Emetophobia is such a weird thing like, is my anxiety making me feel sick or is it me feeling sick that's making me anxious?
đŤ 8/2/22
An aroace pride flag?
PERRY THE AROACE PRIDE FLAG??
Nd culture is being told youâre not nd just pubescent and emotional
.
YOUR name is YOUR name and you can decide what it is, and change it as much or as little as you want.
if your birth name is gender neutral⌠you donât have to keep it just because its ânon-genderedâ. even if youâre switching to a similarly non-gendered name. it is your right as a person to have people call you whatever makes you the most comfortable
Remus had spent much of the last week in a makeshift window seat on the second floor. Although the cement he was sitting on was uncomfortable, it was better than running into Sirius, or interacting with anyone, really. He was able to get through a novel heâd been putting off reading, and he barely thought of Sirius. Barely.Â
He watched through the window as Sirius and James chased each other on their brooms. They flew swiftly through the air, ducking and dodging each other, narrowly avoiding the walls of Hogwarts and the trees that seemed to be leaning away from them, more than the wind would allow.
They had made a few laps around the castle before Sirius came to a halt, in front of the window Moony was crouched in.Â
âHi,â he mouthed, his joy fading quickly, a sad smile replacing it.Â
Remus wanted to reply, to fix things, but he also wanted to never see Sirius again, so he turned away, crawling out of the window and making his way back to his dorm.Â
He staggered up the stairs, but they were always reluctant to let him up, instead leading him into the boys' dorms. This had always given Remus quite a bit of euphoria, but right now, he had somewhere to be. He willed the stairs to cooperate, making his way inside the dorm just before Sirius showed up.Â
âYou should really go talk to him,â Lily persuaded.
âYou should go talk to him!â Remus shot back, standing at the counter.
âWhy would that help anything?â Lily gave him a confused glare, continuing, âThis is an issue you boys need to sort out on your own.âÂ
Itâs times like these that Remus truly questioned whether Lily was actually twenty years older than the rest of them.Â
Somehow, Sirius had once again reached the door to their dorm. Even Remus had to do some heavy bargaining with the stairs, and none of his excuses would work for Sirius.
âLet me in! Lils, Iâm sober this time!â Moony raised an eyebrow in Lilyâs direction as she reached for the door.
âYou have to settle this, you canât live the rest of your life wondering what could have happened.â Lilyâs words struck a chord; as much as he really didnât want to talk to Sirius, heâd thought about what he would have said or done differently quite a lot lately.Â
The door swung open, Lily waved Sirius in, then retreated to her room. She mouthed âYou got thisâ to Moony before closing her door.Â
âHello, Black,â Remus said, sitting in an armchair, leaving Sirius to take the couch, which was far too big for one person.
âHello, Lupin,â he replied, looking from Moonyâs platform boots, to their jeans, to one of their old jumpers, finally looking up at their face. They held an emotionless expression, moving their eyes to look slightly beyond Sirius.
âMoons, I really shouldnât have said those things. I know that you wouldnât cheat on me. And I would never think that youâd be shagging a Slytherin.â
âWhat, âcause you donât think theyâre dying to get their hands on me?â he fired back, and with a quick change in demeanour, he continued, âWhy are you even here, Black? Itâs not like youâre ever going to accept me as your boyfriend!â
âWell, I know damn well the Slytherins are dreaming of snogging you, and even more of them will want you when you show them who you really are,â Remus seemed shocked by this response, his eyes darting from Sirius to the floor.
He continued, âAnd I think maybe youâll want one of them more than you want me,â he whispered, almost too quietly.
âI could never want anyone more than I want you,â Remus whispered back.
They sat in silence for a while, until Moony moved next to Sirius on the couch. He rested his head on Siriusâ shoulder, grinning.
Graffiti in the women's bathroom at The Velvet Underground in Toronto, ON.
Pronouns. They suck.
Wait! Hear me out.
1. You tell people you use many sets of pronouns, they pick one set of pronouns and stick to that.
2. Your gender has changed, would you like to inform the group of people you're hanging out with or would you like to be misgendered?
3. Today, my gender just feels like a blob of nothingness. Which pronouns do I use?!
đŤ 8/23/22
I donât really know how I introduce myself here but I guess Iâll start here: My nameâs Ashe, my pronouns are he/they & any neopronouns, Iâm gender fluid, neurodivergent [working on getting a professional autism diagnosis], emetophobic and Iâm writing a book about someone escaping the dystopia they live in.Â
đŤ 7/30/22
This is possibly my favorite thing I've read in a while.
