Be Gay

Alien: Human, has your species experimented with DNA and genetics?

Human: only recently, mostly trying to make hardier crops and cuter pets.

Alien: Oh, that would explain this? (Lifts up a ferret)

Human: Where did you get that.

Alien: It does not matter, but I am guessing your species made this?

Human: No, they are completely natural. They come from Europe and Africa.

Alien: *speaking to the ferret* Why would you need such a flexible body?

Human: Its their diet, they dig underground to find their prey, so they need their long, noodily body to fit.

Alien: Strange. I am guessing your dogs are the same, as in their diet causes changes.

Human: Nope, All the different species of dogs were caused by us.

Alien: Of course they were.

Thank you to everyone who got me to 250 likes!

Ayo

Thank u sm

I cant type my hands are numb

Help

Interesting facts about astrology🌙🎸♥️🌞🧸

🪐Saturn is also the planet of time and aging, among others. So where you have saturn in your house means that you will spend more time to achieve success. But it is also related to the calendar year. Saturn makes us grow up in the right direction and leads us to the point of knowing some things. Saturn rules not only the father but also the grandfather and people who are older. Let's say when you're watching a cartoon and the main character on his way to his destination meets an old woman who gives him a message (this is saturn).

🌞Sun represents who we are and why we are here. It represents our meaning in life and the fact that we were born with a mission. The sun also represents our heroism and heroic journey through life. The Sun is our conscious self and the essence of who we are as mockers.

♥️Venus represents our way of seduction, as it wants to attract the attention and devotion of the object of its desire. So the sign we have in Venus represents how we want to impress someone or seduce them.

🎸Jupiter represents a positive attitude and belief in unlimited opportunities and resistance to any attempt to limit or control. It is related to our sense of meaning, religious and philosophical beliefs and attitudes. Together with the Moon and Neptune, it is often associated with addictions and weight problems. So Jupiter in the 1st house could mean that you can't gain weight because of it.

🧑🏻‍🎤Uranus' qualities are unconventionality, genius, awareness, eccentricity, idealism, interest in community. The house in which we have uranus represents the area in which we can improve the world and change society.

👩🏽‍🎨👨🏽‍🔬The difference between a person with a lot of Aquarius in the planets and a person with an 11th house placements is that they perceive the world and express themselves differently. Person with planets in aquarius can be for many people, strange, unusual and rebellious perceives things, resists new things, trends and wants to do something in its own way. While a person who has an 11th house placements wants to make a change and thus influence the world. You want to leave your mark and show how we as a society can act differently and progress in technology and the world.

🧜🏼‍♀️With Neptune it's basically a longing to escape from the cold, cruel reality of the world and. So with Neptune we relax by reading a good book, movie or something that distracts us from everyday life. But Neptune can get lost in this relaxation and returning to the real world. Then it can happen that we drink more wine than we intended, or that we stay up too long and then don't hear the alarm clock in the morning.

🧞‍♀️Neptune also gives us fantasies such as the desire to have someone take care of us, to never have to grow up or separate from our parents. Becoming independent and facing your responsibilities. So, for example, someone with Neptune in the 5th house doesn't want to part with things from childhood. And always comes back to them.

🌊Pluto and its roles: grandmother, magician, detective, researcher, psychologist, spy, miner, treasure hunter. In that house where you have a pluto, it shows your relationship with your grandmother.

🪂Aries is the first sign of zodiac signs. They are like new souls entering the world. Many times they tend to bump into things or suffer cuts and bruises that they usually don't even notice. But since Aries rules the head, they often have headaches. It is a sign that never returns to the past but looks forward. That's why someone with an aries moon is never emotionally burdened with the past or emotions from the past.

🌳Taurus is one of the most reliable signs in the zodiac. Taurus will always come on time and stick to what he says. And they know how to enjoy luxury and life. And many times they tend not to want to change anything (from people to furniture) and many times they are also inclined to old school things.

🧸Cancer represents our home, family, environment and where we come from. It shows how we look at them and perceive the family. It describes the history of our families and relatives before our birth. For cancer, it is always important how their tree is composed. You have the most memory in the area where you have the moon and it is there that you have the hardest time breaking away from the past.

