Everybody Just Picks Him Up, Like A Couple Of Grapes

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

Tim Drake fans who shit on Dick Grayson are just as baffling like that’s his emotional support hyperfixation turned sibling excuse me

dick grayson fans who shit on tim drake are so baffling 2 me like that's his little guy excuse me

My favourite piece of Fanon that I live and die by despite there being -20 canon basis for it.

Dick Grayson loves whiskey so much, it's the only alcohol he'll truly over-indulge in. (its Slade Wilsons fault)

Jason cannot stand whiskey and is the most stereotypical millennial small brewery beer drinker despite not being a millennial. like im talking flavoured IPAs with the bottles that look like they're made for kids to wanna pick em up.

and whenever they go to a bar together they switch their orders around because Dick wants to seem friendly and approachable and Jason thinks saying 'whiskey neat' makes him seem really cool and fits his general aesthetic.

(Dick also emptied the manors entire reserve of whiskey when Bruce died and Alfred had to hold an intervention)

(the reason Jays loves these drinks sm is bc its what the titans had in the tower when he'd visit Dick as robin and its the first time he was around drinkers who were responsible and visibly being safe. Dick also let him have a couple sips of his beer and no matter how many issues you have, a cool slightly older relative offering you a sip of beer is just a staple of being not the oldest)

Ahhh I love when I see the DC fandom literally everywhere

I love when I’m reading fanfiction about dick going thru it and everyone hating him and what not.

And then the author is like

Yeah yeah everyone hates him except Donna Donna would never hate him, but she’s busy and he doesn’t wanna fuck up her relationships despite the fact he knows she wouldn’t mind

Bc yes even in a premise as stupid as “everyone wakes up and hates dick Grayson” is we ALL collectively agree that there is no universe where Dick and Donna arent completely out of their minds with adoration for the other

Thank you to everyone who remembers that DONNA TROY WOULD NEVER

Dick Grayson:

*runs the titans*

*works for the league*

*has a day job*

*solo patrols bludhaven*

*solo patrols New York*

*on call 24/7 for regularly scheduled Gotham crisis(es)*

*training at least 40% of new gen heroes at any given moment*

*infiltrating the current annoying cult, corrupt gov, spy organization, company, mafia group, evil underground ancestral foundations of a city and random corrupt modeling industry*

*monitoring drug pedaling in 3 cities*

*emotionally regulating 80% of his family bc why would they do it themselves? Nah let’s just ruin relationships for fun -cough Bruce cough-*

* maintaining civilian cover*

*canonically does volunteer work*

I am beginning to think nightwing doesn’t have anger issues he’s just overstimulated bc wtf

Like Dick take a break what is this?

————

Dick currently working on infiltrating the mob, after 4 days of 6+ hour patrols bc bludhaven has no chill an Arkham breakout, a performance review at work that took too long, organizing a titans outer space mission, just got back from training Jon Kent: no one call me plz god no one call me I can’t do this I have so much work no one. Call me plz

*phone rings* -it’s tim

He could ignore it but last time he left Tim alone for a month the dumbass lost his spleen and decided a cowl was a fashion choice (equally bad in his opinion)

Dick picking up the phone with his non broken arm: yello

Tim: so I accidentally maybe got kidnapped and maybe also started a cult around the concept of Batman and I’m out of energy drinks. (All equally dire in tims opinion)

Dick popping 4 caffeine pills: shut up I’ll be there in 30 don’t DO ANYTHing.

—————

Jason: sooo I might be engaged to an alien princess

Dick about to pop a Xanax: tell me it’s Kori or at least in this galaxy

Jason: nope

Dick: …. Can it wait

Jason: she wants to eat me, their species is like a praying mantis knockoff but with space and mind control.

Dick: yeah okay give me an hour I’ll call raven

————

Damian: hello Richard

Dick: what did you do.

Damian: I have been kidnapped by my mother

Dick: again

Damian: I feel it would be redundant to say anything

Dick: …….. alright I’ll call the nearest flying hero be there in a bit… keep ur spine where it is Damian or I swear to god-

——————

Bruce: cult

Dick who just got done with an undercover mission: anddd?

