Flight Risk

brave girl

summary: you decide to try something new when you believe you're home alone. joke! you aren't home alone. at least joel is willing to help.

tags: 18+ smut, joel miller x afab!reader, dbf!joel (it's mentioned twice,) pillow humping, f!masturbation, sexual frustration, getting caught, crying, insecurity, anxious!reader, softdom!joel (kind of idk,) soft!joel, neighborly!joel, tooth rotting sweetness, clit rubbing, kind of size difference-y, praise, nicknames like baby, sweet girl, sweet one, brave girl, etc.

a/n: yayy i wrote a fic !!! this is VERY birthday girl adjacent btw so if you liked that you'll like this (and vice versa!)

wc: 2.2k (not beta read)

You know this isn’t how he wants you.

No guy willing to fuck around with his best friend’s daughter wants it to be like this, where she’s sniffling and crying into his shirt, pushing herself not to squirm away from him. The normal idea of this would be for him to meet you at a beach, or a barbecue, or something else summer-y and sexy, and then you’d fuck and then oops-wait-you’re-his-daughter!? That’s how this should be, right? 

But no, instead you’re in the midst of your semester off, and sure you had met Joel a few times over the holidays when you came down to visit your old man, but you didn’t think this would be happening. 

Joel shifts behind you, reminding you that the position you’re in sucks for him. You’ve heard him complain about his back before, and now the ridge of your twin size bedframe is digging into his spine. You wish you had the energy to move or help him, but your eyes are bleary and your body is frozen from anxiety, which is better than the embarrassment of earlier. Thinking about the humiliation… a flash of hot red runs up your neck at the memory.

You had been trying something different. After scrolling online for a little while on some forums, you made the decision to try humping your pillow. Penetrative sex wasn’t something that felt good for you, and rubbing your own clit gets boring after the fourth night in a row. So yes, you decided to desecrate the pillow you’d been frustratedly tossing and turning on for the past week. 

It had started out okay. And literally just okay is how you would describe the experience. After being excited at the idea all night last night, and into the morning before your dad left for work, you had basically jumped onto your pillow the second the door clicked shut. Your flimsy undies were supposed to work as some sort of extra friction, and they kind of did, but eventually you just resorted to rubbing yourself while you were hunched over your pillow. The friction just wasn’t right, your pillow was too soft and there was nothing to truly rub against so it just frustrated you more. Your anger peaked when you realized that you had been all excited for no reason and you quickly lost steam on the jerking-off part of your morning, resorting to huffing and puffing into the pillow which pissed you off so bad. 

But when he had found you, or rather, just opened the door, you were crying. 

For whatever reason, you felt embarrassed about the pillow situation. You’re how many years old and you can’t make yourself come? Fingering yourself feels “weird” so instead you humped a pillow? Shame quickly overtook your frustrated feelings and you ended up crying into your sheets, clit abandoned and fingers slightly wet. Maybe you just weren’t meant for something like this, maybe you just weren’t meant to have sex or be sexy. What kind of girl were you? Surely a broken one, surely a stupid one. Nothing could feel worse than this self-created humiliation. 

Except, obviously, Joel finding you. 

“Are you oka– woah,” is what he had said before slapping his free hand over his eyes. Joel was annoyingly quiet sometimes. Without his work boots clomping beneath him he was a quiet guy with quiet movements so long as he was on carpet, so you had no clue he was in your house. He wasn’t there last night, so what the hell was he doing there now?

A little yelp had left you as you tugged your shirt down and shoved your pillow back to its rightful spot on the bed in a flurry of movement. Blush pink had crawled onto your face and shameful red snuck up your spine, seizing your neck to stiffen your posture. 

“What are you doing here?” You had asked, a guilty lilt to your tone.

Joel was standing there, clearly also flustered, with his hand still over his eyes. 

“Your dad kept sayin’ he’d fix the cabinet in the upstairs bathroom but he didn’t,” Joel begins to explain, his hand dropping from your door knob. “He’s back at work now and I uh— It’s my day off so I figured I’d lend a hand. Then I heard you crying or uh, something.”

