Countthefighters - Chris

I feel like the way I look causes people to take me less seriously

All I’ve ever wanted to know was what I want. I am a stranger to myself.

one day i will live in a house without slamming doors, angry men, and stinging words

one day

Am I even that mentally ill though lowkey

Like maybe it’s in my head

Should of done it when I had the chance

It will haunt me forever

It makes me so insanely pissed that people care

I know it sounds stupid and self loathing and it is

But I don’t understand why people still stay with me despite how fucked up and neurotic I am

I feel like I do nothing except make my problems other peoples burden

Take this stupid fucking account for example

All I do is bitch and whine

I’m sorry you have to be around someone like me

I’m sorry that I hate myself so much that it bleeds out of me in every way possible

I wish I was different so bad

I wish I could be a better friend

I wish I could be a better brother

I wish I could of been a better son

I wish they didn’t die only knowing me as their daughter

I’m sorry that this is such a big part of me

I’m sorry none of this makes sense

I am in so much pain

when sylvia plath said, “i need a father, i need a mother, i need some older wiser being to talk to. i talk to god but the sky is empty.” and when oscar wilde said, “a burnt child loves the fire.” and when frank bidart said, “memory is punishment.” and when

God made me a trans man because he knew I’d be too powerful as a butch lesbian

what are you waiting for? someone to grant you permission? the perfect and permanent emotion? a shooting star to magic away every problem you have or ever have had? alright, wait away then. but no one is going to live your life for you while you wait to become someone else

Home of the freak

Land of the gay