That One Silly Meme But Starker Happy Lunar New Year Of Bunny And Cat!

A character can be sympathetic while still being 100% wrong; this is the entire premise of many unreliable narrators.

when i first listened to nobody’s soldier by hozier i misheard the chorus as “choose between being a husband or a soldier”

and if that isn’t the most winterspider thing ever

👀

My favorite jokes are about mispronouncing philosophers' names but I'm afraid it's a nietzsche subgenre

Bucky, head hung in shame: I need my arm recalibrated

Tony, sighing: and how did you fuck it up this time?

Bucky: *nods in the direction of Peter, in a corner of the lab, in his blue light sensitivity lenses and a Columbia hoodie, tinkering away on something and bobbing his head to whatever’s on his headphones

Tony: this is the third time you’ve dicked your arm up fucking Peter, you know that right? That’s excessive.

Bucky: wrong this is the third time I’ve fucked my arm up fucking Peter that you’ve found out about. Usually he can fix it himself

Tony: Jesus tits ever consider, I dunno, just being a little gentler? Little more relaxed? Lay off the wall sex for a bit?

Bucky: absolutely not I’m trying to keep him around

me n the boys

update :)

Steve was supposed to be Santa for the Stark Industries families Christmas party. He volunteered, does every year, and honestly, it just makes sense for Captain fucking America to be Santa.

This year, however, shit happened and Steve got called off on a mission last minute. Bucky, ever the Saint (in Steve’s and… no one else’s opinion. Maybe one other persons opinion) said he’d fill in. Their measurements are roughly close enough for him to fit the suit.

Tony wasn’t thrilled about the development, but, well, he was in a bind and Bucky was wiling and able and he had it on good authority from Sam that the centennial was, shockingly, really good with kids, actually.

Of corse, because Bucky’s life is a fucking joke, Peter had volunteered to be Steve’s elf like he did the last few years, too. His naturally delightful disposition and lean, short, stature just made it make sense. And Peter was just a sweetheart like that.

Of corse, for Bucky this was an incredibly amusing turn of events.

“Oh my god. You look ridiculous. You’re my elf?”

“I’m Steve’s elf. And you’re one to talk.”

Peter tried not to snicker at Bucky’s appearance.

“What, this isn’t doing it for you?”.

Fake white beard, coke bottle glasses, fat red suit. “I’ve never been more turned on in my life” he deadpanned.

“And here I said we’d never try role play”.

“Bucky!” Peter hissed.

“Okay doll, okay, I’ll be good, I’ll be good.”

“Good. Dont want to get yourself on your own naughty list this close to Christmas, do you?”

“Peter. we are both Jewish.” Bucky chuckled.

“Okay. Let me rephrase. You don’t want to be on my naughty list.”

“Well, that depends on what my punishment will be” Bucky purred.

“Okay you are without question the world’s horniest Santa. Let’s go. We’re gonna be late.”

“You’ve got it doll”.

Later that night, no one is surprised by the photo Clint sends the group chat of one Santa kissing one of his elves with a beer bottle in his hand.

Couldn’t have changed first? How the fuck am I explaining this to my kids?

This is like the fucked up gay version of i saw mommy kissing Santa Claus Sam teased

why were your kids still at the party at 2 am? Came buckys quick response.

Fair enough. Dare I ask why you’re still up at 4 am if you and Peter left at 3?

‘🤐’ was Peter’s answer before taking Bucky’s phone out of hand, and demanding he come back to bed.

*examines your pdf folder* have you read them all?