Today I Taste Wine

Somedays like today, the world

looks tremendously vast,

And I miss human chaos,

There is nothing much to fill spaces.

Empty rooms feel less comforting.

Somedays I want to stand with the crowd

And watch existence

See stories of people I'll never name.

But they must have seen a movie I liked ,

And truly hated it,

But that's okay.

when hands touch

I decided to write a story.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEATH,MURDER, AND VIOLENCE

Chapter 1- I’m God.

My brother does not have a grave. He now has nobody no no body. All I have now are notes he left in his books and I wished there were many,many yellow notes so I could keep reading his mind.

My brother does not have a grave and I could give him mine. But would he take it ?

My hands were never stained from blood ,not yet. So I’m not a sinner, yet. But I have a gun in my bag. How far will I go without being a sinner?

Mr. Winston's son had a vase in his room. It was an odd placement , with no match to its environment. The vase , bright yellow and golden stripes blinded me every time. But I always spent too much time looking at it. Maybe because I love yellow. Mr. Winston's son had a smile that I never liked -too fake and yet he wins people over,like the lottery.

“You don’t speak much do you ?” His smile falls casually. I nod.

He continues and this time like every single time ,it’s a proposition that rests on the table between us.

He slid the file to me.

Mr.Winston's son wants to kill his father. He wants me to kill his father. I’ve never killed any father and only watched mine die , but to get to this room , that is enough.

Mr.Winston’s son wants me to kill his father and mostly I would have said no. But my brother is dead and I can only blame two - Mr. Winston and God.

So for just a day, I want to play God.

When I agree to his proposal, I see doubt lingering in his eyes. I’ve only lived as long as him but I read people like I’ve been alive for years.

He gifts me a gun and salvation.

I don’t smile as I leave.

"We are not searching for big things. We are searching for a silence devoid of grief."

@ineluctablehere

Random things I wrote amidst exam stress....

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Normal people living in All Valey when they hear about another karate fight:

“Sooner or later you’ll begin to dream of me. I don’t envy you those dreams. I can imagine how my face looks, burning like that, afflicted with desire—lowered face of your invention—how the mouth betrays the isolated greed of the lover as it magnifies and then destroys: I don’t envy you that visitation.”

— Louise Glück, First Goodbye

"a time so warm and pure that i miss painfully. Can you hear me? if you do, answer me, my '88, the days of my youth" —Deok Sun, Reply 1988.