Connor Murphy Helping Reader Through A Panic Attack

the mike faist effect: making everyone he plays bisexual

Reblog if Black Lives Matter to you

Where are those woke white people at!?

I get not wanting him to be so dependent. I personally also smoke and it’s a little frustrating seeing the best Connor writers not even mentioning something that’s a big part of his story, and when they do they like to demonise it.

i totally get that! it is incredibly frustrating when people do that because it is such a big part of his identity and there are plenty other things about the boy that are much worse than him smoking weed...

“I like you too idiot.”- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request: can u do a connor x reader where reader is being pretty annoyed with Jared on the first day (like when he calls him a school shooter) and he steps in and defends her leading timo a nice friendship and a love confession from Connor at the end? I’m sending love, and if u can’t it is really ok, everyone’s mental health is important, pls don’t feel overwhelmed 💕✨🦋- Anon 

Word Count: 2,542

Warnings: A couple swears and Jared Klienman being a dick. (also Connor is probs written ooc but whatever)

Authors note: Hi everyone! First of all I just want to say thank you to everyone who requested something! I am trying to work on them but I recently fell into a really bad place mentally but I’m working on making it better. I hope to have the other requests out soon but please be patient with me. Also anon I used they/them pronouns for the reader as those are my pronouns and I want to make sure everyone can I enjoy my writing regardless of gender so I hope that okay.  As always thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day/night! :) <3 (Also any feedback is very appreciated. )

First day of senior year. To say you weren’t excited would be the understatement of the century. Sure you were excited to finally get out of your hometown but you had to get through the school year first and if the previous years were any indication of how this year was going to go, well lets just say it's going to be a long year. 

You pulled into the student parking lot in your shitty car and saw there were a couple extra minutes before you actually had to be in the building, With that in mind you decided to just put your head down  on the steering wheel for a few minutes to prepare yourself for the day ahead. 

That peace was short lived though because not even  30 seconds later did a dark truck pulled up next to you. Before the car could even come to a stop Zoe Murphy flew out of the passenger seat. She flipped off the driver, who you presumed was her brother Connor, and slammed the door before storming off into the school. “Jesus” you mutter  to yourself. Then another door slammed and Connor Murphy appeared in front of the truck, talking and gesturing wildly to himself. You could only make out bits and pieces of what the boy was saying before he went into the school like his sister. You heard him say something about his mom and his bitch sister and not even wanting to be there. Well at least you weren't alone in the feeling. Following the Murphy siblings you begrudgingly went into the building. The friendly secretary greated you and handed you your schedule which had your locker number on it. After searching for a few minutes you found it and just as you were starting to put things in your locker  you heard his voice, Jared Klienman. He was talking to Evan Hansen and you prayed to whatever higher being that could hear you that he would leave you alone. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. 

“Well, well, well if it isn’t L/N.” You could practically hear the shit-eating grin he had on his stupid face. You were about to turn around and tell him to go away but before you could someone comes between the two of you blocking Jared from your view. 

“Fuck off Klienman” says the last person you expected, Connor Murphy. 

“Woah calm down Murphy, I’m just trying to have a conversation with Y/N here” Jared says starting to back up and putting his arms up as a way of showing his surrender.

“Well they obviously don’t want to talk to you. Now get out of here before I punch that stupid smirk off your dumb face,” Connor says squaring off his shoulders in an attempt to look even more intimidating than usual. It worked quite well because Jared was practically running off but not before making a dig at Connor.

“Yeah whatever you fucking freak.”

You saw Connor’s shoulders tense and his hands clenched into fists. You didn’t know what to do but figured it would be best to leave the boy alone, so you just fidgeted with your hands. He took a deep breath then turned to face you. 

“Uhm thanks for that. You really didn’t have to,” you say avoiding eye contact with him, which was quite easy considering how tall he was compared to you. 

“No problem, I know how much of a dick Klienman can be.” 

“Yeah he’s the worst,” you say scoffing lightly. Then the bell signaling you were supposed to be in homeroom rang.“See you around Connor. Thanks again,” you say before turning to shut your locker and rush to class. 

“Yeah see you around,” Connor says to no one because you were already down the hall.

The rest of the day wasn’t much better, nothing happened in particular but it just still wasn’t the best. After what felt like an eternity it was finally the last bell of the day, creative writing. You weren’t particularly interested in writing but you had a bell to fill so you figured why not. When you walked in you did a scan of the room and saw Connor, he had an empty seat next to him at the back of the room so you decided to sit it in. “Hey,” you say, startling the boy who was previously staring into space. 

