It's Been Said Before And I'm Sure Said Better Than I Can Phrase It. But Really, Really - If You Like

Rewards

“I refuse.”

Tobirama frowned at the instant rebuff. Madara hardly ever refused him these days, but this was something that Madara absolutely refused to do no matter what.

“Madara, you are being unreasonable,” Tobirama pointed out, crossing his arms and readying himself for a change of tactics.

“Unreasonable? I’m being unreasonable?” Madara said, turning around where he was skimming through a mission scroll and pinning Tobirama with an impressive scowl. “I refuse to be your guinea pig any longer! You turned my Sharingan neon pink for a week! I was laughed at by my enemies before I burned them alive for laughing at me!”

“It was an unfortunate side effect,” Tobirama agreed solemnly.

“And then you left me nearly blind after messing with my Mangekyō Sharingan! I couldn’t see for three days! I walked into a damned tree!” Madara ranted hotly, pointing to his eyes to emphasize his point.

“You were hardly blind. Your eyes were just more sensitive to light,” Tobirama dismissed the accusation calmly.

“You only care about my eyes!” Madara hissed. “I refuse to participate in any more of your experiments!”

“That is untrue,” Tobirama denied.

“You haven’t slept with me for two damned weeks because all you want to do is experiment on me!” Madara accused, now pointing at Tobirama to emphasize that particular point.

Tobirama paused, thinking back and realizing that, yes, indeed, that particular accusation was true. It wasn’t as if Tobirama could get in the mood when there was so much to learn with an available specimen — or rather, volunteer was readily available.

“I’ll let you do anything you want tonight if you let me continue my research,” Tobirama offered.

Madara paused, looking like he was seriously considering it for a minute before he shook himself and scowled. “That’s unfair. You can’t do that!”

Tobirama locked onto the lapse of Madara’s indignation with the precision of a predator and ruthlessly exploited it. He slinked over to his displeased lover and got right into Madara’s space, causing the man to tense in wary suspicion. Tobirama placed a lingering hand on Madara’s chest, trailing one finger lightly over it. Tobirama certainly wasn’t above more…persuasive options if the need called for it.

“You’re the only one I want to do it with,” Tobirama murmured, gazing at Madara through his lashes.

Madara swallowed at the suggestive wording. “You mean with your experiments, right?”

Tobirama tilted his head, aware that he had the entirety of Madara’s reluctant enraptured attention. “Can’t it be either? Besides…”

He pressed a little closer, their lips mere millimeters apart, breath warm and enticing between them. Madara sucked in a shuddering inhalation, eyelids lowering in anticipation.

“…The rewards you’ll reap will be entirely worth it,” Tobirama promised in a silky purr before abruptly drawing back and shrugging nonchalantly. “However, since you’re that opposed, Kagami and Izuna have been quite eager to volunteer. I suppose I’ll go and request their assistance after all.”

Madara blinked rapidly, looking half dazed when Tobirama was suddenly a few feet away before the words sank in. Before Tobirama could take two steps, Madara swiftly reached out and snatched his wrist, pulling him back.

“Wait,” Madara said before grudgingly grinding out, “Fine. I’ll do it, damn you. But I want my reward first.”

Tobirama raised a brow and allowed the curl of satisfaction to settle in his being before he nodded. “Let’s get started right away then, shall we?”

“You guys,” a voice came from their right where a hapless witness had watched the entire thing with an increasingly embarrassed blush. “Can you not do this in my office every single time?”

Hashirama, unfortunately for him, was entirely ignored while Madara hastily whisked Tobirama away to the Uchiha compound with all of the intentions to reap his well-deserved reward.

While I’m throwing random Naruto hcs to the winds:

Uchiha were actually incredibly expressive by their own standards, but a side effect of being a clan of people with Super Detail Vision means that even those without the sharingan or with the sharingan not *on* means that they don’t need to move their faces much to convey a lot. Which was why to outsiders they looked so stiff and stoic for the most part. Because why bother doing large expressions when all your loved ones can see how overjoyed you are with just a tiny smile and the deepening of the laugh lines around your eyes?

