pine sap in the air, the chilling breeze seeping into her bones.

And as she opened her eyes, she swore she was hallucinating for a moment. Squinting at the blond burly man, she allowed her gaze to roam over his face. Those features were foreign yet so familiar. On the outside was a war hardened soldier, fighting for a country he blindly pledged loyalty too. Fighting too young. But underneath, Y/N could still peer at the little boy she had grown up beside. The lopsided grin on the squarely set jaw, now clenched so tightly he looked like he might snap his own teeth off. Ignoring the shaven head, she could still remember the wavy blond locks he’d had, that seemed to shine like gold during the summer months.

It was Matthias and somehow at the same time, not him at all.

Y/N stood frozen, simply staring at her childhood friend who stared back with a sense of disbelief. All she wanted to do was run to his side, fall to her knees, and hug him until her arms gave out. But she couldn’t. They weren’t little naive children anymore, running through a field of snow as reindeer migrated through the village. Their grubby hands no longer sought out freshly baked cookies on the countertops. She no longer braided her hair like her mother had done, no longer placed a ruby red ribbon in the braid like the one Matthias had given her.

Deep inside, Y/N knew they both changed that night the Grisha had struck their village. An eye for an eye seemed to be the one thing shared between drüskelle and drüsje. When her father had been struck down, heart stopped in his own chest, her mother had fled with Y/N’s hands in hers. Running far far away from that quaint village. Away from their cozy patchwork quilts, made of whatever pieces of spare fabric could be found at the time of their making. Away from the tiny cabin that had been their home, that had provided shelter during blizzards, warmth during the winters. Away from her father lying dead on the ground, eyes blankly staring up at the sky. Away from Matthias, wherever he was.

Staring into his eyes now, she knew something horrible had happened. The blues within his eyes had once reminded her of the spring melt, when clear blue water came streaming down from the snow-capped mountains. It was the sign of new life, of rebirth in Fjerda. Those soft blues were like the little tiny wildflowers that would sprout over the tundra, only to be grazed by horses or livestock. But now, there was no hint of softness in those blue irises. They were hard. Solid like ice that could run for miles underfoot. No matter how long you chiseled away, it was ice. Endless ice. That pale, nearly white, blue - unrelenting to any outside force.

“Y/N,” Matthias breathed out, barely audible over the howling winds.

But Kaz heard that single word, his hawk-like eyes flashing between the two Fjerdans. His jaw was set tight, muscles twitching every few seconds. “You two know each other?”

Nodding, Y/N took another step forward until she was standing by Kaz’s side, whose long coat flapped wildly in the wind like a large black sail, pushing them towards the icey country.

Matthias’s eyes stirred with something Y/N couldn’t quite place her finger on. Was it concern, a longing for their childhood, happiness over their reunion? And when she glanced at Kaz, she couldn’t describe his expression either. His dark eyes, like billowing storm clouds, seemed to swirl with anger, resentment… jealousy even.

“We grew up together in Fjerda,” Y/N clarified, reminiscing with nearly a smile upon her face. “His house was just a few down from mine.”

“How do you know this demjin?” Matthias’s gaze bore into hers as he questioned her in Fjerdan, voice heavily laced with concern.

Heart thudding in her chest, Y/N fumbled over her own words. It felt wholly impossible to describe whatever her relationship was with the Bastard of the Barrel. It wasn’t friendship yet it also wasn’t more… just that odd inbetween. Mutual appreciation?

In Fjerdan, she mumbled, “I met him in Ketterdam. He’s taught me the ropes.”

Scrunching up his nose and crossing his arms, Kaz harshly snapped, “I am right here, you know.”

But the two Fjerdans pointedly ignored him, now in the midst of a silent argument, staring at each other with fiery eyes as they did as children.

“He is not good for you.”

Y/N scoffed as her hands fell into place on her hips. “And you think you know what’s good for me? Years after we went our different paths.”

“He is an evil man,” Matthias snarled. “I can see it in those soulless eyes.”

“Don’t you even start!”

“I was imprisoned, Y/N! All because his Grisha pet claimed me a slaver.”