“Oh hey.”

“Thanks again for this morning, I really appreciate it dude,” you say making eye contact with Connor so he would know you actually meant what you were saying.

“Oh yeah, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he says, giving you a small smile. You smiled back just as your teacher walked in which caused the conversation to end. 

“Good afternoon class! I hope all of your days have been tolerable,” says your teacher Mr. Davidson. He was a younger man in his early 30’s which meant everyone liked him including you.  “Instead of doing an ice breaker where you all lie about how interesting your summers were I want you to get to actually get to know someone in this class a little better,” he says from behind his podium at the front of the class. You were starting to panic a little, who were you going to partner up with? None of your kind of friends were in this class!  Then Connor cleared his throat grabbing your attention.

“Hey Y/N, wanna be partners?” The nervous energy was practically radiating off the boy. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sure Connor.” The two of you then got up and turned your desks to face each other like the other pairs were doing. “So Murphy what’s your deepest darkest secret?” you say, smirking.

“Woah L/N, not even going to ask me my favorite color or anything?” he says chuckling.

“Okay, okay, fine,” you say playfully rolling your eyes. “What’s your favorite color Connor?” 

“Dark green. What about you L/N? What's your favorite color?”

“Y/F/C,” you say. “It’s been my favorite since I was younger,” you say shrugging.

“I respect that. It’s a good color.” 

“Yeah whatever, now can I hear your deepest secret?”, you say almost like a child.

“Wow you’re still on this?”, he says with amusement evident in his tone. 

“Yeah I am!” you say in a mock seriousness. “Mr. Davidson says we are supposed to actually get to know each other and that’s what I’m trying to do Murphy!” 

“You’re absolutely right Y/N,” he says suddenly very serious.

“Okay fine I’ll tell you but you have to swear you won’t tell anyone. 

“Not a soul,” you say staring at him intently and sitting at the edge of your seat. 

“Well, here goes nothing.” He made eye contact and it felt as if he was staring into your soul. “I’m pregnant.”

You maintained eye contact until you actually processed what he said, then the two of you started laughing which caused the rest of the class to turn and look at you but for once you didn’t even care because you were actually happy for the first time in what felt like forever. 

The rest of the class went by faster than you or Connor wanted it to, but the two of you walked out to the student parking lot together and paused when you reached your cars. “Uh see you tomorrow I guess,” you say but it comes out as more of a question. 

“Yeah see you tomorrow Y/N”, Connor says very confidently which surprised you both. You waved as a final goodbye and got into your cars. As you were driving home you thought about all the awful things you heard about Connor in the past and how untrue they were. Sure he was intimidating at first glance but he’s six feet tall for goodness sake who wouldn’t be intimidated by that. You could tell from the short  class period you spent getting to know him that he was simply misunderstood.  Suddenly you were glad you never listened to what all the popular kids said about Connor. 

As the school year went on you and Connor developed a sort of unspoken ritual, you would wait for Connor to get to school then you two would walk to homeroom together and then walk to your cars when the school day was over. The two of you became good friends and you found yourself actually looking forward to waking up in the morning so you could see him. The pair of you  had hung out outside of school a few times and you had actually met Connor’s mom, granted it was an accident but it still happened. 

You and Connor decided to hang out at his house because his family wasn’t home that afternoon, the two of you were lounging on the couch watching some weird movie when you heard the front door open. “Connor dear? Is that you in there?” Suddenly an middle aged woman with red hair appeared with reusable grocery bags in her hands. 

“Mom?!” Connor jumped up from the couch in a panic. “I thought you had yoga today?!”

“Class was canceled because Cindy wasn’t feeling well. Oh I stopped by the store and  got those  snacks you asked for!” she said coming into the living room box in hand. “Oh? Connor, who's your friend?” she said with a small smile appearing on her lips. 

“Hi Mrs. Murphy. I’m Y/N,” you said nervously. 

“Oh call me Cynthia dear,” she said, shooting you a smile. 

After that Cynthia invited you to stay for dinner but you already had plans with your parents that night. She invited you a couple times after that as well. You never actually went cause Connor didn’t want you to but still it was nice to know she liked you enough to invite you to dinner. 

As fall came to a close the two of you  became attached at the hip, constantly talking to one another whether it was in person or through the phone. Once the holiday season rolled around you guys got each other gifts. You got Connor a signed book from his favorite author and he got you a vinyl you had been wanting for a while.

