Jason: *on private line* Swanhead.
Tim: Red Hood. Don’t call me that. What is it?
Jason: Send me my location, I don’t know where I am.
Tim: Hold-
Dick: *batkids group channel* Hey Baby Bird.
Tim: Nightwing. Again don’t call me-you know what? Nevermind. What’s the problem?
Dick: I need you to send me my location, I got kidnapped overseas.
Tim: Red Hood too.
Jason: Hey! I didn’t get kidnapped, I was violently taken hostage for a minor drug deal that went wrong. Totally different.
Tim: Right.
Jason: Listen here you little shi-
Dick: Oh, Little Wing’s in Belarus. Coordinates: 53.6212, 27.94683 and there’s a bike nearby he can use to get to the aircraft landing space close by but he’ll have to be careful because it’s swarmed by mean-looking guards.
Tim: …..
Jason: Since when are the guards nice-looking?
Dick: Little Wing, when you get kidnapped as often as I do, you get to pick and choose who you like.
Tim: Not getting into that mess but how’d you know Jason’s coordinates?
Dick: Older Sibling’s Intuition!
Tim and Jason: Bullshit.
Tim: Anyway, I’ll send Batman to pick you up.
Dick: Wait, no, Batman will bring Robin and little D just went over to J-Superboy’s house to play video games.
Tim: ….Okay, then I’ll send Batgirl.
Dick: No Batgirl’s throwing it back at a frat party so don’t bother her. She’s winning.
Tim: Orphan.
Dick: No she’s busy dismantling an underground mercenary establishment in Shanghai.
Tim: I’ll-
Dick: Nah, enjoy your date with your golden teddy bear tonight. It’s also a bit of a distance to go from Gotham to Metropolis to pick up your other one.
Tim: OKAY HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE’S LOCATION BUT YOUR OWN?!
Dick: ….Tee Hee 😋✨
Jason: *muffled* did he just “Tee Hee?”
Tim: ….where are the kidnappers, I gotta rescue them.
Dick: *in the background on Dick’s line: sobbing and nonstop muffled thank you’s*
Dick: Whaddya mean? They’re fine. Right, guys? *more crying heard*
Tim: Dick….
Jason: *on private channel* Shushhh. Just let him have this. Still send help though. For them.
Dream looks at Night,mare during a battle and all he can think is ‘little rebellious brother’. He uses the tone he used to when he was serious and Nightmare just sorta… deflates with an unhappy grumble.
Here my pet peeve I don’t like the trope of dream san always being the baby or act like childish or is a child in a different au and nightmare is always the overprotective brother trope or is a caretaker depending on the au or fanfiction and dream always dominate the female version while female nightmare is always used for smut or is just unlikeable in some fanfiction I read
Like can we please have more tropes were dream is the older overprotective brother while nightmare is the stubborn little brother
Geralt, pushing Jaskier behind him: The Bard meant no disrespect.
Jaskier, looking directly into a local lord’s eyes: No, I absolutely did.
Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"
"How the fuck should I know?"
Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."
Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)
"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."
"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."
Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'
"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"
"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."
He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."
"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"
As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.
"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."
"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."
"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."
I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.
Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.
I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.
Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me? Feemor: Yes. Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters. Bly: ...like as a concept...? Obi-wan: No, spiritually.
Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)
Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated! Wolffe: Debatable. Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka! Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!
Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ? Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history. Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.
Omg this is perfect. I’m stealing this idea for my story.
This ''probably'' won't lead anywhere.
Goodness, not at aaaaaalllllllll
But what if Nightmare has to eat more apples to become fully corrupted, be that due to the apples not being as potent as thought, or Nightmare having natural resistance due to being the guardian of negative emotions.
......ooooor maybe he's slowly ate bits and pieces of the apples to eventually build enough tolerance to control the corruption. Hmmmmmm
I really want an AU where Cody dies trying to kill Vader because he thinks Vader killed Obi-wan (he knows without a doubt that Obi-wan Kenobi High General of the Republic and Jedi Council Member did not die on Utapau after all) and wakes up on Melida/Daan just in time to save Obi-wan in a fight and have a minor breakdown when he realizes this tiny jedi cadet is his General and also bleeding.
He also absolutely refuses to let the kid leave without him. He’s seconds from trying to claim Mandalorian adoption rights if Jinn fights him on it but he also doesn’t actually know Mandalorian adoption rights outside of the fact that they exist so they’re definitely a Hail Mary he isn’t willing to try until last second.