The last word of Matthias’s proclamation was spoken in clear Ravkan, as perfect a pronunciation as the Fjerdan man could muster. It was a clear message to Kaz as to the topic the two were discussing in their native language. Matthias’s eyes gazed at hers, eyebrows slightly furrowed as though he were begging. Begging for her to see his side, to understand why he was so concerned.

But Y/N simply shook her head, glancing at Kaz and speaking in Ravkan, “There must have been a misunderstanding.”

Matthias’s face grew red, the shade of beets her mother had harvested in the summer months. Standing up, he furiously reached towards Y/N fumbling to grab ahold of her wrist. “These Ravkan and Kerch people are horrible.”

“That is quite enough from you, Helvar,” Kaz snapped once more and with a swing of his cane, brought it roughly down upon the Fjerdan man’s shoulder.

The first day had been rough, taut tension rippling through the air between the Fjerdan and the Kerch as Y/N now liked to call them. The two men that marked the two different lives she had lived. Matthias with the naive girl who not once even wondered of a life outside her little Fjerdan village. The girl who made sticks into swords and rocks into cannon balls. And they’d played on those snowy fields, each commanding their own invisible army and conducting their own duels. Of course, like the little gentleman he was, a quiet and reserved boy, far too timid for the games the other boys played, Matthias had always let her win.

And now there was the current version of her, the one whose life was marked by Kaz. That naive little girl had no clue what to do when arriving upon the docks at Ketterdam, her mother gravely ill from the tedious journey. And when she was left all alone, stranded and lonely, not a person to turn to for comfort on those grimy streets, was when Kaz appeared. Practically a knight in shining armor, someone to guide her through the city that rode that fine line between life and death.

In a way, he’d saved her. Silently directed her along the easier path, placing a few kruge in her pocket when she needed it. Whatever she needed, he provided some way, somehow. That was when her loyalty turned away from Fjerda and it’s gleaming snowy fields, her mind turned away from Matthias. And after that, it was Kaz… just Kaz.

Now as the ship cut through the harsh waters, ever heading more north, she could hardly stand the two men glaring daggers at each other. Part of Y/N thought, if given the chance, they’d willingly throttle each other to death. It would simply be a matter of who could throw the other overboard first. And as mildly entertaining as it sounded, that was one thing she did not want to witness.

By her side, Kaz fidgeted with a large padlock, tossing the rusted object between his hands as he worked those fingers, picking and relocking it. He liked to think he was a figure of confidence going into a job, the commander standing proud at the front of an army, head held high and shoulders pinned back. But really, he was a bit of an anxious mess. Everyone around just pointedly avoided the topic. Kaz always had his thing going. Something to work with his hands, something to exercise his brain.

“Can you show me?” Y/N found herself asking. For the longest time she admired the ways he could work a lock as though it were an extension of himself. How with just a few gentle clicks, like a puppet master pulling strings, anything would open to do Kaz’s bidding.

Kaz nodded, one corner of his lips turning up into what could resemble a smug smile. Outstretching her hand, she wrapped her fingers around the padlock he’d dropped into her palm. The metal was smooth under her touch, polished but tarnished by the rough patches of rust. It was like a little secret held within her hand.

Matthias, whose head was turned towards the churning waves, staring off into the distance for any sign of the icey coastline, chirped sarcastically, “In Fjerda, breaking into locked places is a crime. Is it not that way in Kerch?”

Y/N sent a scathing glare in his direction, just like how she used to when they were children. A smug grin sprouted upon Matthias’s lips, the same boyish look he had as a child. Even back then, they butted heads - the type of friendship anomaly where both were so different, yet so frustratingly alike. A sudden urge rose inside Y/N to poke her tongue out at the boy, but she didn’t. Instead, she rolled the padlock in her hands, cradling it like a precious jewel.

“Picking locks is an art,” Kaz began, folding both gloved hands in his lap as he learnt forward. “It takes time and practice, but it’s all in the hands. Locks are no different from people. With just a nice, light touch, a flick of the fingers, you can bend the object to your will.”

Gazing up into Kaz’s eyes, she thought he was more like the locks than anything else. Vehemently guarded and yet, the softness was still there. Way down beneath the tough exterior, vulnerable secrets held closely to the heart. If only she could scratch away at that, expose the truth beneath so she could know. Know Kaz for who he truly was, not this scary legend around him. But rather the true Kaz, the part of him that reigned over the motivations, the values, the reasons why he did what he did.

