Hold Me Close And Sing Softly About Starry Nights And Fairy Lights.

A million touches later you're finally here to stay.

Probably with a million more you'll finally fall for me too.

But sadly, we don't have so much time.

Maybe this is our last sunset together.

And when the light of the next moon falls on your pretty face,

I'll close my eyes one last time.

And just like that fade away with nothing but your name on my lips.

I don't really know how to say this, but here goes. All I want in a medical/hospital type of drama show is for one (1) woman to choose herself over her unborn baby, just once.

Out of the maybe hundreds or more pregnant women we see in these shows, who come in after being in an accident or suffering from an illness or some sort of complication or I don't know what, I just want a single solitary woman who, when faced with the choice of risking or maybe even ending her life for the sake of getting the pregnancy to term or terminating the pregnancy to save herself, will choose the second option.

I know. I know how important carrying a child can be, how hard some need to work just to get pregnant, how hopeful and happy it makes them, how important it is and how devastatingly painful and crushing it can be to lose it. But this constant emphasis on self sacrifice for the sake of unborn children, the very obsession with the idea of birth, with a woman's "purpose" to give birth, of the implications and hinting that creating a family can or should only be achieved through pregnancy - it's A Problem.

I just want to see one woman. Just one. One woman who is sad and heartbroken at her diagnosis, but makes it clear she wants to live. She wants to survive, even if her baby won't. That if there is a choice to make, she is the more important one. She should be the one they save. Just one woman, who, when faced with the possibility of never being able to have another child, says "well that's a shame. But I always wanted to adopt anyway so I guess I'll start sooner than I thought". One woman who is okay with never having a baby, because while it was a happy occasion, it's not the only good thing in her life and not the only way for her to define herself. One woman who is more excited at the prospect of being a full-time aunt, because she already has all the children she could ever want, even if they are not "hers". Maybe even one, just one woman, who blatantly and with no regret says "you know what? It's not important enough for me to die for. Thanks but I want to live".

I just want one.

She's fading away.

And all I can do is watch.

The crumbling remains of our memories,

rise up in the air like afternoon dust.

I can smell the love we shared.

But with a hint of tragic helplessness.

She's flowing away.

And all I can do is stare.

Whose fault was it that we became

the very thing we promised we won't.

All we ever wanted was a simple life of laughter.

And yet here we are now.

Me and her.

On the brink of breaking apart.

On the edge of the world.

Soon enough we'll be strangers.

And all that once was will become old tales.

Levitating through the mixed scenes of the past,

I try to find one last sweet thing.

A caress on my cheeks.

A smile on her lips.

Hands held under the stars.

A kiss shared at dawn.

But in the end I find none of those.

She must've taken it all away.

Afterall that's what we said we'd do.

Be all or nothing to each other.

Simply everything or nothing at all.

It seems she has kept her promise.

And now it's my turn.

© Moonyloonywitch

02/09/2021

There was love between us.

Until one day there wasn't.

We just woke up and decided that was it.

And just like that, our paths diverged.

Will they ever cross again?

I don't know.

But everywhere I go, I still get reminded of you.

You might have left,

but not before leaving my soul drenched in your being.

Wherever I go, I can only think of you being there too.

We thought it'd be nice to be free again.

But now the freedom seems to have turned to loneliness.

And with every sunrise I miss you a little more.

You've been absent for a while now,

but I've been loving you nonetheless.

And judging by the way my eyes search for your face in every crowd,

I think I am going to love you always.

Whether you like it or not.

Whether I like it not.

And just like that I am yearning for you again.

And that's when I realised, there's still love between us.

From me to you.

And I'll wait for it to come back.

From you to me.

I miss you.

When will you come home?

Why does emptiness hurt so much,

when there is nothing for me to feel anymore.

Dragging my pale hands across the dirty walls,

I feel like giving up on everything.

I've lived on for so long,

hoping that someday everything would get better.

But that was just a lie I told myself,

because all that ever happened to me was blue.

From heartbreaks to heartbreaks,

I lived on hoping I would be free one day.

But turns out the way we live our lives,

is always predetermined before our births.

Stars and galaxies had perfectly aligned,

to make sure that luck never came my way.

All those times I felt like joys,

were simply mirages on my abandoned mind.