Jinn wants him to leave and the Council lets him stay because “they think he is a rock for Padawan Kenobi to rely on while they investigate what has occurred.” Cody of course takes this to mean he should just do whatever his now tiny General wants and it begins with training him in half-a-dozen different forms of hand to hand and also ensuring he can shoot with at least the accuracy Cody expected from shinies.
the batkids will deliberately get jason into their favorite pieces of media so he’ll write fanfiction for it.
dick discovered this strategy when he forced jason to watch one of his favorite shows with him. he’d totally forgotten that the show ended on a cliffhanger before it was cancelled, but rewatching it brought back that feeling of dissatisfaction he had the first time around. so dick opens up the ao3 tag for the show and to his surprise, there’s a brand new fic addressing every single loose end, complete with beautiful prose and amazing characterization. dick practically weeps. it’s only when he realizes some of the things in the fic match up with the rants jason had during their watch of the show that he has barbara confirm his suspicions about who the author is.
somehow everybody but jason gets wind of this and they’re taking unashamed advantage of it. the next time they see a movie together, stephanie leans over to jason to whisper about the romantic potential between two characters. she gets like three fics for her ship out of that. when jason goes outside, barbara switches electronic billboards and redirects taxis with ads for her favorite show. and of course, every targeted ad on his phone and computer are for the same show. when he finally gives in and watches it, barbara ends up with plenty of content to get her through the between seasons break.
everybody in jason’s family is subscribed to the ao3 account that he doesn’t know they know he has. one day, they’re all chilling in the library, and at the same time jason publishes his latest fic (for a movie bruce of all people was very insistent he watch), everybody’s email notifications go off. he narrows his eyes suspiciously. “just some wayne enterprises stuff.” “got a package delivered.” “what’s an email?”
it’s fine. he’ll let them get away with it. besides, he does the same thing to damian to get fanart out of him.
I'm glad that everyone in this fandom is a Fuckin Nerd. I'm over here making academic bureaucracy for Mandalore and playing with conlangs until they break. Some of you are inventing space TSA or actually understand how a military works. Others are therapists trying to bring CBT to the masses by way of Obi-Wan whump. I love seeing everyone's special Things™️ in their fics.
Oh my god. This is ADORABLE!
Leo notices throughout their relationship that Usagi constantly touches Leo’s bandana. WhAt DoEs ThAt mEaN??? OoOoOoOoOohh
“You feel like home” :,)))
Absolutely. Valid. Truth. Yes.
mcd!aphmau may be an incredibly good person and a massive pacifist with more wisdom than anger but. i think she should be allowed to tell people to eat shit and fuck off. you’d have to push her pretty far to get her to do it but she should still tell people to eat shit and fuck off. i think she’s more annoyed with people than she shows
In my mind, MCD!Aphmau and Zane have a very special unique relationship in that Zane is the only person on earth that Aphmau hates more than anything. Like, this is a woman born from the mercy of Christ. And she fucking hates his guts so bad. He’s done far too much damage to everyone she’s loved for her to ever see him as more than pure evil. She is a woman of redemption and even i think she would see a Zane redemption arc as utterly impossible to ever achieve. She has a “kill on sight” policy that ONLY applies to him and NO ONE ELSE. Her and Zane could go back and forth bickering and telling each other “fuck you” over and over again. Even Shad earns more sympathy and mercy and empathetic understanding from Aphmau than Zane does. Aphmau would sooner befriend The Shadow Lord himself than EVER side with Zane.
And on Zane’s side of things, Aphmau is special because no one has ever thwarted him as much as her. He absolutely underestimated her at the beginning, thinking she’s just some random peasant girl in a shitty old town that no one’s ever heard of. And then she turns out to be his enemy nm. 1. The arch nemesis. I very much picture their dynamic in my head as a constant chess match going on between Zane and Aphmau. Zane is normally the king of chess, he gets everything he wants and the whole world cowers before him, but Aphmau has never cowered before in her life and she is most certainly not going to start now. She doesn’t quit. He can back her into a corner, he can take away her loved ones, he can put her in impossible dilemmas and threaten the lives of everyone she cares about with certain doom, all scenarios that would normally crush the average opponent and get them to cave under their own fear and beg him for mercy. But Aphmau doesn’t. She keeps fucking going and she never stops, she just can’t be held down, no matter what he tries. And in the end, he loses. They end up in the Irene dimension and he loses.
There’s something to be said that the High Priest of the Church of Irene’s worst nemesis is Irene herself. The very woman he’s supposed to worship with utter devotion, but once he actually meets the object of his religious faith, he REFUSES TO. He HATES her. He has met his own God and has decided he’d rather punch her square in the face than pledge himself to her. No one hates Aphmau more than Zane, and no one hates Zane more than Aphmau.
anyway i think she would tell him to fuck off and die all of the time and he’d tell her right back at you bitch