Some Of My Favorite Batfam Fic Tropes

Ra's Al Ghul: Talia. Why is your charity case running around stabbing people and causing me a migraine?

Talia: I may have told him that coming out of the Lazarus Pit can induce a rage fever.

Ra's: That wears off after four hours. It's been three months since you dunked him.

Talia: It's therapeutic, father. He's able to express his rage without feeling guilt over it. Let him have this.

Ra's: He ruined my favorite garden!

Talia: For as much as I put into keeping this League running, he gets to ruin as much as he wants.

Okay that would be hilarious.

Jason: *goes absolutely feral*

Talia, sipping tea: You’re doing great, sweetie.

Ra’s: It’s been six months. He’s taken down nine drug rings and three corrupt governments. Will you please tell him now.

Talia: Just let him have this.

Steph's college dormmate: Okay, fuck marry kill, Batman, Nightwing, Red Hood

Stephanie: I'm killing all of them, thanks

Steph: Hey Bruce, no hard feelings, okay? But if I ever kill you just know that it’s because I really, really don’t want to marry you.

Bruce: *is trying to unpack that statement*

It's not really well known, but Carrie Kelley is canon in DC comics.

A few years back, she was the Robin that came after Dick, but it was soon retconned and she was erased from canon.

But in Batman and Robin (2011), she makes an appearance.

Carrie Kelley, in new canon, is a college student who gave Damian acting classes. Nobody knew that he was getting tutored by her, but it was revealed to Bruce in a 'not pleasent' way.

In her first few panels, we see her trying to contact Damian because he had stopped showing up to the lessons and stopped taking her calls. This had upset her, as he was naturally talented (according to her) in acting. She was also worried about him.

Carrie, then, shows up at the Wayne Manor looking for Damian. However, she does not get what she was looking for.

Bruce tells her that he had sent him abroad for education and Carrie is not happy with that. At that time, we can see that Carrie knows Damian well enough to know that he wouldn't be happy getting sent to another country. She also blames Bruce for losing a great acting partner.

After Bruce leaves, we see Alfred converse with Carrie and offer her a job of taking care of Titus. Carrie happily agrees to it.

A few days later, she comes back to the manor and Bruce is visibly uncomfortable. It's clear that he does not want her here. Bruce asks her what she is doing in his house, and Alfred explains the situation.

Bruce and Carrie start talking a little as Bruce is curious about Damian's new friend. Carrie mentions a movie she made of Titus and also about an interview she had with Damian before he had started taking acting lessons. She also mentions that Damian was like a little brother to her and with him being blunt and true, it was easy to befriend him.

Bruce asks her for the the interview footage and Carrie makes a deal with him instead. She'd give him the interview footage if Bruce gives the movie she made about Titus to Damian. She also asks Bruce to tell Damian to give her a call. Bruce agrees to the deal.

Later on, when she leaves, Bruce keeps his promise and takes Titus' movie to Damian and places it onto his grave...

At GCPD after a very busy night where Batman brought in like all of his Rouges, bringing Red Hood there (to show him a lesson, he'll break him out later and bring him home)

Batman, handing Red Hood a little cup: Here's some water.

Red Hood: Thanks, dad.

Red Hood, looks over to see all the other villains went quiet and are staring at him: Why is everyone staring at me?

Riddler: You just called Batman "dad."

2 Face: You said, "thanks, dad."

Red Hood; What? No, I didn't. I said, "thanks, man."

Professor Strange: *furiously taking notes*

Batman, knowing it's Jason but genuinely didn't think Jason thought of him as his father: Do you see me as a father figure, J-Red Hood?

*The other rouges not knowing it's Jason and that he's Batman's son, they just think he has an issue with authority stemming from his parents that he is projecting onto Batman*

(Joker, muttering to himself: Man, not even I'm that psychotic)

Red Hood, looking around at all the other villains then back to Batman: No. If anything, I see you as a "bother" figure, 'cause you're always bothering me.

Bane: Hey, show your father some respect.

ok hear me out but ..

Damian is an avid Wild Kratts fan.

Also bonus:

Edit: Thank you for 1000 on this silly post I made! <3

Duke and Tim middle child antics?

