Headcanon That When Extremely Sleep Deprived Dick Tells Jason Wayyy Too Much Traumatizing Lore About

Dick and the bats most recent chats (it’s canon dc told me) (pt1)

Dick & Jay

Unknown number: what did you do

Jason: no clue what youre talking about

Unknown number: Jason

Jason: yesssss

Unknown number: What Did you do

Jason: nothing you need to worry about

Unknown number: oh so the 40 missed calls from Roy and the 30 text messages from Kori are just to check in then

Jason: okay fine worry a little and meet me at the coord’s I sent you

Dickhead (how do you keep finding my number): Jason

Jason: what

Dickhead: why are you in Mongolia

Dick & Babs

Barbie girl: I hate everyone

Barbie girl: you’re all idiots

Hunk wonder: I’ll bring wine and takeout if you tell me what Bruce did

Barbie girl: why do you think it’s Bruce this time???

Hunk wonder: if it was Tim you’d call me, Jason pisses you off enough they’d be curse words, Cass isn’t doing something reckless against your advice so you’re not mad at her, Steph is with Cass today, and if it was the birds of prey you’d call Dinah

Barbie girl: …

Hunk wonder : I am a detective you know

Barbie girl: I’m blocking you

Hunk wonder: so no pho?

Barbie girl: fuck you and come over

Dick & Tim

Tim buck 2: asdfgjjklahahwkdbsbekskahajak

Big bird: honestly 10/10 keyboard smash

Tim buck 2: help

Tim buck 2: I’m metaphorically dying right now

Big bird: metaphorically dying?

Tim buck 2: don’t judge me

Big bird: what happened

Tim buck 2: I’m not saying this where prying ears may be present

Big bird: this is an encrypted line

Big bird: I don’t even know why I bother actually

Big bird: want to come over or should I

Tim buck 2: I’ll send you the location on your laptop

Big bird: this is a cypher in ancient Aramaic

Tim buck 2: get here quick

Tim buck 2 is offline

Big bird: Tim?

Big bird: of course

Dick Grayson has a bunch of liberal slogan shirts

Like

Protect trans kids

Gay rights are rights

Science is real

BLM

And he 1000% wears them 24/7 and will take off his jacket to flex em

To the point where his siblings decide that instead of coming out they’ll get him shirts the same way people reveal their pregnancies with a baby onesie that says “I love grandma”

Tim starts this on Christmas where he gives Dick a second gift box

“Listen I had no idea how to do this but I figured Dick would at least appreciate the drip” type vibe

And bc it’s Tim and he knows that Dick would 100% wear it and TIM would end up embarrassed. It’s not that gaudy

It’s like a very cute hoodie that has a lil pastel cartoon character with a tiny bi flag that says something cutesy like “I love my bi brother” or whatever

And Dick is A) very excited for more shirts he can wear around and piss people off without opening his mouth

B) confused bc he none of his brother are ou- TIMOTHy

Tim does like tiny awkward jazz hands and goes “I’m bi”

Steph has nowhere near enough shame and just gives him a shirt that says “this is my sister” with an arrow pointing left on the front and “this is my sisters girlfriend” with and arrow pointing right on the back

And Dick is annoyed bc Steph keeps standing on the sisters gf side and Cass is on the sisters side and yeah? Legally fine?? But Dick and Babs did not divorced coparent Steph and Damian for Dick to call her “my sisters girlfriend” (he still wears the shirt)

This goes on and on and on

Until someone makes a joke about dick being the Token straight sibling bc he’s so supportive and look he’s wearing a pronoun pin! And awww

And demisexual biromantic I didn’t come out bc I forgor Dick is there like… yes… that exactly 100% this is all to make my siblings more comfortable you are correct

I’ll give you Battinson! Bruce listening to those bands or even absolute Batman

however if we are doing 40yr old man Bruce I fear you’ll only get a mullet rock agreement from me. I’m talking

-Kansas

-Asia

-Van Halen

-Scorpions

-Survivor

As for the R&B (so based on what I like 90s Selina would like)

I’ll give you

-Mary J Blige

-Whitney Houston (my beloved)

- and while I hold that this is more rap than R&B Lauryn Hill

- (if we were to go into 80s or 2000s I’d add The Bee Gees and Amy Winehouse)

As for Jason, hes a bastard (also my beloved) so id say he listens to most music but he has strong favorites. However, Jason’s the type of dude who has cried to Taylor swift drunk and he refuses to admit it to anyone. (Both Dick and Roy were there and they have so many recordings)

And his favorite outside of the rap genre is Celine Dion. No he will not admit it without a gun to his head, actually not even then.