 Once the holiday break was over the end of the first semester came quickly and you couldn’t wait to finally be done with your half year courses and start the new ones. Unfortunately you had to take finals before you could be done. Although you only had two finals you were still extremely stressed out. Sure they were easy classes but the teachers were notorious for giving impossible finals. You spent the few days before the finals studying whenever there was a free moment. Connor knew you were stressed so he helped you the best he could. He offered to have study sessions even though none of his classes had finals, he went over quizlets on video calls, and he even brought you a drink with way too much caffeine on the mornings he knew you didn’t sleep. 

Once the day arrived he texted you good luck. You went into the first test and totally nailed it. Before the next testing time there was a break and when you checked your phone you saw Connor had texted you telling you how proud he was of you for studying so hard and reassuring you that you had these exams in the bag. You sent him a quick “thank you :))” and went into the testing room for the second time. This exam was a little harder than the last but you still thought you did decent. There were a couple times where Connor and his stupid mneumonic devices actually came in handy. Letting out a giant breath of relief as you stepped out of the testing room you couldn’t wait to tell Connor about how much he helped. When you reached your locker and got your phone out of it you saw Connor had asked if you wanted to hang out when you were done. Obviously you said yes and told him to pick you up at your house in 15. You drove home and changed out of your testing outfit which was just sweatpants and a hoodie and put on something a little more presentable. Sure you were just going to hang out with your best friend but he also is the boy you’ve been pining over for months. You’ve always found Connor attractive and when he put dickhead Klienman in his place that made him all the more hot. But then you really got to know him and you fell. Hard.  He was sweet, caring, smart, and funny. Sure he had his moments but so did everyone on the planet. He had actually opened up to you about his struggles with his mental health and you did everything you could to support him. You encouraged him to ask his parents for therapy, and always made sure he took his meds in the morning. You were there for him and he was always there for you.  

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard the horn of Connor’s truck outside your house. You rushed outside and got into the passenger seat, “So where to Murphy?”

“I was thinking we could get some food and just chill in a parking lot somewhere. Sound cool?”

“Definitely. I’ve missed hanging out with you. Stupid finals,” you say with a dramatic eye roll. 

“Yeah I’ve missed hanging out with you too dork,” he says reaching over the center console and ruffling your hair. 

“Connor Murphy! I just brushed my hair and here you go messing it up!” you say while trying to fix your now disbelieved hair. 

“Whatever L/N. It still looks fine to me.”  Although it was barely a compliment, heat still rushed to your cheeks. He pulled out of your driveway and the two of you were off. On the way to get food you guys caught up talking about everything you missed in the world of Connor because you were too focused on finals. He told you he finished a TV show you recommend and loved it.  You made it to the drive through and Connor ordered, already knowing what you wanted from your many midnight outings. Once you got your food you made your way to the plaza parking lot where the restaurant was located. For the first couple minutes the two of you sat in a comfortable silence listening to the playlist Connor had made for this type of occasion. After a few minutes Connor suddenly spoke, “Can I tell you something?”

“Connor dearest you know you can tell me anything,” you say with a french fry in your mouth, not even bothering to look at him. 

“I like you.” You choked on the fry you had in your mouth. 

“Pardon?” you say through a cough. 

“I said I like you,” he says, a little less sure of himself. When you looked over at Connor you saw he was staring straight ahead. 

“Hey Connor.” 

“Mhm,” he says, not daring to move. 

“Look at me.” He just barely turned his head towards you. “I like you too idiot.”

I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn

Hello anon I'm so sorry it took me so long to complete your request, you can read it here. I do hope you enjoy it! <3

i wanna hug connor murphy SO BAD okay

can u do a connor x reader where reader is being pretty annoyed with Jared on the first day (like when he calls him a school shooter) and he steps in and defends her leading timo a nice friendship and a love confession from Connor at the end? I’m sending love, and if u can’t it is really ok, everyone’s mental health is important, pls don’t feel overwhelmed 💕✨🦋

Hey anon! I just posted it! Here’s the link! Hope you enjoy it doll! :)

My Whole World- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request:  I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn - Anon

Word Count: 1009

Warnings: Implied Self harm (cutting), Self-loathing, Self-hatred, Feeling like a burden

