Combining these and writing fic at 12am *chefs kiss*
Thanks for the added detail that made me write this @dreampencil
-------
The first time it happened, Cas almost convinced Dean that it hadn’t.
It was a hazard of the job that hunting ghosts inevitably led to grimy, abandoned, pile of crap houses that looked like a vengeful spirit’s wet dream. Full of rotted wood, endless layers of dust, and freaking spiders. Dean had probably seen more spiders than anyone ever should. But it was fine, because he wasn’t scared of them – he didn’t think there was a hunter alive who could do what they do and go where they go if they were – spiders were just a nuisance. A pest of the ghost-hunting variety. Dean thought nothing of wiping them from his hands or clothes or pushing through thick webs that always seemed to get everywhere.
So, when he noticed a particularly leggy spider creeping over the spikes of Cas’s hair during a hunt, of course he was going to brush it away.
Nobody wants a spider in their hair. Angel or not.
It hadn’t even been that much of a touch.
The two of them had been searching through what remained of the rotted kitchen cabinets while Sam looked upstairs, when Dean noticed the spider. In retrospect, maybe he should have said something first, but Cas had been engrossed in the contents of an old wooden drawer and Dean’s hand had simply twitched up to brush away the eldritch creature nesting in Cas’s hair before he’d even registered what he was doing.
Cas jumped violently as soon as Dean’s fingers made contact.
The single bare light bulb in the room hummed loudly as it flared and flickered. An old radio (covered in layers of years of grime and dust) crackled to life, despite being long disconnected from the power, and poured out a steady stream of static.
Then everything stopped.
The light returned to normal, the radio went silent, and Dean’s hand remained hovered awkwardly in the air where it had been since he brushed the spider away.
Cas stared at him with wide eyes.
Dean pointed at Cas’s head. “There was a- spider. In your hair,” he explained. “But uh- don’t worry, I got it.” Dean flashed him a smile, as if he’d performed a great service, and wiped his hand on his jeans. He took a step over to the radio and held up the disconnected cable. “Cas. The power just now-”
“Bad wiring,” Cas rumbled, holding Dean’s gaze. “Or maybe the ghost.”
Dean gave an unconvinced hum as he dropped the cable and rubbed his fingertips together. Cas’s hair had been softer than he’d expected… Not that he’d ever thought about running his hands through it or anything. But before Dean could linger on any of the new thoughts he was having, or ask another question about the mysterious power surge, the air had gone cold, and they were both ducking from a barrage of decorative plates flying around the room.
And Dean forgot all about it.
---
The first time it happened, Cas almost convinced Dean that it hadn’t.
The second time it happened was just part of a joke, an accident.
The third time it happened was an experiment.....
The fourth time it happened was on purpose.
My love for you has consumed me
masterlist
“Now that’s a concept that’s always fascinated me: the real world. Only a very specific subset of people use the term, have you noticed? To me, it seems self-evident that everyone lives in the real world - we all breathe real oxygen, eat real food, the earth under our feet feels equally solid to all of us. But clearly these people have a far more tightly circumscribed definition of reality, one that I find deeply mysterious, and an almost pathologically intense need to bring others into line with that definition.”
steve harrington da type of guy to close a drawer with his hip
* - contains explicit sexual content minors dni
✽ - suggestive content
aaron hotchner <3
series
fragile love
dbf!hotch * ✽
fics
kept promises ✽
something good
irresistible *
missed you
aftershocks
close calls
for you
like father, like daughters
sugarcoated ✽
under the weather
symptoms
just aaron
take cover
the small things
ready and waiting ✽
something off
(un)happy ending
sweet additions
a bad day
comfort of home
doubt
not so subtle
a case of forgetfulness
take a break
bau’s own celebrity
heavy hearts
unwanted goodbyes
sleepless
details
identity theft
arms ✽
peace of mind
satisfied
guilty pleasure ✽
peace offerings
touch starved
delicate
bewitched
special delivery
history left unfinished
matters of convenience ✽
subtleties
nothing more romantic than a crime scene
frown lines
let me help you
period pains - cont.
office naps
board games
insecurities
aaron takes care of you when you’re sick
baby fever *
baby fever (cont.)
aaron visits teacher!reader at work
aaron surprises you at work -> minor competition
aaron blurbs -> here!
headcannons
physical touch *
kiss the chef
how aaron falls in love *
falling in love non bau!reader
sharing rights
dad!aaron
practical
shopping together
love bites *
spoiled
greg montgomery <3
fics
night routine
workplace competition
headcannons
early mornings
accidents
surprise kisses
pet names w greg
shopping together
love bites *
spoiled
Any Sydcarmy headcanons? Or fics?