Every single member of the Batfamily lies about their taste in music

Damian will claim that he only listens to classical music and that everything else is beneath him.

Damian will unironically listen to trashy Arab pop and the absolute worst Bollywood songs known to man (Dick introduced him to them and he hates the fact that sometimes he gets Sheila Ki Jawani stuck in his head during missions)

Tim will put on the most ear grating hyper pop you've ever heard and claim with full chest that these is the peak of humanities capabilities with music (Damian, Jason and Steph have all tried to kill him for this take) He will also play stuff like the living tombstones and sing it obnoxiously loud when he's working on the computer.

Tim however loves his 90s grunge and it's all that's playing in his headphones. (think nirvana, pearl Jam, Melvins, Alice in Chains etc) He has tracked down so many shirts and concert posters and watched every bit of content from the older shows.

Jason will claim he only listens to east coast rap, biggie, Nas, Jay etc and maybe some older metal. He will fight you on east vs west coast music, there will be weaponry involved.

Jason likes rap music... he unfortunately prefers west coast rap and has listened to no vaseline like 500 times. He will deny this till the day he dies...again. (Dick knows and threatens to tell Steph)

Steph will steal the aux and play Taylor Swifts greatest hits until one of the Boys threatens mutiny. Every single one of the bats has had style stuck in their heads during a stakeout at least twice. She will claim that the only rap song she can tolerate in Eminem and the 7/11 is Beyoncés best song.

Steph is an underground fan, think the dude selling mixtapes on the subway type shit. She also unlike Jason genuinely loves East Coast Rap music more than anything and knows every single wu-tang clan song by heart, same with Biggie. Not only does she love the music she also spends any free time binging those "history of rap and its consequences" videos and has been a firm believer that P.Diddy had a hand in a lot of the Death row records well...deaths.

Cass, well everyone thinks Cass has really good taste bc its Cass and she has zero flaws (don't @ me) she never takes the aux and will usually listen to her music while she's chilling or doing stretches. None of them have heard or seen a single one of her playlists except Duke.

its all 2010s top 40s pop music and like the trashy kind too, Beauty and the Beat, Kesha, Katy Perry. It's her turning of her brain time and she will be straight vibing to Rude! by magic or Boom Clap or Shower. she has shown this to Duke, smirked and told him that even if he tried to tell anyone they wouldn't believe him.

Duke is the only one who doesn't... lie. He just hides a few things. Lies of omission don't count as lies when the bats will lie to you about what they had for breakfast, while they are visibly eating breakfast. Duke says he listens to everything and he does. Literally everything. His patrol Jam is offensive bc it with start with Norwegian death metal and immediately switches to "like a G6" followed by kendrick Lamar and then descendants Disney channel movie music.

Bruce... Bruce is just weird, everyone asks him and gets a different answer. Bc he doesn't... like music. Like at all. It's all noise, his mother played instruments so he learned like 14 and he hates how they all sound. He just like vague batwings fluttering in dead silence.

Dick Grayson will obnoxiously play top 40 and radio music religiously around the bats. He claims it's the best music for rhythmic acrobatics and trapeze work and that true! Jason hates this kind of music the most, it's formulaic and holds no substance and drives him insane.

But Dick only listens to that music when he's moving, flipping doing high energy stuff. When he just wants to chill? This man has the most depressing music taste you've ever seen. You know that sad song from ur favorite artist that you can't listen to without crying. Yeah that's his bread and butter. Every single song is just flat out tear inducing, some of these bands have like 100 listeners and he is one of them and it's just their saddest song that reads like suicide note. The titans have conducted an intervention bc its just... concerning. He just thinks it's neat!