Authors Note: Hello! I know I’m literally the worst ever but honestly existing this past year has been really hard which makes doing the things I enjoy, like writing, really hard to do. BUT I do finally think I’m reaching a better place, (I know I say this like every authors note but I really think I am this time). Also saw the DEH movie last night and ended up sobbing over Connor I love him so much :((. Lastly and most importantly: if you ever feel like self harming there are alternatives! If you need resources about this feel free to message me or send me an ask! I’m more than happy to help <3 Thats it. As all ways thank you for reading and have a lovely day/night! :) <3

You were having an awful day, an awful week even. It seemed everything that could go wrong did. It just seemed the world was against you and you were tired of it. You were approaching your breaking point and fast. You could see this but you didn’t know what to do about it. You could reach out to your boyfriend Connor. But no he was doing so well recently and you didn’t want to burden him or bring him down with your negative thoughts. So you decided to do what you always did which was just distract yourself from your emotions because if you didn’t think about them they weren’t there. You put your earbuds in and put on one of the playlists Connor had made for you, once you got home and went up to your room without saying a word to anyone and plopped face down into your bed. For a couple minutes you were able to ignore all the thoughts racing through your mind but eventually the music stopped working and you were left alone with your thoughts. 

You’re pathetic and a burden to everyone. Why would anyone want to deal with you, especially Connor? You’re probably the most annoying person on the planet right? With your constant pestering and need for reassurance every two seconds it’s truly a wonder that you haven’t been abandoned by everyone in your life. 

You were angry at yourself. How could you possibly let yourself be this awful of a person? You wanted to do something horrible to yourself as a punishment, to force yourself to feel the pain you bring to everyone in your life. 

The next time you had a coherent thought was at least a half hour later. You felt a stinging sensation coming from your wrists and started crying as you fully processed what you had done. Without realizing it you texted Connor asking him to come over. You just sat waiting staring at nothing until Connor knocked on the door to your room. You were broken out of your trance and weakly said “It’s open” so he knew he could come in. 

Once Connor opened the door he knew something was up. The energy in the room just felt wrong. Then he saw your hunched figure on the bed and could tell something was up just by how you were sitting and approached the bed slowly so as to not startle you. Once he came into your field of vision you broke down even more feeling so pathetic in this moment. “Oh sweetheart,” he says softly. He sat down in front of you and took one of your arma in his hand and inspected the damage gently. He did the same with the other and once he was done he opened his arms and you crashed into his chest, violently crying at this point. He held you tight and pressed soft kisses into your head. He just let you cry it out rubbing soft circles into your back but while he was he couldn’t help but think how could the light of his life ever feel so bad that you felt you had to do this to yourself? 

Once your cries had calmed down to soft sniffles every once in a while he said “Let’s get you cleaned up then we can cuddle. Sound good?” You nodded tiredly. “Okay let’s go to the bathroom,” he said, grabbing your hands to pull you up and guide you to the bathroom. Once you got there you sat on the counter and Connor got to work. He carefully applied antibiotic ointment and bandages to the affected areas and when he was done pressed gentle kisses to all of the bandages.  After that he cleaned up his ‘workspace’ and led you back to your bedroom. The two got ready and had settled into your bed when he broke the comfortable silence that had settled between you two. “You know we have to talk about this right?” You nodded timidly. “Why?” he said simply. You explained how terrible this week had been for you and how it all got to be too much. The whole time Connor listened with his undivided attention on you, holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. At some point while you were explaining you had started crying, He sat up causing you to sit up as well. He grabbed your face, wiped your tears and stared deeply into your eyes. It felt like he was staring into your soul but you didn’t look away. After what feels like an eternity he finally spoke up and said “I don’t know how you could think all those awful things about yourself. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. Your kind, smart, compassionate, not to mention most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re not a burden to those around you, especially not me ever. Next time you feel like this, I want you to talk to me okay? I’m here to help you. I know you would do the same for me in a heartbeat so let me help you. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you, you’re my whole world.” You were crying again but for the first time today they were happy tears. 

“Thank you for always reminding me how loved I am. I love you so much Con,” you said smiling through the tears. 

“I love you more Y/N/N,” he said, smiling sweetly at you. He gave you a tender kiss on the forehead and then said “You’ve had a long day we should get some sleep.”

“Yeah you’re right,” you said through a yawn. The two of you got cozy again, your head on Connor’s chest, his hands running through your hair. The sound of his heartbeat, the one he swore beat for only you, lulled you to sleep. The last thing you heard before you felt before you fell fully unconscious was a kiss being pressed to the top of your head.