Ooh, top three I'm obsessed with:
child with a child pretending by emilybrontay (@sennenrose) - I'm obsessed with sydney and carmy with sydneys baby!! i need followups, drabbles, info!!
give me the sign by novelsandnoodles - sydney finds out who carmy got the sign from and i love it so much!!
intimates conquering intimacy by sashafiercer (@sashafiercest) - intimacy on intimacy on intimacy and it's so beautiful and funny.
little miss too-many-wips has a new concept:
jacaerys' twin sister (younger by minutes, but long enough to be the spare) is sent north to negotiate with cregan stark (jace is kept near rhaenyra while they make war plans). she authorized to arrange marriages, including her own, to ensure that the northern army remains in the black's corner. she's not prepared for the wry wit, strength of presence, and frankly absolute rugged viking appearance of the young lord of winterfell. so, when he suggests a wedding between them to demonstrate the unwavering loyalty of the north to rhaenyra and her own support for them assured as queen, she has no problem agreeing to it.
so, she weds cregan in the godswood and he declares his and his bannermans support for their true queen (now his mother in law to boot) and news reaches winterfell not two full weeks later of lucerys' death. she wants to go to dragonstone immediately but can't, as it might be too dangerous flying over the bay. so she bides her time but eventually she runs away and leaves a not apologizing and explaining for cregan, that she needs to help her family in the way she can as a dragonrider, that she will be reunited with him when his army reaches the south.
i'm imagining so scenario where she's been captured by the greens and we get a cregan stark in full terrifying calm rage like "where. is. my. WIFE?"
EDIT I've written 8.3k words now
Hi! I’m abi, and I like to bend canon to suit all my whims and fancies.
I’ve finally done a masterpost of all my fics so far, everything is Castiel/Dean Winchester but as always: check the tags.
I mostly write canonverse, drowning in angst, and preferably explicit.
Always a happy ending.
finale fix-it set after 15x19 > conversations with you (M)
dean is cursed by a djinn > this bitter nightcall (E)
castiel is human, but they aren’t on speaking terms; two person love triangle set in s9 > salt & iron (E, written for DCBB ‘22)
coffeeshop au; librarian castiel is tasked with fixing up his dad’s bookshop, and barista dean from next door helps > the barista and the bookshop (E, written for Pinefest ‘23)
serial killer au; sam is dead and dean needs a place to rest up, he answers a ‘roommate wanted’ advertisement stuck to the window of a coffee shop and meets professor castiel > like ivy (E, written for DeanCasHorrorfest ‘23)
cas gives dean a shoulder massage > touch-starved (M)
flirting behaviour > dean and cas play nsfw scrabble (M)
post-confession reunion > kissing is the most fun dean winchester can have without taking his clothes off (but it’s better if he does) (E)
dean gives cas the mixtape > dean and cas - mixtape collection (G,M,E)
various smut > spoiler alert: they fuck (E)
g: general m: mature e: explicit
the way jey ran so fast and immediately went to pick him up 😭😭😭 we should all just die
Pairing - Teacher!Steve Harrington x Single!Mom!Reader
WC - 4.3k
Summary - A winter dance recital prompts you and Steve to spend a little more time together outside of the school.
AN - here they are again! the crowd favs it seems. thank you all so much again for the love on previous parts, i’m so excited for everyone to see where the story is headed and what these two losers get up to next. ~ emma <3
Outside the door labeled with a plaque that reads ‘Mr. Harrington’ in neat font, you can just barely make out the faint hum of a distantly familiar song. The door is slightly ajar but you still give a soft knock before entering to announce your arrival.
“Mommy!” Abbey shouts as she barrels towards you; whatever activity she was previously occupied with long forgotten.