The "encouraged myself to talk like the concept of the name Brad" makes so much sense for some reason, and just makes me laugh
And the "What did I do to earn she?" hits so close to home
Modern Coffee Shop AU ~ cw: mentions of suicide as a joke, mild transphobia, misgendering, dysphoria ~ word count: 1,499 ~ @wolfstarmicrofic
âI swear to god Iâm going to kill myself if another customer starts giving me their order when all Iâve asked is âHow are you.ââ I made the joke even though I knew heâd hate it. Remus Lupin takes thoughts of my death very seriously, doesnât even laugh when I say, âBut my death will be Sirius!â
But I mean, no pun intended, I was Sirius about the comment.
Because, look, sometimes working in customer service feels like choosing between lying on asphalt naked on a boiling summer day and just sort ofâŚwalking into traffic just to make your headache go away.Â
That didnât make sense, I know that, but Iâve worked two double shifts in as many days and Iâm icing both of my feet and I wasnât trying to upset my best friend by talking about my death by my own hand, but a woman who was almost certainly named Lauren had just completely ignored my frantic Be with you in a moment! as I nearly poured oat milk all over myself for the fourth time today to start telling me about the lavender latte she wanted âgrande sizeâ when I donât work at a Starbucks.Â
âItâs still not funny,â heâd said, too busy slowly pouring steamed milk into a mug to look me in the eye, but I knew exactly the expression heâd have used if he could.Â
âFine, Iâm going to scream, Shut the fuck up and wait one goddamn second or get the fuck out of the store! if another customer starts giving me their order when all Iâve asked is âHow are you.â Better?â I was whispering fast and sharp in his ear, ignoring the next Lauren in line who was trying to catch my eye.Â
He did look up at this, lifting a brow at me, his stupid mouth smirking just enough that only Iâd notice. âSlightly.â
As my manager, maybe he should have preferred I opt for suicide, but Remus Lupin isnât a capitalist pig like that.
The line was to the door, which meant muttering benign threats of bodily harm (to myself or the customers) was only going to delay my inevitable suffering. I moved on to the next Lauren, and the next, and then the Laurens and their Boyfriends, who were usually named John, and then the Laurens and their moms, who usually looked perturbed to be in a coffee shop run by weirdo queers and eyed the mustache coming in on my face and my round cheeks, noted my voice that had the rasp of a 14-year-old boy and the cadence of someone raised to be a woman pandering to societal standards (no matter how hard I tried to drop the sound of a question mark at the end of my sentence, or encouraged myself to talk like the concept of the name Brad), and evidently deduced that I was something rather than someone so once again answered, âHow are you?â with a flat-toned, âMedium latte with nonfat milk,â without meeting my (queer) eye.Â
I opened my mouth, taking in a very large breath in preparation for my verbal assault, when I felt a body swerving in beside me. âHow are you?â Remus asked her again, and Laurenâs Mom blinked at being asked another question.Â
âIâm fine, thank you,â her words were clippy, but at least heâd gotten an answer to the worldâs most useless question. âMedium latte with nonfat milk, please.â
Heâd even gotten a please.Â
I went to the bathroom.
When I returned, Remus asked casually, âSwitch spots?â and didnât mention that Iâd just left him alone with an endless line on a Saturday morning when we didn't have a mid-shift so that I could sulk in the bathroom for five minutes, because again, he isnât a capitalist pig. And also, he is kind of a saint.Â
So I made oat milk cappuccinos for people that asked us to put vanilla in themâin a cappuccinoâfor the next two hours until my brain slid out my ears, down my arms and into the espresso drain.
And thenâ
âExcuse me,â someone said in a tone that sounded very much like they did not care if anyone ever excused them, âI think she made my drink wrong. I was supposed to have a large oat milk latte. This is medium, and Iâm pretty sure itâs whole milk.â
She made my drink wrong, she made my drink wrong, she made my drink wrong, my shoulders were so stiff they must have touched my ears. I looked down at my black tank top and my cut off shorts and my black doc martens and wondered if I should have washed my binders last night after all because maybe it wasnât constricting my chest enough? I hadnât even spoken, what did I do wrong? What did I do to earn she?
Remus leaned over the register, taking the cup from the customer. âHe did not make your drink wrong. I called this drink out, a medium latte for Cathy. Your drink is a large oat milk latte forâŚâ He checked the tickets waiting on the counter. âHelen?â The customer nodded, wide-eyed. âYeah, your drink is still third in line.â
âOhâŚâ Helen sputtered, actively not looking at me. âI apologize, I didnât realize.â
âAlright, well, we need to serve the next customer, so if you could just standâŚâ Remus gestured toward the other side of the bar, and Helen nodded, stepping back.
Even though the next person stepped forward, Remus turned to me. He didnât ask with words, just his soft eyebrows.Â
I shrugged. âOne more hour, right?â
At least, in the last hour, the lobby area was so full that many people opened the door and walked right back out. My feet ached so much I had to bounce between them for a moment of relief, my back pain was flaring up from my binder, and the clattering sounds from multiple groupsâ loud chatter mixed with the music playing over the speakers created the most grating noise Iâve possibly ever heard.
