My Art Is Rough Around The Edges.

Ever since I saw your face,

a homeless ache setteled into my soul.

Creating a void inside me day by day,

while I watch you smile from afar.

I know we are worlds apart,

but my heart doesn't accept that.

Fate was a fairytale to me,

something that people used to distract themselves.

But I think it was fate that brought you to me.

Or rather it was fate that I realised you existed in this world.

Love is what everyone talks about,

but I never felt the need to experience it.

So while all around me people fell in love,

I quietly gazed at the stars wondering why I would need someone ever.

And it still is true, I don't need you.

When I saw you my heart didn't skip a beat,

nor did my breath catch.

But strangely though I couldn't tear my eyes off of you.

I thought it was a mere infatuation,

a crush upon your beautiful features.

But turns out after months of seeing you,

all I ever want is to see you even more.

My heart has latched onto you,

so now everything I love reminds me of you.

That seemed suspicious to me,

so I tried looking for more prettier faces.

I found many more of them,

yet in the end my heart only remembers yours.

I am scared that I am falling for you.

I just don't want to.

So when someone asks me if I ever was in love,

I'll confidently say that I haven't.

While my stupid heart silently screams your name.

And I'll pretend that I didn't hear it.

© Moonyloonywitch

07/08/2021

I am sorry I couldn't create a safe place for you.

I am sorry I couldn't be brave enough to let you be you.

I am sorry for all the times I made you say you hate pink (we love it now).

I am sorry for trying too hard sometimes and not trying at all other times.

I am sorry that you had to face all those years alone, without someone to hold you close.

I am sorry for letting you go when I should've held onto you tighter.

I am sorry for thinking that shutting you out will make me feel like I belong somewhere, anywhere.

I am sorry for abandoning you when all you ever had was me.

But now, little one, we are here. You and I, both of us are safe in this space that I have started to call 'heart'.

Cry all you want, I'll hold you. Be fierce, be gentle, be everything that you've wanted to be. I am here and you can be you.

Sweet young child, you're safe in my hands.

And we'll be okay. I love you, and that's all that matters.

To my younger self,

I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop you from harms. I'm sorry that now you're too broken to be put together

It was never your fault. It was never your fault. It was never your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault. Not your fault

Somedays I crave the touch of another in my soul. I need someone to understand all the chaos inside me but at the same time be intrigued by everything as well. I want to lay down my soul bare, like the musical notes on a white sheet of paper. And I hope someone who appreciates the melody comes along and picks me up. And when they start to hum the tune I have kept hidden in my depths for so long, I'll finally feel like I belong somewhere. Even if that somewhere is just the tip of their tongue or the curve of their lips.

Do I wish for someone to look at me and think that I am the most beautiful painting they've ever seen?

Do I wish for someone to hold me oh so softly, afraid that they'll hurt me if the grip is even a little tight?

Do I wish for someone to think of how it would feel to kiss me, to be kissed by me?

Do I wish for someone to think of me when they see purple sunsets and orange dawns?

Do I wish for someone to tell me that they've been thinking about me the whole day?

Do I wish for someone sing to me and cuddle me to sleep?

Do I wish for someone who can't stop thinking about a beautiful future where we belong together?

Yes.

I wish that.

All of it.

But most days I wish someone would just smile at me.

It seems like my heart only understands what you speak, even if you speak with an absence of words.

~

m.l.w

The yellow letter sits on my table.

Edges worn and writing faded.

A faint scent of sandalwood and lavender,

is all that lingers where your hands once roamed.

I've kept it close to me all these years.

In hopes you'll write one again.

But that's all it has been.

Hopes that seemed hopeless to begin with.

I cannot bring myself to crumple it.

Or tear it into small bits.

Deep down I am scared.

Your words have become a second breath to me.

Almost as if I'll die if I stop thinking about them.

We never said goodbye.

But you did say you were bored of this love.

Maybe it's time I threw it away.

The tiny piece of paper that held me a prisoner all these years.

