When People Think I'm A Man They Treat Me Better Than When People Think I'm A Woman.

Being Bigender- what it’s like.

I know there are already posts about being bigender and what it means, but I wanted to make my own so I could share some of my knowledge and experiences on being bigen.

Bigender: The Definition

Bigender is a gender identity described as being two genders- either simultaneously [both genders at the same time], fluidly [switching between the two] or partially [sort of like being a percentage/amount of each]. It falls under the nonbinary umbrella and is one of the many multigender identities out there.

Q- Do the two genders have to be “Girl and Boy”?

Absolutely not. This is probably the most common bigender-related misconception out there. A bigender preson could be a combination of a binary gender and nonbinary gender [example: girl and agender] or two nonbinary genders [example: androgyne and neutrois]. Bigender is not defined as only being man and woman.

Difference between Bigender and Genderfluid

Bigender and genderfluid overlap in definitions/experiences and can be used simultaneously as labels if you wish- but the main difference is that bigender is just defined as being any two genders, and it’s not a requirement to be fluid between them. Meanwhile, Genderfluid is shifting between multiple genders, and don’t have to be limited to two.

Q- If you’re bigender, are you trans? Or half-trans or something?

Y’know, that’s just up to the bigender/nonbinary individual to decide. I don’t consider myself trans, and for a while I didn’t even consider myself nonbinary. I’m not cis, and I relate a lot to transgender experiences- so sure, I could technically consider myself trans. But it’s not something that appeals to me as a label, so I don’t really use it. You can just be you, and you don’t have to be a part of the trans community or even in the nonbinary community if you don’t want to.

You can also have surgery/ name change/ go on hormones if you’re bigender, it’s alllll up to you.

Presentation

There is no “right” way to present when you’re bigender. You do not have to look/dress like what is expected of both of your genders, or switch between clothing or whatever. Clothing doesn’t dictate your identity in any way. It’s just fabric. Wear it however you want!

Q- Do you have to be 50% / half of both genders to be bigender?

Nope. If the genders are not felt simultaneously or fluidly and are instead felt partially each, then the metaphorical “percentage” can be anything. A bigender person may feel 60% one gender and 40% the other, or someone else may be more 70% and 30%, or even 1% and 99%, etc.

If the amount of gender experienced can be at any percent, what’s to stop me from calling myself demigender instead of bigender?

[Demigender: feeling partially, but not fully a gender. Common labels are demigirl, demiboy, etc.]

The truth is, similar to how [bi]sexual/romantic, [poly]sexual/romatic and [pan]sexual/romantic are similar, these labels overlap and it’s really up to the person to choose which label they prefer.

ALSO. Demigenders don’t necessarily only experience two genders.

Q- Do you have to have separate sets of pronouns for each gender, or multiple names?

Nope. This isn’t a requirement. You can be bigender and have as many or as little names/sets of pronouns as you wish, and they don’t have to “match” your genders either. A boy/girl bigender could use only one name and use they/them, or an agender/boy bigender could be using two names and she/her + he/him, or neopronouns, or etc. The combinations are endless, so it’s up to the individual to figure out what they want.

And again, names do not have to “correspond” with your genders- by which i mean you don’t have to have a “boy” name or a “girl” name or a neutral name unless that’s what you want.

They/Them

They/them (at least in the English language) are considered THE neutral pronouns and the go-to for anyone. And they usually are, there’s nothing wrong with that- they’re good to use on strangers, people you don’t know the pronouns of, or people who just prefer those pronouns! However, I’d also like to point out that they are not applicable to those who you know don’t use them/ don’t have them listed as their set of pronouns. It’s not a good alternative to someone’s neopronouns, or multiple/fluxuating pronouns, or just to use on anyone who doesn’t want them used. Just don’t.

This applies to every gender identity, not just bigender.

Q- If I’m bigender, how does that affect my other orientations? Should I consider myself bi, gay, etc?

Unfortunately, currently popular lgbt+ terms [especially in relation to sexuality or romantic orientation] are not really suited for nonbinary people, so there isn’t really a good answer to this- you’ll just have to figure out what sounds best to you. Feel free to use pre-existing terminology, even if it isn’t 100% “accurate”, or just make your own!

What it’s like being bigender

Well for starters, no two bigender people are the same, nor have the same experiences. I am probably the most stereotypical example of a bigender person- I’m a boy/girl, I use he/him and she/her pronouns, and I even have a “masculine” name and a “feminine” name. As much as I’d like to share alternative bigender stories, I can only tell you mine, so keep in mind that this isn’t the universal truth for all of us.

For me, I’m simultaneously both of my genders- I’m not partially one or the other, nor am I fluid between the two. At all times, I feel 100% girl and 100% boy. “Isn’t that the same as androgyne?” Well, no. In the form of a visual, pretend there are two tinted lenses [say, yellow and blue] and stacking them on top of each other makes green, while still being separate physically. Androgyne would be more like just having a green tinted lens, without needing to stack anything.