Request for helping reader through a panic attack over family?

hi anon! i'm so sorry it took me so long to answer but i finally did it. i hope it's what you wanted! you can read it here. i hope you enjoy it :) <3

Just By Looking- Connor Murphy X Reader

Word Count: 4,325

A/N: Hi! This is the first fanfiction I’ve ever written or posted. so it most likely sucks but whatever. I just want to say thank you to anyone who reads this I appreciate it!                

Connor Murphy was your best friend. You trusted him more than anybody else on the planet and told him everything, the feeling was mutual. You helped him when things were tough at home with his parents and sister and he helped you when you were stressed about school and the future. You spent lots of late nights texting and on video chat helping each other with homework or simply just talking. Anyone could see you were best friends just by looking at you two.

  You weren't always close though, you had gone to the same elementary school and you were in the class when the whole printer incident happened but had no particular opinion about the boy but still thought he was cute. It wasn’t until middle school when you both shared three out of nine classes with one another that you two became friends. Neither of you had friends so it was a perfect opportunity for a friendship to form. You originally weren’t going to talk to Connor or anyone for that matter, but when you went to go eat lunch in the library out of fear for the lunchroom and the eighth-graders it contained you found him at one of the tables, he was the only other person in the library besides the two librarians. You don’t know what possessed you but you decided to go sit with him. His head jerked up when you pulled the chair out across from him, he eyed you with suspicion as you sat down before returning to the book he was reading. You sat in silence occasionally taking a bite from the sandwich your mother had packed for a few minutes before gaining the courage to ask him about his book. At first, he gave you short blunt responses out of fear you were actually mocking him for his book choice but once he saw you listening intently he began to talk with passion. The conversation lasted the rest of the 30 minute lunch period you were both disappointed because you did not want the conversation to end. After all,  this was the first real human interaction you had besides the corny icebreakers you had been forced to do in previous classes but soon realized that you were going to the same place the conversation resumed shortly after that. You sat next to one another in that and every other class you had with one another, you bid each other goodbye before going to the final bell of the day, you were a little anxious walking to your ninth bell because in the short goodbye exchanged there was no promise of talking to one another tomorrow. 

The next day’s lunch came slower than you wished. Your stomach had been twisting anxiously all-day,  you arrived at the library to find him sitting at the same table as yesterday with the same anxious expression that you wore on your face. It soon became a tradition to meet in the library for lunch and walk to the next two classes with one another, it took only a few days for an unbreakable bond to form. In the second week of school, the two of you exchanged social media handles and started texting outside of school. About a month into the school year the two of you started to hang out outside of school occasionally which typically meant going to see a movie or something along those lines. 

In December auditions for the school’s annual musical were held, you decided to go out on a limb and try out for it, you got a lead! At first, Connor was a little upset because it meant you wouldn’t be able to see one another as much but after much convincing you got him to sign up for stage crew to solve this problem. The two of you had a fantastic time doing the show and have done it ever since it made your relationship so much stronger.  Connor seeing you up on that stage performing your little heart out made him realize he might like you a little more than a friend. The fact that Connor agreed to do stage crew and got you a flower the night of the final performance made your little theatre kid heart flutter and you realized you might have feelings for the lanky boy. Both of you acknowledged these feelings for about two seconds before repressing them for about two years.  The bond shared between you and the boy rivaled the bonds between the preppy people who had known each other since practically birth.

 The summer between eighth and ninth grade was very eventful for the two of you, you shared your first kiss so you wouldn’t have to go into high school as “losers who hadn’t had their first kiss” as Connor had so gracefully put it, it wasn’t anything special it was a quick peck and Connor had almost missed your lips. The rest of the night was filled with blushes and a kind of awkward silence. The two of you also smoked weed for the first time which was quick to become one of Connor’s favorite past times. Connor had become a full-on stoner by the time school started. That summer was filled with lots of deep conversations about the future and what was going to happen these next four years and then after that. 

Freshman year came around much too quickly for either of your likings, highschool started out rough for both of you. Fortunately, the two of you shared four classes. Connor had been having more outbursts as a result of the new large workload which caused Larry and Cynthia to be tougher on Connor about things such as his grades, which truly weren’t that bad as he had at least a B in all of his classes some of which were advanced, which always made things worse. You were kinda smart and were also taking some advanced classes which stressed you out and caused you to have anxiety attacks. You still met in the library for lunch but this year the conversations were often filled with quiet reassurances in an attempt to calm the other down instead of the lighthearted conversation about your favorite books. You two became so close and confided in each other for everything.  That year you were partnered up on lots of projects and worked over at the Murphy’s home which resulted in Cynthia and Larry growing very fond of you as well as Zoe. When finals season rolled around you helped one another study and passed all your finals with flying colors getting 80-90 on all of them.

