As Cringey As It Fucking Sounds, I Wish I Could Erase Everyone’s Memories Of Me, No One Would Know

I feel tired always as if my eyes is asking for rest, my mind is constantly thinking,I feel completely blank as if I am dead inside, sadness is like on and off

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

— Albert Einstein

— danagray

spotify, pinterest and tumblr;

the holy trinity

“It’s so hard to leave- until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

— John Green; Paper Towns

You know, there are some people you meet in life…

You feel like they’re such a cool person. You try talking to them, but there’s this feeling deep down that you could never really be their friend or even an acquaintance even though you’d love to be a part of their life.

You try reaching out often. And though you try, somewhere in your heart, you feel like a real connection is impossible… because they’re totally out of your league.

There’s love from them, yes but it’s so far from you that it’s hard to even notice it, let alone feel it.

It’s like the universe placed them just close enough for you to admire, but never close enough to hold.

This is exactly how I feel about you.

It’s what I felt after one failed video call with you.

No matter how much I try or don’t

the bond... will it ever be something I can truly call a bond?

There’s no blame on anyone.

This is just how it is.

And it hurts.

Because I feel like a sister that is foriegn to you.

Everyone you love, or are close to even in terms of friendship

stays a stranger to me.

They talk to me just for the sake of basic courtesy. This is how I feel. Maybe it’s not the truth.

But the feeling is real.

And sometimes, I wonder

after mom and dad...

do I really have anyone in this life I can lean on?

And that thought… it makes me really sad.

“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there, not to fix anything or do anything in particular. But just to let us feel we are supported and cared about.”

— Unknown

Anxiety! Is worse than depression

I think this is because anxiety doesn’t just affect your mood, it affects your physical body, especially your nervous system. When my anxiety gets severe, I can barely breathe. My breath is short. My whole body is tense, especially my chest and shoulders. My forehead feels like it is going to explode. My body sort of quits working. I can’t talk, I can’t think, I can’t process anything, I can’t even move. I don’t expect “normal” people to understand, but when I am THAT bad, I feel like I am going to die. My body is in panic mode and although I know there is no fire, my body doesn’t care. It sounds the alarms anyway. I don’t know how else to explain this to other people, but I seriously can’t function during those times. People always say things like “why didn’t you answer the phone or reply to my text?” The real answer is because I was literally checked out.

Everyone gets anxiety at times. In my opinion, what most people describe as anxiety is just stress. Chronic anxiety is like stress x 10000%.

I generally go into depression after weeks of high anxiety. It’s difficult to focus or get things done when I have anxiety. And as you can imagine, it is VERY exhausting walking around 24/7 feeling like that. Add to that insomnia. In my experience, depression is not really sadness. I either feel nothing at all or I feel a deep sense of shame for feeling nothing at all. I care a lot, then I care about nothing at all, then my body is like WTF get your shit together you worthless piece of shit! It’s a cycle. I think that I become numb because my body is worn out from trying to feel everything at once when I was in the anxiety phase. I feel nothing because the pleasure/pain response is turned off. I become a zombie. I think feeling nothing, although not ideal, is easier than feeling everything at once.

please don’t get tired of me. i’m trying my best

Trixie : How did meeting new people at the party go?

Chloe : Well um I actually had a pretty good time,

but only once when I stopped being like someone else and started being myself.

You know it can be scary sometimes ,but Being who you really are is never a bad idea