I Love The Morning Sun's Kisses

There was never a fullmoon when I didn't think of your glowing face as I fell back into the peaceful depths of slumber.

And there was never a day when I didn't wish I could see your smile with the morning sunrays kissing your face.

I've been in love with you for so long now, that I count my days in the ways you exist here in this space.

Love was never a choice. It was the only option.

And you, my love, is the best of heaven and earth.

Why does emptiness hurt so much,

when there is nothing for me to feel anymore.

Dragging my pale hands across the dirty walls,

I feel like giving up on everything.

I've lived on for so long,

hoping that someday everything would get better.

But that was just a lie I told myself,

because all that ever happened to me was blue.

From heartbreaks to heartbreaks,

I lived on hoping I would be free one day.

But turns out the way we live our lives,

is always predetermined before our births.

Stars and galaxies had perfectly aligned,

to make sure that luck never came my way.

All those times I felt like joys,

were simply mirages on my abandoned mind.

I wanted answers for so long,

but was afraid to come get them.

Now in the middle of the night I stand,

my heart feeling heavier than ever before.

My pale hands glides over the knocker,

and the sound of it makes the stillness scream.

Moonlight is the only comfort I have now,

as I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

The cold night air smells bittersweet,

but strangely it feels like home.

It is home.

Losing someone you love is hard enough,

but losing all of them together,

is the worst torture that a soul can suffer.

It's been years since I came home.

But I always carried it within me,

a burden that was uncalled for.

Now with the moon and the night as witnesses,

I gather every last ounce of life in me.

Calling home for the first time in years,

I am answered with a gentle breeze that caresses my cheeks.

Maybe they too missed me like I missed them.

Maybe I should've come sooner,

so that I could live a little longer.

But it doesn't matter now.

I call home after so long,

to let them know that I'll come soon.

It's just a matter of months, said the doctors.

But to me it feels like I have eternities to cross,

to finally be whole again.

Calling home for the first time in years,

I can't wait to be finally home again.

© Moonyloonywitch

12/08/2021

I thought you'd turn back.

I thought you'd reach out for my hand.

I fell thinking you'd be there at the end.

But all that remained were ghosts of promises.

Perhaps I should've screamed harder,

when you left me there in the dark.

All I ever knew was your touch.

And all I ever did was wait for your return.

Silence lays above the trees.

But the storm within me rages on.

I need you to make me warm again.

A gentle touch of yours is enough to calm me.

Please don't go along now that you're free.

Every once in a while come by me.

Without your hot tears and quiet voice,

the bones in me are all lonely.

One by one they call out to you.

Letters of my name make up the loneliest number,

when you no longer whisper them at night.

I don't really know how to say this, but here goes. All I want in a medical/hospital type of drama show is for one (1) woman to choose herself over her unborn baby, just once.

Out of the maybe hundreds or more pregnant women we see in these shows, who come in after being in an accident or suffering from an illness or some sort of complication or I don't know what, I just want a single solitary woman who, when faced with the choice of risking or maybe even ending her life for the sake of getting the pregnancy to term or terminating the pregnancy to save herself, will choose the second option.

I know. I know how important carrying a child can be, how hard some need to work just to get pregnant, how hopeful and happy it makes them, how important it is and how devastatingly painful and crushing it can be to lose it. But this constant emphasis on self sacrifice for the sake of unborn children, the very obsession with the idea of birth, with a woman's "purpose" to give birth, of the implications and hinting that creating a family can or should only be achieved through pregnancy - it's A Problem.

I just want to see one woman. Just one. One woman who is sad and heartbroken at her diagnosis, but makes it clear she wants to live. She wants to survive, even if her baby won't. That if there is a choice to make, she is the more important one. She should be the one they save. Just one woman, who, when faced with the possibility of never being able to have another child, says "well that's a shame. But I always wanted to adopt anyway so I guess I'll start sooner than I thought". One woman who is okay with never having a baby, because while it was a happy occasion, it's not the only good thing in her life and not the only way for her to define herself. One woman who is more excited at the prospect of being a full-time aunt, because she already has all the children she could ever want, even if they are not "hers". Maybe even one, just one woman, who blatantly and with no regret says "you know what? It's not important enough for me to die for. Thanks but I want to live".