“Hi, bug!” You greet through a quiet grunt as you hoist her up. “How was your day?”
Steve had taken to tutoring Abbey after class most days. He had originally offered under the guise that she was falling behind some of the other kids, and while that may be true, you suspect that he really offered because he noticed how guilty you’d been recently for being late picking Abbey up from school. Your job has been keeping you past three, despite having told them repeatedly that you have to clock out by two. You can’t afford to lose said job– rendering you both effectively homeless– and embarrassingly enough, Steve knows this.
“Good!” she wriggles out of your arms, not too partial for physical affection these days, “I was showing Mr. H my dance for the recital!”
“Is that so?” You ask, amused.
“Yes, but Mr. H is not very good at dancing–” she makes a pitiful face that she unsuccessfully hides from Steve.
“--Hey!” Steve laughs, “I think I’m pretty good!” Trying to sound confident but faltering, it elicits a boisterous laugh from you.
“Show us your moves then, Harrington,”
“Fine,” he huffs defiantly and hilariously contorts himself into what he thinks is a correct position for a pirouette. He balances on one foot– the other one tucked clumsily into his knee– and brings his arms up and over his head like one of those spinning jewelry box ballerinas.
“No, that’s really good. You should keep going,” you try to trap your giggling between your teeth, but Abbey doesn’t spare him such mercy, as she is literally doubled over in a fit of laughter watching him.
“Jerks!” He stops his sorry excuse for a twirl long enough to take in the sight of Abbey, who’s still cackling so much she doesn’t even notice he’s done with this antics. A knowing, affectionate glance is shared between you two at the sight of her.
“Whaddya think, Ab? Am I ready for the big stage?” He motions towards himself flamboyantly– striking a pose with his hands on his hips. Not sensing his sarcasm, she exclaims, “No!” incredulously through her gasping, trying to catch her breath. You imagine this isn’t the first instance of this happening today.
“I guess I’ll leave the dancing up to you then, huh?”
Suddenly, her expression erupts with a look of joy that only comes from a great epiphany,
“Can you come to my recital?!”
–
“Mommy that hurts!” Abbey whines from where she’s seated on the bathroom counter.
“Just a few more minutes and then we’ll be done, I promise.”
Trying to tame her unruly curls into a slicked and gelled ballerina bun was proving to be more challenging than you originally thought. Her dance teacher's instructions were very clear, however– the hair must be in a bun, accompanied by the most ridiculous amount of blush you’ve ever seen on a child, so that she doesn’t look pale under the stage lights.
One entire bottle of hair gel and several broken hair ties later, the updo is as neat as you can possibly manage, “Alright, girl, you’re all set. Let’s go get your costume on, yeah?”
She nods as you assist her off the counter and onto the tiled bathroom floor. She books it to her room and you follow suit, but when you look in her closet where you could’ve sworn you left her costume– it's nowhere to be seen.
“Abbey… where’s your costume?” You ask through a tight lipped smile, suspecting you know exactly what happened to it.
“I don’t know…” she answers mousily.
“Were you using it to play dress-up?”
She breaks instantly– her guilty conscience making it impossible for her to lie to you for very long, “Yes but!--”
“--Abbey!”
“I put it right back where I found it!”
You take a deep, grounding breath before you truly start to overreact, “Well obviously not, Ab. Just help me look for it, okay?”
Twenty excruciating minutes later, you’re sweating and on your hands and knees tearing through your daughter’s closet; the mess you’re making is a problem for your future self. Every item of clothing starts to look exactly the same– just an amalgamation of pink and glitter and blinding sequins.
“I found it, mommy!” Abbey yells triumphantly from the hallway as she sprints into her room– beaming and holding the tutu like it's a gold medal.
“Yes!” You gasp with relief and haphazardly crawl in her direction, suddenly thankful that no one else can witness you in such a state, “Hurry, let’s put it on.”
You slip the sparkly red and green costume on her as quickly as possible without damaging the bun you just spent at least an hour on. She does a little twirl, grinning ear to ear, “I feel like a princess!” She exclaims.
In the car, you struggle to buckle her seatbelt over her frilly tutu. After a little finessing, you figure it’ll be fine for the drive up the road to the local high school where the recital is being hosted in their auditorium.
