Does Anyone Wanna Hold Hands Until We Feel A Little Braver

Fuckin pigeons warbling their bastard drunken coo-coo-coo right in my ear at 5am on Sunday in every goddamn season no matter what fucking continent I'm in. Gotta rank them right beside seagulls, slugs and 13 year old boys as my absolute least favourite creatures on God's Admittedly Kind Of Ok Earth.

a silmkinkmeme prompt:

Silmarillion Kinkmeme prompt by Anonymous: Adar/Elrond - First Time Enjoying Sex is Dubcon. (RoP, Explicit, M/M, creator chose not to use archive warnings, no particular DNW for Elrond’s past relationships.) Elrond’s only ever been with lovers who are at best selfish and at worst abusive. Every time he’s had sex, it’s been painful. He had nothing to compare it to, he assumes this is just how it was supposed to be. When Adar takes him prisoner and makes it clear sex will earn Elrond better treatment, Elrond expects it to be even worse than he’s used to. But Adar treats him gently and makes it physically pleasurable. (Bonus if Elrond says something that makes Adar realise all this and Adar is disturbed. Because he knows he’s not a good person, and he knows that it’s wrong to use Elrond’s position to coerce him into sex… so wtf is wrong with the elves for treating Elrond worse than the Lord Father of the Uruks?)

I really like this one, which is bizarre because I. haven't gotten round to actually. watching? RoP? Like I've read To Partake (x) and a handful of Adarond fics but in general I have absolutely no idea what I'm taking about. I'm not sure anything I write will turn out like anon wanted because I'm basically an illiterate three year old waving around someone else's action figures but I'm guaranteed to have a great time so let's do it.

As with all things, let's start with tequila orange juice and gratuitous world building, and we'll see where we end up!

I feel like it's not addressed enough that Obi-Wan was so not ready for Anakin at the end of TPM. He wasn't quite ready to be a Knight, let alone take a Padawan, let alone Anakin.

Like, imagine you're 25 years old, already dealing with plenty of issues from your shitshow of a teen-to-young-adult experience when your Master - your father, your friend, your teacher, your guardian of 12 years, who you didn't always have the best relationship with but goddamn it you tried so hard and overcame so much to get to where you are - is literally murdered in front of you by a fucking demon, the ancient bogeymen of all your childhood stories who are suddenly very real and killing the people you love. Everyone looks at you now with so much awe and fear because, in a haze of grief and panic, you managed to become the first to kill a demon in a millennium - which is somehow that's enough of a qualification to immediately graduate your apprenticeship with full honours even though you never actually got the chance to finish it. Five minutes of pure terror turned your life upside down, and now you have to shoulder the burdens of a knighthood that you know you're not ready for, and find some way to live with the crushing expectations that come with your newfound, accidental and very unwanted semi-legendary status. And, if that wasn't enough already, within 24 hours of all this going down, you're also legally responsibly for raising a hyperactive 9 year old ex-slave Child of Prophesy with crippling CPTSD and more power than god. You somehow, somehow have to raise this boy to be both a good Knight - which you haven't had a chance to figure out how to be yourself yet - and a functional person - which was never and easy thing for you to be but is getting harder by the day. You desperately want to do right by your new Padawan and honour your Master's dying wish but you're not ready for any of this, you didn't ask for it, and you're trying so hard to not repeat Qui-Gon's mistakes whilst also being painfully aware that you can never live up to what he could have been. Then there's homework and missions and nightmares and you worry that Anakin isn't making friends and you haven't slept more than 3 hours a night in weeks and the President of the Galaxy is pressuring you for some Private Alone Time with your child -

How the fuck is anyone supposed to handle that?

this is incredible.

The Bad Batch as bizarre t shirts

my drawing skills aren't nearly enough to pull this off but if anyone can, please have a go!

Obi-Wan Kenobi's net worth at the height of the clone wars - 52,365,000 credits. yeah... that's a lot.

general. my good sir. obi wan. why do you smoulder so hard these are mug shots

can you control yourself for like 20 seconds this is serious you are a war criminal

People are giving Lucilla in Gladiator 2 so much shit like yeah she's giving bitchy overworked divorced deputy headteacher but have you considered that I'm into that

I HAVE HAD AN EPIPHANY!!!!

because of, you know. the conspiracy theorist phase.

501st as bizarre t shirts

tag yourself im little miss fully developed frontal lobe

Like this maybe?

disaster lineage all fall into one or more categories. i tried making a venn diagram but it was too hard so i gave up. anyway here they are

-most famous jedi who ever lived

-deeply fucking evil

-enemy of the state

-hermit

-literally just some guy who's there

now this is my kind of politics

seems like the fairest way