Bart: I Dumped A Bunch Of Butter And Cinnamon And Sugar Onto Bread Then Toasted It And Ate Giant Cinnamon

Jason: It’s 2019 why can’t I delete people in real life?

Later

Jason: Ok. So it turns out what I was thinking of is called murder.

@iindigodingo here ya go

fingers in his ass sunday

I’m not gonna die just yet. I have plans.

A guide to working the night shift

Check it there is going to be a full moon. If there is not, go in as normal. You will be okay.

If there will be a full moon, it is essential to follow this guide.

Get lots of sleep the day before.

Bring a fully charged phone, snacks, and water. Do not bring any flavored drink. The spirits will turn it to water, anyway.

About an hour before work, drive to your nearest Church. Do not walk or take the bus. If you must, ignore anyone who tries to talk to you on the way. They will be spirits trying to learn more about you.

Enter the Church and put some holy water on your hand. This will not do particularly anything, but it is nice to have some reassurance.

If there is an old man in the pews, ask him for his greatest piece of advice. If he ignores you, and he will, ask him again. He will tell you to be careful at work tonight. Make sure to thank him for his time, he will appreciate your manners.

Drive to work. Be a bit early, the spirits will not expect you to be early.

If you know your co-worker(s) well, ask them for gum. If they give you mint, back away slowly and continue working as normal. They are a spirit in disguise. Any other flavor, tell them to leave early. Do not take no for an answer.

If you do not know your co-worker(s) well, do not get too attached. They will be dead before 11pm. Do not feel guilty, there is nothing you can do.

Keep an eye on the clock. Do not walk or talk loudly, it can hear you. Do not wonder about what “it” is, you wouldn’t be able to fathom it anyway.

Once the clock hits 11 pm, the lights will go off. Do not worry, they will go back on soon.

When they come back on, your co-workers will be gone. Do not cry. The spirits will not pity you. There will be 3 customers left. 2 are spirits, one is real. You should help the real customer escape, he will give you something you need. However, you cannot leave with them. It will not allow you to.

Approach the first customer. Ask him if he needs any help. Slowly tap your foot while talking with them. If they cover their ears, apologize. They are a spirit. Spirits hate foot tapping. They will not hurt you, at least for now. Repeat until you find the real customer.

Tell the real customer that Bob sent you. He will know what you mean. He will begin to exit the store with his items in hand, unpaid for. Remind him that he must pay. He will glance at you, then begin walking out again. Do not worry, he will have paid you. You will find out what he gave you soon.

Now, you will be alone with the two spirit customers. Relax for a little bit, the worst is yet to come. Drink your water, but not too much. You don’t know what the spirits could have put in there.

Once the clock hits midnight, the lights will shut off again. Except this time they will not come back on. Leave the register, go to the back of the store. You will see a bottle of water that is upside down. Take it and drink it, for that is not water. You will be able to see better now.

Items from the shelves will begin to fall over. Pick them back up. You are, after all, working the night shift. If items from the fridges begin to fall, the spirits are extra angry. You must have wronged them. I told you to follow the guide exactly. I am sorry. Death is not what you should fear. What will happen to you is much worse than death.

If the fridges stay intact, you are safe for now. Do not talk or yell. Do not bother calling the police. Call your mom. Mother knows best. She will pick up. Although, it will not be your mom. Nevertheless, listen to her. She will tell you how to contact the spirits. I cannot share that information with you.

Use her instructions and contact the spirits. Ask them to spare you. They will say no. That is expected.

Spirits do not spare people willingly. They take trades, however. It is not easy to trade with a spirit. They only accept souls. People are only born with one soul, their own.

Put your hand in your right pocket. You will feel something indescribable. Do not pull it out. It is what the real customer paid you with, a soul. Do not feel bad, he has many.

Contact the spirits using the method from before. If you do not remember how there is nothing you can do. I am sorry. Your fate is sealed.