That summer the two of you were forced to spend lots of time apart as a result of the Murphy’s disapproval of Connor’s angry outbursts and smoking habit which resulted in him being grounded and having his phone taken away for most of the summer. Your only form of communication was emails that Connor sent off of an old broken laptop. These emails were very rare though because Connor didn’t want to be caught by Cynthia or Larry and then have the laptop taken away leaving him with absolutely no communication with you. He struggled a lot with being forced to spend all of his time with his family and the fact that they were now forcing him to see a counselor once a week. You tried to help him as much as you could by letting him vent to you, he constantly told you how angry his family made him and how much he misses you. The limited conversation with Connor allowed you to have a lot of time alone with your thoughts, you came to the realization that you were in love with your best friend. Little did you know a few streets away Connor came to the same realization.

He was finally released from “house arrest” the last three weeks of summer, you two spent almost every second together to make up for the one and a half months of lost time. It was nice to see each other again, Connor hadn’t gotten a haircut all summer and his hair now reached just below his ears, it was a good look on him. Unable to drive yet the two of you spent most of your time at the local park within walking distance from both of your houses talking and/or smoking or on Connor’s roof stargazing once it got dark out. 

Once again school had to come around unfortunately but you two were more sure of yourselves and ready for this year. The two of you once again had a good majority of your classes together so you were able to help each other study and things like that. The feeling you held for one another grew steadily and was getting harder to contain. Lunch was filled with longing gazes when you thought the other wasn’t paying attention and harmless “flirting” which actually meant playfully hitting one another just so you could touch or being rude to the other person in a non-serious way. Everyone at school could see how hopelessly in love you two were and assumed you were dating which then led to snarky remarks to be made at you two, which temporarily caused a rift in your friendship for about two weeks in September. The reason being Connor felt bad for causing you to get bullied again which is something that hadn’t happened to you since middle school, the bullying never ceased for him, he figured if he left you alone it would get better but it only caused the comments to worsen. Once you walked out of class after someone said something under their breath he went out to calm you down and saw the error of his ways, everything went back to normal, mostly. The two of you were still a blushing mess around each other. 

You began to spend every moment together that you possibly could and when you couldn’t be together you were texting or Snapchatting. You did the musical and once again got a small supporting role. You were over the moon and Connor was so proud of you. He once again decided to do the stage crew and that show ended up being one of your favorites productions you’ve ever done. After the musical was done finals season came very quickly. You and Connor stopped talking outside of school because you both were studying a lot but still found time to chat and help one another go through the material for the class you shared. During this time Connor also celebrated his 16th birthday and passed his permit test on the first try. Driving had been something he had looked forward to since he was a little boy so he took this process very seriously. He got so excited when Larry would take him out to drive in an empty parking lot somewhere. When you went over to the Murphy’s house for dinner one evening Larry actually complimented his son’s driving abilities. You got to see these skills first hand when Larry allowed Connor to drive when you had to go home. You’d never say it to his face but Connor was actually a fantastic driver.  All the studying paid off when you and Connor got all A’s and B’s on your finals. Larry and Cynthia were shocked when they received Connor’s report card and decided to buy him a car as a reward for his recent good behavior streak. It was a beat-up black pickup truck that perfectly fit Connor’s aesthetic. Although he couldn’t drive yet the two of you enjoy just sitting in the front of the truck most days of the summer and talk but sometimes you would just sit without talking a just listen to music off of a playlist you made of your’s and Connor’s favorite songs and imagine where you two would go if Connor was able to legally drive. The fact that he couldn’t drive legally didn’t stop him completely though, because this is Connor Murphy we’re talking about here why would he pass up the chance to break the law. On some nights he would drive you out to the apple orchard and you two would sometimes smoke but you would always stargaze and talk for hours until the sun was about to come up. Connor still smoked occasionally but not nearly as much as he did during freshman year and you only smoked when you were with him. Those were your favorite kind of night and you knew they were Connor’s as well.  Junior year was approaching rapidly and neither you or Connor was excited. Both of your mental states had started to improve for the better but knew that was going to change as soon as the school year started. 