I just want one.

Stop running and turn around.

I am still here, standing in the dark.

With outstretched hands waiting to hold you.

Come to me and please stay this time.

We found each other after a million sad stories.

Each one more heartbreaking than the last.

So come back and I promise I'll hold you.

Sleepless nights have been my friends for a while now.

But with you by my side, the world comes alive.

My heart is stronger this time.

Let me take away your pain and mourn for your loss.

Close your eyes and walk back to me.

For so long your were lost among the starless skies.

But now even the darkness is tired of keeping us apart.

I've littered stars to guide you back home.

Follow the fading lights and by dawn you'll be safe in my arms.

It's time for our forever, my love.

There is no escape.

You can't run away from your mind.

From how you look and who you are.

But like the sky, you will never be blue all the time.

Like the sky, there are colours in you that are beautiful.

You have your own winters and springs,

Your own dawn and dusk.

Stars in your laugh and moonlight in your eyes.

Like the sky, you're the comfort to someone somewhere.

This is the moment you have to realise, being you is fine.

Because like the sky, you hold so much beauty and comfort.

There is no escape

Not for you

Not from yourself

The idea of escaping yourself is an illusion

This is the moment when you have to realize, life is made to be faced

Not to be hidden from

Because like the sky, it will never let you out of sight

Like the sky it will envelope you from all sides

And like the sky when you least expect it, life will come crashing down

I stand there like a fool lost in my thoughts.

You move away from me and just go on.

Silent screams bursts my eardrums.

But nobody hears a sound at all.

Tears fall like a broken dam,

like water rushing without an aim.

My mind have gone numb now.

And all I can see is black.

The bright spot of light is you,

and as I watch, it slowly fades away too.

Darkness is supposed to be a comfort.

But not when you've taken my heart.

A heartless body is an empty vessel,

and the dark seeps into me like spilled blood.

I can feel the cold from inside,

killing the last of the warmth within.

The embers of my fire are about to die down.

Too weak to stand up again,

I lay down and give in to the earth's embrace.

It's soft and moist.

But not warm and safe like your arms.

Before you vanish into the abyss,

turn around and dig a grave.

Bury my thoughts of you in there.

And plant a daffodil on top.

Let us go seperate ways now,

before your sighs bring me back to life again.

© Moonyloonywitch

I don't know what to do with all this love in my heart now, because it was all for your and now that you've made it clear that you don't need my affection, I find it difficult to keep these feelings in the same place for fear that they may get mixed up again and instead of letting go I'll accidentally hold onto you forever.

I am glad that I met you.

Or else I would've never met myself.

And I am glad that you left me.

So now I know that being by myself is not so bad.

Sure, I was broken into tiny pieces when you stopped holding hands.

Sure, I did cry myself to sleep whenever I thought of your cold eyes.

I bared my soul and you gripped it a little too tight.

Now I lay broken, and like the blood in my veins, I flow through your cold fingers.

Drip by drip I fall onto the floor, a puddle of dreams and uncherished love.

But somewhere along the way, the red started to turn black.

And somewhere along the way, my tears started to form stars.

The tired sighs that fell from my lips have turned to swirls of white and gold.

The day you broke me, I fell.

I fell a human, and landed a galaxy.

I can still feel the pain of your touches.

But on those days, I burn a little more brighter.

I may have been broken once, but I gathered the pieces and here I stand.

A galaxy amidst the vast, cold emptiness that's you.

A galaxy that you can never touch without burning yourself too.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍.

𝚄𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚍.

𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑.

𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑.

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚙 𝚞𝚙 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚎,

𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚞𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚜.

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜 𝚖𝚒𝚡𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖 𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚕𝚎.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏.

𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚍 𝚐𝚒𝚏𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚎.

𝚆𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚒 𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚢.

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎.

𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚍.

𝙸𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐.

© Moonyloonywitch

02/08/2021

9:59 pm