You Know I Love How So Many People Are Like “respect Boundaries Respect Consent” Until It’s Time

You know I love how so many people are like “respect boundaries respect consent” until it’s time to respect people w OCD who can’t shake hands or be touched or when an autistic person tells their family member they can’t give hugs or when a chronically ill person tells you “no I can’t do this thing” and you think “maybe if I just make them do it anyway it’ll make them stronger” or when a mentally ill person or someone who has been abused is like “I don’t want to be around this person/thing it’s triggering” and you get people guilting them to “just get over it”

If you’re about consent and boundaries, good, you should be, but remember to keep that energy when moms of autistic kids are like “I still hug my child even tho it makes them have panic attacks” or when someone’s like “yeah they said they don’t want to be around this person cause it’s “triggering” but I’m their friend so they should do it for me” or when a disabled person says they can’t go up the stairs and you’re begging them to “try anyway”

Don’t lose that mindset, or that energy when it’s time to respect the boundaries or consent of mentally ill and disabled people.

More Posts from Ilokiloveyou and Others

4 years ago

These 3D-printed prosthetics for children are given to them free of charge. (via @techthatmatters)⠀

Meet @teamunlimbited, a non-profit from the UK that’s on a mission to change the lives of children with missing limbs by helping them get custom 3D-printed prosthetics, free of charge.⠀

The innovative 3D-printed arm devices are designed to empower and inspire children to improve their confidence and courage. Each innovative 3D printed arm device is made by volunteers and gives a helping hand to remove the long-standing stigma around discussing disability.⠀

The prosthetics are cost-effective and easy to produce. They are fully parametric, thermo-formed 3D printed limbs that are light-weight, highly customizable and colourful. The average production cost is £30 (around $40) per arm. It’s a simple act of kindness that won’t get unnoticed.⠀

Team UnLimbited designs are attractive alternatives to the current, clunky and expensive, prosthetic options available. The designs are open source and freely available to anyone in the world with a 3D printer. On average, an arm takes 24 hours to complete.

full credit:tectthatmatters

4 years ago
JUST LET ME BE.
JUST LET ME BE.

JUST LET ME BE.

6 years ago

“i’m sad and idk how to feel better”

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“i don’t know what to draw”

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“i always mess up”

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“BUT I SUCK”

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4 years ago

Tolkien:

- Raised Catholic

- Considered his mom a martyr for the faith and said so

- Delayed engagement to Edith because his priest guardian told him to wait

- Major influence in converting C.S. Lewis to Christianity

- Was scandalized by Lewis marrying a divorcée

- Assisted at Mass

- Wrote a positively gut-wrenching imagination of purgatory

- Gave his main character of LOTR the ‘real name’ of Maura and had him destroy the ring, thus saving the world, on March 25th, the date of the Annunciation in the Catholic calendar

- Wrote a creation account that was a very explicit imagination of medieval Catholic understanding

- Said that the single most important thing he left to his son would be a love for the Eucharist

- Post-Vatican II would Very Loudly say the responses at Mass in Latin, embarrassing his grandson

“Oh but he was just culturally Christian!”

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4 years ago

Can I request some advice and affirmations on how to communicate to people that I need specific information (due to how my brain works due to two disabilities I have) instead of vague information?

Hi Anon!

I’m so sorry it’s taken me a while on this one! Every time I go to do affirmations, I spy it on the list and think “I need to help that person!” but as it happens, I’ve really been struggling to communicate lately. I’m in the down part of my bipolar cycle, and my communication skills suffer. So - YES, I actually am equipped to give you some advice.

I have some cognitive processing problems, and they often affect my memory, reading comprehension and verbal communication skills - especially when I’m tired or anxious - and so I’ve developed a whole lot of strategies I can share with you.

First of all:

YOU ARE NOT “STUPID” AND YOU ARE NOT “SLOW”!!!

I don’t believe in “stupid”, first of all. It’s not a thing. But even if it was, you still would not be it. And even someone like me, whose mouth can be a little bit slow to catch up to their brain is not “slow” - because that’s a mean insult and it’s intended to make us feel bad about ourselves because we don’t always act the way others do. Well, so fucking what, Anon!? All that means is we’re getting by in the same world as everyone else, but with things just that little bit harder. And that makes us METAL AS FUCK!!!

Now, some Hot Tips!

1. The simplest explanation is the best. You don’t need to go into detail about what your disabilities are or why you need information communicated in a certain way. It’s OK just to say you need it. Something like “Just so you know, I have a disability that causes some issues with my comprehension. I need you to give me very specific, exact instructions. If I need more information, I will have to ask you questions.” Some people might ask you what your disability is. But they don’t actually need to know - the fact you have one and it causes this problem (and this is the solution) is all that’s relevant. So...

