🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Oookay I think it would fun if you could do a fic where the reader has a crush on Riley and is part of same social circle as Riley and Harper so she knows what Harper did to Riley and also knows how Abby was lowkey using Riley for comfort only to go running back to Harper. So the reader is comforting Riley and telling her she deserves better but ends up confessing her feelings for Riley in the process of that and it escalates from there.

At last! What can I say, this turned out to be a pure lesbian romcom, I hope you enjoy it.

Closer

Riley Johnson x Reader (Happiest Season) Warnings: go figure, but there are none. Word count: 3.1K

‘So my parents were so attached to me believing in Santa that, even after years went by and I stopped believing, and they knew about that, still we just kept the charade going,’ said Riley.

‘Yeah,’ the blond girl sitting next to her nodded, staring into the void.

‘They were struggling, and I just felt so bad for them—that I eventually murdered them.’

‘Sounds fun,’ Abby muttered without even looking at Riley.

‘Ahem…hello?’ Riley ran her hand in front of the girl’s eyes.

‘Sorry I just…I think I need to go—’ Abby looked confused and all over the place.

'Hey, what’s happening?’

Riley got vexed as she really was trying to cheer Abby up and be there for her, knowing that being among Harper’s family on Christmas Eve could be quite a challenge, especially if you’re taken hostage and forcefully pushed back into the closet again.

‘It’s just…I was going to propose, but now it feels like she’s a totally different person. Like with me and here with her parents and…Connor.’

‘Welcome to the club,’ Riley chuckled.

‘What happened with you by the way? Harper was vague about that.’

‘Well, in school we were really close for years, like, inseparable, and in the freshman year we became…more than friends,' Riley rolled her eyes. ‘But then her friend suspected something, and Harper freaked out and told everyone that I was like obsessed with her, and she basically outed me in front of the school, which made my life awful for a while.’

‘Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that…’ Abby was genuinely shocked right now, discovering another layers of her girlfriend’s past.

‘It’s alright, it was a long time ago,’ Riley shrugged and took a sip of the red wine.

‘Do you believe people change?’ Her face was almost pale with tears in her eyes, ready to burst any second.

‘Honestly, I have no idea. How about we get you a real drink?’

‘Sounds good, thanks,’ Abby said as she gave her a nod with a strained smile and continued piercing her gaze at Harper, who was talking enthusiastically with Connor near the Christmas tree.

***

As she walked over to the bar to fetch drinks, you finally saw her up close. Riley was at arm's length and looking stunning as always. You'd wanted to talk to her for quite a long time, but it hadn't been easy since she'd been chatting with Abby furtively in the corner of the room all evening; besides, there was a bunch of people here, mostly former classmates with their families, who were eager to know everything that had happened in your life while you'd been out of town. By and large, everything that was going on at this posh party seemed bizarre and uneasy, and there was some kind of lesbian drama in the air.

You left this town first thing after graduating, and normally spent Christmas with your friends in New York, but this time decided to visit just to check up on your old parents. You didn’t have the best relationship with them, especially after your awkward coming out, but it was actually good to be there for Christmas, get lost in a crowd of familiar faces and some childhood memories. Plus, someone in a group chat said Riley would be there. You came across her post on insta and thought that…It’s probably stupid, but this Christmas you were free like a river and lonely as a wolf, so why not take a chance?

Seeing those people conjured up high school memories, especially the year Harper outed Riley in front of the students. It had been horrible, to say the least, and suddenly you remembered it so clearly, as if it had happened yesterday. You wanted to stand up for Riley then, but unfortunately you didn't have the guts to do so in those days, and you were still processing your own sexuality. Given what you saw happening to gay people at school, it goes without saying that you were shit scared of those bullies. Whatever the case, you did your best to show Riley that you were on her side and never made fun of her. Still, being a shy little person, basically a wallflower, you probably didn't get her attention, so she was unlikely to remember you.

She was now a few inches away, and the scent of her sandalwood perfume hit you hard, provoking a faint panic attack inside you.

‘Hey, Riley,’ you uttered awkwardly.

‘Sorry, I’m so clumsy,’ she said, trying not to spill the drinks, ‘hi!’ She bestowed her perfect smile upon you.

‘It’s Y/N, from a freshman year, you probably don’t remember.’ 