You decide to stare into the bottom corner of your room, beside Joel’s feet.

“I was crying.” It isn’t a lie. 

Joel nods, almost takes his hand off his eyes, then decides to keep it on. 

“Why?”

And you probably shouldn’t have answered honestly. You should not have told Joel that you were crying because you feel like your pussy is broken, or maybe that your brain’s broken, and that you haven’t come in weeks because you keep getting so in your head about it. But you did, and that wouldn’t have been so bad. Would it have been bad to vent to your dad’s friend about how you can’t bust a nut? Yes, always. But it’s worse because it’s Joel, Mr. Fix-it-Felix himself, who just has to help everyone. 

But you didn’t exactly say no when he offered.

So now, you’re here, with your body cradled between his thick thighs, the denim of his jeans scratching at your lower back while one of his arms cradles the upper part of it. Joel said it was fine for you to put all your weight on him, and so you did. Your head rests on his shoulder, eyes focused on the aging, freckled, skin of his neck. 

You had warned him you’d probably keep crying, but he said it was okay. 

“You bare under the shirt, baby?” Joel asks softly. Your head nods your answer, eyes burning. 

The shirt is draped between your thighs as your knees are propped up but apart. Joel’s hand comes down and hesitantly hovers there, fingers just brushing the fabric before cupping you through the fabric.

“Can I touch underneath?” He asks.

It takes you a second. Humiliation is still coursing up and down the lengths of your arms in little waves of tingles that tickle weirdly. Can Joel touch underneath? You barely know how okay you are when you’re touching yourself, can you really handle him doing that? 

“I don’t know,” you admit. 

His chest moves heavy underneath you, a steady beat of up and down that reminds you of those automatic baby rockers. Joel doesn’t move his hand from where it is on you, and he doesn’t look down at you either, thank God. The anxiety, the unsure tension in the room, it’s stunting you from getting what you need. You don’t know what you can and can’t handle, you don’t know your body anymore. Something about this situation, which is already twisted, is only made worse now. Both of you know that much, but Joel seems to know more.

“Do you want to know?” 

His voice is quiet still, a rumbling noise that still shudders with nervousness as he says want, like he knows you might say no. Joel is someone you can stand saying no to, you know he’s faced greater disappointments than not helping his best friend’s daughter get off. But, you don’t want to say no. You don’t want to say no, but you don’t want to say yes either. 

You just want it to happen. 

One of your hands, the one that was reached up to clutch onto his shoulder, trembles as it comes down to guide his hand underneath. Your shirt drapes still, allowing you some modesty, a shield from his eyes.

“‘M not shaved,” you say apologetically, your voice tight from tears. His hand is just sitting there, motionless, and that sense of frustration is back. You don't want this from him, if you wanted something still you'd go back to humping your pillow. 

Please, you want to say to him, please show me this can be good, that I can feel good still. Take me somewhere I can't.

He's too hesitant, gently cupping over the somewhat trimmed hairs. Deep down you know why he's hesitating, he feels bad about this, but you're already crying so what's the use in anxiety?

“Joel,” you say his name like a reminder, even though you're just as scared as he is. He responds quickly, nodding and saying “yeah, sorry,” before his hand is finally moving.

“M just gonna start like this, okay sweetie?” His voice swims in your ears, quiet as you rest yourself against his chest again. Joel's movements are slow, practiced, as he rubs just over your lips, applying pressure to your clit in a gentle way. Everything he does is him testing the waters, making sure it's still okay. 

“Are you scared?” he asks. 

And no, not exactly. You aren't scared of anything in particular, you're just overwhelmed, but that's a lot of words and you can't find the words to put together a sentence right now. You hum something similar to a “kinda” and luckily he gets it.

Finally, he sinks a finger deep enough to actually feel how needy you are. A puff of breath leaves him, and maybe he’s surprised at how wet you are considering how scared you are. Another weird noise escapes your chest as you push your face higher, nose to his adams apple as you try to disappear beneath his jaw. Slowly, he begins to rub over your clit. It’s only one finger, a little overwhelming, and you squirm at the pressure. “Too much,” you complain. 