Plz I need them

Random highly specific dick grayson fanfics I’ve been craving

An exhausted 18/19 yr old Dick finding Jason trying to steal the wheels off of Nightbird (his car) and instead of reprimanding him he just launches into a really proud rant about his car and how much work he put into her and god kid you got a good eye for parts. I just replaced the tires with ones where the rubber self heals. And none of that commercial crap either, actual self healing rubber that could get a bullet shot through it and still close up a second later. Oh and did you notice the seats? Just polished the leather on em! Go on sit, sit! Comfy, huh? You wanna get a bite to eat? Cool. I think bat burger’s hero-meal comes with a bat-mobile toy. Not as cool as my lovely lady of course, but close enough. Jason is absolutely baffled. This is Nightwing? The one all those new gangs that moved from bludhaven decided facing was worse than fighting for territory in the narrows? Fleeing unsuccessfully might be add considering Nightwing’s presence in gotham. He was so…nice? In that weird slightly off putting way that most of the real good people he knows have.

Dick and Damian both longing for the days where it was just them: Batman and Robin. The best. Dick having a whole moment where he curls around nearly completed adoption papers and sobs because Damian was his. For a year Damian was his to protect, his to guide, his to love. But now they aren’t even in the same city and barely go on patrols together let alone have movie nights cuddled up on the couch (it’s only reasonable Richard. Penguins huddle to conserve body heat). And Damian in the manor staring blankly at his drawing of gotham that Bruce hung up in his office. He didn’t make it for him. He made it for Richard. But what was he supposed to do when Father saw a piece dedicated to “dad” while Damian was flipping through his sketchbook? Tell him it was actually for his oldest son instead of him? Tell him that sometimes Damian wishes bruce never came back so that Richard didn’t have step back from them?

Dick who cooks tons of different cultural dishes within the same meal and when questioned about it he’s just like ???? That’s what my mom used to do??? We lived in so many different places it felt weird limiting our food to one culture per meal.

Dick being like Garfield Logan’s big brother long before Jason comes into the mix. Gar frequently turning into a baby elephant just because it makes dick coo over him more than any form. Even a kitten!

Please Donna doesn’t even make the list she’s so far above literally everyone else in his life.

That’s his platonic soulmate

Bitches be like: Dick's favourite sibling is Damian, Dick's favourite sibling is Tim, Dick's favourite sibling is Cas. Meanwhile we all know that his favourite is Donna Troy

if someone doesn't write a fan fiction where Jon sims (archivist) time travels and avoids the end of the world by flat out ignoring all the rituals, hiding all the real statements away from the assistants and killing all the avatars who Elias sends after him with a flame thrower or cement I will have to and I suck at writing

Jon sims is a A- archivist (the fic)

Listen I love the ‘dicks being ostracized from his family and self destructs’ trope in fics however

I would like an inverse just once (I could write it but I want this fic to be good so I can enjoy it and I am not the greatest writer) where everyone blows up at him and flat out lays into him and he just goes… okay… if that’s how you feel?

Takes himself off of the patrol routes and rosters. He’s off the emergency calls and his ‘call for city wide emergency’ has been down graded to ‘call for world wide emergency’ he’s no longer on comms with oracle

He stops offering assistance to the other kids teams, doesn’t send info for investigation and doesn’t go within 100feet of Gotham.

Takes himself off the den-mother, baby sitter, trainer for all the younger teams lost that involve any and all bats

In the beginning he vacates his apartment and temporarily moves in with Donna in New York and things are good because of course they are. They’re Dick and Donna a world doesn’t exist where they aren’t okay.

And then his presence in New York leads to a lot of the og core five titans interacting and they realize that they miss each other like hell and start to work together more and more. Until news sites are like ‘teen titans grown up??’ ‘Original titans spotted doing hurricane aid in Florida!’

Because Dick loves his family but he knows when to bow out. And he chose the family he made in the new teen titans.

And then one day one of the bats track him down in nyc and breaks into what is now Dick and Donna’s apartment and are ready to argue that they need him back and need him there for a huge Gotham wide event.

And Dick says ‘sure okay let me get my stuff and we leave in half and hour’ as soon as the first sentence is out

No convincing or begging or asking for money (cough Jason cough)

Dick is patched into their comms and he’s working efficiently except he’s not… acting like himself.