‘Of course I do! It’s been a while since you’ve visited this godforsaken place, right?’ Riley said.

‘It’s actually cute out there. I mean…almost poetic pastoral, isn’t it?’ You faintly chuckled, giving her a subtle flirtatious look.

‘Yeah, I know, just fooling around. Can you believe they are still doing that ‘white elephant’ thing?’

‘I think I missed that stuff. Living in New York, you know…’

‘Oh yeah, that explains a lot,’ she playfully pouted and shook her head exaggeratedly.

‘Well, I guess being there on Christmas, kinda comes with the territory,’ you said.

‘When in Rome…’ she smirked.

‘Do what Caldwells do.’ Then you both laughed, still figuring out the mood of this small talk. 

You blushed in a second, as you saw her laughing at your jokes. How could she be so gorgeous all the time? Years later, it only got hotter—a sexy brunette with sharp eyes and a deadpan expression. You could barely pull yourself together and put words in sentences, but on the outside you seemed to be nailing it.

‘Sorry, I should—’ she pointed to the lounge as she had beed expected by someone. 

‘Oh, I didn’t mean to distract you,’ you briefly apologized with a dash of disappointment on your face.

‘It’s fine, it’s just…’

She glanced back again and realized that Abby was suddenly gone.

‘Hm,’ she looked a bit lost.

‘Everything alright?’

‘Actually, I think I need a breather. Do you mind?’ Riley tilted her head pointing at the front door.

'Absolutely not!’ You tried your best not to show your childish excitement.

Looked like the party had just started.

***

You both snuck through the crowd and went outside of the house. It was cold, but the fluffy snow lying softly on the porch surface and the Christmas decorations of the Caldwell's upscale home with warm lights, wreaths and mistletoe made it look like some Hallmark fantasy. But you couldn’t take your eyes off Riley’s beautiful features and her perfect curled strands, slightly blowing in the wind.

‘Sorry if it's none of my business, but Abby and Harper?’ You finally brought up the elephant in the room. 

‘Hm?’ Riley looked a bit puzzled. 

'I mean, something is obviously off. Harper is still in the closet, isn’t she?’

Riley was probably figuring out if she was supposed to gossip about them.

‘Yeah, she surely is.’

‘Frankly, I don’t care about what’s going on with Harper, it’s just…I’m so sorry about what happened back in school.’

‘That’s okay, it doesn’t matter now,’ she stuttered.

‘It does matter, Riley. What she did was unforgivable. Period.’

‘You think so?’ She looked at you rather carefully and surprized.

'I’m sure there were ways to get out of that situation, but she chose to betray you. And…I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. It frightened me so much, that I was sitting in my own closet until graduation,’ you said, realizing that you had just come out in front of Riley.

‘Oh, so you’re…’ Riley’s face broke into a sincere smile.

‘I’m gay, that’s right,’ you chuckled with a relief, ‘and watching you confronted everyone helped me accept myself earlier, so thank you for that.’

‘Basically I was forced, but you’re welcome,’ she chuckled, ‘besides, it was enough not to be bullied by at least one normal person there.’

‘And as I said,’ Riley added, ‘it doesn’t matter now. Honestly, that made me even stronger, so I should probably thank Harper for that.’

You felt the blood boiling in your veins. No way Harper will benefit from her own shit. Of course, you knew what Riley meant, but nevertheless, you felt jealous.

Suddenly, you heard some screams and sounds of breaking and instinctively ran inside the house.

***

‘Harper is a lesbian!’ Sloan shrieked, adjusting her messy hair. Seemed like you had almost missed a once-in-a-lifetime Caldwells performance.

For a while, there was a total silence that heavily hung in the living room, stealing everybody’s breath.

‘She’s…she’s lying!’ Harper screamed, looking embarrassed, though all you can feel now was rage. You looked sideways at Riley, and her face spoke for herself. 

As you said, people less likely to change. Especially Caldwell people.

Guests started to leave and you briefly took your coat and were standing in the doorway, waiting for Riley to join you; but she walked up to Harper as if to say something in private.

***

‘Great party,’ Riley grinned gazing at Harper, standing alone in the middle of the hall. It was hard to tell whether she was sorry for what had happened, or pleased with kind of a payback for the old days. But knowing Riley, it was probably the first one. 