That was all she wanted in the world. To get to know Kaz. To learn the secrets of his trade, model herself in his image. To be talented enough to pick locks, twirl guns, and throw knives. To be someone worthy of being a Crow.

Each of the members of their group took turns peering through those glasses to examine the prisoner wagon rattling along the road on its way to the palace gates.

“This is genius,” Jesper breathed out, his eyes wide as he stared through the glasses.

All of them were jittery, adrenaline running through their veins that was nearly as cold as the Fjerdan ice. It chilled them to their core, but also stirred something inside. A deep wanting, a desire to make this whole job a success. To walk out of Fjerda in one piece, return to Ketterdam where their hands would be full of kruge.

“This is idiotic,” Matthias grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair. His nose wrinkled up in disgust at the rather unappealing food placed in front of him, but Y/N would be willing to bet her life, some of that disgust was also meant for Kaz.

“How so?” Inej inquired as her thin frame practically leaned over the railing, staring at the prisoner wagon that slowed to a roll by the guard’s station.

“It would be,” the Fjerdan man admitted. “If Kaz knew everything about the Ice Court.”

An icey silence fell over the group as Matthias looked happily smug, a devilish grin upon his lips as he stared at the high walls of the Ice Court. The Crows all glanced at one another, fear sparking in their eyes at the thought of the Fjerdan destroying their heist.

Clenching her fists, Y/N sat up higher in her seat as she stared down her childhood friend. “Matthias if you don’t tell us, I swear to Djel I’ll-”

“He’s bluffing,” Kaz casually announced, wholly unbothered by Matthias’s little drama show.

“What?”

“Your dear Matthias wouldn’t risk withholding information to put you in danger. And he’s certainly not clever enough to think of blackmail.”

“Demjin,” he muttered under his breath, not daring to glance at Kaz’s face.

“Can you two just stop it?”

Both men practically jumped in their seats like nervous rabbits, staring at Y/N, and everyone else curiously watched the confrontation.

“I can’t go on with the two of you at each other’s throats,” Y/N begged, glancing between both of them. Matthias shifted uneasily in his seat, glancing back yet again at the large stone walls lying just down the road.

“A truce, please? You don’t have to like each other, or even think of one another as friends. But please just stop snapping.”

Tense silence hovered in the air as Kaz and Matthias both eyed one another, their jaws tense and heads held highly with confidence as if both were Kings on a chessboard. But ultimately both nodded, giving in to Y/N’s plea for the same reason - to please her. Neither wanted to see her upset, eyes wide and voice wavering as it was now. They both treasured the times when she smiled so widely that her eyes sparkled. Both aimed to see her happy, as carefree as a butterfly crafted of the most intricate hues and patterns fluttering in the wind.

Perhaps the Fjerdan and the Kerch weren’t so different after all.

Kaz Taglist

@oliviasslut @ameliathackray @purplewcrld @subjecta13-thefangirl @aysegust @amberash05 @beatitlikeabongodrum @mindofasupernova @kaitlyn2907 @renataligorio @xcharlottemikaelsonx @ladydaemon @just-a-new-start @nlnlpanini @kaqua @chaoticneutral3 @thedelusionreaderbitch @spawn0fsatan @vintagebitc @itsnotquimey @datrie @aliiiyyaaah @morganayenneferburnham @magravenwrites @kykymyeon @fandomstuffff @whatiswrongwithpeople @bilesxbilinskixlahey @imagines-and-preferences1216 @dreamer-writer-fangirl @alice-the-nerd @rika90 @for-bebbanburg @ancientbeing10 @everwhovian @theoroseo @jaystaysinside @moony-is-bae @ms-awkward @glowstick-lesbian @xetherealbeautyx @lillypotter00 @black-kitten-imagines @shortimaginewriter @ohfuk @aleksanderwh0r3 @yummyfanta @gallysonegoodlung @bicyhot1 @notplutos

Reblog if you’ve ever imagined yourself being interviewed with the avengers cast as if you were apart of the movie

I feel like this will get no reblogs because I’ve always felt like I’m the only person who does this haha :)

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character---obsessed

3 years ago

Don’t Be Shy (Felix x Reader) || Part 1

Request: Could write something involving Felix x reader? Like they start out normally as friends, afterwards they kinda fall for each other (but both are kinda scared of such emotions so they grow apart for a while) and in the end, it ends up being all good and fine with some fluff.