Joel, thankfully, doesn’t seem insulted by this, and instead eases up with the pressure. Your knees start to close together subconsciously, everything in you feels so conflicted and you don’t know if having Joel Miller help you was the best idea. But then he starts talking.

“Don’t want you to focus on my hands, sweet one,” he says. It isn’t self deprecating, but more of a suggestion. “Want you to focus on me, okay? It’s just me.”

Your eyes, which had previously been squeezed shut, open. You can see the freckled, tan, skin of his neck. It’s bumpy, and you can see little hairs that stray from his normal beard pattern. There’s a birthmark just below his collarbone that you’ve seen before when his shirt’s neckline slides the wrong way, so you must be tugging on his clothes in some way. You focus on that spot as his voice continues to lull your mind.

“It’s just me, right? Just Joel, you know me, hm?” He asks. It’s as if he wants to keep you in the moment, to keep you as awake as he seems to be. Joel’s head settles down more, his bristled chin resting on the top of your head as his hand works a little more intensely. 

You barely even recognize that you’re still crying as you let out a soft “uh-huh.” Big, hot, tears are rolling down your cheeks as you cling to him. His wrist is warm as it rests between your legs, his hand even warmer, but you try and listen to his words. 

“Yeah, it’s just Joel. I’m just helpin’ you for a bit, okay baby? You gonna let me help you?” It’s working. You can feel your stomach tightening, and even as tears still spill out, you’re nodding yes. If there were any words you could get out of your mouth you’d tell him yes, yes please help me, but unfortunately nothing will come out. Joel isn’t doing anything specifically technical with his movements here, just rubbing your clit slowly, using any of the wetness that leaks out of you to his advantage as he talks in a smooth tone. 

“You’re doing so good, so perfect. You just keep focusin’ on me, alright? I’m right here, I’m holdin’ ya,” he reminds you. Your eyes shut for a moment again, and your hands that were flopped beneath his bent knees are now gripping at your sheets. He notices you squirming and tilts his head down so his cheek rests on your head now. Against your back is his chest, his heart thumping beneath his skin at a steady beat. If he is hard, you don’t know, but you don’t care either. He’s helping you right now, this is about you. It’s about you, tucked under all his warm, soft, body. It’s about how he feels so safe for no reason, and how he’s encouraging this. It’s about how he’s fine with you crying, that he isn’t pulling away or asking if you’re okay. Joel knows it’s okay because he’s making it so, he’s grounding you with words and setting fire with his hands. “Just me and you, me and my brave girl,” he says. 

It’s probably the softest orgasm you’ve ever been brought to. A choking feeling crawls up your chest, choking your noises while rushes of blood bloom up your body to your head. It leaves you dizzy, breathless, boneless, and nearly deaf. You can barely hear what Joel is saying, but he’s definitely realized that he’s helped you plenty.  Your chest is heaving as he presses a kiss to your scalp, mumbling words about how brave you are, how pleased he is. It’s the first real orgasm you’ve had in a really long time, and maybe he knows, because he doesn’t make you move at all. Joel lets you lay back on him, removes his hand and adjusts your shirt so you’re covered again.

“That’s a brave girl now,” he murmurs softly, “you just rest now.”

sweeter

pairing: spencer reid x reader

description: in which, you and spencer try out foodplay, through use of whipped cream.

tags: MDNI smut!, established relationship, fem!reader, foodplay (whipped cream), oral (f receiving, munch!spencer i love you), nipple play, kinda temperature play, one use of pussy pronouns (gasp).

a/n: fun fun fun, my first time getting experimental with smut! happy reading!!

wc: 1.7k

you instantly regret it when the foam hits you. it's that unpleasant cold sensation. similar to a too-frigid shower early in the morning when the water doesn't heat up fast enough, spreading a shiver down your spine as you recoil inward.

spencer's fingers rub soothingly into your hip as he hovers the nozzle of the can over your other nipple. your stomach clenches, your bodily response telling you to get away. you were warm; spencer made you feel warm. 

but no. you had to bring this up; you had to insist despite his protests and concerns for you.

