Humans Are Weird “Doggo”

Cooked

I made a knife pi to celebrate

Ive never really met anyone that thought of ribs as interesting… that’s such a shame. Ribs and the things they do are fascinating…. I think about them everyday.

DxDp prompt idea

Danny's going to college at Gotham University, he mainly moved to Gotham to keep an eye on Jazz who's working at Arkham and also because he got a scholarship, he sees a few of his classmates struggling so he gives them his summoning sigil, without saying it's his, and helps them understand their studies as the ancient of space in exchange for cans of soda or bags of chips or candy, things take a turn after Danny gives Jazz's boyfriend Jason a sigil without realizing who he is. Shortly after he discovers he (danny) has accidentally started a cult

"... so you started a cult. For what reason?" Jazz said, exasperated.

Danny shuffled his feet. "It wasn't on purpose."

"... so instead of giving people your phone number, you gave them a sigil of summoning, accidentally Pavlov'd them to give you offerings for your assistance, and then helped them with homework? Which also officially marks them as your follower and devotee?"

Danny winced. "When you say it like that, it sounds really bad."

Jazz gave him a look. "It is really bad. You're gaining a following, Danny, and soon, all of this worship will make you another god in this universe. I thought you wanted a normal school year?"

"Noooo..." Danny groaned. "I just wanted to be normal!"

Jazz shook her head to herself and sighed. "It's hopeless. You're going to become a god, Batman is doing to find you, and then the Observants are going to kill you. All because you accidentally started a new religion."

"I just wanted to help! How am I supposed to know that the crazies here are also superstitious?!"

The door opened then, with Jason stepping inside of the apartment. Both siblings turned to look at him. He was holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand for Jazz and a bag of groceries in the other.

"Hey, did you guys hear? There's a new religion starting—"

"WE KNOW!!"

how the fam find out Jason's still alive

Dick, looking through old photo books: aw, it's such a shame Talia didn't tell B about you until recently Dami, I'd have loved to see photos of you as a baby

Damian: ? I can get baby photos if that is required in this family

Dick: what, how? Talia doesn't seem like the baby-book kind of woman, no offense.

Damian: She was not, however after my brother was brought out of the Lazarus pit he was given a few old cameras in an attempt to make his mind focus on something not harmful to himself and settle down. He took a lot of photos of our family during his training.

Dick:

Bruce:

Both, simultaneously: your what now?

-later-

Damian, walking into the room with an old box: Alright so I broke into his current safe house while he was working and took one of the boxes. I believe these should suffice for your 'baby books'

Bruce: hold on you broke into his- your brother lives in Gotham??? there's a trained league assassin working in this city and you didn't tell me? Damian we need to talk about your habit of withholding important infor-

Dick: Bruce.....

Bruce: -mation. what?

Dick: look at the.... photo...

Bruce, leaning over to see a photo of Jason Todd holding baby Damian up at the head of a meeting table like in the lion king, red smear on his forehead, while Ra's Al Ghul stares at them both from his seat looking Tired Of Jason's Shit™:

Damian, peering at the photo: yes, Todd got quite good with the timers on those cameras, he took many a photo holding me like that. I believe it was a special campaign designed to get on grandfather's nerves enough that he'd agree to watch the movie with us.

Bruce:

Dick:

*screaming*

bonus:

Tim: you know some of these photos are actually really good, like the angles and tones you used

Jason: you steal Robin, I steal photography.

Tim:

Danny's rogues have been spreading a little misinformation.

In their defense, it was really funny.

They've been spreading the word via Ouija boards, seances, and any other attempt to speak with the dead that Phantom is the High King of Ghosts.

Except that position doesn't really exist.

Sure, they called Pariah Dark the King of Ghosts, but that was at his own request.

The Infinite Realms are vast, with many different cultures and lands, and there are a lot of Kings. It's not a special title, honestly, it's just the title used to delegate who, in a culture, has to put up with talking to the Observants.

So they decided to get the little shit back for stopping them from playing in the Living world. They're just tryna have fun!

And destroy stuff.

But destroying stuff is fun!

As is telling a shit ton of flesh puppet idiots that Phantom, that scrawny kid, is the "High King" of the Realms.

This resulted in him constantly getting summoned to cult summonings, running him ragged and giving them, his rogues, more time to play.

But uh.

Ember is starting to think they may have fucked up.

Because babypop just broke down into a sobbing, heaving panic attack at the sight of her.

She manages to get out of him that he hasn't slept in three days.

And like.

He's half living?

He's supposed to sleep more than that?

Yeah they fucked up.

Ugh.

She's gonna have to go talk to them, isn't she?

So that's how a meeting between Justice League and Justice League Dark gets interrupted by the ghost of a rock star, with a living teenager having one of the worst panic attacks any of them have seen in awhile cradled in her arms, asking Justice League Dark to invent an amulet that prevents Summonings.

