Tim Drake Would Beat Your Ass If He Heard What You All Say About Dick Grayson

And if I said it shouldn’t count as ignoring canon if it was just poorly written?

-BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FACT DICK GRAYSON WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON HIS PARTNER

Like EVER

Also despite the fact I am a Talia hater (this is a joke -I hate her the same way a 12 yr old hates their stepmom call me dick Grayson the absolutely unearned beef I have with this woman) the SHIT SHE DID TO DAMIAN IN MORRISONS RUN NO JUST NO

- BROUGHT TO YIU BY THE THIRD FACY THAT SELINA AND DICK NEVER DID ANYTHING AND SAYING THEY DID IS LYING NO DONT SHOW ME THE COMIC PANEL I HATE IT IK SHE WAS TRYING TO MAKE BRUCE JEALOUS NOT MY SELINA KYLE

- brought to you by the fact RAVEN WOULD NEVER MANIPULATE DICK THE WAY SHE DID IN NTT OKAY WE IGNORE IT AND MOVE ON

- brought to you by the fact that Roy and Dick… actually no these two have a degree at punching below the belt nothing is off limits they might actually be each others Roman empires

Current Bruce Wayne meeting All Star Batman and robing Bruce Wayne

C! BW: …im- im sorry I must’ve misheard you bound to happen with the cowl… do you mind repeating what you said

ASBAR! BW: I don’t let Robin upstairs and make him hunt rats and bats for food in the cave

C!BW suddenly understanding why Jason kills people: … do. You. Now

ASBAR! Bat: yeah why?

C! BW about to turn into Joe chill and end that world’s Wayne’s:…. I see

Or

ASBAR! BW: I’m sorry what?? Did?? You?? Say??

C!BW: I gave Dick a hug and told him? I was proud of him

“He would not fucking say that” is a Schrodinger’s phrase when it comes to Batman. There is probably Batman run where he would say that. There is also probably a run where Batman would kill the other Batman for saying that.

Who let me reread outsiders (2003) instead of studying for my finals. I’m crying all over my laptop

i know its been 5 plus years and enough people have talked about this enough but i cannot physically refrain from clawing my eyes out every time i come across this panel. Truly one of the most ridiculous things tom king has ever written (and the list is huge). Like why is this character who is almost in his thirties comparing himself to his brothers who are atleast 5 to 12 years younger than him? Of all the things he could have an identity crisis about they actually made him lose his mind over what type of robin am I? Not parents dying in front of a whole ass audience or withstanding the demands of being the perfect soldier in batman's crusade or having to put up with the pressure of being a leader other heroes look up to or his friends and family dying all the time, and man i could go on and on. I assure you he is not losing any sleep over where he stands with a bunch of people he cares for very deeply and ultimately thinks of as kids.

making one of those "why i left the left" grifter videos but it's increasingly obvious i was exclusively hanging out with people who draw che guevara and fidel castro getting eachother pregnant and have based my entire conception of communism off of that

if i had a nickel for everytime a favorite comic character of mine is shown being killed in almost every universe but the main one because the writer really hated them, i'd have two. which is weird that it happened twice.

Dick Grayson ships in order of how toxic you should write them as adults in an established relationship imo (no batcest and we can discuss the harem at a later time)

Least

Dick X Wally: this is the quintessential friends to lovers story it’s adorable. Naturally a lil bit of toxicity bc nightwing is not a healthy person but still the ratio is 99% cute and 1% angst as adults. Feel free to angst away with the Robin/KF thing

Worlds where this is cute: young justice, earth prime pre Wally meeting Linda.

Dick X Kori: listen to me, if you ignore all the shitty writing (yes the babs wedding thing) they r perfect <3. The only person who I believe can be the lights light ya know. The broke up because they both took hits they couldn’t recover from but they still love each other and they’re my favorite canon pairing they should get back together and have a kid and be a cute lil family.

Worlds where this is cute: TT, Earth prime, DCAU, injustice, titans tomorrow, Lego Batman (every single earth actually)

Dick X Zatanna: cute, childhood crush turned sweethearts turned friends nothing to say here I just don’t think it would be toxic

Worlds where this is cute: young justice

Worlds where this should never happen: all the rest (she dated his dad)

Dick X Joey: I love them so I’m biased their relationship is on par with Dick and Wally taking field trips in the 80s. Also this is joeys most popular ship and that makes me laugh. BUT ANYWAY they’re just very homoerotic and I feel like they respect each other enough the toxicity would be on the lower side.

Worlds where this is cute: literally anytime before he possesses his dad’s body.

Times this is concerning: post possessing nightwings body (anyone remember that happening I just ignore it now, cuz I hate the whole evil Joey thing but if you wanna take this ship from 30% toxic to 140% write it post possession with the dude who had autonomy issues)

Dick x Kara: I just feel like the hero worship would get in the way a little bit

Worlds where this is cute: worlds finest

Worlds where this isn’t: the rest

Dick x Roy: I love them sm ur honor (despite how low I’m putting this, it’s one one my top ships) listen Dick and Roy adore each other and would die for each other, but the baggage?? The years of expectations?? The fights??? The fact that Dick gets more and more closed off when he’s mad usually but him and Roy in the same room and fists fly?? But the only people who can talk to Dick when he’s spiraling are Roy and Donna. Like ROY HARPER is one of Dick people!! You don’t understand how much I love how they can hurt each other while loving each other so so so much. They cause me pain. I don’t believe they’d ever mellow out Dick and Wally tho bc they’re whole relationship is heated they have never had a chill emotion about each other in their history of being characters that exist in the same space.