“it'll be fun, spence,” you had goaded. “and it'll taste good.”

“you already taste good,” he responded, dipping down to lick your pulse point as if to prove his point.

“can we at least try?” you whined, tone overly sweet. 

he conceded with a huff, but you weren't blind to the excited little glint in his eyes.

so now you're perched on your kitchen counter, clad only in your underwear, on top of an old t-shirt that spencer had so courteously laid out for you, ensuring the marble wouldn't be ice to your thighs. the kitchen, apparently, was the most ideal location for this. easy and convenient to clean up, and food is meant to be here, after all. 

he's eyeing you with amusement, eyebrows raised. “are you sure about this, honey?” he struggles to suppress a laugh, barely managing it. you’d imagine he’d be more sympathetic, but all he's sporting is a smug little smile as he sprays more whipped cream on you, chuckling when you flinch.

“you’re a sadist,” you grumble before turning firm, your resolve clear. “i’m sure.”

you inadvertently puff out your chest, a show of strength, but it doesn't appear that way to spencer. his eyes dart down, something hungry blooming in the dark pits of his pupils. 

maybe this will be fun. 

your tits only just covered by clouds of white foam, the sight is ghastly, and it makes him swallow hard. he stands there, a little confounded, as you reach for a bottle of sprinkles beside you, lightly dusting some over you. he hates you for being so normal about this and he hates you for the teasing grin that plays at the corner of your mouth when you look at him again. the counter has offered you some leverage, putting you at eye level with him.

but, oh. he loves you for the way your head tilts so endearingly. the way your lip gets pulled sheepishly between your teeth as you note the intensity with which he regards you. you lean forward, pressing a fluttering kiss to his cheek. you pause by his ear, “go ahead.”

he hooks an arm behind you, pulling you forward as well as offering you something to lean on. he starts with a kiss on your shoulder, lingering in what you assume is an effort to prolong it, to tease you. you feel the curve of his smile against your skin, the way his teeth peek out as he does so. his lips brush over your collarbone, up to your neck. they attach themselves just under your jaw, sucking lightly.

you don't realise that he has brought that can back to your body until you feel foam pool at the hollow of your throat. you hiss at the sudden cold contact but he quickly soothes that with the warmth of his tongue, scooping it up.

“fuck,” you curse lowly when he runs his tongue up your neck, nipping at your pulse point. 

“you’re so pretty,” he murmurs, bringing his lips back up to yours. he kisses you multiple times in quick succession, trying to make you laugh. he succeeds when you bite his bottom lip in mock reprimand. “i’m so lucky.”

it's dizzying the way he dips down so quickly, pressing a kiss to your sternum. you almost don’t realise when his mouth inches dangerously close to your whipped cream covered nipple, wrapping his lips around it and licking up the melting remnants off along with the sprinkles. the sensation makes you keen, high pitched and a little needy. he laps at the peaked bud, pinching and rolling it between his teeth. 

his arm is firm against your back, holding you to him with unmitigated strength as he sprays more cream onto your nipple and flattens his tongue on top of it. he spends a while there before moving to your opposite one and repeating with carefully paid attention. he hums appreciatively, pulling off with a pop. his pleased smile is accompanied by a contented lick of his lips.

“you want more?” he asks eagerly, relishing the way you look at him with a mildly shocked expression. 

you agree with a dazed nod. reaching for his neck, you pull him in for a kiss, breath hitching when you taste the whipped cream on his lips. “what the fuck?” you stifle a laugh in disbelief.

he just shrugs like it's nothing. like what he just did didn’t get you embarrassingly wet. you squeeze your thighs together, a way to conceal the growing damp patch on your underwear. spencer, ever the observer, notices this. he nudges your knees apart, stepping between your legs. his fingers skim over your skin as he takes you in, smiling somewhat deviously. 

