I Have So Many Images Of Architecture And Interior Design Saved To Put Here....

Today, May 27th, marks a very big personal event for me, one that triggered a lot of awakening as far as kin is concerned, so I thought that it would be in the spirit to draw a few tarot cards in honor. They're meant to be read clockwise, with the four points representing my past (life), my rebirth and awakening, my current present, and my future. I also always draw a final card under the question of "is there anything else you would like to tell me?"

What I've interpreted here is:

My past - Reversed Ace of Swords. Loss, powerlessness, failure. I wouldn't deny it, there was absolutely a struggle to do what felt right and an immediate fall flat. Failure indeed.

My Rebirth - Reversed Seven of Cups. Grounded, realistic, achievable dreams. Passing over the threshold from idealistic to realistic, no longer able to sustain in fantasy but needing to give myself something attainable; a much more grounded attitude in this life.

My Present - Reversed Page of Swords. Lack of vigilance, sluggishness. A lack of alertness because I don't need it anymore, no longer forced to sustain myself on pure adrenaline, as in both in the distant past and in my current lived past as well; calming down in a sense.

My Future - Reversed Three of Wands. Weakness, lack of knowledge. I believe this is referring to my immediate future - I am moving out of a household with a roommate who I greatly struggle to communicate with due to a variety of factors that make them unreceptive to communication; I haven't encountered a situation where I'm free to walk away, nor have I thought through how I will formally tell them, so this draw feels appropriate for such a new situation.

Extra - The Empress. Action, progress, attainment. Though I struggle now, the struggle will be found to be worth my time; my efforts shall not be wasted.

30 Day Fictionkind Challenge

Day 2: Do you experience dysphoria? How so?

I experience it from several angles, gender of course being a factor for me. I don't typically experience a lot of kin dysphoria, I actually notice more experiences with euphoria. Shoes that add to my height, clothing that drapes over my shoulders or trails down my back, wearing my antennae out in public. Clothing as well - though I can't rule out the gender euphoria aspect, especially here, I find joy in more formal clothing, collared shirts and high-waisted pants.

Very rarely, I've experienced something akin to phantom limbs, feeling exact spots on my back where my wings would have been. It isn't often, but it's at least memorable.

I'm finding a lot of moments of melancholy accompanying the shifts, looking up at the moon in the night sky as I've done so many times before

I always get such a specific set of feelings when it comes to cooking, like YES I am actively choosing to perform this task for other people and feel nothing but the utmost, absolute when it comes out well; as far as service is concerned, cooking is something I hold very near and dear to myself

Two years of us..

You may have been with me for longer, but the choice to take your name marks a crucial moment in our history. Ultimately, it was a choice.

An act of love. To want to be associated with you, to want to acknowledge you, to welcome you into my life, even when I hadn't fully realized that was what I had been doing. Shaping my perceptions of the world with your own thoughts, feelings, and memories.. it was something that was ultimately necessary to my own growth.

The literal, fragmented nature of you means I was always experiencing myself. Aspects of myself I had distanced myself from, and yet there you were, reconnecting me to myself. Drawing my soul back to me.

Your joy, your pride, your guilt, your shame, all of it meaningful to me. All of it serving a purpose. Every action was another piece of the puzzle, and I finally feel able to step back far enough to see the entire picture.

I see us. I see us, and what I no longer see is the shame I had felt in the way we coexist. You will always be with me, regardless of our integration. The experiences we have had and continue to have are cherished; it feels as though a second soul exists alongside my own, and it is something I treasure deeply.

I love you. I love us. I love how you've carried me this far and shown me things about myself I would never have understood otherwise. I love how your view of the world has colored my own. I love how I feel I was able to give you new experiences, demonstrating the good of the world to not only yourself, but to myself as well.

Life has been cruel to both of us, but it has also been kind, unbelievably kind. I am grateful to have given you a second chance, and I am grateful that you were able to assist me with my own. Hand in hand, we stood against the very forces that tore us down, and we emerged victorious, united in the beauty of the world.

Two years of evolution. Great pride in a heavy amount of effort, of work, of constant effort.

And the results have been nothing short of miraculous.

I love you.

Thank you for two years.

A small edit:

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> for the borderline poetic, things that express mood more than thoughts

Still considering what I'd like for a talk tag

Been thinking about my tag system and am likely going to use some emojis! I'll move a few more posts over here before I solidify it, but I do have a plan!

I suppose it's not wholly correct to say that I've only been doing this for around a year; I've definitely experience kinning before, with a specific event around five or six years ago sticking out in my memory, I just didn't know the words or anything beyond what jokes I'd seen people make. Of course, I was too afraid of how I'd be perceived if I identified with it, so I'd kept it silent. This time, I'd like to change that.

I am beginning to legitimately consider discussing this with very trusted people in my life because this is a large part of my identity and I feel it would allow me to feel more understood, especially because this has been such a large piece of my trauma recovery

Wondering if my draw towards scents is a way of compensating for no longer being able to sense pheromones

Why would you bring a man back to life and take away all of his defining features except for his neurotic, debilitating anxiety