2. Know your rights. Find out what the law about discrimination is, as well as the policies of your workplace or school, or wherever else is relevant. My university, for example, has a policy that I must be registered with the disability services centre with medical documentation and they give me an advocate who then applies for the assistance I need. The school’s policy is that the teaching staff have to comply with my assistance arrangements and are not entitled to know what my disability is. Very often, I choose to tell them anyway, because I find it helps if they understand the problem. But it is useful to be aware that if someone says to me “I’m not going to give you these notes unless you explain why you need them”, I have the right to say - “No. You MUST give them to me, and I can call my advocate.”

You might find you’ve got a boss demanding to know your disability and the HR rules say you actually do have to tell them. Which sucks, but at least you’d know and knowledge is power. You can go into a conversation prepared and not get blindsided.

3. Scripts are good. Scripts get some shit. That’s some neurotypical ableist Non Sense. Scripts are fucking great. Here’s one of mine for the first time I attend a staff meeting in a new workplace:

“I just want to let you know that I have a disability that causes some problems with my cognitive processing, so sometimes I struggle to take in a lot of verbal information all at once. So, if you see me closing my eyes, I’m not falling asleep - I’m just shutting out the visual stimuli so my brain has more space to take in what people are saying. I’m not rude, I promise!”

I have it memorised - I don’t always 100% use the exact same words, but it always goes in that basic structure. I’ve learned it, and now I can be sure I get out all the information that is needed. This is good for other people (they don’t think the new girl is an asshole falling asleep in her first meeting) and it’s good for me (I don’t go in feeling anxious af). Scripts reduce anxiety, and if communicating your needs is harder when you’re anxious - scripts are IDEAL for you.

4. Be prepared. You know what the problem is, what the solution is and how you can best be helped. In your case, you could have something written down that you can give people. Write a guide (get someone to help if you need). Make a thing that says: “DON’T give me instructions like this” and “DO give me instructions like this”. Then no one can claim you didn’t tell them or weren’t upfront about your needs.

I have it built into my employment contracts - upfront at that early stage I ask them to put in a clause that says that if I’m not given an instruction in writing, I can’t be held responsible. It’s written in whatever language suits the employer, but basically, I tell them “My memory is shit. I don’t know what I’m told, so you have to write it down, or it doesn’t get done.” And no employer has ever objected to this - they’ve all found it to be a reasonable clause. I am honest and unapologetic and I ask with confidence because:

5.  YOU’RE A FUCKING LEGEND! This isn’t your fault. There’s no shame here. You are just as capable as anyone else of doing the thing - you just need to be given the instructions in a particular way. If someone won’t do that, THEY are not helping you to do your best work. That makes them shit at the thing - because how are you supposed to be your hella competent, excellent rad as fuck career cobra/study snake/achievement alligator if they aren’t going to take a minute to give you instructions in the proper fucking way you asked them to? Frankly, they’re letting everyone down. Including you.

I hope that some of this is helpful to you, Anon. Stay rad as fuck, and please enjoy this very safe, socially distanced, retro, cyberspace solidarity fistbump!

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

4 years ago
Conjure Women: A Novel (2020)
Conjure Women: A Novel (2020)

Conjure Women: A Novel (2020)

Conjure Women is a sweeping story that brings the world of the South before and after the Civil War vividly to life. Spanning eras and generations, it tells of the lives of three unforgettable women: Miss May Belle, a wise healing woman; her precocious and observant daughter Rue, who is reluctant to follow in her mother’s footsteps as a midwife; and their master’s daughter Varina. The secrets and bonds among these women and their community come to a head at the beginning of a war and at the birth of an accursed child, who sets the townspeople alight with fear and a spreading superstition that threatens their newly won, tenuous freedom.

 Magnificently written, brilliantly researched, richly imagined, Conjure Women moves back and forth in time to tell the haunting story of Rue, Varina, and May Belle, their passions and friendships, and the lengths they will go to save themselves and those they love.

by Afia Atakora (Author)

Pre-order it here

Afia Atakora was born in the United Kingdom and raised in New Jersey, where she now lives. She graduated from New York University and has an MFA from Columbia University, where she was the recipient of the De Alba Fellowship. Her fiction has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and she was a finalist for the Hurston/Wright Award for College Writers.

[SuperheroesInColor faceb / instag / twitter / tumblr / pinterest / support ]

4 years ago

LIKE! REBLOG! SHARE ON OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA'S! BE LOUD!

SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.

4 years ago

I don’t want to end Amazon, because it provides an incredibly useful service to the disabled community, the elderly, and those who simply don’t have time to go shopping due to working three jobs and the like. There currently isn’t a major alternative on the market that is the same level of cheap and accessible.

What I do want to do is enforce some goddamn antitrust laws on major web-based companies like Amazon and Google and Facebook, and roll back their attempts at monopolizing entire industries, and make them pay their lowest-rung workers a fair wage and stop running their warehouses like a scene from a dystopian nightmare.

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ilokiloveyou - ilokiloveyou
ilokiloveyou

I am physically incapable of not making puns.

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