Warnings: none

Word count: 1865

(I am SO sorry this took so long! Hopefully, I’ll get the next part done quicker.)

Also posted on my A03:

Felix made archery look easy.

You watched as he pulled an arrow from his quiver, nocked it, drew, then released. The whole process took him three seconds at the most and his arrow only missed the centre of the target by no more than half an inch.

Keep reading

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character---obsessed

4 years ago

sin hours with chris evans- a quickie before his interview or awards show ??

daddy!evans because i couldn’t resist. also warning: smut, also... breeding kink??? 👀

you sat on the edge of the bed with your legs crossed as you watched chris in the mirror get ready for the award show, slowly checking his outfit out up and down with your teeth in your bottom lip. chris looked over his shoulder in the mirror and smirked, adjusting his tie.

“are you gonna get ready or are you going to stare at me, pretty girl?” chris said and you jumped a little, chris’s voice taking you out of your trance. you smile and stand up, standing behind him with your hands on his hips, toying with his button up. chris’s eyes watched your fingers as they pulled his tucked shirt out of his pants.

you circled his body like he was your prey, your eyes following up to his face with a smirk as your fingers toyed with his buttons. “i could get ready.. or..” you pushed his shirt open and kissed his chest, chris letting out a sigh. your kisses trailed down his stomach, and he watched as you fell to your knees in front of him.

you unbuckled his belt and his pants, pushing them down to his ankles. you kissed his cock outside of his underwear, chris’s fingers gripping your hair. your fingers pulled his underwear down and smile as he let out a groan. “come on, pretty girl” you stuck out your tongue and chris slapped his cock against it, and you bobbed your head slowly against his cock. “you’re so good with your mouth, princess”

“do you wanna fuck me before we leave, daddy?” you smile as you stand up, stroking his cock slowly as he kissed you hungrily. his hand wrapped around your throat as he pushed you to the bed, climbing on top of you and kissing your slowly as he pushed your underwear to the side, bending down in between your legs and licking up your pussy slowly. “fuck, daddy” you gasped and he spit, rubbing his fingers up and down your pussy before pushing his cock into you, the both of you gasping.

“fuck baby, you feel so good around daddy’s cock” you grabbed his button up in your fists and moaned as his large hands pushed your thighs to the bed, your moans stuck in your throat as he hit your g-spot over and over.

“shit, daddy.. fuck.. fuck..” you pant and scratch up at stomach, holding his face and pulling him down to kiss you. you moaned into his mouth and he bit your lip, pulling backwards and snapping it against your teeth. “i need to cum, daddy, please” you open your eyes and chris groaned into your mouth.

“cum on daddy’s cock, baby. come on” he gritted through his teeth and you let out a loud moan, chris grunting and moaning in your mouth as he came in you. “fucking hell, baby” chris moved your underwear back into place and you sat up on your elbows. “you started it, and now you finish it. you will not change your underwear, and you will go to the award show like that, understood?” he held your chin and you nod. “good. now get ready, we have to leave in almost 2 hours” chris stood back in front of the mirror, fixing himself again and adjusting his sleeves. “now, yn”

“yes daddy” you mumble and got off the bed, gasping as his cum fell down the inside of your thighs. chris turned around and laughed, stepping in front of you. “don’t laugh! you did this!”

“did i though?” he asked softly, kissing you with his hand on your jaw. “clean yourself up, would you? oh wait, you can’t” chris winked and you hit his chest, the both of your laughing.

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character---obsessed

3 years ago

Sleepless Nights. «James Potter»

James Potter x fem!Reader; Marauders Era; oneshot

SUMMARY: James looks after you when you have trouble falling asleep.

WORD COUNT: 845

NOTES: No, this is not me procrastinating and writing short oneshots because I can’t figure out how to finish my hulking WIP

You were tired. So, so tired. That should have been enough to send you off to dreamland, and yet here you were, staring into space, willing yourself to just go to sleep already.