This trait also makes them truly scary during police investigations because if you have *any* physical tell that you are lying, they *will* see it and use it to their advantage, with or without their sharingan on. These people are so detail oriented by default it’s insane. They also can have the Book literally memorized and ready to quote chapter and verse at you down to the grammar because their brains have evolved over generations to naturally memorize and rapidly process and catalogue information to compensate for said Super Vision.

This means, by extension, that Uchiha like Obito and Shisui who register to outsiders as the “normally expressive ones” are actually the Uchiha equivalent of Might Gai running down the street screaming loudly about Emotions and Youth.

That or Shisui is not actually that expressive by default (tho we know Obito is) and he just learned how to do that because he realized it made people more willing to talk to him and also it makes his relatives twitch in the Uchiha version of screaming “MY EYES” and he finds that really funny.

But what if the princess was in the tower because she was the dragon?

Like the queen gives birth and oops it’s this adorable little scaley lizard with tiny wings that she can never quite seem to fold right

None of the King’s advisors or doctors can explain it, no one can remember anyone who might have cursed the royal family, plus sire she’s clearly yours still I mean look at those eyes

They just kind of accept it and keep her in a tower so no one tries to slay her

The queen or castle servants reading bedtime stories to the toddler princess, who’s made a nest of her favorite toys and some jewelery she stole off her mother, and when she laughs little puffs of smoke come out of her mouth

The king being so proud when she flies across the room for the first time

And once the princess comes of age, confused knights breaking into the tower to find a twenty foot long dragon sitting at the vanity getting her horns polished by her handmaidens

Very Brief Guide to [tumblr], for Reddit refugees

Shit You Must Do Right Fucking Now:

Change your profile picture, blog header, and title to something other than the defaults. Do it right now. You will be mistaken for a bot otherwise, and blocked.

Go into Settings -> Dashboard, scroll down to Preferences, and turn off the options in the picture. This will get rid of most of the algorithmic stuff.

Turn off Tumblr Live. You have to snooze it once every 7 days for some stupid reason. It's hosted through another company and will steal your data if you use it.

Go to your blog settings (under the little person menu) and turn off these two settings:

Turn off infinite scroll (lags the site) and turn on timestamps on posts, in the same menu as Preferences.

Basic Features of the Site:

Reblogs drive the entire site. If you'd upvote something on Reddit, you'd reblog it on Tumblr. You can add text, images, or tags to a reblog, but you're not required to.

The dashboard is the equivalent to your Reddit feed, and contains the posts of all the people you follow, with the newest at the top

You can send an ask to someone, and it'll appear in their askbox for them to answer. You can receive them too, or turn off the settings if you don't want.

Tags aren't actually used for finding stuff (search function is dogshit), but are more for categorizing. People also talk in tags. Because Tumblr is weird, you can't use quotation marks (") or commas in them without fucking it up

You can filter both tags and phrases under Account Settings; doing this will put a filter over a post that contains them, which you'll have to click through to see the post itself. Useful for avoiding hate speech or blocking out annoying stuff

You can make polls in posts. Here's one now.

Likes are useless. They literally do fuck-all except send a notification to the OP.

Stuff Tumblr Does That Other Sites Don't:

Very old posts (I'm talking from like 2012) often circulate on this site. There's no such thing as a post being "too old" to reblog

Blocking is highly encouraged; you can block someone for any reason. Even for just being annoying.

If you and someone else are following each other, you are mutuals. Mutuals are fucking awesome and are treasured like friends. Mutuals are a thing on other sites but Tumblr treats em differently.

You can screenshot someone's tags if you like them and add them to a reblog. This is called "peer review"

Sometimes someone will find a blog and go through it and like/reblog a bunch of posts. This is totally fine and not "creepy" like it is seen as on other sites.

Tumblr jokes often rely on Continuing The Bit and a "yes, and?" attitude. Goncharov is probably the best example of this.

We are fucking infested with bots. They will either have totally blank profiles or be filled with porn. Block and report on sight.

Censorship is pretty lax here. I can say "I want to brutally stab Elon Musk to death and watch him bleed out in front of a crowd" and nobody gives a shit.

General Etiquette:

Don't try to do epic clapbacks here, you'll probably just get laughed at or blocked. If someone is bugging you or spouting bigoted bullshit, block them.