He’s collaborating with whoever they tell him too, no problem, he’s discussing ideal plans and co-ops and teams and how to best get it under control.

But he’s talking to them the way he talks when he’s offering aid to teams he’s not a part of.

Like the hero version of an acquaintance and no one can call him out on it because he’s doing good work. Work that’s on par with his work before this whole fiasco. He explicitly isn’t letting their personal issues affect his work.

He’s speaking but not talking

And Bruce remembers this… he’s probably the only one who does because last time he was the only one included. The last time Dick acted like this is when he first visited Jason and him after he had been fired.

Whenever Bruce was in the room and Dick was forced to speak with him, the conversation never strayed past business casual especially around Jason.

Batman and Nightwing got into screaming matches

Bruce and Dick were strangers

And now they’re back to this, 7 kids later, a million ends of the world stopped, they’ve bled together, cried together and clung to each other in pure relief after they managed to clutch victory.

And Nightwing was treating Batman Inc like a new team stepping onto the scene.

Once they’ve secured everything and managed to keep Bruce from self destructing and making it worse. Dick just leaves and tells oracle that he’ll send over his debrief in 3-5 business days and it was nice working with them.

And then he’s gone

No cave, no manor, no Alfred, no med-bay because Dick doesn’t stay places he’s not welcome.

And after they all talk about that and how weird it was and Bruce reveals Dick did this before when he was Nightwing after Bruce fired, where Dick Grayson didn’t know Bruce Wayne.

And one of the kids asks when he broke and stopped the act and Bruce just says ‘the day he found out Jason died’

And the Batkids kinda freak bc what do you mean?? What is he only going to come back when someone dies? Thats not? There has to be another way?? And Bruce is like yeah no idea sorry (bc he’s helpful like that)

So then Steph the next day resolves to go visit him, Tim isn’t the only professional stalker. And she finds Dick and Donna’s apartment and well it’s daylight and she’s in civvies she’s if she climbs in through the window she might get reported to the NYPD and she doesn’t wanna get arrested or shot to door it is!

And so she goes and knocks and Dick opens the door and just lights up

Something something this is such a nice surprise something something it’s so good to see you.

Dick had taught Donna how to make some of his mother recipes when they were kids. So now whenever they’re together for a long time they cook together.

So Dick who is usually living in a cluttered apartment with no clean dishes and an exclusively grab and go food is now trying to force feed her some of his cooking.

Because he picked up the habit again since he’s the better cook between him and Donna.

And it’s delicious and he wants to catch up and hear everything that’s going on in her life, is she working with new people, dating anyone? How is her relationship with her mother etc etc.

It’s a nice day and she stays late and never confronts him on anything until she sees how long ago the sun set and she needs to get moving.

He hands her paper with his number and makes her promise not to give it to the others or she will lose access to it, he offers to help her on a conditional basis as nightwing but only her, she can call him about the rest if it’s an end of the world or they’re near death and need immediate aid.

And that’s like the fic because the key to winning nightwings assistance is like breathing (optional) but if you’re Dicks family you have to care or else. He’ll love you and help you, when you need it but he won’t tie his life up with yours, he’ll spend his time with people who value his opinion and the person behind the mask.

Anyway cue all the Batkids trying to do what Steph did and fail because they’re neurotic shits who think bonding involves doing casework together or a steak out.

(The next person to crack it is Damian, completely unintentionally he has a fight with Bruce and can’t ask him how the fuck he’s supposed to solve this equation in the new stupid way they’re teaching him no he can’t use the old method they’re supposed to show their work so he pulls up to Dick and Donna’s in a ratty ass hoodie like plz wtf do you mean you work top down explain Grayson- and dicks like awww no problem kid)

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

It’s simple arithmetic

Me: queer

My favs: queer

Even if they weren’t before if I’m gay assume all my favorites are gay even if they aren’t

Occam’s homosexual

No tags this can just be sent thank you for the suggestions tumblr

I’m done ranting about Steph and Damian this is nightwing first account I’m here to thirst over him, his morally ambiguous tall younger brother and his ex-fiancé

That’s my job

Now PAY attention to my girl so I can go back to leering at Dan moras art thank you