‘Oh yeah…’ Harper mumbled sheepishly.

‘You okay?’ Riley asked softly.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said with her reddened cheeks.

Riley looked right through her eyes and suddenly put her hand out to shake. 

‘She’s a really good one,’ she pursed her lips and nodded her head in Abby's direction who was standing not far away with her friend. Harper was trying hard not to burst into tears.

Riley said goodbye to other members of the Caldwell family and approached the doorway; you handed her a coat and finally you both left the house. Yet you felt that something was odd.

***

‘Is everything fine?’ you cleared your throat, breaking the silence as you walked toward the main road.

‘Yeah,’ she sighed, ‘maybe just some flashbacks or whatever.’

‘I can imagine. She’s such a coward.’

‘Well, that’s her family. She couldn’t have it any other way,’ Riley seemed to defend Harper, and you had been trying your hardest not to rant and rave.

‘I don’t know,’ you let out a loud sigh.

‘What?’

‘Am I supposed to react the way I want?’

'Yes, Y/N, you’ve been thinking too loud,’ she chuckled.

‘Okay. I get it, it’s hard to be out to parents like hers, but why the hell inviting your girlfriend to the family party, where you’d need to hide her from everyone? I think Harper’s an asshole, let alone she never said sorry to you after what happened. But you are so kind to her, feeling sorry for her even now…I mean, you must have been really in love with her. Like really—’

‘Hey that’s sweet. Thank you, Y/N,’ she gazed at you as you were walking down the road under the falling snow. ‘I guess, I left that school stuff behind and buried it deep down, trying not to think about it for a hell of a lot of time. But now it was like it triggered something.’

‘Don’t you feel angry?’

‘Somehow I don’t. Maybe seeing her so broken made it even. Or maybe I just know her family too much to judge. I’m lucky my parents love and accept me, it’s a privilege, you know. That’s why I forgave Harper long ago.'

‘Anyway, I wish I kicked her ass back then at school!’ you still couldn’t let it go being emotional.

‘That’s cute!’ she laughed, ‘I’ve never been fought over before!’

‘I’m fucking serious. You have a big heart, Riley. You deserve to be with someone who shouts their love for you from the rooftops,’ you blurted it out.

Riley giggled but remained silent, only the slight blush on her cheeks giving her away.

‘Do you wanna go somewhere, like to grab a drink or whatever? My folks are gonna sleep early, so I’m totally free,’ you said trying not to make it too obvious that you were hitting on her all evening. But probably it was a little too late for that.

‘I thought you’d never ask,’ Riley smirked and took you under her arm. The proximity sent waves of warmth and shivers to your body, and you couldn’t help but grinned as if you were in high school again and you’d just asked her out.

‘There’s one tiny problem,’ you said, ‘I don’t know any decent places in this town.’

Riley just laughed and said: ‘Leave it to me, baby.’ And that baby immediately turned you on.

***

A guy with rainbow makeup in a sparkling silver jacket opened the door, welcoming you to a local queer bar. There was a Christmas drag show, and lots of people were standing close to the scene, but gladly there were a couple of free tables. Riley ushered you to one of them, and in a minute, the rainbow host fetched you two glasses of champagne.

‘Compliments from a bar, Merry Christmas, darlings!’ he said in a high-pitched voice and disappeared into a dimly lit space with a haze of rainbow-lit light.

The music was loud and you needed some time to adjust to the atmosphere; Drag Queens were singing Christmas carols alternating with Lady Gaga songs, and everything was a far cry from the previous ‘party’, so it took just a few moments to forget about what happened before and to switch to a cheerful mood.

One of the queens approached your table and handed to you a glitter eyeshadow in a tiny box:

‘Everyone’s slaying today, don’t be shy, lovebirds!’ she said.

You looked down, nervously giggling, but Riley took the glitter without hesitation and gazed at you.

‘Want some?’ 

You shrugged and leaned over her, but the table was wide and Riley quickly moved to your side.

‘Close your eyes,’ she was bossing you around.

In a moment, you felt her delicate fingers touching your face, covering it with soft glitter. She was so close to you, that you could feel her fragrance and her breath on your face—it gave you a huge vertigo; not to mention that she was cool with the queen calling you lovebirds. Perhaps it was silly, but you got the impression that maybe she wouldn’t mind.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ she said, observing her artwork on your face.

