“there Is Nothing Here Please Go Away”

I need to put down the cup 💔

My birthday makes me quite sad and I wish it didn’t cuz I’m lowkey crashing my own party

I don’t know what to do I’m so scared of everything

Grief is such a peculiar phenomenon. It truly alters every single aspect of your life. I don’t think there’s any part of my life that was left untouched by my grief.

I truly lost touch with reality after my parents passed. And I believed for a long time that my parents were gone, dragged back into the earth with words left unspoken, and nightmares put to rest; but as time has escaped me, I have been disproven. My parents may be ash now, but I see them everyday in myself. It’s horrifying, and sometimes beautiful. All of my life I’ve been told I act and look just like my father, and while that remains true, my mother’s venom has snuck its way into my behavior. I constantly feel like I’m fulfilling their doomed prophecies for myself now that they’re gone.

But I know that it doesn’t have to be that way. I know I can change and I need to allow myself to sit with this, instead of running and running and running. I am so tired, and I need to stop giving up on myself. I may lick my wounds like my dad, and I may carry my mother’s temper, but I don’t have to *be* them. I can be better. I hope I will be better.

My mother, was God before I knew what God was

My father, was an angel, abandoned, fallen, blood still smeared on his ivory wings

I tend to forget that God seemed to forge the fall of Satan

But I am reminded when I find feathers painted with maroon in the corners of my mind

How long do we have before the love starts to rot?

Do you always have to look your lover in the eye when you twist the knife?

Was the gun pointed at his temple or yours?

Thinking about how when I woke up from a nightmare in a friend’s bed I wasn’t scared. Usually I wake up in cold sweat fearing god. Friends are so magical, they don’t even have to say anything to make you feel better sometimes.

i think i would give anything experience this

basically everything i’ve been feeling

Goatsong, Leila Chatti

on friends and soulmates and that type of love that feels like it's going to burst right out of your heart

@/zmije / @/leptodiera / @/bichopalo / lyrics from two best friends by bb bean / animatedjames on youtube / @/killingmyselfbutnotdying / unknown / @/sadiekane / friedrich neitzsche / katfish draws / @/elytrians / @/wormbus-art aka @/angel-pond / @/mushysuggestion / the unsent project / mhairi mcfarlane / unknown