They Were Always Of The Land And They Were The Land Themselves.

Tuck me in beneath the blue Beneath the Pain Beneath the rain Goodnight kiss for a child in time Swaying blade my lullaby On the shore we sat and hoped Under the same pale moon Whose guiding light chose you Chose you all

Lyrics from The Poet and the Pendulum, written by Tuomas Holopainen Art by me (while listening to the song)

Sometimes the art process takes me nowhere near my own personal look on art. 

This particular image started out with me painting a red circle, and continued without my own will. This is how it goes:  There is a direct instruction in my head to paint a certain color in a certain shape in a certain place. After I do that, I get the second instruction that may appear very clearly or sometimes rather blurry. 

Step by step I follow out this out of nowhere input, and I don’t judge whatever it may be doing. It is as though of I am not creating the image myself, but recreating an already existing image. 

When I finish, I am unsure whether I actually like what comes out, since I never included my own taste and interest in it anyway. But I still pay it much respect since it comes from the other side with a reason.

Is there such a thing as identifying as a kid? Because that’s exactly what I am and I feel so uncomfortable when people treat me as if I’m an adult, just because I look like one.

It is just a little real quick sketch but I really like her so decided to post it. 

The Feminine is the most potent, real and lifegiving power in my life. But it is also the most subtle and invisible, most easily lost against the currents of normality. Most easily lost inside the struggle.

Again and again I come back to it and life is born anew. What a feeling! To be that which I had forgotten that I am. That, which is unexplainable, unintelligable. Only felt.

I am the wind, I am the trees and rocks, I am all that is breathing and crying. And life is complete, despite being incomplete.

Had I not had a man in me, could have I just be? Oh, but the man and the woman are one and the same. I love him, and he loves me. I love her, and she… She is…

Oh, she. That’s all we want to know.

This is a real time recording of me improvising to five songs from Nightwish's Imaginaerum, while I am hearing them for the very first time!  It was really fun to do, because I was mostly playing without care.

Some sketches I did while I was working on my animated film project in 2018. I was testing for imagery that looks both realistic and abstract at the same time. It is that midpoint where you can still make out the forest, yet there is also enough ambiguity to let you see pure, organic shapes.

Aside from the first one, these didn't make it into the movie. With time constraints, I was unable to do as much as I liked.

Would it make sense if I said all my searching has been in vain? It all started with a boy who infused himself into me like a chemical. I had dreamed of him for very long, so had he come to me. What he showed me, I am not sufficient to tell. To this day it has been greater than me. That was when I stopped posting on here.   But my search has only been after he left. Now I am angry for old bearded men have corrupted and sucked from my juicy life sources. I want somewhere to be juicy again. After 3 long years I am here again to be more senseless than ever?  Who knows how long will I stay.

He was returning home, wondering if...

I have this image in my head for over 2 years now. I'm glad I could finally find the courage to paint it.