🦁Leo rules the heart, the spine, and the posture of the upper part of the body with which it shows its pride. Leos tend to be confident and extroverted, although some can be quite shy and dislike exposure. They like big houses, expensive cars and designer clothes.

-Rebekah🧸♥️🧚🏼‍♀️

I love your works but do you kind putting an eyestrain warning on ur rainbow posts ;_; it's ok if not, I don't mind.. I just don't want to have to block you for it since I like ur writings

Sure, but how do i do that? Should i write on the top "EYESTRAIN" or is it better to put a picture saying that, and then the rainbow text at the bottom?

Also i got 2 posts that contain the rainbow texts, so if you could reply to the one u were talking about, then i would help a lot :)

Also it might help, but if you go to settings-account settings, and click on the color palette, you can choose what mode u want

Maybe the dark mode will help?

Humans Are Weird: Pack Bonding

Archivists note to the reader: It seems you are viewing this item in the human language English. For this reason names have been transliterated, units have been converted, and the content has been ontologically translated. Apologies for any inconsistencies.

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Ziet rounded the corner of the shuttle carefully, the human and the second deathworlder following close behind. The shuttle was only to be docked for a little under sixty minutes, left empty for less than fifteen, and unguarded for a mere seven.

There! The cockpit hatch! She reached a tendril toward the handle, but before she could open it the door opened by itself, revealing a short, but defiantly menacing individual holding a nasty looking weapon. Ziet froze in horror, before speaking frantically, the normal perfection of her grammar lost to the urgency of the moment.

“Kakia! Please just let us go, you’ll never need to see me again.”

The individuals mouth stretched into a wide, unnatural imitation of a human’s grin.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old,’ she spat out the word, “friend. Ziet, the highly esteemed logistics technician, how are you? And what are you doing with the recently escaped, and even more recently declared dead prisoners?”

She focused her weapon at Ziet. On a human’s face a grin can be cheery. In the rest of the universe that grin is taunting, threatening, menacing.

“Please just let us go, please. Please?”

“With the price on their head? With the human ambassador to the GA right here? Why, that would be treason.”

She leaned in close, close enough that the puff of breath that accompanied each word ruffed the fur on Ziet’s face.

“And you, my wonderful, treasonous colleague, here, at my mercy?”

The grin stretched wider, more teeth appearing, ivory white. The words came exaggerated, theatrical.

“It was self defense. She attacked me with the deathworlders. She committed treason.”

Ziet recognized the weapon, specifically the three white dots on the side, and her blood ran cold.

“You’re right about one thing Ziet.”

Her grip tightened on the trigger.

“I’ll never have to see you again.”

The human lunged for the weapon, but no race in the universe was that fast. Ziet felt an impact against her chest, and then a horrible anticipation, like the moment between an injury, and the inevitable agony it would cause. No! Please no! Then malice, pure hatred, flooded through her from the point of impact, coursing through her veins, attacking every nerve and cell in her body. She felt the thaumutic energy in her system recoil, and than start to fight the attacker, but the attacker was sly, and as each pulse of power attacked it was converted, joining the ever-growing tide of hatred and pain. Her body decided that it wasn’t going to win this fight, and instead chose to jettison the power through whatever route necessary.

The human watched in horror as his friend was shot by the attacker, this Kakia person. Ziet’s eyes went out for a moment as the latent entropic energy was called inwards for the battle, and than shone with the power of a spotlight as pure energy was dumped en mass. This wasn’t fast enough however, and more and more energy poured out. It started to leak from her mouth, then nostrils, and then it started to leak through her skin as thousands of amps of power were discharged. The entire volatus was shining with the brilliance of the sun, and nobody in the entire shuttle could see anything but white.

Just as quickly as the light had started it stopped, and the volatus fell to the floor like a spent battery. Kakia uncovered her eyes, and grinned at the human, raising the weapon for a second shot, but the human was already charging. She fired and fired, but had only time to learn one thing before the human’s vengeful body slammed into her own.

Humans don’t use magic.