“lift your hips?” he tugs at the waistband of your panties, pulling them down when you rise off the counter. 

he sneaks his hand down and presses his thumb between your folds. he rubs in small, slow circles, drawing out little moans and gasps from you. he trails down to your entrance, to the pool of wetness there and drags it back up to your clit. 

“holy shit, you really liked that,” he breathes, gaping at the way the pad of his thumb glistens. “or you just like my tongue on you. either way.”

“spence,” you whisper, his name caught between a whine and a plea. 

“what do you want, angel girl?”

“make me come,” you murmur, gaze darting helplessly between his eyes and his mouth. it's clearly not all you want.

he knows this. 

“i’m trying,” he says earnestly, applying a bit more pressure to your clit as he does so. he doesn’t hide the shit-eating grin that blooms across his face.

you make a noise, something dragged out and petulant, not willing to encourage further teasing, which makes him laugh.

“you want my mouth?” he asks, to which you nod meekly. he presses a chaste to your chin, chuckling fondly. he drops to his knees and you don't notice when he snags the can of whipped cream down with him.

he pulls you from behind the knees to scoot closer to his face, leaving you almost hanging off the counter. with a hand on your inner thigh and his shoulders between your legs, he holds you open. 

now, you shouldn't be surprised. spencer has always been partial to eating you out; some might even argue it's his favourite thing to do. so when the opportunity to enhance that experience came along, you shouldn’t have been surprised that he took it. 

still, you can't help the shocked squeal that you let out when he sprays whipped cream over your clit, stupidly rotating his wrist so it settles in a swirl like he's icing a cupcake. he drinks in the sight, the white peak beckoning him. wildly excited, he dips down and licks. it's obscene–you can’t even look at him, the way his tongue sticks out. 

“oh god,” you gasp, moaning when he sprays a line up your vulva, his mouth following close behind, greedily lapping up the mess.

“gotta clean her up,” he mumbles, amusement tugging at him when he sees your expression–thoroughly heated. “can’t have you getting a uti,” he continues, licking a casual but firm stripe between your folds. he definitely means it.

his lips close around your clit, dropping the can with a resounding thump as he circles his arms around both thighs, seemingly done with the cream. he sucks profusely; cheeks hollowed as he pulls your bud into his mouth, tongue flicking over it relentlessly. your soft pants reverberate around the room, blending with the wet sounds coming from between your legs. he moans when your thighs try to close around his head, a broken sound escaping him as his grip tightens. 

“sweet,” he mumbles. “you taste so amazing, angel. so so good.”

his words are muffled against you. he gets like this, you’ve noticed, pussy drunk–as you so affectionately put it. he babbles mindlessly, his tongue working deliberately without pause. it's not like you're doing any better, the unyielding press of his mouth on you rendering you a mess. your hand rakes through his hair desperately, tugging when the coil in your stomach begins to tighten.

“oh fuck. spence, i'm gonna-”

his eyes snap up to yours, softening. the warmth in his gaze is at odds with the desperation in the way he holds you, the way he mouths at you like he’s starved. he hums, the sound vibrating through you, coaxing, pleading as he urges you to let go. 

the wave crashes over you, pulling you under. his mouth follows the spasming motions of your hips, dutiful as he helps you ride out the high. he selfishly licks at you a few more times before pulling back. the lower half of his face is a wreck when he stands up, slick covering his chin. he greets you with a coy but giddy expression. 

“you’re insane,” you giggle, reaching for a kitchen towel that you know is somewhere behind you. you use it to wipe his face, rubbing his lips dry with your thumb, rosy and swollen from overexertion. you cradle his face gently and he leans in, planting a kiss on your palm as he does so. 

“good?” he asks nervously.

“really good, baby.” you smile, inclining forward to press a kiss to his cheek. 

you hop off the counter, a spring in your step as you thrust the can of whipped cream into his hands. you slip your fingers into his belt loops, biting your lip as you walk backwards, pulling him toward the living room–to the couch. 

“trust that i won't make a mess,” you placate his confusion with a playful grin. “but we are not finished here.”

spencer was in for a night. 

reblogs and replies are appreciated :) | m.list

"shift to another reality is a lie! that's schizophrenia, hallucination—"

okay, and? i really wouldn't mind hallucinating ur favorite character fucking me. is this meant to get to me? hmmmm... i'm sorry, but u failed .