‘So do you.’

‘Not yet! I need you to help me with this as well,’ she said, closing her eyes and preparing her face for a makeover.

‘Eyelids?’

‘Wherever you want, I trust you.’

It was an amazing opportunity to legally study her face and touch her skin. Luckily, she didn't know about your crush on her, which had escalated to oblivion over the day. 

She opened her eyes as you finished—silver sparkles were glowing on her skin, paving the way from her eyelids to her temples.

‘You look fabulous, Riley,’ you gasped, ‘do you mind?’ You took your phone to take a selfie.

‘Definitely not!’ she responded, ‘I need evidence that we’re slaying anyway.’

She pressed her face against yours while looking at the camera, and at this point, you were calculating your moves, trying to tread carefully so as not to spook her.

‘I’m so glad I bumped into you, Y/N, and that you happened to be in town this Christmas.’

‘Oh, the pleasure is all mine,’ you couldn’t believe that you were actually on a date with her, and something told you that this was the perfect moment to reveal the cards.

‘You know,’ you muttered, ‘I’ve been dreaming of meeting you this holiday, to be honest.’

‘Really?’

You took a little pause.

Was it the vibe of this bar or the Christmassy mood or champagne or whatever, you suddenly felt brave enough to caress her cheek, slowly moving your hand to twist her hair around your fingers.

Riley just smirked, gazing at you up and down, teasingly sliding her tongue along the inside of her mouth. You’ve taken your shot, but still were a bit uncertain about her feelings and too scared to say a word right now.

No words needed, in a while you felt her body respond as she leaned in and pressed her lips against yours. You swiftly cradled her face and returned a long, passionate kiss, cherishing the precious moment. Riley grasped your wrists softly, caressing them, while deepening the kiss, sending twists to your core. At last, you broke away to gaze into each other's eyes.

The glitter smeared all over your faces, with some landing on your eyelashes, creating a shimmering blur when you looked at Riley's face. She kissed you on the lips a few more times and said:

‘Dance with me.’

She stood up and took your hand, and in the blink of an eye you were on the dance floor. ‘Closer’ by Tegan and Sara was coming from the speakers, and Riley was seductively singing along, staring at you with her big brown eyes:

All I wanna get is, a little bit closer

All I wanna know is, can you come a little closer

She waved you over with her hand, swayed her hips to the beat, and flipped her hair to the other side. You were utterly spellbound by her moves, and her lips drew you in like a magnet.

So let’s make things physical

I won’t treat you like you’re oh so typical

On impulse, you put your hands on her hips, pressing against her body, merging with Riley in a hungry kiss as if you were doing it for the first time; and then she smiled and kissed you again and again and again, and you just couldn't get enough of her, bewildered like a teen at the queer prom, dancing with the homecoming queen.

‘You’re such a good kisser, baby,’ Riley whispered closely to your ear, so you could hear her through the loud beats of the music. 

‘And you’re such a good dancer, hot stuff,’ you took hold of her waist, so she was just a hair’s breadth away, her perfume intertwining with yours.

Finally the song was over, but you were still standing in the middle of the room, kissing under the disco ball reflecting iridescent colors. She wrapped her arms around you, running her fingers through your hair and giving you a beckoning smile, and you felt like the happiest person in the whole world at what was truly the happiest season.

***

Ghosts of the Past 

Commission art for @pinkandgreenroom 

so take a breath and dance with death, my love cannot be turned.

It took me almost a whole afternoon to write this so I'm glad someone liked it😂 actually, it has been my way of getting over the rewatch of the finale. It's a trauma everytime, even if I already know what's coming (just like ep.XIII)

"But I hear other voices. A chorus of voices. Multitudes. They reach back centuries. Men and women and children who lost their lives to men like you. Man and women and children forced to wear your chains. I must answer to them.

And this war, Flint’s war, my war, it will not be bargained away to avoid a fight. To save John Silver’s life, or his men’s, or mine.”

I’d like to start from this beautiful speech from Madi to explain why I think Madi is the war itself. Why she was exactly what Flint needed to start fighting it and why she couldn’t be further away from Silver as a person.