@stealingyourbones

I thought of another DannyxBatpham where Danny doesn't get adopted or romantically involved:

To try and maintain some sense of normalcy for young Dick once he's settled in at the Manor, Bruce gets him involved in gymnastics. Of course, this eventually means competitions. And high level competitions all over the country.

The first competition out of state, he wins but it is a CLOSE thing. Too close. Who the hell is this dude out of Illinois? What do you mean his home practice is on the local park's JUNGLE GYM???

Or Danny started up gymnastics (for plot reasons, isn't he considered clumsy in canon? Or is that just a cover?) and found out he's actually pretty good! And it's fun! His parents are more present when competition is involved and he doesn't miss a single one. He and Dick go back and forth at every competition they're both at. It's a toss up as to who is going to win every time. And Dick kinda low-key hates how good Danny is, because he's pretty sure if Danny had his background and resources, he'd be winning every time. But Danny is also the absolutely sweetest and is always the loudest voice cheering for him and the first to congratulate him. They even strike up a little bit of a pen-pal thing.

So why does Danny suddenly quit in the middle of Freshman year?

Duke: Hey, do you guys remember my Dad's sister?

Tim: I literally don't know anything about you ever.

Steph: Weren't you on the streets after the Joker attack? Why didn't you go to your aunt's house or she come get you?

Duke: Well, she got married and had a daughter before she died-

Steph: DON'T JUST MOVE ON FROM THE QUESTIONS

Duke: -And recently, they've hit a really bad spot. Apparently, my Uncle Damon lost his job. They sold all their stuff, but it still wasn't enough. The house was taken by the bank two days ago.

Tim: Answer Steph's question Duke, or I assume your uncle is trying to explort you and make him a enemy of the Bats.

Duke sighing: My aunt and my uncle marriage ended in a really bad divorce, with her going no contact with him or my cousin Valerie, but I've always felt bad for not keeping in touch, you know? So I offered to house Valerie for a few weeks just until he can get in a good spot again.

Tim: I see. You're a good person Duke.

Duke: You say that like it's something to pity.

Steph: Seriously, Tim, this is the man that ran a child gang for months and took back the streets out of sheer spite. He's a good person, but he's crazy.

Duke: Thank you. Can I count on your support when I ask Bruce to have Valerie stay with us?

Steph: Depends. Is she hot?

Duke: Why would you ask me that?

Tim: No no no. She has a point. Answer the question.

Duke: I'm leaving

Three days later.

Duke: This is the game room. You can come in here whenever you like except during the meal times. Alfred has a strict sit down together rule. And this is-

Tim: Tim Drake, single, bi and I enjoy long walks on the beach.

Steph: Stephanie Brown. Single, Bi and I enjoy sicking dogs on Tim during his long walks on the beach.

Duke/Valerie:

10/10 dad joke

Landlord Jason, with runaway Danny shenanigans:

I like to headcanon that Jason is afraid of dating due to his anger issues that came from the Lazarus waters, so he acts out the persona of a serious landlord who tries his best to play the part of being hard to get (his doing a shit job at it, he has read too many romantic books). And Danny who ran away from Amity Park, because he got nothing to lose, is just looking at him with hearts for eyes and flirts with him at every opportunity.

Danny: I think I just figured something out. I got to go. Jason: Aren't you forgetting something? Danny: Uuh…hesitantly kisses Jason's forehead before running out. Jason: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Danny : Jason is playing hard to get. Danny : Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Danny : This date is boring! Jason: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store. Danny : Then why did you invite me? Jason: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Jason I'll do whatever I want!

Danny : Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid. Jason: You always act stupid. Jason: Jason: Wait…

Danny : How do I tell Jason that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée? Jason, who was about to enter the entrance of the lobby: ....

Danny : I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Jason: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Danny , getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Jason: Are you trying to seduce me? Danny : Why, are you seducible?

Danny : Are we fighting or flirting? Jason: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck- Danny : Your point?

Jason: I feel like doing something stupid. Danny : I’m stupid, do me.

Danny, trying to flirt with Jason: I think both of our families suck.

after Jason reveals his identity as the Red Hood i like to think about the kids begging for Jason to hang out with them and rejoin the family and that but Jason’s being a little bitch about it so when Dick asks for his phone number he just throws an ouija board at him and says ‘i’ll sense it’

issue is that while slightly drunk and sad that his brother hates him, Dick decided to try it out, and Damian watching him through a crack in the door thought it would be funny to text Jason (because he actually does have his league bro’s number) about it so that Jason could maybe mention it the next time they see each other on patrol to freak Dick out, except Jason was working not too far from the manor at the time and he thought it would be even funnier to swing by, slam up against the window and scream through the glass ‘STOP FUCKING DRUNK TEXTING ME’ and absolutely scares the shit out of Dick. so now Dick thinks that ouija boards actually work on Jason because he’s still part ghost and Jason and Damian are scrambling to try and keep up the ruse because of how funny it is.