And unfortunately, that ended up being true. You ended up crying to Connor almost every night because of how stressed you were and he had a lot more outbursts than he had had in years. The only thing keeping him from completely breaking down was the fact he could drive in a couple of months, this was also keeping you going. Connor being able to drive you to school would mean no more taking the bus filled with people you hated or having to wake up an hour earlier than usual and have your mom drop you off a half-hour early before she went to work. The first few months dragged on but Connor finally got his license! This meant you two got to spend even more time together when Connor would bring you to school in the morning and drop you off in the afternoon. If you both got up on time you would get coffee and afterschool if your guy’s homework load wasn’t too bad he would just drive around town for a little while before dropping you off.  Zoe was trying to build up her popularity so she just carpooled with one of her friend’s moms instead of risking being seen with her brother, Connor had no issue with this it meant he didn’t have to worry about his little shit of a sister and all her after school activities.  Auditions for the school musical were swiftly approaching and to say you were nervous would be an understatement. When the day finally came Connor came to support you and the director forced him to audition as well because of the notable lack of boys in the theatre department. The two of you got decent parts and were cast as one another’s romantic interest. At first, Connor wasn’t going to accept whatever part he got but once he looked up the synopsis of the show and figured this out he emailed your director and accepted the part immediately. Since your characters were supporting the two of you had a few lines but not an unmanageable amount, you two were in every single scene together so you could study your lines with one another which was very helpful. You had been doing theatre outside of school your entire life and had always dreamed of having a showmance and you were hoping that the childish dream would finally come true. Connor sometimes got frustrated at rehearsals but you were always there to calm him down and get him back on track. The two of you were to have a stage kiss, both of you avoided that topic of conversation at all costs out of embarrassment. The first few times you ran the scene at rehearsal your director allowed for the two of you to not do the kiss and simply move on with the scene but as the show was approaching he made you perform the kiss, fortunately (but also, unfortunately) he allowed for you to do a stage kiss. Every time you two broke away from the “kiss” your cheeks were as red as roses. You thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of his lips on your thumb and imagined how they would feel on your lips, you kept these feelings to yourself out of fear of losing your best friend if he were to find out.  A few of your castmates picked up on your rosy cheeks and idiotic grin each time you would come off stage from doing the stage kiss but you consistently denied having feelings for your scene partner. As the show approached you began to run the scene more and more and spend more time with each other at rehearsals and outside of rehearsals. Your feelings only grew for each other and you both found yourself almost confessing your feelings, the tension between you two grew greatly. You also found yourself touching Connor more and more whether it was just grabbing his arm when he said a joke or laying your head on his shoulder when you two were watching a movie at his house. Little did you know these little things would drive Connor insane and his face would grow hot every time you would do something along those lines.  On the closing night of the show, Connor got payback for you driving him insane. He took control of the kiss and made sure it wasn’t a stage kiss. You almost passed out when he did this His lips were slightly chapped when they touched yours, just like they were that night the summer before freshman year, and your stomach did loads of backflips. Neither of you wanted the kiss to end but your castmates would have noticed something was up so sadly you pulled away. When you had broken away from each other you had to grab onto his arm make sure you didn’t fall because of how shocked you were,  luckily you were able to play it off quite easily so it seemed like an acting choice and no one noticed besides you two. When you got off stage after what seemed like an eternity Connor had the biggest smirk on his face and seemed quite pleased with himself. You wanted to smack that cocky smirk rights off that stupid pretty face of his but you didn’t instead you kissed it off. You heard the surprised squeak of one of your castmates but didn’t pull away for at least 30 more seconds. When finally did pull away Connor just stared at you with his mouth hanging open and he was still like that when you walked away with a gigantic grin on your face to touch up your makeup. When you walked out of the girl's dressing room you found Connor outside the door waiting for you. You avoided eye contact with the boy out of embarrassment of your actions and tried to walk past him like you didn't see him but he grabbed your arm and dragged you into a more private part of the hallway. ”What the fuck was that?!” he asked whisper yelling.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said while fluttering your eyelashes playing innocent hoping he’d get the hint to just let it go. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about l/n don’t play stupid.” 

”Okay…” you said while still staring down at the floor “maybe I do know what you're talking about but I don't want to talk about it”  

“Well, I want to talk about it. Right now.”