Just because I rewatched the final ep. today and I feel the need to honor the one who lost part of herself in this and to reason about the dynamics among the two persons who might have changed the world and the one who kicked that hope back into the dark corner of the untold.

As always, Flint and Silver’s conversation at the end of ep.XXXVIII made me think A LOT. First time I guess I was overwhelmed by emotions, but this time, between the bitterness of the betrayal and the desperation of Flint's loss, I think I started to see exactly what Silver couldn’t get about the war. Which basically is its meaning.

But let me begin with Flint, because is the character I think I know better by now and because I need to start from a warrior who is not the war itself.

Flint started by fighting a war, another one, an easier one, alongside Thomas. He found himself in that period of time, but he lost that war and the one he loved the most with it. Then he started to fight another kind of war, twisted himself in order to fit into its lines. That war was never about liberation, even if that was what he had been telling himself all along and maybe what he hoped he could eventually accomplish by fighting it: it was just about revenge and something to grab in order to stay afloat. It took him to lost every hope of happiness he had left (Miranda), the last possible meaning of his life and of the person he felt he really was deep inside to see the chance for yet another kind of war. A wider one, a harder one, a most fundamental one. It took him to meet Madi. Knowing her, someone completely different from anyone he had known and fought along in the past, someone who was somehow closer to him as a person than anyone he had ever known (except maybe Eleonor, I’m talking mainly about the pirates. Thomas and Miranda were close to him but not very similar in character I’d say and maybe this is why they got along together so well), he finally had the chance to understand that he was not alone in his misery. She had the courage to be what Flint didn’t even know he could become, the fight not for the fight’s sake but for the outcome, as much as he reputed himself already excluded from it, because however he couldn’t ever be part of anything again, not in the way he had been with Thomas and Miranda. But there’s a difference between fighting just to kill and fighting to save who the one you are killing would have been willing to kill, and Madi represented that change for him.

And the war represented the only meaning he was still able to give to his life.

He is defined by his past, absolutely and mainly, and this makes him both someone with valid reasons to fight and someone with reasons to stop fighting.

In the previous episode we see how Silver instead refuses to be defined by his past, which could be a good or a bad thing, depending on how one let that past influence themselves, but that in this specific situation is basically what makes him unable (just my point of view of course) to get the general meaning of that war.

He chooses to erase his experience in favor of the moment, of the future maybe, and this makes him unable (as much as he likes to affirm the contrary, which I had never agreed upon) to understand the minds of the ones who let that experience shape them. And even more, it makes him unable to understand the minds of the ones who don’t need to have cruel experiences behind them in order to feel the fight. That is, Madi.

To link with my previous post ( https://www.tumblr.com/dragonsinthedarkness/758840316125216768/from-the-moment-he-started-speaking-i-couldnt?source=share ), in that infamous conversation in the last ep. Silver confesses he felt the war only (or especially, but I’d say only) when he lost Madi, because he felt the need to honor her sacrifice, avenge her lost and everything Flint had been doing for years, and the point is that that war was EXACTLY that. It was answering to the multitudes of voices who had undergone all that suffering and that demanded justice for it. It was trying to accomplish that as few others as possible could undergo that same fate.

And the point I want to make is that Madi was not only a warrior but the war itself because she felt those voices and the need to answer to them EVEN IF she had never personally experienced such tragedies. She was raised with the Guthries, then in the camp, she had probably even had the chance to be happy in her childhood, but this didn’t prevent her from developing the knowledge of that evil or the responsibility to fight it as leader of her community and as sisters of all the ones who had suffered before and may suffer again.

She wasn’t defined by her own past, but she brought on her shoulders the most painful and important legacy and decided to honor it.

And one may ask for justice for what happened in their own lifetime with a single chance of succeeding, that can make a great warrior of them, but those voices REACHED BACK CENTURIES, as she said. Her justice, their justice, would have been hopeless as long as something bigger as that war started to change things, and this is exactly what Silver couldn’t understand.

Now of course I know changes don’t happen overnight because “the world is too strong for that”, but I’m talking about their reality in that age right now and I think that as much as a war couldn’t have probably changed things, it would have been a beginning at least. A scream echoing in the night of their existences who would have maybe be heard, and as long as even a single person was able to gain goodness from it, it wouldn’t have been in vain.

As I believe all their efforts had not been in vain, despite the outcome.