I know Jason and Cass are also middle children but Duke and Tim are the Middlest if you know what I mean

They walk around the house opening doors but not closing them

Their secret TikToks are of them doing increasingly stupid dances on patrol and seeing how long it takes for the others to find out. Right now they're at 232 videos and counting

They duct-taped Barbara's Pringle can shut. She blamed Damian

Jason forgot a bottle of Coke outside. Tim and Duke set up a science experiment watching it over the course of 9 months. It gained national recognition. The rest of the batfam never noticed

They recorded an album of Dick's shower singing

Their favorite track: Dancing Queen (L'Oréal remix)

Yeah Damian exists but let's be real Tim and Duke are the only Gen Z batkids

They dyed each other's hair and no one batted an eye

Dick bought two pairs of Ray-Bans and both went missing the next day. He blamed Jason even though Tim and Duke were right there, rocking their matching shades

They locked Damian out of his Club Penguin after too many failed password attempts

They also convinced him the Batmobile had a secret chicken incubator function

Steph loses her charger often but rarely notices because either Alfred or Bruce will replace it when she does. Tim and Duke, meanwhile, collect them and plan on regifting them to her on the 10th anniversary of losing her first one

Cass knows where they hid her hairdryer, but it's in Tim's room and no amount of survival training could prepare her for that

Bruce forgot to add Duke to the family phone plan so Tim hacked the account and added Duke himself

Sometimes Tim and Duke get lumped into a single entity during headcounts and just watch as everyone panics thinking they're missing a person

“Tim Drake is a horrible cook”

“Tim Drake couldn’t take care of himself to save his life”

Timothy “Practically raised himself alone with a housekeeper that came around with dinner once or twice a week” Drake would be a brilliant cook, but all the food he makes would be chaotic as fuck.

Jason is the one who can bake indulgent treats with extra cream and sugar in nice little shapes, and Alfred is the one who can whip up a lobster chowder, but Tim is the one who would be able to look in a pantry with the most eclectic, useless ingredients that have been out of date for decades and know how to make them palatable.

(CW from here on out: food insecurity, starvation, child neglect, early Damian being pre-deassholeification Damian)

Little nine year old Timmy would look in the pantry and find an expired jar of caviar, a handful of pine nuts, exotic spices that his parents brought home but never used because they weren’t around enough to use them, half a stick of butter and a chunk of lettuce (expensive ingredients, sure, but not the right ones to keep a child fed and nourished) and make an eccentric, if edible kind of salad with a spicy, salty sauce with a nutty twist and passable texture.

Timmy would have nothing but a handful of chicken bones that he’d managed to swipe before Mrs Mac threw the food waste in the bin, the spices mentioned earlier, two spoonfuls of sour cream, hoisin sauce, and salami and he’d still manage to make a broth that would feed him for the next week because Mrs Mac only came with dinner twice a week and it would be at least another month before his parents came home from whatever country they were digging into this time. And his food wouldn’t be the most substantial, but it wasn’t like anyone was giving him packs of fresh meat or bread anyway, and nobody was home to check whether or not he was eating properly.

Mrs Mac would act coy when she saw him sneaking his vegetables off his plate, but Tim wasn’t doing it to avoid eating broccoli, he was doing it so he would have something to eat tomorrow. He’d have school lunches to buy, but other than that, what he could make was all he had.

Alfred would notice, at first, that Tim would be a very good wartime cook, before questioning why, and then giving him “leftovers” to take home with him after patrol. Just in case.

And when he moved into the manor, everyone was so confused as to why he was allowed in the kitchen with the kind of things he creates, but nobody is willing to question Alfred’s judgement, so they leave him be. Damian kept trying to poison him but failing because he would use the most outlandish, stupid ingredients and half the ones he tended to use were nonperishable and therefore sealed. He’d also smuggle a lot of expired food into a separate pantry so Alfred wouldn’t throw it out, and Jason would probably be the only one to see anything wrong with it aside from Tim being Tim.

So, yeah. Angst, anyone?

Another Miraculous Crossover Nobody Wanted (DCxML)

In the midst of so many Batfamily/Miraculous crossovers, the thing I feel so many people forget is that the Waynes are...well...themselves.

Sure, they're awesome vigilantes. Trained in martial arts and with great mental fortitude to help them against the likes of Scarecrow's fear gas, Joker's venom, and Mad Hatter's manipulations.

...the problem is that Hawk Moth is a whole different ballgame.

He doesn't target their fears or dreams. He targets ANYTHING. Like petty annoyances. Frustrations. Sleep deprivation. Obsessions. Things the Batfamily generally try to ignore on a regular basis.

If he can akumatize and reakumatize the same man over his love of pigeons and people who feel they've been wronged over silly reasons, there's SO MUCH that could come from the complete dysfunction/emotional constipation that is the Wayne family. Remember, ANY frustration or annoyance or upset counts. 