Every little noise set your teeth on edge. It was like you could hear everything in the universe all at once. An owl hooting outside, the wind blowing against the windows, Lily’s snoring — though you never quite had the heart to wake her up and ask her to stop. You rolled onto your side, aggressively fluffing your pillow to try and make it more comfortable, but the damn thing just didn’t want to cooperate — it was driving you crazy. And you had classes tomorrow. And a test.

Tears of exhaustion and frustration began to well in your eyes. You needed sleep for tomorrow and it was already well past midnight. You would be exhausted. You would fail the test. You would be falling asleep in class. All because your brain hated you and just wouldn’t let you go to sleep.

With an angry huff, you swung your legs out of the bed and walked on socked feet out of the dorm, down the stairs, and into the common room. Nobody else was down there. That was to be expected, though. Sleep often evaded you even when everybody else in the castle was comfortably resting. Except for Dumbledore, perhaps. For some reason, you couldn’t picture him ever sleeping.

You paced the common room, hoping that it might do something to tire you out. When it didn’t feel strenuous enough, you added in the occasional hop or star jump here and there.

“What on Earth are you doing, love?”

You whipped around to see your boyfriend at the bottom of the staircase in a singlet and pyjama pants, hair messy and glasses nowhere to be found. James squinted tiredly to try and see you more clearly but still seemed too alert to have only just woken up. He watched you rather fondly as you did star jumps in the common room, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to even be embarrassed. You were too tired for that.

James had a sheet of parchment clutched in his hand, which logic told you was the map he’d made with his friends. He held it up. “Saw you pacing around down here. Having trouble sleeping again?” he asked sympathetically.

You nodded, eyes still glistening. “Yeah.”

James frowned, holding out his arms towards you. “Oh, darling. C’mere.”

As if pulled towards him by magnets, you fell into his arms and he instantly started stroking the top of your head, pressing soft kisses along your hairline.

“I’m so tired,” you said weakly.

“Come on, I’ll sneak you up.”

You went to follow him up to his dorm as you had already done a few times before, but instead, James placed one arm behind your back and the other under your legs and lifted you up. Your head fell against his chest as he brought you up the stairs and when you got to the door, you reached out and opened it for him.

The dormitory was dark and quiet when he entered, and you closed the door shut behind him quietly so you wouldn’t wake the other boys. James lowered himself onto his bed with you still wrapped up in his strong arms and he settled you to lie on top of him, one of his legs on either side of you, and pulled the blankets up around you both.

In the dim moonlight that came in through the windows, you could see Sirius on the bed next to James’ with a leg and an arm hanging over the edge of his bed. He scrunched his nose up in his sleep and appeared to mutter something to himself, though you could not hear it.

“He’s probably dreaming about chasing down the postman,” said James. You bit your lip to stifle the laugh that threatened to bubble out.

“Alright, let’s see what we can do here. Just relax for me, lovebug,” James mumbled against your head. He started running his hands through your hair, nimble fingers lightly scratching at your scalp every few seconds. You could already feel yourself melt against him, tension seeping out of your muscles like magic.

“Did I tell you about Quidditch practice the other day?” James asked. Of course he had; he’d spoken about it at length, and he knew it, too.

“Tell me about it again,” you said, nestling even further into his warmth.

He spoke quietly enough that it wouldn’t wake the others, but his smooth voice sent comfortable vibrations against your ear and throughout your body. After a little while, your breathing evened out and you were falling asleep. Even after he was certain that you were out like a light, James kept running his fingers through your hair and gently kissing the top of your head, just in case you started to stir again, and he was more than happy to do so until he fell asleep himself.

[ about tag lists ]

MARAUDERS TAGS: @siriusbarnesslut

HARRY POTTER TAGS: @nyotamalfoy

PERMANENT TAGS: @vsawyer1989

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character---obsessed

3 years ago

Tipsy

(Gally x Reader)

Fluff, fluff, come and get your fluff! I’ve always had a soft spot for unplanned confessions, so here’s my take on it. Enjoy!

