POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL

Mark Twain was such a weird guy and I respect him so deeply for it

I once wrote that Sugarverse!Madara wasn’t promiscuous and now I’m looking at all these fun and/or pervy au collabs I’m doing and it’s like.

Naw.

He’s still not a ho. 

He is confident about sex and likes to have it often when he’s got someone to have it with because his ego grows ever more powerful with every orgasm he gives his partner(s).

Put him with people that are pretty but he doesn’t know them well? He might flirt if one seems into him/situation calls for it but otherwise he’d be chill.

Madara might actually be in charge of Konoha’s lipstick missions. He could probably teach people how to use genjutsu as a seduction tool and never need to touch the target at all.

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

Not too much dialogue going on in the early stages. The gvTobi is distracted by _why_ shadow clone sex would be a thing. "What would the appeal be?" and Sugar!Tobi is trying to explain how "Y'know when they dispel and you get their memories? It feels pretty good. Besides, he's an exhibitionist and so...it can be fun to tease him. I think it might be an Uchiha thing, that they like to look."

Upon hearing this, gvTobi is curious whether the original would come after a clone dispels after orgasm. (Which sounds impractical)

SugarTobirama nods, "It does for me. I usually have a clone work if there isn't too much to deal with; I prefer to enjoy Madara personally." 

The younger makes a face. "Can you imagine if it dispelled when you were near an Inuzuka?" 

The older shrugs, nodding his agreement. That would be unbelievably embarrassing.

"I enjoy indulging Madara's fantasies every so often and clones are just another way to do that. Even if I didn't get anything out of the act itself, the look on his face..." He smiles just enough to look wicked. "What would be strange is using a clone henged into someone else..." 

He pauses and thinks the statement over before eying the seal-covered version of himself. He might be wondering if henging a clone into an alternate reality Tobirama would count as strange.

No, don't tell me that. It's just a little spicy, like eating too much pineapple. It's totally fine.

I've already had to realize this about bananas, I'm not ready to lose strawberries too

Strowburry melk

I want to explore the Bernard-as-the-third-Robin idea a little more.

Firstly, that's a mouthful and we're calling him Robern from now on.

CW: in theorizing backstory we address potential/canon child abuse and suicidal ideation.

How does he come to find himself in Batman's orbit? By accident. By storming out of his house after a fight with his parents. By blindly walking to the more dangerous part of town, or climbing up to a rooftop, or standing at a bridge.

By looking at something dangerous and thinking, "how much would they care if I were hurt? Would they care at all?"

And then along comes the goddamn Batman. And he's a fucking mess. He burned the bat signal onto a guy's face earlier.

And maybe that's where this change in the timeline starts; with Batman sitting next to this kid who looks nothing like either of his sons, listening to him talk about his parents and his fears and...

Bernard is just a kid who wants his parents to love and accept him.

Just like Jason.

Do y'all think Batman would take him home immediately or do you think he'd try to find alternative arrangements for this kid?

Because I rather like the idea of a deeply concerned Tim Drake going to Nightwing sooner rather than later, holding photos of messy!Batman ushering a sad-eyed blond kid into the Batmobile.

Truly, this is the DC artists giving us a cheeky wink and a nod that not only do Tim and Bernard do freaky rooftop sex, they do freaky sideways building sex.

Every time a Gothamite tweets about seeing Batman and Catwoman getting frisky on a roof, Tim and Bernard one-up them. Pretty soon Gotham is like "BatCat, who? Red Robin and Tuxedo Maskless over there are doing things that defy both physics and public decency laws"

DC needs to give Tim Drake either an age-up + a new suit, or, give him the most badass, diabolical villain arc known to man.

Mitch Grayson might be my isekai self-insert proxy but that's not hurting anyone

Sorry y'all, it's story time. When I was a kiddo my siblings and I got to see the Batman Forever movie in theatre - you know, the one where Dick was around 21 and had an unnamed older brother? My older sister quickly called dibs on having Robin as her favorite character and, as imperious older siblings do, assigned me to having his brother as my favorite. So, I dutifully admired my tragic hero for several months until I realized that my guy only existed in one movie and had no appearances in comics or merch or anyone's memory.

Lately though, decades later, he's been constantly on my mind. I think the reveal of the nameless Prodigy and Dick's older half-sister Melinda as characters wove some new paths in my memory banks or something, because "Mitch Grayson" is just resonating. (Maybe, just maybe, Dick was always meant to be a younger brother.)

Imagine the classic Robin origin, but with Mitch as an older brother; how would things change? Who would Mitch be?

In my head, it's Batman, Robin, and Hoodlum, not the Dynamic Duo but the Terrific Trio. I imagine Mitch as being a few shades more angry, a little harder hitting than his baby brother. He'd be 12/13 to Dick's 8/9, and I imagine he'd be as obnoxiously protective and smothering as a traumatized older sibling, fiercely and almost rabid to protect the only blood family he has left. He's meaner and it'd take more effort on Batman's part to convince him not to merc Zucco. Mitch admits to having a different idea of justice than Batman, but is willing to keep to his foster father's rules.