Meaning Ladybug and Chat will be having their hands full with the Waynes until they leave.

And given that Hawk Moth comes up with the silliest costumes and powers...

...the others would never let them live it down.

...

It was a beautiful day in Paris. And an absolutely wonderful vacation to the City of Love, where everything was peaceful and nothing was wrong.

Dick stood at the window looking out over the city.

Tim was on his computer doing some reports. Possibly Wayne Enterprises work, but more likely mission work.

Damien had apparently gotten tired of grumbling and was focused on sharpening his sword—which Bruce really shouldn’t have let him bring. But given the situation, he couldn’t argue against letting Damien have something that would help him stay calm.

Cass had found a magazine to occupy her time, though she seemed somewhat confused as to the male teen model that kept appearing in nearly every line.

And Jason…

…he was grinning. And watching Bruce with such anticipation, looking downright hopeful as he waited. Not helping was that he was holding what appeared to be a brand new camera, fully prepared to start recording.

Bruce knew why.

But he would not give him the satisfaction.

Because nothing was going to happen.

Absolutely nothing.

Bruce twitched.

SNAP!

And his pen cracked from the sheer amount of pressure he was putting on it. Which was admittedly an annoyance, but wasn’t that big of a deal…

…if it wasn’t the 15th pen he’d broken in the past three hours.

It was fine though.

Nothing was wrong.

He was calm.

Calm.

Calm.

A muffled voice could be heard from outside despite the room being on the seventh floor of a building. Which of course was a coincidence and not because someone was actually right outside the room….and the building.

And perhaps if Bruce tried really hard, he could convince himself was just someone singing a line out of “American Pie” and not someone talking about butterflies.

No.

Because there were no butterflies outside. Because he was fine!

Not the slightest bit upset!

At. All.

“That’s thirty-three…” Dick counted.

…

…

…

…Dammit.

Bruce sighed.

“Did she come back to the roof?”

“Actually, she never left.” Tim confirmed, not even looking up from his computer. “She stopped leaving after the last incident and has just been standing there for the past couple hours now, catching them as they come.”

A long pause.

“How…?”

“Her partner has been bringing her water and snacks. And keeping watch whenever she has to leave to hibernate or use the little bug’s room.”

Bruce groaned.

Why couldn’t it be a villain? Or a fan or stalker? He could deal with those. He dealt with them all the time.

It was the well intentioned young superheroes that he had a harder time dealing with. The ones that wanted to help but were misguided in not understanding that their help wasn’t necessary.

“Gotcha!”

“Thirty-four.” Dick droned.

…no matter how many magical butterflies implied otherwise.

“Maybe we should do what the nice Ladybug hero asked and finish up our business in Paris?” Tim suggested.

“I refuse!” Damien shouted, jumping to his feet. “This villain has made a mockery of us and it must not be allowed to stand! I will not leave until he has been caught and my sword has tasted his blood!”

“Damien, we don’t kill, remember?”

“I wouldn’t kill him.” Damien said, looking away with a pout. “Just…dismember him a bit.” He frowned, consideringly. “Maybe cut off his arms. He can’t continue villainy then, right?”

Tim sighed.

“So that’s a no on going home early then.”

They heard a noise from the roof.

“Is she leaving?” Bruce asked, trying to hide how hopeful he was.

“Nope. It’s her catboyfriend back again.” Dick replied, blithely.

Bruce sighed.

“Do you think they’re dating?”

“Dick.” Bruce warned.

“Because the city seems to be really hamming up the romantic angle between the two and it’s kinda hard to not see.” Dick continued. 

“Dick.”

“Even if it is kinda weird that they’re essentially shipping teenagers.”

“Speaking from experience there, Dickie Boy?” Jason cut in, cheekily.

“Stop it. Both of you.” Bruce ordered. “The goal of coming to Paris was supposed to be to deal with the emotional terrorism from Hawk Moth.”

“A little hard with all your emotional constipation there, B.”

Jason smirked.

“Or should I say ‘Justice Man’?”

Bruce twitched.

I love the headcanon that none of the Bats are supers, but over time? Gotham is slowly messing them up, one by one.

Bruce smiles at Clark one day in the Cave, and his eyes reflect the light back like a wolf's

Jason suddenly has tiny fangs, but nobody has the nerve to mention it

Alfred literally doesn't die

Dick can jump higher and faster than ever before, but barely notices it

Tim is awake for three days straight and doesn't blink

They're all subtly, but noticeably different. Gotham-blessed, or cursed, or something in between.