–
In the lobby, you’re looking as disheveled as you feel. Abbey held one of your arms, and in the other you carried a small duffle bag full of extra hair products and a spare set of tights. She’s bouncing with nerves beside you, and asking you for at least the fifth time in ten minutes, ‘Where’s Mr. H?’
“I’m sure he’s here, Ab, we just have to find him,” you reassure her again, anxiously chewing the inside of your cheek as you scan the room for a perfectly manicured head of chestnut colored hair.
And as if he’s got some powerful sixth sense for knowing when he’s needed, you spot him timidly entering the double doors, dodging stray children and looking a little out of place. He holds a small bouquet of red roses that match the shade of his cheeks and nose– tinted red from the biting chill of early December winds.
“Steve!” You call from where you and Abbey stand near the makeshift dressing rooms– waving frantically to get his attention for your daughter's sake just as much as your own, “Over here!”
A look of recognition and then relief passes over his features when he identifies where his name is being called from, and slowly but surely starts to make his way over to you both. If he was just smiling before, he was positively beaming when he caught the sight of Abbey for the first time. His strides increase in length to catch up to you faster.
“Abbey! Look at you!” He compliments, and suddenly she’s all bashful. The man she looks up to almost as much as her own mother is here to see her perform for the first time, with a bouquet of flowers and an unrelenting grin plastered on his face. The sight does nothing to extinguish the steadily growing fire that’s made a home in the pit of your chest the past four months.
She shyly eyes the flowers in his hands– the bouquet almost the length of her own torso, “I brought these for you,” he extends them out for her and she accepts them timidly, swaying on her feet like she can’t stand to be still, “Thank you,” she all but whispers.
“Of course,” he squeezes her little hand as he straightens back to his full height. He directs his attention to you, “How are you? Did everything go alright?” Now you’re sure you look as frazzled as you feel.
“We had a mishap or two, but nothing we can’t handle. Right, Ab?” She’s not paying the slightest bit of attention– too busy observing the older kids as they mingle in front of the auditorium with their friends, “I’ll tell you about it later,” you give him a lopsided grin.
“Yeah, okay,” he nods, “when does the show start?”
Checking your watch, you reply, “Just a few minutes. I’m going to drop her off backstage, stay here.” He gives a two finger salute and you recapture Abbey’s focus enough to guide her down the hall where dozens of other dancers in identical costumes were congregating.
You kneel down to her eye level, “I’m so proud of you, you’re going to be amazing,” gently pinching her blushing cheek for emphasis, “Mr. H and I will be right up front, okay?”
She nods once, “Okay, momma,”
“I love you, Ab,” you give her one last squeeze before sending her off, albeit begrudgingly. You know she’s in good hands with the instructors, but lately it seems like the universe keeps finding new ways to shove in your face just how quickly she’s growing up.
When you relocate Steve, he’s standing exactly where you left him.
“You ready?” He asks as you approach.
“Mhm,” you nod and smile in response, suddenly too nervous to meet his gaze. Being around him with Abbey is one thing, but without her as a buffer, you find yourself getting increasingly jittery.
An usher hands Steve a program for the recital, which he promptly passes to you before thanking the woman. You can feel his right hand just barely hovering over your lower back with a featherlight pressure to guide you through the swarms of families attempting to enter the auditorium. You don’t think it’s even a conscious act, but the touch makes your heart– for lack of a better phrase– drop into your ass. You come to the stark realization that to the untrained eye, you must resemble two doting parents here to watch their child perform.
“Alright, where are we sitting?” He asks, breaking you out of your stupor.
“Oh–uhm,” trying and failing to speak around the dry muscle that sits in your mouth like lead, “Row C, I think,”
When you reach your assigned seats, he waits for you to go ahead of him, holding his arm out as if to say ‘ladies first’, just like he did that day on the bus. It makes you swoon just as much now as it did then. The auditorium feels sweltering.
“Hey,” he places a clammy hand on your knee when he notices you zoning again, “You okay?” Oh my God get it together, you think.
“Oh, yeah, it’s just,” you pull at the neckline of your wool sweater, “It’s a little warm in here, isn’t it?”
“A little bit, yeah. Long morning?” He asks with an empathetic wince.