I wanted answers for so long,

but was afraid to come get them.

Now in the middle of the night I stand,

my heart feeling heavier than ever before.

My pale hands glides over the knocker,

and the sound of it makes the stillness scream.

Moonlight is the only comfort I have now,

as I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

The cold night air smells bittersweet,

but strangely it feels like home.

It is home.

Losing someone you love is hard enough,

but losing all of them together,

is the worst torture that a soul can suffer.

It's been years since I came home.

But I always carried it within me,

a burden that was uncalled for.

Now with the moon and the night as witnesses,

I gather every last ounce of life in me.

Calling home for the first time in years,

I am answered with a gentle breeze that caresses my cheeks.

Maybe they too missed me like I missed them.

Maybe I should've come sooner,

so that I could live a little longer.

But it doesn't matter now.

I call home after so long,

to let them know that I'll come soon.

It's just a matter of months, said the doctors.

But to me it feels like I have eternities to cross,

to finally be whole again.

Calling home for the first time in years,

I can't wait to be finally home again.

© Moonyloonywitch

12/08/2021

What about the ones who don't figure it out? Do they splash around in love till someone comes along and save them? Or do they drown slowly, regretting that they fell in love? I wish we knew how deep the waters were before we decide to dive in. I wish we knew how much it hurts when you try to breathe underwater.

“Some people don’t know how to fall in love, like not knowing how to swim. They panic first when they jump in. Then they figure it out.”

— Sarah Addison Allen

It doesn't matter if I try or not.

I'll end up in the sky a star.

But what matters is if you'll be there or not.

Beside me, glowing like the sun you are.

All that ever matters is you.

And if I wake up a star and not find you beside me,

know that I'll die over and over again.

A black hole forming at every attempt.

And until I find you I'll keep exploding.

Till I know the warmth on my face is your light.

Maybe that's how galaxies are formed.

Each one an attempt at a love story.

And thus the universe keeps on expanding.

How can it not?

When there are millions of us still searching for love.

© Moonyloonywitch

01/09/2021

❤️

CARRY IT WITH YOU (k.p.k)

I am sorry I couldn't create a safe place for you.

I am sorry I couldn't be brave enough to let you be you.

I am sorry for all the times I made you say you hate pink (we love it now).

I am sorry for trying too hard sometimes and not trying at all other times.

I am sorry that you had to face all those years alone, without someone to hold you close.

I am sorry for letting you go when I should've held onto you tighter.

I am sorry for thinking that shutting you out will make me feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere.

I am sorry for abandoning you when all you ever had was me.

But now, little one, we are here. You and I, both of us are safe in this space that I have started to call 'heart'.

Cry all you want, I'll hold you. Be fierce, be gentle, be everything that you've wanted to be. I am here and you can be you.

Sweet young child, you're safe in my hands.

And we'll be okay. I love you, and that's all that matters.

To my younger self,

I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop you from harms. I'm sorry that now you're too broken to be put together

It was never your fault. It was never your fault. It was never your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault

Ever since I saw your face,

a homeless ache setteled into my soul.

Creating a void inside me day by day,

while I watch you smile from afar.

I know we are worlds apart,

but my heart doesn't accept that.

Fate was a fairytale to me,

something that people used to distract themselves.

But I think it was fate that brought you to me.

Or rather it was fate that I realised you existed in this world.

Love is what everyone talks about,

but I never felt the need to experience it.

So while all around me people fell in love,

I quietly gazed at the stars wondering why I would need someone ever.

And it still is true, I don't need you.

When I saw you my heart didn't skip a beat,

nor did my breath catch.

But strangely though I couldn't tear my eyes off of you.

I thought it was a mere infatuation,

a crush upon your beautiful features.

But turns out after months of seeing you,

all I ever want is to see you even more.

My heart has latched onto you,

so now everything I love reminds me of you.

That seemed suspicious to me,

so I tried looking for more prettier faces.

I found many more of them,

yet in the end my heart only remembers yours.

I am scared that I am falling for you.

I just don't want to.

So when someone asks me if I ever was in love,

I'll confidently say that I haven't.

While my stupid heart silently screams your name.

And I'll pretend that I didn't hear it.

© Moonyloonywitch

07/08/2021