Ziet felt the weight of several jumpsuits rapped around her. She knew they were jumpsuits because of the wafting smell of Squalus detergent, the brand used to wash clothing inside the personnel wing of the spaceport. There was a gentle tap on her cloak, over her left shoulder. She felt another. Tap. Tap. Tap. Then hand shook her, and she obligingly opened her eyes. There was the human, crouched before her, eyes locked on her face. The eyes were leaking, clear fluid running over the human’s flat face, and dripping off his nose and chin. Behind the human lay the crumpled form of Kakia, a rivulet of dark fluid leaking from the corner of one eye. The human had bound her with another jumpsuit, so presumably she had survived her first encounter with a deathworlder.

“Ziet? Can you hear me?”

The human was still looking at her, and she noticed now that his breathing was erratic, and saw proper fear in those alien eyes.

“I can”

The human’s mouth turned into a grin, a grin that spoke to intense relief, as well as to the effort the human was putting into not showing teeth.

“You ok?”

The Volatus pondered this question. She felt gutted. Every ounce of strength had left her body. She couldn’t even feel the slightest scrap of power in her system. Her head hurt, terribly, and nothing came to relieve the pain. But she was ‘ok’.

“I’m ok”

She winced at the grammar.

“Sorry, I am going to be fine.”

“I’m glad. You scared us. I was so worried”

“Where are we?”

“Flying. He says he can.” The human pointed a limb toward the second deathworlder sitting in the cockpit across the room. “We leave the air five minutes. In five minutes, sorry”

The volatus felt a wry happiness settle over her, despite the fatigue that overwhelmed her The human’s grammar was improving. The human reached beside him and produced the weapon Kakia had shot them with.

“What’s this?”

Ziet didn’t need to study the weapon to answer the question.

“It’s a malice gun, made by Simplicity. It’s like a computer virus.”

The human gestured to himself.

“I’m ok”

“It works by converting the thaumutic energy in your system, and I don’t think humans have any.”

“Oh”

They waited in silence for a moment.

The other deathworlder, the one piloting the shuttle, grunted a single word, the only word it had learnt of galactic common so far.

“Hey!”

The bio-luminescence on its arms lit up, and the human watched the flickering pattern closely, before saying a single word.

“Space!’

The volatus glanced towards the cabin window, and saw the blue curve of her home shrinking. Soon it would be a full circle against a black canvas, painted with thousands of stars. Then it would faded away into the distance completely.

She was free.

Ao3 Discord

I love Humans are wierd, Humans are orcs, ect. I have read about humans breaking bones, and walking around as if nothing happened, or that some humans give birth.

But what i really really wanna read about, is some humans liking the same gender, all genders, or none of them at all, and having another gender identity than their sex assigned at birth, and more. And the aliens are so confused, but supportive because they realise they get a lot of hate and discrimination from some of the other humans in the spaceship

Istg if someone wrote about this

I will marry you /j

Yo yo yo, if you don't shut yo mouth, I'ma shut ir for you PUNK

Hit u, hit u, withe the, with the

Punk, punk tactics

Hit u, hit u, withe the, with the

Punk, punk tactics

Sixth Fucking Sense Apparently

So humans have a funky little sixth sense for when someone/thing is looking at us and honestly wtf.

So an alien spy is trying to get human info getting progressively more concerned when the human they're tailing keeps looking around and acting like they know the alien is there. Maybe it's an alien species renowned for stealth and no other sentient in the galaxy had ever been able to spot them so at this point they're double checking themselves and going insane.

At this point the human's figured shit out and so they lead the alien into a trap much to Sneaky McSneakfuck's dismay and confusion.

So eventually humans hold a press conference about the whole stalker and the galactic federation or whatever it would be called is like:

GF: How in the dick shitting fuck did you know they were there??

Human: felt them watching me.

Gf: felt them fucking What.

Toxic

Humans are toxic. Proceed with extreme caution.

.  .  .

Well, this entire mission was officially FUBAR.

Steve wasn’t sure why everything had fallen apart. This was his first mission as a civilian. It was supposed to be nice and simple. Go down planet side, be a body guard/pack mule, go back to the ship, boom, done.

But no.