For one hour, a month or a year (to improperly quote Silver) of freedom.

For one single moment of victory, of light in the dark.

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there's something to be said of flint's anger in the scene he beats singleton to death.

but.

i think we should recognize that part of it stems from strategy as well.

the conversation with billy at guthrie's house-

"but now it seems they feel i'm..." "too weak." "i was gonna say unlucky. so that's the thinking. we've been attacking ships with lighter loads because i'm too weak to do otherwise."

up until this moment flint didn't know that's how he was perceived. but now he does, and that he needs to prove to the crew that that's not true. and what better way to prove your strength than beating a man to death with your bare fists?

of course the anger played a huge role in it, i'm not going to deny it. but it didn't have to.

the puzzle pieces fit neatly together to set the scene. flint came into that fight with the full intent of unleashing that rage, not merely because he needed an outlet, but also because he knew it would help his image.

this, plus going after a ship like the urca...

afterwards, the crew could think what they wanted about flit's mental faculties. they could think what they wanted about his arrogance, his pride, his lies and schemes.

but not one of them would think him weak again.

Lately I found myself thinking about James/Miranda relationship as a reversed version of Orpheus and Eurydice’s story, especially towards the end of it. Not because these two stories match well (they do not) but just because I like making this kind of classical comparisons and I'm stuck from a bit on the fact that, right before her death, for the first time Miranda was the one to refuse the progress to look back at the past. 

After the loss of Thomas, James let himself slip into a darkness comparable to the underworld, a darkness which so often threatened to swallow him whole. He walked on a thin line between a reign of death and an island of life, and if that darkness was that reign, Miranda was his island. 

During their whole journey of processing their grief and climbing their way back to a life that could be called such, she was the one always trying to drag him towards the light. To her, the life that might have been waiting for them in the future was that light, while the past was the darkness, and not because she deemed it forgettable or unimportant, quite the contrary indeed, but because while she knew how to keep and remember the beauty of that past and the light of it, along with the sorrow, she knew perfectly well how different it was for James. How he could remember the beauty of it, of course, but also knew how to put it aside in favor of the rage and the guilt, his gaze clouded by the pain and the unacceptable shame. 

She said it herself: she didn't want to forget that past, not the bright side of it and neither the inescapable sadness of it, its tragedy being the spring of that very beauty, the ruins existing only because there was something precious to be ruined in the first place; and at the same time, what could the dark of it matter, the injustice, the grudge, when it condemned the both of them to never be able to see the light again? 

First time I heard their discussion in ep.VII after knowing the whole story, I wondered how could she ask something like that of him, to forget and pass over what they had done to him just to gain a liveable life, but recently I've actually been wondering : how could she not?

I'm not taking any side in this, as I recognize Miranda's thoughts to be the most reasonable ones as they often are but at the same time I can't say I wouldn't act as stubbornly and desperately as James did in that situation, they're just really different ways to conceive one’s own existence, influenced by their own problems and conditions and mind. All I'm saying is that Miranda was able to see the light even if just from a distance, she was able to hope that one day they would have been able to truly see it. James was never. 

He just lied to himself about the possibility of it. He had plans and tactics and strategies, but for how I see it, those were all desperate attempts to convince himself of the contrary. He couldn't, maybe because of his personality, maybe because he knew that his situation wasn't one that could ever allow him to found real light in that world, maybe just because he loved her less than how much he had loved Thomas, less than how much she loved him, but whichever was the reason, he couldn't afford to see the light after that abyss, and I think Miranda was the first to know that. The one who knew him like no other, the one who loved him like no other. She knew that without help he would have never really been able to reach the end of that dark state of being. And she tried. She tried to help him in so many ways, because she loved him, she really did, and because she had the damn right to claim at least a decent life for herself. 

And here we come to the end, to Charles town.

Charles town could have been her success. Charles town was James’ surrender. For the first time she glimpsed one real chance of having him back, she saw in him the real intention to leave all of that darkness behind, to follow her, not leaving the past behind, never, but learning to move forward, finally allowing her a chance for a new life together. 