Tell the spirits you have a trade. Take the soul out of your pocket, and hold it up above your head. You will feel your legs begin to weaken. You will fall to your knees, and eventually you will pass out. You will wake up with the soul gone and the lights back on. Continue working as normal, the spirits have spared you.

Do not speak of this event to anyone, the spirits will not take kindly to that. They will appreciate your silence. Make sure to call your mom and thank her. She will not have any idea what you are talking about, but she will appreciate the gesture.

More guides

A Guide to Keeping your Heart Soft

How to enter your subconscious

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

One day, Cass is poking around online and she gets a targeted ad for this costume:

So she buys it, because of course she does. Once she receives it in the mail, she puts it on, sneaks into Bruce’s bedroom and wedges herself in the top corner of his ceiling above his bed. Then she waits.

anyway, this is the story of how Bruce fainted and smacked his head on a nightstand—

Young Justice Things: The team and swearing/Crude humor

Okay this is not a new thing, they’re teenagers I don’t know many teenagers who don’t swear. These kids are no exception. They swear and use the dirtiest humor possible. -Imagine the mind link -Something goes wrong and it’s just like all of them: “fuckfuckfuckFUCKFUCK” -Conner and M’gann sometimes forget their teammates can hear them and say something dirty over the mind link -M’gann: I might need a massage later babe ;) ;) ;) -Wally: WE LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS IN THIS MIND LINK -Artemis has the worst mouth/dirty mind out of any of them -Imagine the fights with Wally, they would get so out of hand so quick. -Artemis: FUCKING FUCK THIS SHIT -Wally: you kiss your mother with that mouth? -Artemis: yeah and if you talk shit again I literally will go fuck yours right in front of you, then have her make me a sandwich. -Wally: LEAVE MY MOM OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKING HARPY -Wally does the title of your sex tape jokes like from Brooklyn 99 -Artemis: Wow I finished so fast -Wally: TITLE OF YOUR SEX TAPE -Tbh I feel like Wally uses the “fuck me gently with a chainsaw” quote from heathers. -Conner kind of a child but being around the team taught him swearing and crude humor, he’s neck and neck with Artemis for foul mouths. -Conner: Wally! Artemis! I swear you two just need to fuck and get it over with. -Artemis: GROSS NO I’D RATHER DIE -Conner: Do I have to remind you that he can vibrate? -Wally: DUDE HOW ABOUT WE FUCKING NOT? -M’gann, sweet sweet M’gann swears like a sailor. The first time she swore in front of any of them two league members were present. -M’gann: Listen I don’t know who the fuck you think- -Black Canary: M’gann! -M’gann: What?  -Black Canary: You shouldn’t say that! -M’gann: What? Fuck? -Batman is all “who taught her that?” All of them are like “honestly who didn’t teach her??” -Kaldur has a habit of saying whatever three swears come to his mind, especially when something goes wrong in a mission. -Kaldur: *over the mind link* FUCK SHIT COCK -Robin combines swear words because he’s fucking Robin -Robin: *after he’s been hurt on a mission*: That hurt like a motherbitch and I hope that guy suffers in prison! -He’s also the king of that’s what she said jokes and the team is done with him -Artemis: this is too big it’s not gonna fit -Robin: That’s what she said -Artemis: NOT TO YOU BIRD BOY SHUT THE FUCK UP -Zatanna swears so casually that she always slips up in front of league members. -Zatanna: *Walking in to a room* WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? -Batman: …Zatanna language -Zatanna: I didn’t know you were here shit I mean damn! I MEAN- -Black Canary gets a swear jar for the cave -Their reactions were to put twenties in the jar then start blasting swear words -The jar was taken away a week later

Activate your boops?

Boop boop

Stephanie: Yoink is the opposite of yeet.

Jason: But it’s just as fast.

Tim: The lord yeetith and he yoinketh away.

Bruce: I think I’m having a stroke.

PSA

So I’m planning on making this my personal own blog soon so all dc content will remain here but new stuff is in a new blog or page. (However this thing works)

I’d like to thank quizlet for saving me this semester!

OwO

I know who you are and I’m coming for your kneecaps.