Something had happened shortly after they arrived (Steve had no idea what, maybe a breach of social protocol?), and now they were in alien prison. There had been a scuffle, of course there was, he and James weren’t going down without a fight. It was their job to protect their crewmates, and at least they had done that. None of their three crewmates had been injured, just jostled a little, and defiantly scared. That fight ended badly for the humans, though. They were outnumbered, and to add insult to injury they were smaller than these aliens. The fight was embarrassingly short. It was infuriating.

He had a headwound and was bleeding all over the place, including those that manhandled him. He might have intentionally rubbed blood on them, just to be petty. A small part of him hoped his blood stained horribly. James had been slammed against a wall and definitely had a concussion. He was slurring his words and couldn’t focus. Fortunately, he wasn’t bleeding, and he wasn’t acting like he had internal damage, so he should hopefully recover without complications.

Steve took stock of the situation- he, James, and their crewmates were in a barred cell, bright lights almost blinding (that couldn’t be helping James), and no aliens were in sight. Steve still had his lockpicking kit, knife boot, and garrot. He wasn’t sure if it was arrogance or ignorance that let him keep his weapons, but he wasn’t going to complain. The first challenge was getting out of the heavy-duty cuffs placed on him and James. Steve was in the middle of trying to use his lockpicks on them when he heard James retching.

James had tried to turn his head so he didn’t get anything on himself, but was only partially successful. Luckily it was mostly just bile and whatever energy drink James had before the team left the ship. Steve did his best to help clean his friend, but it admittedly wasn’t much due to mobility issues and lack of supplies. He didn’t notice the vapor at first. He looked around the cell, thinking something was on fire. Nothing seemed amiss, so he looked down at James. James’s cuffs were… melting? where the bile had landed on him.

Steve blinked. That was a new one. To experiment he rubbed his cuffs on some of the bile, ignoring how gross it was. His cuffs started to melt too. Steve grinned. Sometimes it paid off to be an eldritch space horror abomination. His escape plan just got much simpler.

After making sure James was a comfortable as a concussed man could be, Steve got to work. He took off his overshirt, covered it in the bile, then rubbed it all over the cell bars, chatting ‘ew, ew, ew, gross, ew, gross, ew, ew, ew’ under his breath as he did so. He covered as many bars as he could. Sure, he could have just done a few, enough for them all to escape, but they gave James a concussion, so they deserved to have their cell bars melted. To be extra spiteful he wasn’t careful about not getting his blood everywhere. The bleeding had slowed down, so probably he wouldn’t get lightheaded from bloodless. Hopefully he could put that off until everyone got back to the ship safely.

While the bars were melting Steve got his group organized. He hashed out a quick escape route, instructed two of his crewmates on how to carefully carry a concussed human, and the third how to be a reliable look out. Once he was satisfied, they set out down the hall.

His encounter with the aliens came sooner than he was expecting. Their horrified recoil at the sight of him was gratifying. The reason the aliens were coming for them was not. Human blood was apparently toxic on this planet, and all the aliens that had come in contact with Steve’s blood were getting sick. The threat human blood posed outweighed whatever offence that had gotten them thrown in jail in the first place, so they were being exiled from the planet. Steve was a little disappointed at the anticlimactic-ness of it all, and even more so that he couldn’t see their reaction to their destroyed cell. He’d take the win though.

After James recovered he was very put out that he hadn’t been a more active participant in the rescue. The fact that he was the reason Steve was able to leave behind such malicious destruction was a small consolation.

.  .  .

AN: I started this because I wanted to write a story about human stomach acid destroying alien things. Inspired this post made by @aizawa-is-a-cat

I did little to no research on concussions. I’ve had what the doctor called a ‘semi traumatic concussion with memory loss’. I don’t think I was nauseous, but because of the memory loss I don’t remember the three-ish days before I got the concussion, the car accident that caused the concussion, and my memory of days after is spotty at best, so I can’t use my personal experience. I do know I was very confused, and every few minutes would ask what time it was or where I was.

More stories with Steve and James:

Death Before Two Trips

Specification is Important

Snippets feature Steve and James:

Hide the Object

Human Navigators