They’re making Joel Miller so fucking gray in the second season of this show…my coochie is not behaving y’all. IM GETTING OVERWHELMED! I need to be snowed in with that man in a cabin a bit ways off from Jackson on patrol and fucked STEWPID for a couple of days until the storm passes. NEED DAT OLD MAN SO FUCKING BAD YOU GUYS DON’T FUCKING GET IT!!

Do y’all watch a movie see someone from your dr and like

your strange relationship with butcher!simon riley cw: murder and mention of unintentional cannibalism (not by reader or simon)

simon was scary. a retired soldier now working back in the butcher shop he had when he was a scrawny teenager, taken over the business from the lad who trained him back in the day. you couldn't help but swoon over him, you looked pathetically out of place in his little roadside butcher's shop. a sweet little thing in comparison.

to you, he was all bark, and no bite. snide remarks with no real hint of malice under his tongue, a smirk creeping up under his thick mask as his dark eyes stared you down. it made you queasy, fluttering behind your soaked panties that made your thighs clench.

your relationship with the man was strange, every week or so, you'd pop in for a hunk of meat that, unfortunately, wasn't him. he'd gave you the finest quality there was, and told you, "'s on th'ouse this week," in that gruff voice that was slightly softened when talking to you. except he told you that every week.

he always offered to walk you to your car, especially if you paid him a visit later in the day, claiming in a grunt, "lo'ta bad men ou'ere, pre'ty thin' like ye'self's need'a guard dog." you merely giggled. or he would walk you back to your place of origin if you didn't bring your car, tugging you close to his side and refusing to let you walk on the roadside.

or whenever he 'wasn't around', you swore you felt the hairs on your neck stand and an undescribable feeling of being watched, in a way that spread warmth up into your chest and down to your weeping cunt. somehow you knew it was him.

and you always wondered why the men in your town who hit on you disappeared without a trace, or the low-lives on the street who whistled and hollered had gone without a scream. the male population was slowly dwindling, and those left fled to other nearby areas in fear.

it's not like you complained, less hassle in your life dealing with pathetic excuses of men and feeling safer walking back home on the sidewalk at night after a late shift at the diner, or studying at the library, if simon wasn't at your side.

little did you know, stashed in the back of that bloody butchery, hung about a dozen or so bodies and counting, ready to be prepped and cut to sell out to his customers. not you, of course, he couldn't do that to you.

like clockwork, you appeared on monday, picking up your regular order of your supply for the week. the bell chimed over the door as you stepped in, dressed in pretty colors, a harsh contrast to his all black and white bloodied apron. god, it looked good on him.

"wot'sit f'r today, li'l lady? the usual, yeah?" he cocked his head to the side, burly arms crossed over his broad chest, making him look bigger in appearance in a way that made your pussy clench.

you nodded shallowly, a polite expression on your pretty face, "yes, sir," you replied kindly, a sweet, comfortable smile despite the blood smeared up his arms, dried crimson between his fingernails. if anything, it made him hotter.

"sure thin'," he nodded once, turning into the back, the smell of metallic and carnage blasted his senses, walking over to a special fridge with meat supplied just for you. he'd been so lost in his thought, he hadn't heard the rustle of the plastic overhead the door, but he sure heard the horrified gasp, and he froze.

"simon?" your voice quivered as you eyed the poorly hidden bodies, some hung up, others cut to pieces, limbs strewn about the countertops, ready to be prepped.

fuck, you'd gone and done it now. guess you're his forever.

He’s a grumpy veteran. Sleeps with a knife under his bed, flinches at fireworks. Get the dog, is Price’s order advice. So he drags his feet begrudgingly to the local shelter, fully expecting to walk out empty handed. Just for the sake of it, so Price’ll stop bothering him.

You’re working the shift that day. Immediately clock him as ex-military. Take him to the room of older, more scarred dogs–shared trauma helps the two animals bond. Tell him to take a look around, wait for that special connection, that special click moment to happen. He thinks it’s all bullshit, but he bites regardless.