“You could say that,” you chuckle breathlessly, “With her? Every morning is a long morning,”
“You can say that again,” he shares in your laughter, “keeps me on my toes, alright.”
“I don’t know where she gets it from,” you sigh introspectively, “some days I feel like she couldn’t be less like me even if she tried.”
“I beg to differ,” The way he smiles at you sets you on fire from the inside out, but the lights dim– signifying the beginning of the show– before you get the chance to ask him what he meant. It’s only then that he removes his palm from your leg, and you immediately miss the weight of it resting there.
The Nutcracker theme plays over the loudspeaker as a group of ten or so little girls perform a haphazardly put together ballet number. Almost all of them are doing something different, but with huge, toothy smiles on their faces nonetheless. Originally, putting Abbey in dance served as a way to tire her out before bedtime and give yourself a measly hour of alone time, but seeing how much effort she’s put into practicing and how much joy she takes in performing cements your decision to keep her in class.
She performs wonderfully, just as you suspected she would. Always your little perfectionist. You may be biased, but you thought she was the most elegant and beautiful little girl on that stage.
When the company takes their bows, you and Steve both shoot up at the same time to give a standing ovation. Everyone else stays seated, which would have been embarrassing if you weren’t so filled to the brim with pride for your daughter. There was simply no room in your body for any other emotion.
“Yay, Ab!”
“Let’s go, Abbey!”
You both shout simultaneously, clapping your hands ecstatically.
–
Back in the lobby, your arms are overflowing with Abbey’s things from the dressing room along with the flowers Steve brought her.
“Did you see me?!” She asks expectantly, as if you could’ve seen anyone else up there except for her.
“Of course we did!” Steve assures her quickly, “For a second I thought I was watching the real Nutcracker,”
She blushes wildly, “Really?” If you didn’t know better, you thought you could’ve seen stars reflecting in her pupils.
“Totally! You were the best one up there,” he takes his forefinger and mimics drawing an ‘X’ shape over the left side of his chest, “Cross my heart.”
Abbey tugs on the hem of your sweater you were starting to become too warm in again, “Can we still go get milkshakes?” she asks. You had forgotten all about her stage fright induced breakdown two days ago, during which you promised to get her a treat if she went through with performing.
Checking the time, you saw it was already well past eight o’clock– but what would one late bedtime hurt?
“Sure, that sounds yummy. Say goodbye to Mr. H, then we’ll go,” she barrels into his legs at full speed– her signature– and wraps her arms tightly around his knees.
“Bye, Abbey, I’ll see you on Monday, ‘kay?”
She reluctantly loosened her grip on his legs and made her way back to her designated spot next to you.
“Goodbye, Steve, thanks for coming.” You give a small wave accompanied by a tender smile.
“Thanks for having me.” He said, returning the gesture.
Feeling a little reluctant yourself, just as Steve was crossing the threshold of the double doors, you called,
“Hey, Steve?”
He turned back at the sound of your voice, looking at you over his shoulder just enough for you to admire the straight slope of his nose and the twin moles on his cheek. He was giving you that warm, anticipative smile you were beginning to grow particularly fond of.
“Yeah?”
“Would you–uhm,” Don’t get nervous now, “Would you want to join us?”
–
At Benny’s, Abbey insists on sharing a booth with Steve while you sit opposite of them on an uncomfortable, sticky vinyl chair. Steve orders a basket of fries to share and shakes for the table. Strawberry for Abbey, and chocolate for the adults.
At one point, Abbey lifts the straw from the old fashioned shake glass and attempts to spoon the whipped cream into her mouth, consequently dripping the frozen treat all over the front of her sweatshirt. You try not to fuss, even though you’re plagued with the fear that you won't be able to get the stain out of her brand new hoodie. Such is having a five-year-old, you suppose.
Steve was quick to grab the napkins at the far end of the table, surprising you with his reflexes– like he knew the mishap would occur before it actually did.
As he’s dabbing Abbey’s shirt dry, she studies his hand and asks, “Why don’t you have a wife Mr. H?”
“Abbey!--” You scold through a poorly concealed laugh. Steve barks out a shocked huff of laughter himself.