He was actually ready to accept even that miserable condition Peter Ashe imposed on him in order to get rid of the darkness, to climb to the light -as short lived as that might have been, at this point- to give Miranda a better alternative than the ones he had been able to grant her up until that moment (as I think his whole Charles town plan was led by the purpose of doing something to save her): as useless as we all know that would have been, accepting that bargain has probably been the most selfless thing James has ever done, even if he did it also for himself in a tired, desperate and contorted way. 

But Charles town wasn't only this to Miranda. 

Charles town was the discovery of the betrayal, because I believe she understood it all the moment she first saw that clock, I'm sure of it. Charles town was her umptheen attempt and her umptheen sacrifice. 

I think that must have been to her a similar quest to the Maria Aleyne's one: respecting James by telling him the truth, something he deserves to know, even knowing how he will react to it, knowing how impossible it would become for him, then, to go on with his plan, granting him a one way ticket to that darkness, or keeping him in the dark, bearing alone the weight of that knowledge, accepting to live with the helplessness to remedy that fatal injustice, only in the hope to finally make him reach that light?  

Would Orpheus reveal Eurydike a truth which risked pushing her back into the underworld just because it might be right for her to know it?

Still, things had been different, more desperate, back to the Maria Aleyne. Now the chance to succeed was real. 

And at first she made that difficult choice, which was selfish in a way, but definitely selfless in another, all at the same time.

And she did it because she loved him. 

She loved him so much that when she glimpsed, in that light, the prospect of losing him, she had to recognize that that light was -as James would have put it in the future- only their light, the light of a world the two of them couldn’t be part of anymore. 

She loved him so much that she had to look back. To the past, to him, because her James was still behind her, still in the dark, the only place where he was allowed to stay, and only that version of him was the one she truly loved. She loved the real James, with all his broken parts, not the one that could be seen under the lights of their lies. 

So she couldn't help giving up that false light, because she had wished for tranquility, a normal life -as probably anyone in her conditions would have done- but she was not disposed to give up the man she loved in order to gain that, as she hadn't been in the past, when the prospect of the future had been only dark and still she had not deserted the ones she loved. 

And when she turned back, this time trying to shield him from that light, the darkness at the pit ended up swallowing them both. 

Miranda died, and James was dragged back full force and imprisoned into the worst version of himself, the ruthless, autodestructive one. 

There are two versions of the story of Orpheus and Eurydice, and I think that the two of them taken together perfectly represent James’ reaction to her death and its circumstances.

In Virgilius’ one, Eurydice slightly resents Orpheus for his action, for his “folly” -as it is called- and (if we may call it that) for his selfish gesture of looking back, that she paid with her second chance to be alive. 

After Miranda's death, James dreams of her reminding him how he had resented her “because they were so close” and of course since that's a dream is what he knew he had felt. But that was…collateral to the condition he had been left stuck in. That was the childish resentment of having explicitly denied something he knew deep down he couldn't have. 

In Ovidius’ one instead Eurydice doesn't blame him because she can't resent being loved, and I think this is what James really felt. After all, looking straight at the truth of the situation and looking back at their shared history, I think there were no ways for him to actually, rationally resent her. (And in fact in his last dream about her she uses a past tense, “you resented me”, hinting that was something he had felt only in the moments when he was at his worst as when, always in the dream, he heard her apology).

Moreover, I think he perfectly understood the meaning of those last moments of hers, how important it was to her to make her voice be heard in that moment. In fact, despite the clear and growing doubt and rage (and worry) on his face while Peter and Miranda spoke, he didn't say a word, he let her speak, despite knowing the risks  and I think this is amazing and just proves how beautiful and respectful their relationship was, and that there were no way he could actually deem her responsible of their failure in that mission (doomed to failure since the beginning ‘cause of the truth).

What hurts even more about her death is the fact that it looks like they got closer to each other once again during that trip, as they hadn't probably been in years, and then…everything got lost forever.

If you ask me, the three of them deserve a whole show just for themselves. Like...only fragments in only five episodes? Absolutely not enough.

RUPERT PENRY-JONES as Thomas Hamilton, LOUISE BARNES as Miranda Barlow, and TOBY STEPHENS as James McGraw in Black Sails, Chapter XI.

Wei Wuxian made the Bonding/Binding Talisman...

Solely because he got inspired by getting tied with a sacred forehead ribbon to his crush.

Look at him admiring the handiwork wrapped around his wrist.

Not to mention that that's the only talisman he made that's colored blue.