His eyes roam the room. Pitbulls, dobermans, rottweilers. All tough and scary looking, but their eyes are kind and their tongues hang out in pants. They all look excited to see him. Except one.

One, looks more than pleased. Dutiful. The german shepherd stands, notched and torn ears perked up. She has small punctures on her snout. Her neck is riddled with raised, old bites, a ring of scar tissue that has scarce and patchy fur. One of her paws is slightly misshapen, toe sticking out. Her elbows are viscerally calloused.

He walks closer to her, slowly like he’s approaching a startled doe. She’s silent, body flinching slightly with him. He looks her straight in her eyes, brown boring into yellow. You and I are the same, he tries to say. And he knows she’s trying to listen.

“She’s a special one,” you say, the voices of the other dogs quieting at his obvious interest. “Think she escaped from a dogfighting ring.”

He inhales sharply, now crouching down to her level. She stares at him with an unwavering posture, but behind her eyes rages a flame of something uncertain. Shaky. He recognises it better than his own mirror.

“What’s her name?”

“Doesn’t have one. Abandoned, no chip or collar. Everyone here just calls her birdie.”

The corner of his mouth twitches ever so slightly. “She’ll do.”

He takes her home, carries her in his big arms. She’s heavy, well fed. He has you to thank for that. You talk him into buying this pink collar for her, a bunch of toys that make a noise when squeezed, and a bed that’s probably softer than his own. There’s this one dirty, tattered bunny plushie Riley insists on taking with her. 

Convinces himself he’s not attached. But everytime someone so much as tries to pet her without permission, he glares. Bites out the words “show some respect” with bared teeth. Damn dog doesn’t even use her own bed. Sleeps at the foot of his, and only because he won’t let her come to the main bed. Something about being dirty and slobbering over him. All that goes out the window when he wakes to sounds of whining and whimpering, her body twitching in sleep. He recognises that better than anyone.

It’s her first nightmare with him, and thanks to her sleeping cuddled in his arms every night from then on, it’s her last. He sleeps better, too. Mutually beneficial arrangement, he justifies it as. Sneaks her scraps during dinner, all the while telling her how spoiled she is. How ill mannered she is. But the grin on his face says otherwise.

He keeps visiting you at the shelter. Dog’s good for something, at least. Asks you questions he knows the answer to. “What the hell does it mean when she whines like that?” 

“She wants attention, Simon.”

“Bloody princess,” he mutters, proceeding to pet her for ten minutes. Scratches her behind the ear and below her chin, gives her belly rubs just to see her wiggle around. He used to be something scary and serious, you know. Now he’s just some guy who’d kill for his daughter.

He comes to see you even if he doesn’t have questions. Makes up some stupid excuse like, “came to see if she needed… supplies. Or something.” Won’t admit that he’s interested in you. Riley foils all his attempts at being nonchalant by wagging her tail whenever she sees you, or slobbering over your face in kisses.

Eventually, he stops pretending. Brings you coffee. Comes there just to hang out and talk. Stutters and leaves immediately when you ask him on a date, but Riley drags him back by sheer force. It’s ridiculous.

“Democrats should boycott Trump’s address! Dems shouldn’t show up to his speech! They should interrupt him!”

Actually, they should all launch multiple grenades to bl@w that fucker and his dick riding munchers into little fucking pieces. Be serious.

if there really is a john wick 5 in progress they better show my man retired with dog.

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these are mostly just based on being a decent human being, if you arent happy with these rules, please feel free to find another blog <3

✧ if you support homophobia, racism, ableism or misogyny, you are not welcome on this page.

✧ i am not comfortable taking requests from individuals who do not have their age in their bio, nsfw or not, please respect this, this is for your safety as well as mine.

✧ i do not feel comfortable writing smut that deals with incestual relationships, age play, pedophilia, scat, vomit, and or anything relating to sexualising any form of an eating disorder. so pleaseee do not ask for content relating to any of this <3