When The Door Opens, A Lot Of Thoughts Rush Through Tim's Head At Lightning Speed. If Any Telepaths Were

Bart, rushing in and scooping Tim up: GENEVA CHECKLIST GENEVA CHECKLIST!

Tim, smirking at Kon as Bart runs away: Ciao

Kon, horrified cause HE’S having to play reasonable cause Cassie is on vacation:

Someone was mean to Kon, you decide the extent

Tim: Hear me out, we kill him.

Kon: Isn't that against your code of ethics?!

Tim: It doesn't have to be

Violence isnt the answer… unless it is.

Disaster Lineage vs. Their Padawans in the matter of being insulted

Anakin: Ahsoka, pay no attention to them. The worst you can do to them is act like they don't exist.

Ahsoka, disappointed that she can't bite them: Yes, master.

-

Obi-Wan: Anakin, think. This isn't how Jedi behave.

Anakin, reluctantly relinquishing his grasp on his opponent's jugular: Yes, master.

_

Qui-Gon Jinn: Excuse me- do you think you can say that to MY PADAWAN?

Obi-Wan: Master, no.

-

Dooku, handing Qui a knife: Defend your honour.

Qui-Gon, shaking: I don't think this is how Jedi-

Dooku: I want no excuses.

-

Master Yoda, steadily pushing Dooku forward like he has wheels: MAKE HIM BLEED, YOU WLL

Dooku: MASTER NO

Yoda: A WUSS, A JEDI IS NOT

Sifo-Dyas, scrambling forwards: NO!!

bruce would be fucking HILARIOUS in his idgaf era just imagine:

bruce: come home

jason: what? so you can throw me in--

bruce: no, just come home. i want you home, so come home.

jason: i'm not fallin for this shit!

bruce: i no longer care about all of *points between himself and jason* this mess. i want to go home, play monopoly with my kids and be mad about the lot of you cheating. that is what i want, so that is what will happen.

jason: you're being ridiculous.

bruce: frankly, i dont give a fuck. now, what piece do you want, the hat or the car?

jason:....

bruce:.....

jason: the car.

bruce: fantastic, be home in 10.

Cassie: Rob is NEVER around when we do something that the Bat asks.

Tim: Ride or die.

Bart: I think I lit something on fire!

Kon: no, that was me

"Aren't you worried they're gonna kill him?!"

Tim, to kon and bart: What's the rule on murder?

Kon: Uh, don't tell batman?

Tim: Good, be free, do whatever.

"Are you serious?? You don't even care?"

Tim: What they do when I'm not around is none of my business.

"But you are around!"

Tim: Not if batman asks.

the batkids will deliberately get jason into their favorite pieces of media so he’ll write fanfiction for it.

dick discovered this strategy when he forced jason to watch one of his favorite shows with him. he’d totally forgotten that the show ended on a cliffhanger before it was cancelled, but rewatching it brought back that feeling of dissatisfaction he had the first time around. so dick opens up the ao3 tag for the show and to his surprise, there’s a brand new fic addressing every single loose end, complete with beautiful prose and amazing characterization. dick practically weeps. it’s only when he realizes some of the things in the fic match up with the rants jason had during their watch of the show that he has barbara confirm his suspicions about who the author is.

somehow everybody but jason gets wind of this and they’re taking unashamed advantage of it. the next time they see a movie together, stephanie leans over to jason to whisper about the romantic potential between two characters. she gets like three fics for her ship out of that. when jason goes outside, barbara switches electronic billboards and redirects taxis with ads for her favorite show. and of course, every targeted ad on his phone and computer are for the same show. when he finally gives in and watches it, barbara ends up with plenty of content to get her through the between seasons break.

everybody in jason’s family is subscribed to the ao3 account that he doesn’t know they know he has. one day, they’re all chilling in the library, and at the same time jason publishes his latest fic (for a movie bruce of all people was very insistent he watch), everybody’s email notifications go off. he narrows his eyes suspiciously. “just some wayne enterprises stuff.” “got a package delivered.” “what’s an email?”

it’s fine. he’ll let them get away with it. besides, he does the same thing to damian to get fanart out of him.

Love the idea of collective Jedi parenting. Like technically I only have one padawan but my friends' padawans are also coincidentally my padawans. My padawan’s friends are also my padawans. This padawan who got separated from their master? My padawan today. This other padawan who needs to learn to pilot but their master is afraid of flying? Now my padawan twice a week.

Sometimes when Dicks just too tired to deal with the batfam’s shit he starts encouraging them.

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Surrounded by gang members and caught in the crossfire between two gangs

Jason *pulling out a gun* : I’m gonna fucking obliterate all of them

Nightwing: Go right ahead

Jason: .. you serious? I’m not playing Dick I WILL shoot every single one of them in the head

Nightwing: sure.

Jason:

Nightwing: What you want me to start? Okay.

Jason: .. Dick why the fuck do you have a gun? DICK STOP LOADING THE GUN-

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At a stakeout waiting for the proof before intervening

Tim: Why can’t we just force a confession instead of waiting for him to crack?

Stephanie: Ooo or threaten him with blackmail so bad he starts crying!

Duke: Guys *eyes point to Dick sitting in a corner*

Stephanie: Right.. party pooper

Nightwing:

Nightwing: Okay got it.

*heads out*

Duke: No Dick wait! We were joking!

Stephanie: drama queen just needs a minute sunshine- wait is that him approaching the target?

Tim *who’s seen this happen before* *panicking knowing what’s gonna go down* : OH SHIT ABORT-

================================

Being stuck with a very annoying henchmen who won’t stop talking

Damian: .. Can we simply shut him up?

Nightwing: whatever you wanna do

Damian *narrows eyes*: I can’t ruin my katanna for this

Nightwing: *hands him knife*

Damian:

Nightwing: And remember, the most effective place to silence someone without causing them excruciating pain and also temporarily depriving them of air is right here *points to a small area on the neck*

Damian: ..

Nightwing: .? Go on?

Damian *putting it away* : .. no..

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It works a 1000 times more effectively just because either all of them are bluffing or they’re scared Dick’s not.

Has Nightwing ever witnessed Tim just like blatantly lie??

Nightwing discovers how often Tim lies to Bruce and he’s horrified bc “you don’t lie to me right? ….right??” And tim has the saddest and most offended expression when he assures him “no of course not!! I’m kinda offended you’d think that I would” 

If he’s with the bats Steph, Cass, and Duke are making a face that screams bullshit bc they know he’s lied to dick several times today and it’s only fucking 3am and Damian’s claiming that “drake could never fool him, he’d see through his deception in a millisecond in his asleep whilst suffering from the plague” so Steph just starts listing all the shit Tim’s lied about that damian believed just to watch him get angry and Jason just shrugs when Dick turns to him bc “I’ve never believed a word from that little shit since I met him”

But if he’s with yj, they all make eye contact then walk away giggling and dicks distraught bc “I can’t believe my little brother doesn’t trust me 😔” while Tim looks at the nearest camera in exasperation likes he’s on the office while consoling him in a deadpan tone and dick makes him promise that he won’t lie to him anymore (he lied)

Kon: hush Lex. I’m talking to our team’s second.

Tim after saying something extremely worrying turns to Dick immediately after

Tim: Please don't put me in a mental hospital

Dick: I'm not gonna lie to you, I consider it sometimes

jason todd unique second child privileges