Your Blog Sucks

Art by Denis Istomin

*Trigger Warnings: Mentions of abuse, nightmares, neglect, PTSD symptoms, and depressive feelings.*

Saturday, Oct. 22nd, 2022 Part 3

10:30pm

I had a nightmare last night that repeatedly woke me up. I didn’t remember it until I was writing in my other journal. Last night, my Papa told me that my stepdad, James, came with my Mom to California to visit, which in hindsight, I should have realized that sooner. We talked about James being there and how Papa would react to meeting him for the first time, but initially, I was just joking around. It wasn’t until the nightmare that I realized how triggered I truly am by James.

It was about my Papa confronting James about his abusive treatment of my brother and I after getting upset. The situation was really aggressive and resulted in my Mom packing up their things and leaving early, while ending things with Papa.

I find it a little defeating and irritating that James still sets me off after all this time. I don’t think I’ve processed that trauma at all, and it clearly still affects me. I’m still harboring all this hurt and trauma from both him and my Mom. From the moment that man entered our lives, my mother stopped being a mom to me when I needed her to be. I’m disappointed and full of rage towards her and what my childhood was like from that point onward. I really don’t understand why I still talk to her, other than holding out hope.

I want so many things for my mother that I not only grieve my childhood, but also her experience. She is so powerful, resilient, and intelligent, but James stunts all of that. I wish that she felt that she could stand alone, and realize that she does not need him to carry on. I wish that she could have everything that she needs and wants, just not with him.

Now, I also wish that she had those things for my own benefit as well. To have a mother who is not trapped by a narcissistic man. She has only ever fulfilled his wants and desires and prioritized him, while neglecting me. I love my mother to death, but I also resent her. All because of her love life choices. I wish things were different…

I think that I need all the time I can have away from college, so that I can focus on myself and heal. I have so many desires that I want in this world, but it feels like it will never happen. I need the strongest reminder that things are going to be okay, that I will still have a chance, and that things are not over yet. Because I have not suffered through so much for this to be the end. I deserve to be on this journey to heal and I deserve every good thing coming.

Part 1 -- Part 2

I finished the BatJokes I started some days ago

Keep drawing a lot of OTPs in these days~

Batman Lego Movie ( Chris McKay; Warner Bros)

The Lego Movie ( Phil Lord, Chris Miller; Warner Bros)

love love love how they fleshed out prince eric's character in the live-action film. they make him relatable af, especially with his 'search for identity being hindered by a loving-yet-smothering parental figure' arc. they make him feel like an Actual Person with his own wants and needs and silly quirks instead of the satellite love interest they portrayed him as in the animated film. what's more, they actually show us why and how ariel fell so hard so fast for him in the first place. plus it just makes me really happy thinking about how now that they they're working on their happily ever after together, eric can learn as much as he wants about the seven seas and ariel can learn everything her heart desires about the human world and they'll just have such a good time discovering new treasures together UGH this movie wasn't perfect but the character development was very much *chef's kiss*

i know a lot of people feel like you can't enjoy how a trans person looks until after surgery or hormones, but there are a lot of pre-everything trans aesthetics that i quite enjoy. i love trans men and transmascs who dye their already present mustaches to be dark and bold. it's sexy and cute. i love trans women with flat chests who wear deep cut shirts and dresses. it's sexy. i love the way transmasc and transfem voices sound before hormones. i love watching someone evolve. it's an extremely beautiful part of the journey, and should be appreciated, too

Liberals are significantly more likely than conservatives to be depressed, anxious, to rank high on neuroticism and to be diagnosed with mental illnesses and disorders.

- Musa al-Gharbi

This is a fascinating deep dive article by Musa al-Gharbi, a professor of sociology at Columbia University, for American Affairs Journal entitled, “How to understand the well-being gap between Liberals and Conservatives”

It explains a great deal of what’s unfolding in real time.