“I really don’t know what you want me to say right now Con,” you said hoping the conversation would end soon for a couple of reasons. Before you could even finish that thought one of the upperclassmen girls came running down the hallway searching for you guys. You two had almost missed your cue but luckily she noticed otherwise you would’ve been killed by your director. 

“We’ll continue this conversation later,” he said before walking down to the stage door. You stood shocked for a couple of seconds before coming to your senses and following behind him. That was the final scene after the curtain calls you hugged Connor quickly before practically running to greet your family to delay the conversation you were bound to have sooner or later. When you got done taking pictures with your friends and family you avoided Connor at all cost possible and sought refuge in the girl's dressing room. You took as long as humanly possible hanging up your costumes and whole doing so a few people told you that Connor was looking for you but you told them to tell him that you were busy and couldn't talk. When you finished cleaning your space in the dressing room and walked out to go help with strike on the stage you found Connor sitting outside the door presumably waiting for you to finally come out. When you did you tried to speed walk past and pretend you didn't see him but he called your name so you had to turn around and look at him. ”Y/N can we talk for a minute?” he says, voice filled with anxiety.

”I'm sorry Con but I really get out there and help strike.” you said looking at the ground 

”Well then can we talk at the cast party?” 

”Yeah. We can talk after.” Strike lasted for about an hour. During that time you and Connor had to help each other with things such as putting costumes away or helping fold a backdrop. Finally, the time for the cast party came and you couldn't wait cause you were starving. 

Usually, you and Connor would sit in the corner of the lunchroom and talk about the paper plate awards people were receiving and how bad some of them were but this time after you got your food there was no talk about paper plate awards, Connor immediately asked, ”So what was that L/N?”

”I don't know Connor, what was it?” you answered in a very snarky manner. ”You were the one who kissed me first so it's only fair that you answer first.”

”Look. First of all, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable that was never my intention. I guess… I guess  I just misread the situation a thought there was a slight chance you could like me back. Second of all before you decide you never want to talk to me again I just want you to know that you are one of the greatest people I've ever met and I love you so much. Sorry again. I guess I'll just leave you alone now for the rest of eternity.” he says avoiding eye contact like it's his job. 

You stared at him for a couple of seconds dumbfounded that Connor thought you didn't like him when for years you thought he didn’t romantically like you. Just as you fully processed what Connor said he began to stand up you suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sit back down. ”Wait, wait, wait let me get this straight you Connor Murphy like me Y/N L/N in a romantic way?”, you said almost laughing out of pure joy because finally the boy who you’ve liked since middle school likes you back. 

“Yeah, go-ahead laugh it up. Isn't it just hilarious that a freak like me thought he had some sort of chance that he had a chance with someone as talented and beautiful as you?” he said almost yelling. You stopped smiling and slightly cringed into yourself, Connor had gotten angry around you before but the anger was never directed at you. It was always at Larry, Cynthia, Zoe or just the world in general but never ever at you. When he finally stopped talking he saw that you were scared and regained his composure but was still shaking with anger. Luckily the cafeteria was loud enough where it seemed like you and Connor were just having a conversation. 

”Con will you just let me say something before you start jumping to conclusions?” you said quietly. ”I'm just surprised that someone as great as you would like someone like me, don't get me wrong I'm grateful but wow. I just still can't process that Connor Murphy, the boy I've liked for years, actually likes me back!”

It was his turn to stare at you with a dumb look. “You actually like me back?” he says in a state of shock.  You shake your head and he looks like he’s going to start crying and you do too. You both just stared at each other with stupid grins on your faces for about 30 seconds before you hugged one another and cried out of relief. When you pulled away Connor asked, “So N/N will you be my girlfriend?” You shook your head wildly and pulled his face to yours and gave him the biggest smooch. It was far from perfect but it was good enough for the both of you. You spent the rest of the cast party hand in hand with big smiles on your faces. No one was surprised when you two announced that you were a couple but everyone was happy they didn’t have to deal with the awkward pinning anymore. Larry and Cynthia were more excited than you and Connor were when you told them you two were dating, they saw how happy you made their son and they already loved you so it was perfect, Zoe would never admit it but she was happy that her brother had got you. 

Those late-night conversations were now filled with I Love yous and loads of compliments. When you guys hung out you were constantly touching one another in some way. Connor still had his outbursts every once in a while but you were always there to help him pick his piece up and put them back together. You and Connor loved each other more than anything. Anyone could see that you two were soulmates just by looking at you.