“How do you know I don’t have a wife?” He asks, looking a little dumbfounded at the suddenly intrusive line of questioning, but amused nonetheless.
“Well, mommy used to wear a ring for daddy, but you don’t wear a ring.” She observes, “Aren’t grownups supposed to be married?”
“Ab–” You grow quickly embarrassed by your child’s lack of a filter and social cues. Again, such is having a five-year-old.
“No, that’s okay,” Steve chuckles, only slightly reassuring you, “I guess I–” he contemplates, choosing his words carefully, “I just haven’t met anyone I want to marry yet,” the only thing giving you solace is the knowledge that he probably deals with children asking him much, much more embarrassing questions, all day long.
“Oh,” Abbey says, doing some of her own contemplation, “that’s okay, Mr. H,” she comforts, like a little therapist, patting his back twice before refocusing her attention back on her milkshake.
You send Steve a look across the table, trying your hardest to convey ‘I’m so sorry my child says the shit she says, forgive me?’ with just your expression. He seems to understand what you’re attempting to get across, because he simply shakes his head and smiles like he’s trying to tell you ‘I spend everyday with her, I get it. Don’t worry about it.’
You spend the next half hour or so swapping your funniest workplace stories with each other.
“So then, we’re in the middle of a quiz right? This kid, he just–” he motions with his hands near his mouth, “projectile vomits all over the desk and the kid sitting in front of him,”
“Oh…” you wince with second-hand disgust, “that’s brutal,”
“I know!” he laughs, “I literally had to evacuate the entire classroom,”
“I feel like I remember Abbey telling me about that, actually,”
At the mention of her, he glances to his side, “Speaking of,” he chuckles.
You follow his eyes to find Abbey slumped over into Steve’s side– completely dead to the world. You can tell she’s asleep by the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing.
Steve carefully fishes a twenty dollar bill out of his jeans pocket– careful not to disturb her– and places it on the table underneath a sweaty glass that at one point contained a diet coke.
“Oh, no you don’t have to–” you say, reaching for the bill when he delicately grabs your wrist to stop you from trying to shove it back towards him. His palms are much softer than you anticipated, and the sudden movement of his arm sends a wave of his scent straight up your nose– nearly suffocating you. What a lovely way to go, you think.
“Hey, it’s okay. I want to,” he reassures you as he pushes your hand he’s still holding back in your direction. You oblige him, only because you don’t have the energy for a chivalry competition. You make a promise to yourself that if you’re ever fortunate enough to do this with him again, that you’ll foot the bill.
When you try to gently shake Abbey awake, he stops you again, “I got it,” he says, as he hoists Abbey up and carries her bridal style out of the diner and to your little sedan; you wish the waitress a good night as you exit. It’s a dark night outside, no moon or stars to be observed. The navy velvet of the sky is completely blanketed by heavy clouds. It’ll probably snow soon.
You open the rear passenger side door for Steve as he sets Abbey in her seat and fumbles a little bit with the seat belt mechanism. As he’s ducking back out, he rises just a second too early and rams his head on the top of the car with a harsh ‘THWACK!’ You try to stifle a surprised laugh behind the back of your hand as he groans and shuts the door as softly as he can.
“Oh my God, are you okay?!” You take a step closer to him as he scratches at the back of his usually perfectly coiffed locks, having lost its usual volume.
“Don’t laugh!” He playfully scolds.
“You’re laughing!” you quickly retort.
“Because you’re laughing!”
Once you’ve calmed a bit– reduced to just quiet giggling– you ask, “Can I look?” With that, he turns to give you a better look at the back of his head.
From this angle, you can unabashedly blush and grin at him and not have to worry about him seeing you. You relish in it for as long as possible, as well as the excuse to touch him, even for a moment.
“How do I look, doc? Am I gonna make it?” He says with a faux grim tone to his voice.
“Well, I’m just the receptionist– but you’re not bleeding, no cracks or contusions, either. I think you’ll be alright,”
You grin when he turns back around to face you again, this time with less space separating you, accounting for how closely you were inspecting his head. You stay like that for a moment too long, giving you just enough time to count the freckles spattered across the bridge of his nose like constellations lacking in the sky above you, and how his lashes kiss at the corner of his eyes.