Time for a fresh new me.

One where I don't give up my heart to random strangers.

With a racing heart and a head full of doubts,

I take up the paper and read it again.

For the last time,

I remember your face.

I remember how much in love I was.

And for a final time,

I trace my fingers over your words.

With love, you say,

but it's been dead for a while now.

And now, I think I'll bury it.

But the doorbell rings and I sigh.

The man seems amused by my tears.

He hands me the box all the same,

and then walk away with a good day.

I open the box and there you are.

Smiling from the past like you're still here.

Another piece of paper fall into my lap.

Your words stare at me again.

Fresh scents of sandalwood and lavender fills me.

With love, you say again.

I almost laugh out but then catch myself.

It's wrong to laugh at the dead.

But I still smile, happy.

I held onto you for so long.

And finally when I began to let you go,

you've just gone on.

Maybe what kept you alive for so long was me.

Afterall how could death drag you down,

when I whispered your name to the passing wind,

and wrote it in sand over and over again.

Maybe that's why certain love are born.

To keep the other alive and breathing.

And with every breath I take now,

I remind myself there's someone for me too.

© Moonyloonywitch

01/09/2021

A million touches later you're finally here to stay.

Probably with a million more you'll finally fall for me too.

But sadly, we don't have so much time.

Maybe this is our last sunset together.

And when the light of the next moon falls on your pretty face,

I'll close my eyes one last time.

And just like that fade away with nothing but your name on my lips.

Please let him go.

You were not meant to be this way.

You should be glowing, flowing through stars and space.

Not sitting tired in a corner, away from everything.

Away from life.

You have years ahead .

Millennias to conquer.

He is but a fleeting dream.

A flash in the evening sky.

Gone as fast as he came,

Never too close to feel the warmth.

So please let him go.

There's no way he'll come back.

Or think of you.

Or wish you'd wait.

He's gone on.

And now you should do the same.

Let him go.

For far more adventures await you.

And I promise your broken heart will feel less broken,

day by day.

Let him go.

Let him go.

Just let go.

On that day when you stumbled away,

I thought I had a Deja Vu.

Like we've been together before.

And like we've said the same goodbyes before.

It was like looking up at the sky and suddenly seeing a star.

One that I've never seen before but felt like I always have.

You leaving me felt like it was always written.

Maybe I have been blind all this time.

The light from you smile belittled every single flaw you had.

So when suddenly you stopped smiling and turned away,

my sky became so dark that it almost felt like I could see the heavens up above.

And in there I saw our tale.

How it was told so that it could end.

Perhaps I've read this story before and cried to it too.

But strangely when it has become the story of my life,

my tears have abandoned me and I am alone.

And the emptiness in me was the way your eyes looked when they landed on me.

I thought you gave me life.

But you did not.

You just darkened the lifeless parts of me even more.

And now I lay in the sand, looking up at the blood moon.

The only red in me is the reflection of the moon in my cold eyes.

Like the millions of stars in the black sky,

now you can never find me when it's bright.

On lightless nights find the darkest portion of the sky.

There you can see me swimming in the abyss of black.

But still trying to stay awake till dawn,

till the light of the sun kills me,

like your smile once did.

I wanted us to become a lovely story.

But we were just flashbacks of a story that was never written.

I love him,

In the late hours of the night.

When the silence around starts to feel like home,

I love him.

When the dawn approaches in the horizon,

looking so hazy and confused,

I love him.

The slow call of the nightingale breaks my train of thoughts about him.

But still, I continue to love him.

He exists in the abandoned corners of my mind.

And he is there, always smiling when I close my eyes.

The silhouettes made by the moonlit night,

somehow ends up looking like him.

And when I trace my fingers across the shadows formed,

I love him.

For some reason, he seems to be everywhere I look.

And for some reason, I always love him, every single time.

I love him,

like the favourite quote of mine stuck in my head.

I love him,

like the soft melody of the first rain.

I love him,

like he had loved me.

In darkness and in silence.

But never in each other's presence.