Heroes-feasting - Hello Bonjour

The sheer number of kids who are straight up putting their real names and ages and location in their bios like "Natasha | 14 | Minor | New York, NY!" and occasionally putting their actual school or city in their tags just terrifies me like no stop stop stop remove that right now I cannot emphasize how unsafe that is for you I am begging you for your sake remove thst shit right now

i accept payment by cash or card, quality street

Thought exercise. You are me, you are hungry, you want to make my world famous pancake recipe. This recipe needs four eggs. You have three eggs. Do you:

a) go to the store. yes you have a cold, but you could be in and out fast. then again you could run into someone you know. embarrassing.

b) go across the street to your grandparent's house and ask to borrow an egg. you may or may not get a lecture about not being at church. is it worth it.

c) use two of the raw eggs and two hard-boiled eggs. surely this will work out fine

if you picked c, congratulations, you correctly picked my thought process. i have committed an affront to god and my tummy hurts so badly

LAST DAY TO VOTE in the unofficial 2021 Heroes’ Feast Gingerbread Showcase ft. myself, @afinickyguide , Luboffin_ , and Samantha Nahra!!!

VOTE: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/LHFG8PD

Winners will be announced the 24th at 3pm EST!

Homely Halfling House (Gringerbread)

“A traditional treat served in the waning light of the month of Sunsebb in Greyhawk, this style of gingerbread man memorializes a legend about the ancient ruins of Castle Greyhawk.”- Heroes’ Feast, p. 43

Here’s my entry for the unofficial 2021 Heroes’ Feast Gingerbread Showcase that I’m participating in with:

@afinickyguide

Samantha Nahra

Luboffin_ (Luna)

Check out their gingerbread houses and use this Survey Monkey link to vote for your favourite! : https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/LHFG8PD

As the chilly winds descend on Fearûn, there’s nothing more comforting to a halfling than cozying up in their house by the fireplace with their favourite book and a steaming cup of cocoa broth.

So, as we all settle in for the winter months ahead, bring some cozy warmth and joy to your holiday season and create your own halfling house!

Spiced without being overbearing, these cookies are a great dessert to serve with coffee or hot chocolate, or pack them in a cookie bundle with some Earl Grey cookies and Banana-Cranberry muffins!

Remember to vote for your favourite house using the Survey Monkey link!

Check out below for my process in creating the house and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Keep reading

hi guys. woke up to this on my phone today. zero fucking recollection of writing this down

the absolute best quotes from bdylanhollis's vintage baking tiktoks

• "thought this was a joke. turns out im the joke."

• "you can use a mixer, i just do this to feel something"

• "fold in sauerkraut carefully. or what? im going to ruin your disaster?"

• "can a cake be tried for treason?"

• "either chocolate fixes everything or this is alchemy"

• *disgusted chewing noises* "DEMON BABY!!!"

• "before pumpkin pie became king people ate this....now they're dead."

• "combine all ingredients except for pie shell. were you rEALLY WORRIED I WAS GOING TO PUT A F U L L Y C O N S T R U C T E D PIE SHELL INTO THIS?"

• "im a fool, not an idiot."

• "its like reading directions to purgatory"

• "now we have carbonated mayonnaise lime water"

• "MARSHMALLOWS!! with the m a y o??"

• "chop up your dehydrated cow"

• "it tastes like it's insulting me"

• "and its not just a little bit. no. its a severe unauthorized CUP of mayonnaise."

• "honey you cant dilute a war crime"

• "you know its horrible now but i hope it turns out okay. like children."

• *beans boiling over in a pot* "ahhhhHH BEAN REBELLION!!"

• "eggie!! how many? i don't know. it just says EGGS."

• "did you just kill my blender?" *broken blender noises* "hello?" *insane maniacal laughter* "this is personal now. you swung first!!"

• "why are you good? yOU HAVE A BAG OF BEANS IN YOU!!"

• "one of the many questionable substances people experimented with in the 70s...pistachio pudding."

• "smells like a palm springs retirement home"

• "nixon wished it was this easy."

• "this was the cold war after all. fear of communist bananas was at an all time high."

• "the 70s. sponsored by the color beige."

• "its uncomfortably appetizing"

• "meat and desserts was quite common back then. so was botulism."

• "'honey would you like earl gray or pork?' 'ill take a divorce'"

• "sweet, bitter and meaty. like my ex."

• "don't say it dylan" *2 seconds later* "CIMMANIMM!!"

• "350 for two and a half hours! i suppose any less and it might gain consciousness."

