Let's Be Linear With Mama

Two boys talked on the playground about who was stronger: a kitten or a puppy. "For the sake of fairness, let's say they're both the size of a pea," one boy said. "Agreed," said the other boy. "It's only fair."

Why tf does my friend have Vines on VHS lmao

Yeah you could say I’m doing numbers on tumblr. And that numbers? One

my gf just ripped some ungodly ass that had my eyes watering i mean absolutely noxious it was so bad i made her leave the bedroom until she was done and i opened the window and shoved my head out so i didn’t throw up breathing in the tainted air of our once peaceful bedroom.

anyways once it dissipated and i got back into bed she walked back in and looked me in the eyes and said “sorry for farty rocking 🥺”

kitten I’ll be honest the finality of everything in this world haunts daddy like a second shadow

coming out of my cage and they’re shouting oh fuck it’s loose call for backup i repeat call for backup subject has breached containment area

BATB Week - Day 5 "Dandelion" @beauty-beast-week

ofc I'm drawing Cogs and Lumi this week. OFC i am. Castle dads trying to contain their giant dog son's bathtime zoomies because when you've got a ton of heavy wet fur it's gonna be UNCOMFYYY as hell!!! good thing the castle has endless space to run. bad thing for the gaggle of tiny objects trying to chase him LMAO

Maybe get Chapeau to handle bathtimes from now on?

Prompt was based off this pic WHICH IS ACC MY ENTIRE WORLD 😭😭😭:

My landlord came to fix an issue to day with the apartment. He looks around the living room at the decor and the newly painted walls.

In a heavy Russian accent: “Your wife have very good sense of style.”

Me: “Actually, I live here alone.”

Landlord: “Ah, homosexual. Figured. I live in the apartment under you.”

Me: 😳