I’m Very Irritating IRL

Hey! I wanted to ask if you could give some writing advice? I was going through my drafts and I found that I use passive voice a lot, when I should be using active voice. How do you refrain from doing that? Also, do you have a great explanation for the difference? I was not aware of this for a long time, haha! I apologize if this is annoying! :)

NOT ANNOYING

An excellent distraction from revising.

What I suggest using is the BY ZOMBIES test.

Active:  Clare ate the apple.  

Passive:  The apple was eaten.

In passive voice, you can add BY ZOMBIES and it will make sense.  In active voice, it will not.  So ‘Clare ate the apple BY ZOMBIES’ is ridiculous, but ‘The apple was eaten BY ZOMBIES’ makes perfect sense.

If you look for the verb “was” you’ll find SOME passive constructions, but you’ll also find past progressive which is NOT passive.

What is ‘past progressive’ you ask (because, honestly, who the fuck knows what that is?)  It’s:  Clare WAS EATING the apple.  She’s still DOING THE EATING and that is the key to active voice.  The subject of the sentence is doing the verb.  

In THE APPLE WAS EATEN, the apple is NOT doing the eating, but in CLARE ATE THE APPLE, Clare is actively eating that apple.

People are generally told (a passive construction, and how can you tell?  Because the PEOPLE are not doing the telling, and ALSO because you can add BY ZOMBIES:  People are generally told by zombies) that they should avoid the passive voice because it makes everything very static because no one is DOING anything.  They are just being DONE TO.

The main exception is if you want to portray a passive character who just lets things happen to her.  But USUALLY passive characters are boring and that’s a reason people tell you to use the active voice.

How to use mainly active voice is just practice, but revising will help because when you correct the same error a thousand times (OK, maybe other people learn more quickly, but I need multiple iterations of screwing up to learn shit) you stop making it.  You can try pasting things into the hemingwayapp thing (hemingwayapp.com) and it will highlight passive constructions for you, which can be a great visual cue.

Hope this helps!

Wonder In A Time Of War

A one shot based on the 2017 Wonder Woman film.

#Wonder Woman

Daphne Nevada

Wonder In A Time Of War by Daphne Nevada

At the end of a war, two lovers find peace in the aftermath.

For Your Own Good

Albus fished in his pockets for something to give the man. "I don't suppose you'd care for a spearmint humbug...?" Albus trailed off pathetically as the man gave him a baleful stare and moved on. Albus sighed and rubbed his short, auburn hair. It was only just growing back in.

"Stop fussing," his date said.

"Nervous habit," Albus sighed again and forced a smile.

"Look, there's nothing you can do for the poor beggers, as much as you try." His date seemed half amused, half exasperated.

Albus smiled thinly. "There's no harm in trying."

The golden haired youth looped an arm through Albus', and together they set off down the cobbled lane. After several strides into the dark alley, Albus found himself pressed up against the crumbling brick of a high wall as his date leaned in to kiss him.

"Jeremy, we'll be caught."

"So what? You can just, you know..." Jeremy mimed aiming, and then blasting, with his right hand.

"That would violate I don't know how many laws." That was a lie. Albus knew exactly how many it would violate, but speaking of them would only make his transgression of the first, the most vital law, all the worse; the Statute of Secrecy.

"Come on, Al. We fought in the fucking war. We died in the war. We've earned the right to enjoy a bit of freedom. It's 1945, for chrissakes!" This emphatic speech was undermined somewhat by the furtive dark of their surrounds.

They stood against one another, breathing loudly into the quiet. Albus leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Jeremy's mouth. "You're right. Of course, you're right. I've been living with secrets for so long, I've become rather accustomed to it." Jeremy looked Albus in the eye, naked pain and anger mixed with the deep exhaustion they all felt. The soldiers of the Second Great War.

Jeremy kissed Albus roughly, desperately, as though trying to draw his magic right out of him through that kiss. As though reaching for a miracle. Albus knew how he felt, returning the kiss with ardour. His hands clawed at Jeremy's shirt, burrowing beneath the thin material to caress his chest. Jeremy was more bold, fumbling with the buckle of Albus' belt.

"Wait, wait not here."

Jeremy groaned in frustration. "Why not?"

"It's cold, and muddy, and it's starting to rain— "

"Look, I'm not a breakfast in bed kind of guy here, Al! I like you, but can't we just have this moment? Here? Now?"

Albus turned his head away, and Jeremy cursed under his breath. "I'm sorry, Al."

"No, I'm sorry Jeremy. You reminded me of someone I had once cared for. Deeply. But I can see now this was a mistake."

Jeremy shook his head and turned to walk away. As he retreated further into the alley, Albus aimed his wand at Jeremy's back. With a whispered word, all memory of Albus was erased from his mind. Jeremy never looked back.

Tears streamed down Albus' face as he wandered the crowded streets, making his way slowly towards the Leaky Cauldron. Breaking his final Sickle on a Firewhisky, Albus knocked it back and climbed the stairs to his room.

Albus lay on his bed, realising too late that he had walked the length of London with his fly undone. Albus laughed, placing his hands over his face. Albus unbuckled his belt and reached beneath the waist of his pants. It truly had been a shame, he had liked Jeremy's fervent, if obnoxious and misguided, enthusiasm.

Albus stroked himself, thinking of a different golden haired youth. One recently incarcerated in Nurmengard. Albus pushed aside the grief, the guilt, the raw and maddening lust for power he harboured still, and concentrated on that beautiful face. The one who had smiled so sweetly while uttering those fateful words. Greater good. Albus groaned as he climaxed, not caring that he was still wearing his pants.

He lay for a while longer, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, spilling down his face to pool on the pillow.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Gellert," he whispered. "It was for your own good."

House of Ambition 

Slytherin Aesthetic ~ requested by @itskitsworld