Ellexem - Hope

I gotta write my nightmare I just had down before I forget it

So it’s basically like, my mom is six months pregnant and we are having a baby shower. I’m sitting down with my brother but in the corner of my eye I see another version of him, at first I think I’m hallucinating but he just won’t go away, he’s wearing different clothes than my brother but when he walks past this mirror, his reflection shows my real version of my brother. So I turn to my brother (Steven) and I go “do you see that” while staring at the sort of “spirit” head on and he’s really confused because he can’t see it and so I try to explain to each of my family members about what I’m seeing and I don’t remember their reactions but they basically tell me to get over it. My dad’s is by far the worse, the moment he notices me do something or say something throughout this entire experience he tells at me to stop ruining it and that I’m making it up and being a bitch. Anyways that ghost slowly gets closer and starts talking to me and saying “I just want a kiss sissy” from when we were little and it starts to strangle me and when ever I talked about this to a family member they would brush it off. I would hide from the ghost in groups of people and behind Steven and every now and then there was moments I forgot about the ghost and it went away but by the end of the night we were getting something from the vending machines and I was looking at this (Yknow those like koolaid burst bottles that kinda look like a melted version of those Japanese ice cream convenience store bottle pops) << that’s what I was looking at in my dream, I wasn’t wanting it or anything I was just confused as to what it was and then my dad started exploding on me “YOU HAVE BEEN A BITCH ALL NIGHT MAKING UP THINGS, YOU DONT NEED THAT WE HAVE THOSE AT HOME. LETS GO BACK HOME” I started to cry and then my brother who’s eleven just says “yeah you’ve been a bitch” and that just ticks my dad off more. By the time I get home I lay in bed and start scrolling on my phone in my nightmare?? But more of the things that pop up in my phone are about weight or they are fake memories of my mom. Like her at a rally for rights when she was a teenager. And that’s basically where it ended.

Now I wanna clear some stuff up.

Only very few stuff in this nightmare is real. I have a brother, mom and dad. My mom is not pregnant and does not plan on getting pregnant. This is an exaggeration of how my dad actually is. I’ve never seen a ghost of my brother. My mom would probably listen if I said any of this stuff.

Now for the stuff that did make this nightmare/dream stand out.

When I was younger my brother almost drowned me (which explains the strangling) and even now, I do not give him very much affection, we hang out but we don’t hug or kiss, I have a problem with him and affection and I have since I was like 8-9. He’s always been really clingy and asking for affection which is why I think he said “I just want a kiss sissy” (and he used to call me sissy when we were little) now the thing that stood out the most to me was surprisingly, the phone scrolling at the end of my dream, in every single one of my dreams except THIS ONE I can’t see phone screens or TV screen because they just show up as a blinding white light.

Anyways if you read this whole thing, you’re awesome have a cookie. 🍪Sorry for making it so long, o threw you a party. 🎉 🥳🎈🧍🧍🎊🎁🍾

It’s not that big of a deal and I know that I’m pretty cringy for having a moment like this, this late in life but, I had my first kiss on a Ferris wheel yesterday :)

Happy pride month to Tori spring and Michael Holden (and other osemanverse characters)

Moths

Feeling bad because you were told you were gonna sing in a show and then they didn’t write a part for you so then you ask and they say that you won’t be singing but you can’t be sad because you like your role<<<<<<<<

Doodles again lol

I survived

And got to leave

And yet

Somehow

I’m crawling back

To hell

For Beatrice-

Our love broke my heart

And stopped yours

-Lemony Snicket The Carnivorous Carnival

Picture in the middle was assigned to me by my therapist to create!

It hurt

Seeing your body again

I’m so sorry

Are you truly dead

And

Was there something

I could’ve done