When Marlene and Dorcas got there to take over for us, I almost kissed them on their beautiful lesbian mouths.Â
âThat bad, huh?â Marls asked as she clocked in.Â
âWhat?â I questioned.
âYou didnât make a quippy joke when I came in, didnât make up a song about how hard the day was, didnât compliment my new shoes. Youâre truly dead inside, so it mustâve been a rough shift.â
âCouldâve been dead on the outside, but Remus wouldnât allow it.â
âIâll be thanking him for that, then.â
âYou ready?â He came up from behind me, touching my elbow just slightly. Somehow, even after a grueling morning with no mid-shift on an overly warm Saturday when we could have been lying out on the grass somewhere getting actual vitamin D, Remus was smiling, and his eyes meant it.
Like I said. Saint.
When we got into his car, he started it and cranked the air, but didnât move to leave the lot. Leaning back in his seat, his shoulders facing forward, he rolled his head to look at me. âWanna talk about it?â
I didnât. But I did. Mostly I wanted to be around him as long as possible.
âThereâs not much to say, right? Whatever. I donât pass, it is what it is.â
He didnât say anything.
âItâs just so fucking annoying that you pass so well,â I said, not thinking about it, and only heard how it sounded a few moments after. I winced. âSorry, I didnât mean it like that, just, like, that woman you took over for me with, she even said please to you, when she couldnât be bothered with me at all. Like, she fully thought you were a cis guy! I just donât understand what I have to do!âÂ
I hadnât meant to get that worked up, but Iâll admit it now, I was nearly crying, the words clogging up my throat, each and every side glance and double take at the sound of my voice clawing its way out of the recesses of my disassociated mind.Â
He reached a hand over the center console, hovering it over the hand I had resting on my water bottle, our silent way to ask, Can I touch you? I lifted my hand up to meet his in response.
âIâm sorry, Sirius. This part of transitioning justâŚsucks.â His fingers were warm resting directly over mine, and I think I stopped noticing the pain in my back, my feet, my mind as much. âItâll get easier eventually, butâyeah, until then,â he pressed his hand more firmly against mine, âIâm here.â
Anyway, Prongs, I think what Iâm trying to say is I might be falling in love with my coworker/boss/best friend, and, um, help?
(Also, god I want to quit my job.)
(Also also, like exactly how bad would it be if I gave myself three T shots in one sitting?)
Terrified, Tired, Still Icing My Feet, Padfoot
FIN
A/N: DO NOT take more HRT than is prescribed to you by your doctor, no matter how much you want to, trust me, I've done it and I only got chastised and fucked my system up a bit. Also, would you guys want to read more of this little fic? No idea where it'd go, but I am fond of any iteration of wolfstar, so naturally I've already fallen in love with them. (Which is a little self-absorbed of me since Sirius was....heavily based on my own experience.) That being said, I did want to say that the customers at my coffee shop are much better than this--this was really more emulating the experience of working for Starbucks. đ all the hugs to my trans sibs reading this <3
Ask me stuff
I decided to make a genderfluid ask game in honor of genderfluid information day! Send in as many as you would like, there are even some I encourage you to send multiple of! Ask away!
đ: Do you have a favorite gender? If so what is it?
đť: Do you have a favorite way to present? If so what is it?
đ: Do you have a favorite set of pronouns? If so what is it?
â¤ď¸: Whats your favorite thing about being genderfluid?
đŹ: Whoâs your favorite genderfluid person/character/head cannon?
đ˛: How often does your gender change?
đş: Do you notice right away when your gender changes?
đ¨âđŠâđ§âđŚ: Does who youâre around affect your gender?
đ¤š: Does what youâre doing affect your gender?
đť: Does being online vs irl affect your gender?
đ: Do your emotions affect your gender?
đ: How does (or do you want) your presentation to change when your gender changes?
đ: Whatâs your current gender?
đââď¸: Whatâs your most masculine gender?
đââď¸: Whatâs your most feminine gender?
đ: Whatâs a random masculine gender you experience?
đ : Whatâs a random feminine gender you experience?
đ: Whatâs a random androgynous gender you experience?
đ§Ś: Whatâs a random xeno gender you experience?
âšď¸: Are you ever [insert gender]?
đłď¸âđ: What does being genderfluid mean to you?
đ: How did you figure out you were genderfluid?
đ: What was the first gender you identified in yourself (besides cis)?
đ: How do you feel about [insert gendered term]?
âď¸: Ask what ever you want related to being genderfluid!
Welcome! A safe space to ask questions, be confused & vent. No ableism, homophobia, transphobia or racism ect. PFP credits to me, that's my art!
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