Worlds where this is cute: literally any world where the titans exist/have existed with speedy and Robin as core members

Worlds where no?: new 52 (I hate new 52 and ignore it tho so no universe sucks bc new 52 isn’t real and can’t hurt me)

Dick X Harley Quinn: see I hated this ship and I hate it in canon but I once read a fic that was good enough I now ship it on the dl and think it would be good for Harley to be with someone who can be a safety net. But like this is AU rare pair type shit and it’s low bc I literally cannot picture a canon universe where this isn’t the most toxic thing ever.

Worlds where yes: DCAU (AU) not even the canon one like the AU of the AU that is the DCAU (take a shot Everytime I say AU)

Dick X Shawn Tsang: I’m sorry yall Shawn was such a boring character I forgot she existed but I remember that she broke up with him after he lost his memory cuz she thought he was ghosting her and like not only does it feel like she just existed to give dick a love interest. Also this comic featured the character death wing and so it’s so low not bc the ship sucks except it does bc why dick?? Are you dating someone who hates heroes?? Why r u like this??? Stopppp but also bc imo the ship has a white bread type of content that is toxic to me personally and that’s more important.

Dick x Bea Bennet: I loved them sm in the beginning, best part of the Ric Grayson arc and then they added the spyral ties and made her a pirate and tbh that ruined it for me. Dick and Bea only work as a cute relationship if Bea is a way out or a window into the outside world like something to ground the man who is always trying to get his feet off the ground. It would be interesting. But now she’s just another another relationship where he didn’t know who he was dating and tbh I don’t think he’d be down for that post literally everything that’s ever happened to him romantically after the age of 16

Dick Babs: yes it’s this low, no I will not change it. It should be lower but I used to ship this so it’s only my fond memories keeping it this high. Babs slept with his father after dating him in at least 2 universes. Dick left Gotham for freedom and she quite literally drags him back Everytime they’re together it feels like about 30 years of Dicks character development is erased. And let’s not talk about Barbara used to be a congress woman Gordon. They deaged her to make her a decent love interest for someone who was a kid when she was running for congress. And because of the fact their characters don’t naturally balance out the way some of his other canon ships do (Bea, Shawn, KORI(the best canon ship imo), hell even Helena) it leads to the characters becoming flanderizations of themselves. Dick is a loveable himbo whose only defining characteristic is his ass and I hate to say it Barbara Gordon literally just turns into female Bruce and I hate it so much but genuinely read though some of their older stuff it’s like..ugh. Anyway I hate this ship I think it’s bad for both of them and while I’m not babs biggest fan I still like her and she and Dick should be best friends who get drunk on weekends and shit talk the bats and their respective teams (titans, birds of pray)

Dick X Helena bertinelli: yall wtf is this ship, if this is your main ship? Why? Tell me? Like what?? Helena??? Esp prime earth Helena?? He has more chemistry with midnighter than her (but we are not discussing the harem so I will remain silent)

Now the most toxic ship that isn’t incestuous is so obvious bc no one has ever pictured this ship with a modicum of health in it except its creator (derogatory) I’m 99% sure every single fic tagged this also has the domestic violence tag

Dick X Catalina Flores. Yeah no a billion times no this shit is so toxic the jack Napier fell into it and became the joker. This shit so toxic it only serves as a trauma boat for another person to swoop in and get him out I hate this so much.

Now dick is an old character so he has about a billion other relationships. But these are either the recent ones (Shawn, Bea) or the ones that have a lot of ao3 clout (birdflash) or something that makes my heart soft (dick and Joey) plus his most iconic 2 pairing I will not be getting into characters like Daphne, Clancy or Betty or anything else or the creepy ones like the fact he’s had shit with both catwoman and taila.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

Kind of ironic how one of Xie Lian's titles is "The god-pleasing crown prince" when the one thing he does consistently without fail is piss off the Heavenly Emperor.

The Bats different religions (headcanons)

Bruce: culturally Jewish but doesn't really practice or believe.

Dick: Father was Catholic, but the circus celebrated everything from holi to yule to Eid so while he does fall more in line with his fathers beliefs, he's has the most knowledge about religious ceremony inside and outside of his own faith.

Jason: "literally was a catholic priest" Todd nuff said

Tim: Mom was Buddhist, Dad was agnostic, He's an Atheist bc if god is real he's a dick and i'm not worshiping him fuck you.

Damian Wayne: Culturally Muslim, but was literally in a murder cult so outside of some celebratory dishes and turns of phrase he doesn't really practice nor does he believe in it.

Steph: went to a protestant church as a child, is an atheist.

these are just my ideas if y'all disagree give me your ideas (Im writing a fic about religious angst and the bats so ya know)

i think the reason we haven’t gotten a proper adult fab5 titans comic since the early aughts is because it would simply be too powerful. roy and wally arguing about parenting pre-teens while garth looks his google calendar to check his kid’s birthday. donna and dick get into a shouting match and the universe explodes. everyone (but donna) is privately very mean about terry. wally thinks about fatherhood for a single second and vibrates through the earths crust. dick has decided to passively kill himself again and everyone gets upset at him. garth just wants to relax for one gd second. roy is actually pretty well adjusted, all things considered. any meaningful portrayal of that hyper-dependent traumatically bonded boundryless ouroboros of a friend group would melt the pages it’s printed on. there is something sincerely wrong with them