Dearlyread - Reader

One time, I was on Coronado Island during SDCC and saw you. It's probably been 12-15 years now. Since that day, sometimes when I feel out of place because maybe my style or vibe doesn't match the crowd I'm in, I think, "Stop! Be as comfortable and confident as Neil Gaiman walking around wearing all black in the California sunshine!"

This sounds very wise. I long ago learned I'm more comfortable feeling like me.

I remember you. You're someone I have to forget.

(I've missed you. I've loved you.)

Now that I have a binder I'm now just noticing these little things I did- like, push down on my chest randomly throughout the day (my hand missed and I was surprised I did but then I realised that I did that a lot), slouch aggressively (that might be the autism) and do a T-Rex arm whenever I shifted movement unexpectedly or needed to put the rubbish bag in the big bin to not notice the two baseball's attached to me move- the more you fucking know, oh my god.

I feel like I need to talk about the elephant in the room. Me about me. Narcissism at it's finest.

I'm genderfluid, I'm not always sure what I am most of the time. Sometimes something just feels wrong. Sometimes I know right away, gold star for that. Sometimes something is just so wrong that I can't breathe in my skin right anymore. A lot of the times, it's not that people use a certain term of endearment, it's that I've asked them not to use it- it's a betrayal. It feels like they overcompensate, trying to bring back someone I'm not but who they think I am. Gender shouldn't matter, but unfortunately, it feels like it does to me about my own identity. I know I'm genderfluid, I never felt like I could pin point whether I was a boy or a girl growing up, wanting to be one of the macho boys and then texting back and forth about my girl friends' crushes. I'm my own villain when I think that I'm just looking for attention when I'm looking for acceptance.

I've never been one thing, I feel like there are dimensions to me that aren't solid to be my first and foremost personality. It kind of makes me feel like sand, shaped by its environment, changing when dry but exposed to water, lightning and cement, for the lack of a good analogy. In some cases in that analogy, being sand hurts. I can change inside, but outside? I can only do so much to feel at home in my body. I chase drastic changes, clothes, piercings, tattoos, hair dye, scissors, the electric razor. Now something that is going to make everything I've gone through more real, more scary, but I don't think I can be happy without it. And when it doesn't suit anyone's view of me, I'm completely alone.

"The important thing isn't to have others recognise that you're asexual. It's to decide the path that feels right to you."

- Shinobu Ishii, Is Love the Answer?

Finally got my "started a 10+ chapter completed fanfic after midnight" badge 👍

"I don't want people te be worried about me, there's nothing to worry about. I don't want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that, and I don't understand yet. I don't want people to interfere. I don't want people in my head picking out this and that permanently picking up the broken pieces of me."

– Solitaire, Alice Oseman.

Relatable.

Good existential crisis, writers, quick question- do any of you have "writersonas"??

Michael Holden and Tori Spring are not dating, but they're not just friends either.

They just are, they just exist together.