He harshly clears his throat– a nervous habit, you’ve noticed– and looks down at the pavement where you stand, inches from each other.
“I’d better let you get her home, it’s getting late,”
“No yeah– definitely uhm…” you struggle to find your words again, “I’ll see you Monday?”
“Yeah,” he smiles fondly, “Oh, I uh– I wanted to give you this,” from out of his coat pocket, he pulls a crumpled piece of paper and hands it to you. It must’ve been in his pocket for at least a few hours, maybe even a few days– the ink smudged like he’d been nervously fidgeting with it before he gave it to you.
It was his phone number.
“You know, in case you ever–” he clears his throat again, “in case you ever need anything, or there’s an emergency, or something…” he trails off at the end of his thought like he’s completely regretting the gesture and already trying to figure out a way to back track, but before he can get the chance, you embrace him in a grateful hug.
“Thanks, Steve,” you say, slightly muffled by the hood of his coat, “I really appreciate everything you do for Abbey,”
He doesn’t mention how he gave the number of his landline to you in case you ever needed anything, he just takes the win for what it is. You have his phone number, and you’re hugging him. The perfect floral scent of your shampoo and whatever perfume you’re wearing flood his senses, and he immediately misses your touch when you pull away.
“Mommy?” Abbey croaks tiredly from the backseat, “Are we going home?”
“Yes, baby, one second,” you smile apologetically at Steve for what feels like the hundredth time tonight, “I’m gonna get her to bed.”
“Of course, go,” he says as he ushers you around to the driver's side door. As much as he craves to, he doesn’t open it for you. Maybe another time, he thinks.
“Goodnight, Steve.” You say before you pull the door closed.
“Goodnight, drive safe,” he aims his sights for the backseat, “Goodnight, Ab. You did awesome today,”
“Bye, Mr. H,” she waves, eyelids heavy with the exhaustion of being everyone’s favorite five-year-old all day.
Steve waits until you’ve pulled out of the parking lot, hands shoved tightly into his jeans pockets, before walking to his own car across the parking lot.
–
About halfway home and in between bouts of nodding off, Abbey asks quietly from the backseat, “Can Mr. H be like daddy?”
Startled and slightly confused by the nature of her question, you lock eyes with her through the rearview mirror, “What?”
Even though you fully heard her the first time, she reiterates, “I mean like, because we don’t have a daddy anymore,” she pauses– thinking, “maybe he could come live with us?”
“Oh, I don’t know, baby. It doesn’t always work like that, you know?” It breaks your heart to break hers.
“But–” she pouts in that adorable way that she does when she’s trying to lure you into giving her something she wants. Though this time, you can’t tell if it’s genuine or not. “He said he doesn’t have a wife!”
You can tell she’s too tired to have a productive discussion about this, and frankly– you have not a single idea of how to approach this subject, “Tell you what– how about we talk about it tomorrow when you wake up, yeah?” You try to reason, but secretly hoping she’s too drowsy to remember this conversation in the morning.
Mid-yawn she responds, “Okay…” clearly losing her battle with the hypnotic hum of the engine lulling her softly back to sleep.
–
At well past eleven o’clock, you find yourself sinking into the cushions of your thrifted sofa, staring at the faded piece of paper with Steve’s phone number scrawled on it so hard you thought it might burst into flames and disintegrate.
The drone of black and white reruns playing on the television was your only reprieve from the rushing spiral of your rumination, as you fought the urge to call Steve and ask what counted as ‘an emergency or…something.’
You wondered, against your better judgement, what you’d be interrupting if you gave into your temptation. You wonder if he, too, is lying restless somewhere in his house just like you were– if he has someone there to keep him company, and maybe you’d gotten this all wrong. You wonder if his walls are filled to the brim with photos of his life before Maine, and what brought him here in the first place. You wonder if he sleeps with the fan on or off.
You wonder if you should even be feeling this way at all.
But somewhere, in a mostly empty house on Ashburton street, Steve is staring at the white expanse of his popcorn ceiling of his bedroom pondering identical thoughts about you.
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no matter what i do, i wanna… i wanna do it with you or whatever. you know, i don’t wanna… i don’t wanna do it without you… you fucking idiot.