Ineluctablehere - All We Have Are Our Paper Hearts

After a thousand afternoons ,when my age didn't tick my bones and his would accumulate with candles -I liked how my name sounded off his lips. There was so much reassurance from how he looked at me, like I’m nothing different than him. And right beside the shores of his hometown he asked me

“What are we ?”

I had left even before we could write down an answer. It must’ve been painful to wake up to any empty bed. He must’ve searched his house. He would have called me over and over again. I wouldn't have liked how it sounded off his lips.

discover yourself everyday | credit

A little something for our cold hearts

I decided to write a story.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEATH,MURDER, AND VIOLENCE

Chapter 1- I’m God.

My brother does not have a grave. He now has nobody no no body. All I have now are notes he left in his books and I wished there were many,many yellow notes so I could keep reading his mind.

My brother does not have a grave and I could give him mine. But would he take it ?

My hands were never stained from blood ,not yet. So I’m not a sinner, yet. But I have a gun in my bag. How far will I go without being a sinner?

Mr. Winston's son had a vase in his room. It was an odd placement , with no match to its environment. The vase , bright yellow and golden stripes blinded me every time. But I always spent too much time looking at it. Maybe because I love yellow. Mr. Winston's son had a smile that I never liked -too fake and yet he wins people over,like the lottery.

“You don’t speak much do you ?” His smile falls casually. I nod.

He continues and this time like every single time ,it’s a proposition that rests on the table between us.

He slid the file to me.

Mr.Winston's son wants to kill his father. He wants me to kill his father. I’ve never killed any father and only watched mine die , but to get to this room , that is enough.

Mr.Winston’s son wants me to kill his father and mostly I would have said no. But my brother is dead and I can only blame two - Mr. Winston and God.

So for just a day, I want to play God.

When I agree to his proposal, I see doubt lingering in his eyes. I’ve only lived as long as him but I read people like I’ve been alive for years.

He gifts me a gun and salvation.

I don’t smile as I leave.

"We are not searching for big things. We are searching for a silence devoid of grief."

@ineluctablehere

I don’t think you understand how brave it is to let go. You know there will be a tomorrow but you know they won’t be there and you have to hold onto the crumbs of a stupid memory from a school trip. You have to watch people move on and force your legs to move with them . You will lose them and you will surely hate it but there won’t be any other emotion-there will be a void and it will bleed every time they smile in your dreams.

when hands touch

English dub Studio Ghibli movies, brought to you by wcoforever (and my lack of impulse control but extensive amounts of free time).

Kiki's Delivery Service.

Princess Mononoke.

The Cat Returns.

The Wind Rises.

When Marnie Was There.

Whisper of the Heart.

Castle in the Sky.

Spirited Away.

Howl's Moving Castle.

My Neighbor Totoro.

Ponyo.

Grave of the Fireflies.

I don't know what was up when I wrote " Everyday something in us dies, then we hope to find it. Our entire life we search for things that died"

BUT HOLY SHITEE

I don't know what was up when I wrote "You can be witness of generosity that will accept more take than give because not one side of the coin makes it of value, of currency" but Holy shite.