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Okey, the Russian performance has the exact level of batshit insane I’m here for. 12 points

Just made an account on Medium so I could read this. Made it about 1/3 through and I'm absolutely hooked and excited to finish it!! But first, time for a nap.

For the longest time, I have had trouble understanding FND - specifically whether it's just a shitty diagnosis made up by the medical system to gaslight people or if it's a genuine medical condition. This essay is rly helpful and has already broadened my understanding. It's incredibly well written, particularly bc of the extremely thorough research it's a result of

Medium

Cadenza for Fractured Consciousness

A Personal History of the World’s Most Misunderstood Illness

I am one of the most medically examined people in North America. For over a decade, no one could explain why I lost my ability to walk, speak, and use my hands. Why the lightning-like headaches? Why the ringing in my ears? Test after test came back negative. Doctors thought I might have a genetic abnormality no one's ever seen before, or a condition so rare that it had previously escaped medical classification. Then I got accepted to the top undiagnosed disease research program in the world, and they told me the only diagnosis I was unprepared to hear: it was Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), a much-misunderstood condition which was once known as Conversion Disorder, and before that, as Hysteria. And that was only the beginning of things getting weird. The essay above is the product of three years of research into the history, neuroscience, and politics of FND. It touches on the many medical failures that define the history of the disorder, the pervasive sexism and lazy mind-body dualism that prevented scholars from seeing it clearly, and why - finally - a better understanding may be at hand, with revolutionary implications for how we understand human consciousness and the experience of having a body.

FND fucked my life up. This is my reply. Thanks for reading.

“Don’t let your disorder define you”

Okay but do you support the people whose disorders do define them?

Do you support people with the chronic illnesses who have had to develop whole lives around their conditions? Do you support the intellectually disabled people whose whole way of thinking is defined by their disorder? Do you support the people with personality disorders who literally have a disorder as a personality? Do you support the autism/ADHD people whose disorder you can’t separate from who they are? Do you support the DIDOSDD people who have multiple definitions of themselves because of their disorder?

Or are you just saying that because a disorder defining someone means you can’t ignore it.

a fools guide to not wanting to die anymore

by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore 

never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.

find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.

talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore

picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else

if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.

bitches just want us all to be perfectly perisex more than anything

people who are in pain don’t always look like they’re suffering. it’s especially common among chronic pain patients who’ve been ill for a long time, as well as autistic people.

going slack and moving as little as possible, including the muscles of the face, is in fact a sensible reaction to intense pain: it conserves energy. someone who looks outwardly relaxed or bored may be screaming on the inside.

if this is you, i just want you to know you deserve to be taken at your word when you say you’re in pain. you shouldn’t have to put on a fake grimace in order to give a convincing performance of what you’re actually going through.

if you have never experienced it yourself, please pass on this information so more people will be aware.

sometimes I’m hardcore and numb and can deal with being in pain for the rest of my life and other times I cry at just a slight thought in that direction and I wish I could be strong all of the time for everyone around me but sometimes I’m just REALLY really overwhelmed by the moment I’m experiencing and that is compounded a million times over by the fact that this is the rest of my life 

Please don’t feel guilty for taking a break or giving yourself some time off. Sometimes you need to rest one day in order to reach heights you previously believed to be unattainable the next. Work hard, rest hard. 

MÅNESKIN WORLD DOMINATION

if you live with chronic pain you are the baddest bitch on earth. literally badass as fuck. also you are cool and mysterious and everyone thinks ur sexy. every day u wake up in pain u wake up hotter and cooler than the day before. trust me thats how it works.