Anyway, how’s it like? My insight to being bigender in the real world is well, uneventful, as I don’t pass, am extremely closeted and don’t intend to come out anytime soon. Most of my experiences happen internally. I sometimes get annoyed that people use only one set of pronouns for me, because although I don’t mind he or she, I would still prefer for both to be used at about the same amount. I feel comfortable around most gendered terms, although I lean towards masculine [ex: king, brother, etc]. I get uncomfortable when people consider me/refer to me as one gender [ex: calling me just a boy/girl, repeatedly]. I do have dysphoria, both social and physical. I plan on getting surgery someday. I discovered I was bigender sophmore year of highschool. That’s roughly my experience.

Q- How can I write a bigender character?

Read everything above, so at least you have some basic knowledge about the identity. If you have additional questions, my ask box/pms are always open. I’ll be glad to help anyone out with anything bigender related really.

Some other multigenders that are similar/relate to Bigender [for those who may want to look into them]

Trigender- Like bigender, but experiencing three genders instead of two

Polygender- experiencing multiple genders but not all.

Pangender- experiencing all genders [this however, does not include genders that aren’t within your experiences/ you’re able to claim, such as genders that belong to indigenous groups/ other cultures]

Demigender- feeling partially but not totally a gender.

Genderfluid- being fluid between genders [can be any genders, any amount of them and for any amount of time]

If you feel like I need to change anything about this post, then I’m open to suggestions/criticism!

Fav bands/singers

6arelyhuman

Three Days Grace

My Darkest Days

Matt Walst

Lady Gaga

Sid Dorey

Marina

Halsey

Inuday

I used to think I had nothing to offer to the world. That my writings were shit. Lacking in pretty much everything. That no one would want to read them in their right mind. That I'd be better off dead.

Fuck that.

I'll carve my path in blood if need be, if even one person feels heard by a word I wrote.

(I'm just being poetic, policeman)

C&D Original Book Update #2

Oooh things are going good.

I'm rereading all the book again (cuz of course) and I'm picking up all those little big problems. It's headache-inducing, but I'm satisfied in finally seeing my book flow better with all those changes. Way better.

I changed a lot of stuff...

As for the last chapters, nope, I noped. I simply can't write them down right now. They're too emotional. I think I'll manage... in a month?? Maybe??

And I'm still hoping to launch it in September...

Fingers crossed <3

Ok just figured it out: I'm hearing Tchaikovsky from now on

Omg I'm here wanting to cry. Why? Because I'm hearing lo-fi & eating nutella. Somehow that's cry-inducing to me now.

And you can't even say that it must be 'that time of the month' cuz I'm not a woman, technically. What's wrong with me. WHY does lo-fi makes me want to cry. What do I even hear if not lo-fi to relax?? I tried 3daysgrace, for hours, then Bullet for my Valentine, then back to 3daysgrace, now I got no idea what to listen to. Also, I have to work, so I can't just go home and bury myself in a tower of blankets like I'm rebuilding Babel.

Never gonna hear lo-fi again.

(Make a bet on how long it takes for me to listen to it again.)

TCIK Original Book Update #2

It's already soooo much better!

I'm still working on the end, though...

Each arc is more fleshed out and flows better. I feel the first kiss is =waay better too. Among other things.

I'm working now on connecting the ideas, foreshadow things better, make things feel earned, sorting through the rest of my notes (and my cellphone notes too, I had forgotten them).

Many things are lacking though. I need more ideas... My structure as it is wouldn't make a good book, at all. I admit I must have only 1/3 of a good book right now.

My head feels full and I'm tired of trying to make things make sense, but they ARE making sense, finally. It's like, I want X and Y to happen, but these events contradict themselves, so it's like trying to solve a really fun (but head bashing) puzzle.

Also, my playlist is really helping. I got many ideas just by listening to it.

Anyway, I couldn't have found a better hobby. <3

*holding clipboard* hm…. *kisses your cheek* interestning… *writes down results on clipboard but the results are a drawing of us holding hands*

Where does chocolate milk come from? I’ve heard brown cows but part of me doesn’t want to believe it.

That’s a good instinct! The true story of chocolate milk (and all chocolate!) begins not at our local pasture, but with the rare and beautiful beans of the Brazilian rainforest

Can't believe there's actually a finished version of the game! I'm so happy. Thank you so much.

playing hetaoni in 2024

@cookies-hetaoni thanks for your hard work on this, we had a blast

First morning I don't edit a chapter before breakfast in months. I'm feeling weird. Like there's this burning in my throat that just won't go away. I don't even want to eat anything. What is it I'm feeling? I always was horrible at being self-aware, so I guess I'll keep wondering...