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Something absolutely ineffable about the down periods that bring him out, melancholic through and through

Blog for posts and reblogs by co-fronting headmates

Tags used:

🌟 -> Host speaking

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> Talk tag for Pouf

⚙️.txt -> Talk tag for Mirage

🔥 -> Working (non talk) tag for the str.eetc.leaner

Other tags that may be seen, most courtesy of Pouf:

🔮 -> Directly related to spirituality

👑 -> Interior architecture for royal buildings

❤️ -> Lovecore imagery

🐜 -> Insect imagery

💭 -> Thoughts close to the heart

Went to a local beach and collected a few pieces of mother-of-pearl, I think I may carve one into a butterfly, symbolic of the gap between my lives being bridged by what was then, and what is now.

Other traditions have their symbols on necklaces, and I think that's what my butterfly choker is akin to

My options are almost equally as funny - either a fictive in an incredibly indistinct system, or a psychological and spiritual kin in a harmonized setting.

Either way, I am here and he is here, and that doesn't seem as though it will change any time soon.

I am beginning to legitimately consider discussing this with very trusted people in my life because this is a large part of my identity and I feel it would allow me to feel more understood, especially because this has been such a large piece of my trauma recovery

So he's a fragment.

There's a lot on my mind about finding the definition and terminology for what I've been working with, and part of me feels truly dismayed to have found an answer. The stark realization that I've been something of a system for at least two years, and never knew until now. Though I suppose it's also necessary to ask - two years ago, would I have been in the space to handle this information? Or would it have sent me further into the spiral the spirituality was designed to prevent?

I think about this in relation to my spirituality. Fragment not as an alter per se, but in the definition of soul still. I first majorly interacted with him in the self ship community; it's as though my love for him manifested in a visceral form, putting him by my side each day, assisting me in processing and understanding my own emotions, the very task he struggled with.

The butterfly is representative of the soul. One could call this divine intervention of sorts. I think about the medicalized terminology and compare to the previous ideas the medical institution held regarding being transgender. "Gender Identity Disorder" paring the experience down to rights and wrongs, when the experience of being trans is so much brighter, bolder, and rich than anything a medical text could ever detail.

Yes, while this is a lot of information to take in, I still see a way to incorporate my own belief system. Belief system into my clinical system.

I know you know I love you, and I'm willing to bet that that is exactly why you persist with me today. You show me your thoughts, your feelings, your memories. I can feel on my own body where your wings would have been, how they would have moved with me. I see now why I struggled to see the experiences as "mine" and why I called them "yours". We are separate, but not by too large of a degree. Separate enough to delegate and sort, but not enough for you to truly speak through me.

What we are is okay. I'm glad to be able to know you. I'm glad you've been with me for this long and I'm glad for your service to me. I love you.

I would say, without hesitation, that being afforded the opportunity to have and engage with a kin identity afforded me the purest expression of love I could have possibly ever encountered. All things familiar, yet simultaneously new; multiple experiences coalescing into one.

Nothing but gratitude to experience life again and to be given so much freedom of choice; to be able to read and dress well and sit in the sun, the simplest of pleasures becoming unspeakably valuable.

Nothing but love during each of my shifts, nothing but love for the way the identities bleed over into each other, complimenting one another. Familiar experiences through unfamiliar eyes, the joy of the world shown to a cynic and a misanthrope, learning about the good of the world time and time again.

I would not trade it for the world.

My kintype's birthday is alleged to be the day right before mine and only now do I realize that I should celebrate it not just as a character birthday as I've been, but also as an extension of my own since. well. kin.

🦋

Hello all. You may call me Shai; I am 25, transmasc, and aromantic and asexual.

While this blog was initially dedicated to my experience as fictionkin, and still is at the very core, this blog is a space for discussions of general spirituality and self care, as well as occasional insect imagery. I may feature my own art as well. Some other information that may be useful:

✨️ My experience of kin is tied with my experience of my kintype as a dissociative fragment. While it isn't something that I discuss frequently as my mental health has improved immensely and he is quiet for the most part as a result, he does still surface time and time again, and I would like a space to openly discuss it.

✨️ Two fictives use this blog - Sha.ia.pouf from Hun.ter x H.unter and someone preferring to remained unidentified for now.

✨️ Chronically ill - I have Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and have, interestingly enough, used it to connect with my kintype. This condition is genetic and affects me daily and will be a topic of discussion for here as well.

✨️ This is a sideblog - my main blog you will see interactions from is @/au.tistic-sha.iapouf

In spite of the long gaps of silence that may occur here, I am online quite frequently and am always open to discussion or conversation; in spite of the formality, I swear I'm friendly 💖

General tags:

🌟 -> Host speaking

Tags used here by Pouf:

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> Talk tag

🔮 -> Directly related to spirituality

👑 -> Interior architecture for royal buildings

❤️ -> Lovecore imagery

🐜 -> Insect imagery

💭 -> Posts that strike a certain chord with my past, current and distant

Tags used by [XXX]:

⚙️.txt -> Talk tag

Stroke of the pen -> Poetry and philosophy

[Seeking artwork tag]