Bonfire night. You always loved those. Those rare yet precious moments where all the gladers, including yourself, had a chance to unwind, have fun, and forget about the horrors that lurked beyond the maze walls. For just a few hours, you could let your worries trickle away and divert your focus to the few things that brought you genuine happiness. The crackling of the fire, the soft rhythmic beat of the makeshift drums, your friends and their laughter as they cracked stupid jokes and stumbled around after having a few too many sips of Gally’s secret recipe.

You chuckled under your breath as your gaze trailed down to the jar in your hands. The taste wasn’t something your particularly enjoyed, but the drink served its purpose well enough. It helped you relax, elevated your mood, gave you a light yet plentiful buzz that made you feel all warm inside. A part of you was positively curious what was in it, but even after being close friends with Gally for months, the tough Keeper of the Builders still kept it under lock and key, and not even you could pick it open. Maybe one day he would tell you…

“Come on, Y/N, it’s a serious question!”

Keep reading

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character---obsessed

4 years ago

Unrequited pt. 2

azriel (acotar) x reader

*this is part 2! Sorry for the wait guys! I really struggled with this and low-key I don’t like it but I hope y'all do! I wanna write the scenes after this but idk how im gonna make it work lol. anyway, enjoy!

word count: 3193

———————————

What you hadn’t realized was that Azriel left a few minutes later, walking to your apartment to make sure you had gotten home safe.

All of a sudden he heard whimpers and labored breathing coming from the alley.

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of you laying on the ground and bleeding out. He felt a tug in his chest. A click. Panic instilled in him as he gently but swiftly picked you up and flew you to Madja.

“Hang on y/n, you’re so strong” he whispered

In those moments, he feared for you. Fear that was so strong. Something he had never felt before.

He rushed into the house laying you on the bed gently before he was shoved out by the Madja so she could try to save you.

Azriel alerted the others and then collapsed into a chair, sitting in silence. A tear slipped out of his eye at the thought he may have been too late to save you.

You. His mate.

Why, of all the times did the bond have to click while you were on the brink of death. In a situation where you may not make it out alive. It wasn’t fair.

He wondered if you had known. Could that be the reason why you had been distancing yourself from him? Because you didn’t expect or want him to be your mate? But if you had known you would’ve said something, right? You wouldn’t keep it a secret? So many thoughts kept racing through his head.

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character---obsessed

3 years ago

Annoying (TMR)

Request: I’m requesting for myself. Glader (let’s call him Leo) keeps annoying girl and she snaps and Gally steps in

masterlist

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character---obsessed

3 years ago

Barrel's Goddess 2

{Kaz Brekker x reader}

Summary: After Y/n stays for some time, she decides to take a new job. Kaz doesn't want her to leave.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, the plague.

Part 1: https://alcottsangel.tumblr.com/post/650830178156724224/barrels-goddess

@amwitherspoon @kaitlyn2907 @emil7y @thedelusionreaderbitch all asked for a second part, so here it is <3

Kaz offered her a room in the Slat. There was no point in hiding Y/n anymore, since the word already went around that they associated with one another. In the past few weeks, Y/n befriended all the Crows. She was charming, as always. That was her way, looking innocent, pretty, pure. That's how she got the people, how she earned her title. But she meant all the nice words she offered to the Crows.

The Slat was surprisingly homey. It felt good, to have a room to return to. A proper bed, warmth, everything she wasn't used to.

Yet, it also settled her in that place. That did not feel good. It scared her, the thought of being stuck somewhere.

Kaz gave her work, he always would. But it felt so wrong, absolutely against her mindset.

So while the Crows adored the seemingly pure woman, she proofed them that she had earned her title of a Saint. On every single mission, she was completely in control. Kaz trusted here more than any of the others, her word mattered as much as his.

She helped him with paperwork, with planning. The Dregs learned to listen to her within a few days.

As Y/n sat on the floor reading, Kaz sat on his desk scribbling down endless numbers.

"Kaz?" She suddenly asked into the calmness, which caused the bastard of the Barrel to look up to her. "Yes?"

"I found work." She told him, so he raised his brow. Kaz knew what that meant. It wasn't the first time, they had this conversation multiple times throughout the years they've known each other. Each time, it was a painful realisation.