Bruce: we need someone to infiltrate it

Dick: I swear to god I. will. hurt. you

Bruce: hnnnn

——-

Babs: I have… acquired a child

Dick who is fighting deathstroke : …okayyyy

Babs who is watching the fight: she’s a little bit … traumatized

Dick, dodging a katana: preaching to the choir

Babs: can you do your whole, human empathy and kindness tell me ur life story I have puppy dog eyes.

Dick: ….

Babs: you owe me

Dick: … one day I will delete all your numbers and disappear

Babs cheerfully: you know no matter where you go I can find you hunk wonder see you in 3 hours don’t die before then!

Dick Grayson was so abnormal as a child but so normal as an adult which leads me to believe he’s a liar.

Like 8yro dick stared into the abyss (Bruce Wayne’s entire personality as viewed through the windows of one’s eyes to the soul bc he’s a creepy 8 yr old ofc he can tell ur life story from the amount of light reflected in your eyes don’t be dumb) and instead of running away screaming he just nodded like that made complete sense and then went

I need to look like a traffic light to fight crime bc the big guy is into thematics and that all makes perfect sense to me

And Dick as an adults is like

“What are you doing?” *pinches no bridge* “no that’s stupid don’t be stupid”

“No I don’t think dead bodies are a healthy escalation”

“Idk man when I’m sad I call Clancy ya know my therapist I don’t traumatize random strangers?”

Like yeah sure he has anger issues I would also have them if I had his life

And he’s like suffered hallucinations sometimes (after living in Gotham who wouldn’t?)

But he has like friends and hobbies and seems like the type of dude who’d wear flannel and take you to a dog friendly farmers market for organic lavender honey but also the best pulled pork sandwich of your life for a first date.

Like normal guy with quirks

Vs

Might be the anti Christ

So he’s lying

(But it’s also funny to think that Dick accidentally developed himself into being a normal dude and then him and Bruce fought bc Dick no longer matched is insane- I disagree with this bc no they just can’t communicate also nothing in Dicks internal monologue bodes well for his mental health)

Like 1000% lying

Like he still does the creepy giggle to scare criminals when no other hero’s are around

He definitely does like ventriloquy stuff where he’ll make people think there are children’s ghosts trapped inside cargo

Like he absolutely has made the riddler cry out of sheer wtf

Decided to reread the Grayson run instead of doing my work.

I forgot about the absolute grip tiger had on me god damn.

Someone plz

Gimmie more content

Preferably with my boy 37

Imagine Dick actually adopted Jason. Like that's so chaotic— especially when Jason comes back from the dead.

12 year old Jason: Hey, Dick? Since I'm adopted by you, does that mean you're my father?

18 year old Dick: ...I'm still too young to called dad so no, I'm just your legal guardian.

Jason: Okay, dad.

Dick, tearing up: Please no.

——————

Jason after resurrection as Red Hood: I am your son.

Dick dating Wally: Tf?????? How would I— JASON?

——————

Bruce: All of you are my sons.

Jason: Technically, I'm your grandson.

Damian and Tim: ?????? What.

Dick: Technically he's right. You've been a grandpa since I was 18.

Bruce: ...Fuck, I forgot about that.

Damian and Tim: WHAT THE FUCK?????

——————

Bruce and Jason arguing:

Bruce: You're grounded!

Jason: TF? You're not my dad, Dick is!

Dick: Please, for the last time, I'm not really your dad.

Jason's dramatic ass: GASPS?! I'M ADOPTED?!

i think anyone who’s interested in dick and bruce’s relationship should read batman/nightwing: bloodborne. even if you don’t read comics like that. even if you don’t care about them. it will change your life. it is one single issue and it will fuck you up for the rest of time i PROMISE. if you don’t know how to get the comic literally just ask me i will give you every link that exists to read it i’ve been spreading the gospel on twitter for months. PLEASE…. issue about dick having to save bruce at potentially the cost of his own life on the anniversary of the graysons dying… i’m sick