• "its a little late in the century for war crimes."

• "are you just making things up? who are you??"

• *opening a can of spam* "you know ive never been particularly religious. but today might be the day."

• "a cup of evaporated milk?! have you lost the plot?!"

• "i feel like if i do this correctly im going to invoke the spirit of richard nixon"

• "this aint food honey this is a bioweapon"

• "sir your phone number is 4 digits"

• "well i don't have sorghum because i don't have a life expectancy of twelve"

• "thats the power of pine sol baby!"

• "bake to your liking. sweetie none of this is to my liking."

• "this is what id imagine a toilet brush to taste like"

• "this is why we don't perform lobotomies anymore."

• "should be a pale white." *holds butter up to arm for comparison*

• "i bet this recipe is just all the wrong answers on a baking test."

• "smells like dentures."

• "not bad dead people"

• "its incredible. and im mad about it."

• "sift your flour three times. lady your cake has tomato soup in it, this is thE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES!!"

• "'911 whats your emergency?' 'yeah that lady carol is at the barbecue again.'"

• "careful not to over mix. sorry im just trying to kill it."

• "now i know this is going to be awful because it calls for soured milk. not buttermilk, not milk and vinegar, no honey sOURED B A D MILK!"

• "disgusting wasnt enough for you?!"

• "call the U.N."

• "bake until done. you're a piece of work."

• *plays accordion on his kitchen floor*

• "tastes like a shower drain or a bunion"

• "this recipe was sent to me by herbert hoover feet pics. theres something for everybody"

• "are you nine inches yet?? said 14 year old me."

• "i suppose its better than eating your offspring"

• "oh betty crocker WHAT ARE YOU UP TO??"

• "you could just use canned pineapple. if you were a communist."

• "can you bake a pie with four ingredients? yes! i could also eat my mattress."

• "add three gils of water. was this written for a fish?"

• "i think this qualifies as a preexisting condition"

• "unconstitutional!"

• "its a breast implant"

• *clunking from the cabinets* "i think ive summoned something"

• "it seems to have collapsed. like the south."

• "the slogan for this cookbook is 'it's digestible'"

• "remember kids the main ingredient in pie pastry is self doubt"

• "fry in two tablespoons of crisco. on this episode of dead white people."

• "i didnt know tuberculosis had a color scheme"

• "ive baked a toilet."

• "how am i supposed to know how big your teacups are, ira?"

• "why do dead people like dates?"

• "easy does it. wouldn't want to ruin a disaster."

• "'ira honey i'm going to war.' 'over what?' 'your cooking'"

• "tastes like a boot. like a size 10 boot."

• "why just live in the great depression when you could also have chronic diarrhea"

• "it wants me to plumpen my prunes in water. well i won't be plumping my prunes in just anything. buy me dinner first."

• "it looks like a failed grave robbery"

• "walnuts aint gonna save this recipe sweetie"

• "you know its not bad it just vaguely tastes like a felony."

• "'where you goin with that tuna dylan?' 'oh you know just making jello"

• "this recipe is making me cry, not the onions"

• "are we sure this recipe wasnt written by a cat?"

• "it already looks like the great depression"

• "bake in a moderate oven. no need to get political"

•"don't tell gordon ramsey"

• "it tastes like a question mark. but a good question mark"

Man, they don't let you have any fun.

Vedbread

Traditionally prepared with sharp “ved” cheese and presented with onion butter, these crusty buns are best served warm, [...] this particular recipe comes from Lorren’s Bakery in Faerûn’s Village of Red Larch, and features mushrooms and cheese from local, outlying farms. - Heroes’ Feast, p. 27

Ever since I first started looking through Heroes’ Feast, Vedbread has been one of the recipes I’ve been most interested in trying. Although they may appear a little strange at first glance, the best way to describe them would be a ‘savory cinnamon rolls’. The mushroom filling mixed with the cheesy dough gives the buns an awesome flavour combo!