"So you intend to leave." "I do." She nodded in agreement. Kaz looked back to the documents before him, only to look up again.

"Why?" He asked.

Y/n shrugged, closing her book.

"Because that's my way." Kaz scoffed.

"You could stay. Everyone loves you, they would be devastated if you would leave again for an eternity. We took you along on missions, we will continue with that. There is work for you here. There's also a room, food. People that care for you. Why do you always leave?"

She smiled at him. Why the hell did she smile at him? Kaz was mad, he wanted her to take this seriously. But she simply smiled, as softly as always. "Why do you never touch anyone?" She asked the counter question and Kaz remained silent.

"There is nothing that scares me more than settling down. Than stripping myself from the ability to leave whenever I feel like it, to go wherever I want. Kaz, you always forget that I've known you your entire life. That I've been there, that I saw Kaz Rietveld and Jordie Rietveld, that I saw both of them die. That I know why you can't endure to be touched. You were there too, when they hit me. When they abused and used me, without giving me a chance to leave. You were there when the plague killed my family, and when I thanked the Saints for that.

You saw the last time I prayed to someone but myself and you heard me promising myself to never depend on anyone but me. To make my freedom my highest value."

Dirtyhands knew she was right. Every door in the entire Barrel, all of Ketterdam, stood open for the Goddess. She would be a fool to give that chance up only to stay by his side. Still, it pained him. She was the only person he fully lend on, trusted. The only one that always had a role in his life, always would.

His counterpart.

He loved her, and if he could, he would admit it. But he was Kaz Brekker, and Kaz Brekker was an unlovable bastard, damaged, broken.

Kaz knew he should just drop the conversation, but he couldn't.

"Have you never even considered to stay?"

He instead asked, causing her gaze to get lost in the nowhere, considering her answer carefully. She was good at lying, keeping the words flow until the story worked out perfectly. It was her backup out of conversations like this one, but it felt wrong and not fair to simply cut him off with untrue words.

"I have. I had many dreams where I got everything I wanted. Where I saw the world, with enough money in my pockets. But when I wake up I instead see you with me. That's when I think that staying won't harm me. I often considered how beautiful it would be to return to a proper home, only to realise that I do. That you mean home to me."

Not only Kaz expression, also his heart dropped. He could feel the air stuck in his throat, trying hard to swallow the lump inside of it. He wanted to touch her, to feel her, to tell her how he returned that feeling. That each time she left, he felt unsteady. How much he needed her by his side to function. But Kaz didn't, and for a brief moment he felt as cowardly as only Kaz Rietveld did.

But Y/n didn't need to hear him say it. One look into his eyes was enough to be certain of all the untold truths. She was for a long time. So was he. They were fully aware of how much they loved each other, but they were both scared of all the things a confession would cause them. Y/n dropped her book to the floor, standing up to walk over to Kaz. He turned in his chair, facing her. Only a few inches separated them. She carefully raised her hand to brush over his face.

Kaz closed his eyes. They did this often. It was a touch he could bear, that didn't scare him. That reminded him that she was there, that she always would be in some way. That he had a home. She held her breath, as Kaz placed his gloved hand over hers, taking it from his cheek to place a soft kiss on her palm.

"I love you, Kaz. So much." She confessed, her voice nothing more than a whisper vanishing in the dark. He swallowed loudly, still holding her hand with his, still having his eyes closed.

"I love you, Y/n. You are the only God I would ever pray to. They only God I believe in, that has ever saved me." Dirtyhands told her, finally opening his eyes to look into hers.

"How often you may leave, every time that you return a home is waiting for you. A room, a bed, friends. I am waiting for you, because without you I'm not complete."

She could feel her eyes tear up. These words took so many years to finally be confessed.

"And I will always return to you. I promise, with all that I have, all that I am, that one day I will be brave enough to stay by your side."

"You always will be by my side."

It was an unspoken 'I promise'.

Because they belonged together, the bastard of the Barrel and the Barrel's Goddess.

The most powerful people in Ketterdam.

@renataligorio @kaqua @magravenwrites @corpsebasil @for-bebbanburg

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character---obsessed

4 years ago

No bc you know something's wrong when EVEN this mf would be a better Captain America than John Walker