Reblog art!!! Artists often struggle to gain traction on here; reblogging will give them a boost.

Not every reblog needs a comment or tag in it

You can go all out with tagging your stuff to organize it, or you can just leave it all blank. Someone might ask "hey, can you tag these posts as [x]?" and you can decide if you want to do that or not. It's generally polite to oblige, but "no" is still reasonable.

Avoid discourse like the plague. Filter it, block people who start it, scroll past it when you see it. Just don't get involved in it. Ever.

Don't put fandom tags or jokes on someone's posts about serious matters or personal shit

You're responsible for curating your own dashboard; if you complain about constantly seeing stuff you don't like, that's probably on you. Don't be afraid to unfollow.

Follower count doesn't matter much here and you don't have to make yours known if you don't want to.

Reblog, don't repost. Reblogging keeps the credit and doesn't "steal" engagement like Twitter retweets.

If someone likes something a LOT, they might reblog it like 30 times in a row. This is normal

Having a post blow up is actually kinda a bad thing, since it floods your notifications. There's a sort of in-joke about how having a big post is awful and people jokingly try to stop their own posts from blowing up, often in vain.

Tips:

Get XKit Rewritten if you're on desktop, it's a really helpful extension

In the little drop-down menu next to the 'Post now' button you can either save a draft, schedule a post, or add it to your queue. The queue lets you post things in order at a certain interval, which you can change. It's good for spreading stuff out over time.

You can use Shift+R to quickly reblog stuff and Shift+Q to queue!

Filter your notifications under Activity - you can also see some neat graphs

Find each other! If you want your old Reddit communities to stick together, seek out other refugees and follow them.

Have fun on [tumblr], everyone!

Ok I want to say something controversial

But you are responsible for your own safe spaces. You can block tags, block words, block people.

“But i thought fandom was supposed to be a safe space” —yeah you have to curate it.

Unfortunately one persons’s safe space may be another persons’ trigger. That’s ok. Simply block them, block the tag, block the word etc. They can do the same for you.

Maybe I’m just out of touch, but I’ve been around since the days of “don’t like, don’t read” and that’s a good philosophy. If it squicks you, scroll past. If it causes you anxiety or upset, block! Plenty of people are responsive if you ask them to tag an upsetting trigger. And if they’re dicks about it, block em.

Stop telling yourself that the grass is greener on the other side, because it’s not. It is greener where you water it. So take control of your life and start watering your own pastures and grow your own greener grasses.

ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅᴇʀꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀꜱ <3

it's okay to stray from your story. go write that short fic you can't take your mind off of! give you—and your characters—a break.

you! won't! always! make! your! word! count! -- you don't need to keep stretching sentences because the scene you finally got right is a hundred words too short. sometimes it's better that way.

the "rules" and "tips" are just ~guidelines~ (especially for people who like to swear by them) -- writing has no laws. especially first drafts. scrap the grammar, scrap the emotional tips, write it because it feels right, not because someone else says so.

every writer procrastinates. it's not easy being a writer.

take time off for yourself. the only thing harder than writing a story is to keep pushing it when you need a break the most. come back to it later. I promise there will be no dumpster fires when you're gone.

all writing is "real" writing. I don't think there's an explanation here?? fiction writers are writers. nonfiction writers are writers. fanfic writers are writers. (like how all reading is real reading!! in every format, too!)

it doesn't need to be perfect. honestly, it might never be. but it can be really close to it. if you're not satisfied with it, move on and come back when you're ready.

you are just as skilled as any bestselling author. remember that everything you read has been heavily edited by teams of people! their first draft could not even be as good as yours is now.

not using clichés is cliché. you will find one in any story. no one can bring you down for liking a certain trope. just because it's common doesn't mean it's bad!

no writer is fully well-rounded. dialogue will be easier to write for some, and description for others.

and, finally, no one knows what they're doing. trust me. we're all stumbling around blind here.

Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.

You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.

You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.

You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn. 

You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.

You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.

You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.

So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”

Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”

Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)

And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”

Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]

Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.

“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”

[-Inspired by this post by @accio-shitpost-]