Delicious and filling, these buns are sure to make an interesting alternative to a typical lunch or midday snack. Not only that, but they’re great for a fall aesthetic as the perfect match for a steaming cup of broth!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep:  15 mins                           Cook:  60 mins                           Overall:  1h 15 mins

For the filling ingredients:

12 ounces (345 g) cremini mushrooms, coarsely chopped*

2 tbsp. (28 g) unsalted butter

2 shallots, finely chopped

Kosher salt

1 tsp. (1 g) finely chopped fresh thyme

¼ cup (23 g) freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Freshly ground black pepper

For the dough ingredients:

2¼ cups (281 g) all-purpose flour, plus more for rolling

1 tbsp. (14 g) baking powder

1 tsp. (4 g) sugar

½ tsp. (3 g) kosher salt

6 ounces (170 g) Gruyère cheese, coarsely grated

¾ cup (177 ml) buttermilk, cold

6 tbsp. (85 g) unsalted and butter, melted and cooled

1 egg

Truffle oil for brushing (optional)

* Heroes’ Feast mentions you can substitute the cremini mushrooms with the same amount of shiitake.

For the filling:

First, I pulsed the mushrooms in the food processor until they were very finely chopped (about 8-10 pulses).

Next, I cooked the mushrooms:

I melted the butter over medium heat and cooked the shallots until they began to soften - about 2 minutes;

I adjusted the heat to medium high and added the processed mushroom and ¼ tsp. salt. While stirring I cooked them until all of the liquid from the mushrooms had evaporated - about 9 to 12 minutes (keep an eye on it);

I added the thyme and cooked, stirring, until fragrant - about 1 minute;

I removed the skillet from the heat and stirred in the Parmesan.

After cooking, taste the mixture and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper. I found there was enough salt but needed a couple shakes of pepper.

After seasoning, I spread the mixture on a plate to cool for assembly.

Then, I preheated the oven to 425℉ (218℃) and lined a large rimmed baking sheet with a piece of parchment (you could also use a reusable silicone liner).

For the dough:

To prepare the dough, I started by whisking the flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar together in a large bowl. Then, I stirred in the grated Gryère cheese.

Next, in a small bowl, I whisked together the buttermilk and cooled melted butter. The butter will clump, this is normal.

I added the buttermilk mixture to the flour mixture and used a wooden spoon to form a chunky dough.

Heroes’ Feast notes that the dough should be sticky at this stage. However, I found it to be rather dry - with bits and pieces of cheese and flour not being incorporated. Don’t worry if your dough turns out similarly. Mine incorporated into a stickier dough while kneading.

After creating a chunky dough, I turned it out onto my breadboard and kneaded until it held together and was mostly smooth - about 4-5 minutes. Take care not to overknead.

After creating the dough ball, I floured the board and under the ball to keep it from sticking to the surface while rolling out.

TIP: The techniques I use for kneading (and a helpful video) can be found on my post about Dwarven Flatbread.

Assembly:

To start the assembly, I rolled out my dough ball into a roughly 12 by 18-inch rectangle. Dust off any excess flour from the surface.

Next, I spread the mushroom mixture over the entire surface. Expect the layer to be thin and patchy.

To roll the vedbread, I started by working with the widest side (18-inch) furthest from me. I then rolled the dough into a very tight, even, compact cylinder towards me.

When I finished rolling, I pinched the seam along the entire length of the cylinder to close it.

Next, using a serrated knife in a sawing motion, I trimmed off the ends of the cylinder to discard and cut the remaining cylinder into 1 ¼-inch pieces.

NOTE: When you make these, you will find it makes about 14. I only have 11 because I misread the dimensions for rolling out the dough.

I arranged the buns cut-sides up on the baking sheet and brushed the top and sides with eggwash - an egg beaten with 1 tbsp. water (above-left).

I cooked them for 18 minutes on the middle rack of the oven until they were golden brown, rotating the baking sheet halfway through. I let the buns cool on the pan for about 5 minutes before transferring them to a wire rack.

I let the buns cool on the wire rack for a little while before storing them. They are best eaten warm or at room temperature (would not recommend cold).

If using, brush the buns with some before serving.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 4.5/5. If it’s not already obvious from the ingredients list, these buns are very mushroomy.

I would suggest trying these buns both at room temperature and warm out of the oven to see how you best enjoy them. Personally, I found the taste of the mushrooms mellowed when left at room temperature and made them much more enjoyable. On the other hand, my dad, who doesn’t particularly enjoy mushrooms, found them tastier warm. So make sure to try them both ways and see how you feel.

There’s a general tip that it’s best to store baked goods in a paper bag at room temperature to keep the crust harder on the outside and softer on the inside. However, I would advise against this for these buns. The dough is too thin to benefit from this and will just go stale-ish  - like they’d been left uncovered on the counter. Keeping them in an airtight container is the best way to preserve that softness that you get right out of the oven.

Want to enjoy them again later? No trouble! Reheat them at 300℉ (149℃ ) for about 8 minutes to snack on them warm.