Mitch is, perhaps, enough of a little shit to drive Batman into reading self-help and parenting books, if not outright therapy.

I think Dick would still bounce to form the Titans eventually, but this time without being fired and kicked out of his home. Definitely would be after a fight, though. Something about having two overprotective, high-handed assholes always trying to keep him grounded. Mitch is perhaps unhealthily codependent.

Despite his little brother leaving the city, Mitch stays firmly in Gotham. It's partly because he knows that he'd otherwise just follow Dick around and his brother's right that that isn't healthy. Mitch has to grow and face his own struggles with letting his loved ones live independently. He's very much like Bruce in this way.

In his civilian life, Mitch is a lawyer who focuses on introducing superhero protection measures, especially for younger heroes. A lot of laws he bases off of the ones for child performers regarding caretakers, pay, schooling, etc. If an adult cape is going to mentor a young cape, that adult better be ready to prove they can provide for that kid, including their mental health and also a way to leave the cape lifestyle should the kid want the out.

Also, provisions for cape-on-cape crimes. Specialized court procedures for people with secret identities, so they can testify or defend themselves legally.

Maybe in this universe he happens to be shadowing Harvey Dent on a certain day. Maybe he stops the events that lead to Two-Face.

Mitch is shorter than Dick, more physically like the traditional acrobat. Where Dick has their father's build and their mother's features, Mitch has a more willowy athleticism and their father's jawline. His Hoodlum uniform has a full mask once he hits puberty and grows a mustache like John Grayson's.

He is unapologetically gay. His social media accounts have steady uploads of the aerial routines he still does, along with silks and hoops and gymnastics. All those Waynes are thrill-seekers, after all. Sometimes he can be convinced to perform at Haly's or in a music video.

There's an incident over a year after he and Jason nearly die in a warehouse in Ethiopia. The Joker very publicly is holding a Wayne gala hostage and is live streaming the event. So it's very publicly seen that Mitch Grayson very purposefully swings a heavy antique chair at the Joker's head.

The trial is held outside of Gotham due to Mitch being unlikely to have a fair one as a well known Gotham celebrity and lawyer. It's an open-and-shut case of self-defense, though the prosecutor leans hard into Mitch's testimony that he'd known the chair would kill the Joker if he managed to land the hit. Mitch cites the trauma of being in the Joker's power again as being the reason why he chose to use lethal means - it's very Ender's Game; "Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too, right then, so they'd leave me alone."

He does some time in prison. The notoriety keeps him from falling into Amanda Waller's hands. #freemitch trends on Chirper in Gotham the whole time. Mitch and Bruce have several deep conversations about justice, and killing, and love.

Hoodlum loves the Robins; Hoodlum loves Batman; Hoodlum loves Gotham; Hoodlum loves his family.

Hoodlum eventually becomes Jason's title when he's grown up from Robin and ready to carefully and obnoxiously b(r)other the new kid. Tim soars in the Flying Grayson's colors and can always depend on his Hoodlum.

Mitch's new helmet looks like a snarling gargoyle. His colors are muted, but there's still a flash of red-yellow-green somewhere on him.

Grotesque takes to the skies and Mitch flies with his family.

I don't remember whether canon revealed Tim's specific Hit List contingencies or not, I lost that comic book awhile ago.

So I'd like to make shit up and invite people to add to the list. I've said before that I like to imagine that Damian just found the Hit List file and saw himself and immediately went to Nightwing, and I think it'd be funny if the Hit List was actually either A) Tim's customized playlists for everyone or B) the stupidest plans that might work as a mockery of Batman's contingency list.

In this episode I want to focus on option B, what would be on the Stupid Plans List if someone goes evil.

Damian - erase his Cheese Viking saves. Tell him his sketches of Batman are technically furry art. Buy him Robux???

Dick - lead him to Gotham zoo, get him to the elephants. Strategically leave powdered sedatives on ground, hope he licks? Dress as Jaybin, talk him down as hallucination.

Jason - just cut my own throat this time fuck.

Bruce - call Clark. Call Diana.

Cass - aw shit here we go again

Steph - Join. As a treat.

Cassie, Kon, Bart - all else fails, Core Four Suicide Pact 👍

Ra's - tell him I'll be his heir if he wins an MMORPG of my choice. Maybe he'll forget to Lazarus bathe?

Strawberry milk is so good frfr is better than actual strawberries because it doesn't make your mouth spicy afterwards

Strowburry melk

Wait, hold up.

We need to establish something first.

Are we talking Canadian Smarties or American Smarties?

I love stress-eating smarties I just go to town on those things I go through the whole bag I inhale it like munchable cocaine I eat it all until theyre gone and twitch on the floor like a dead rat